Your desire for one last child-free weekend is totally normal. And what's more, your DH even seemed to understand that and agree since the facet he was mad about was your assumption that he wouldn't want to disrupt his time with his daughter.

So why the big fight?
If two adults are substantially in agreement, they should be able to work through the fine points without getting into a huge counterproductive fight. A little compromise, a little 'benefit of the doubt' thinking, a little 'let the small things go' attitude, and a 'take no offense' mindset ...

IMO, you're asking the wrong question.

Then what should I be asking?

I think he was just hurt that you didnt believe in the relationship (so to speak) enough to come out and say hey do you think we can switch up a weekend with your dd so we can take some time out... Its not awful to ask this me and my hubby have done it several times before...for instance two weeks ago we arranged with bm for her to take kids even though it wasnt her weekend sent my dd to g mas house and took the weekend to be grown ups....

I seriously doubt it was actually about you wanting time without kids ... it was more about him wanting the time for both of you and no kids and maybe he felt like you were pushing for it to be just you which didnt really sound like the case ... it sounded more like since you prop cant go bc of dd I want to do this...

Just readdress and tell him if you can arrange things with bm and dd that would be great I would love for it to be just us big people.

Don't walk on eggshells about stuff like this... everyone gets rid of the kids every now and then and it is not going to destroy him the dd or the relationship to take a weekend for you guys. Personally, I would have been like hey get this son is going to visit dad see if you can work it out with dd and bm so we can blow this popsicle stand for a day or two... you are not in the wrong for wanting time w/o kids but like I said I think he was hurt by the way you thought about it (although with good intentions and a sincere heart)... it was more like a business negotiation then a baby this is whats up what do you want to do)

I know where you're coming from, angelz! If he's anything like my DH, then no matter how politely or how logically you explained your need for alone time, he took it personally and as an insult towards himself and his child. I try to do my husband the favor of not bothering he and SS while they are bonding, especially after DH has been out of town for a week and I've been alone with the kids, but DH accuses me of not wanting to spend time with them. And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to spend every waking second with DH and SS and feel they need that quality time alone. There comes a time when adults need to be adults, like you said, w/o the kids. I look forward to SS going to his mother's and my DD visiting her dad and my parents. My husband on the other hand isn't like that. I don't think you're wrong for wanting to be alone, going away, wanting to have alone time with your husband, etc. Don't feel bad about it! When you presented your plans, did he understand that you were even looking forward to your son being gone for a week?

Mom_of_4 your right, I agree. The problem is that at this point he is scheduled on Wednesday of next week for mediation with his ex for a new set schedule to see his daughter. As it is we are lucky to see her once a month, if his ex is feeling charitable. So I just didn't want his first month having his rights being enforced by the courts to have to 1) ask his ex to switch a weekend (she's a real winner) 2) have to give up time with her for me. As I feel I get him every day all the time and she has done with out him for so long because of her WONDERFUL mother.

laurels ~ yeah he does take thing personally, no matter how polite you are but normally he isn't so quick to get mad. But he has been under a tremendous amount of stress - not an excuse but still.

Yeah, he completely understood my need for an adult weekend. As I think he needs it too, we haven't had a real date in about 6 months.

Angel, they're all children down deep, lol, speaking of men! Give a little TLC and see if you can find out really early the dates and try to arrange on both ends to be free for just one another during that time. Reiterate that he's your first pick for some alone time, but that you didn't want to take him away from his DD. Say, "Sorry, but I'm so exhausted w/ the pg'cy and extra weight that I'm afraid I won't have the energy to really keep up w/ SD and don't mind if you want to be alone to have some fun."

LOL about the movies. I tell all my patients, "I haven't seen an adult film in years. Not pornography, just nothing that isn't rated G..." I get a few looks. If they ask me if I heard, read, or saw something in the news I answer, "Was it before April 2000? 'Cause if it was, I may know about it. If not, no way. My adult life shut down when my first was born so I haven't read, watched or heard anything not related to kids for about 7 years now."

D

My sons father called last night and said the internet was down but he would do it today. So we know it's sometime between the 16th and 26 because Alex has to be home for the 31st as it's my mom's birthday and we have a party planned for her and DH's birthday is on the 1st so we have something planned for him as well. His father was ok with this.

LOL, trust me he knows he is my first choice for ALONE time, I told him I didn't want to come in between the time he gets with SD and him because I know there relationship has been very strained due to BM being well what she is.

Yeah I have become an expert on everything Disney and everything cartoons, the past few years. I told DH I wanted to go and see a good horror flick as that I LOVE them, but can never seem to find the time. And I don't live near my family and even if I did they don't have the patience for young children. And well his family will only really watch Alex if it is important, other then that we just don't bother asking.

LOL people look at me like I'm nuts when I can name all the cars in the movie, or talk about all the things in Ice Age, or Robots as those seem to be my sons favorite movies these days.