I am not being used as a chauffer or babysitter. I offered... it was my decision. I saw it as helping the two of them see each other more often. But I guess then I didn't realize the harm that it could be doing. As for mom, she is kind of a strange parent. It seems as though a lot of you women have a strong maternal instinct and wouldn't even let your DD SM pick your daughters up. However, BM has asked if I could pick up her daughter (we meet in the middle of our houses) because it was more convenient for her to drop her off at that time. If we don't accommodate her schedule she often tells us then she won't be able to drop her off at all. She's never around to receive her daughter either. Most of the time dad brings her with her grandparents because mom isn't around. This weekend was a perfect example. Mom told us she would receive her daugther at 6pm on Sunday. She called and told my BF that she left town and wouldn't be able to pick her up until Monday sometime, and that either she would pick her up with dad at his work or mine. HAH. So dad didn't go to work in the morning because mom decided she had better things to do than pick up her daughter, and he ended up bringing his daughter to her grandparents because mom wasn't answering her phone. Sometimes she leaves to the beach for the weekend and decides not to come back until Wednesday, leaving her daughter with her parents, and no one to bring her to school. Not very motherly if you ask me. As for our relationship, it's fine. I am not getting involved in baby momma drama... we see each other, say hello, everything's cordial, then we talk about the girl, say goodbye no name calling as far as I know etc. I never say a bad word about her mother to anyone.. ever. As for my bf we met 11 years ago in the US. I came here to Mexico to be with him a year ago. Maybe I use the term soulmate in a way you don't understand. I know I could find someone else if I wanted to. I don't. I'm here to stay with this man and this girl. We may not be married but we are committed to each other as if we were. We are talking marriage... and it will happen some day. What else... oh to answer a question dad and mom divorced when daughter was 2.5. Sooo... 1 year and half before I showed up into the picture. Their relationship sounds like it was verbally and emotionally abusive, probably from both parts but she also sounds like she was physically abusive towards him... but never to their daughter. Dad never had a serious girlfriend after that before me. I don't think dad ever introduced any women to his daughter before me either. But I don't know that for sure. As for the bed thing, I know. Dad and daughter used to sleep in the same bed before I arrived. I think it's weird. So when I came into the picture and she was over on the weekends, dad had daughter sleep in the same bed as us. I put a quick stop to that. NOT OK. I expressed to him that it's uncomfortable and he talked with her, though I don't think he really understands why it's a problem. He sometimes asks if she can sleep with us still... I don't understand why. As for this weekend little girl was throwing up and had a bad temperature in the middle of the night so she came into the bed in the early morning so dad could keep an eye on her. I didn't think it was inappropriate in that case. I don't want to be an in your face sm. I honestly feel like dad is trying to force the situation and really I was over doing the favors just to try and get to know the girl and make it easier for them to see each other... to be nice. I know that I need to back off now. Anyways I left and did my own thing on Saturday and part of Sunday and when I came back things were much nicer. I think the girl does like me when she wants to see me, but I was around too often and intruding on daddy daughter time. Today she was very talkative to me, sweet... gave me a little kiss goodbye and they left. I think I found my answer. I agree with the playing house thing being a rush, I'm not moving out now... so I have to find other ways to fix this. To answer someone's question it is not the house of his previous relationship... and when I say house I mean apartment.. a small one. I think it's kind of hard to stay out of each others business when we are all there... leaving is probably necessary to give them proper alone time.

The thing is when it comes to physical violence the decision would have been the same whether it were his children or mine. The decision wasn't made for SD to move out because she was my SD...It was made because she was mentally and physically abusive to the other children in the house. If it were my biological children beating on my SD the decision would have been made to have them removed from our home..sending them to their dad's. The blaming me only comes because it wasn't my biological children that were told to leave. I have tried to explain this to SD's grandmother but she says she never wants to see or speak to me again...which is when my husband had seen and heard enough and told his mom that she didn't need to see or speak to him either. She ended the conversation with "Don't worry I don't intend to" This is why I feel bad for my husband...he was forced to ask his only daughter to leave, his mother won't speak to him, which for his small family only leaves his dad (which is very sweet) and his brother, whom his daughter lives with which limits his contact with him. I really do wish there could have been a better ending with this situation...maybe in time there will be. He does adore my four children which says alot about the man. I had four children in five years and my last child was severally disabled which did hurt my first marriage. My son is better now but his conditions took their toll, on him as well as us(his parents). At the time I met my 2nd husband I was very single, my children's BD was having a hard time, and going through nursing school. He took us all in without a thought and loved my children as his own. Now the relationship with my ex and his wife is a very good one which is another hurddle for my husband to overcome...which he did with flying colors. As a family we have nights where we BBQ and my ex and his wife is invited and come over and have a good time..just talking. How many 2nd husband's could handle their wives having dinner with her ex. Not many. Hats off to my husband for being the man that he is.

Jen, how about that jar of messages your family made up for your grandparents. Wasn't that you? Can you elaborate? That was indeed me! Well, me and the rest of my extended family that is. I asked everyone to write down their favorite memories of time spent with my grandparents and typed up each one, printed them all out and cut the paper into strips that could be folded and placed in a large, lidded glass jar. I tried decorating the jar several different ways, but just couldn't get it to look quite right, so I opted to attach a wooden letter around the lid that's our surname's initial and left it at that. The jar came with instructions to my grandparents to draw out a memory or two each day, and enjoy reminiscing. I also compiled all of the memories into a notebook that they could keep long after the little scraps of paper were removed from the jar, read and tossed away. I visited my grandparents yesterday, and they told me (again) how much they enjoyed their memory jar throughout the year. :-)

Thanks for all the ideas. I have given him a few photo books, which he always enjoys. And we are taking him to the area where he grew up (across the country) this summer, to visit his siblings. That was his birthday gift! I think I'll stick with the "experience" idea. He's not really into art museums or shows, but he likes beer (!) so DH and I are taking him on a brewery tour, including lunch, on Fathers Day. Later, for dinner, we are all (including my kids) going out to a nice restaurant.