I am a biomom and I understand how you feel. My x sees my daughter for dinner once or twice a month. So I never get time off.

And she is my daughter. I appreciate your honesty, and know I would feel put out if she werent mine. It would take a lot of time before I felt the same about an SO's kids.

Maybe you can talk to dh and suggest an alteration to custody. Maybe every other weekend (EOW) and one or two weekenights? How close do you live to BM? Does she handle after school? As children get older they have more and more activities, and it is agravating to schedule them. But all adutls have more free time. Soemtimes I leave work early and find out a practice ran late and I am not needed. How old are these kids? Do you have kids of your own.

sorry -- at end I meant to ask ages of skids and biokids

i think KKNY has some good ideas, it could be that thats what it is, I know when i met my DH he pushed his daughter on me in a role i was not willing to be in and i started to feel resentment toward the child.
Please don't misunderstand i love the child to death but i am not her mother, nor do i want to take the place of her mother. But i took a step back realizing this is not about the child at all its about the situation.

Did you ever think of takin a break on the weekend? letting DH watch the kids & you go do your thing to relax & unwind?

I think everyone whether its skids or biokids have a tough time when it comes to getting some time off.

I am also having mixed feelings about a man I'm seeing and his daughter. His daughter is 9 and he has sole custody (mom died). I'm 49 years old (he's 44), and my kids are 20 and 23. He wants me to be Mom and I'm feeling nervous and unsure. His daughter is pretty spoiled (lost Mom 2.5 years ago). Not sure I'm ready to raise his girl, and unsure if i'm up to the task (spent 10 years raising my 2 by myself).
Do you have any suggestions?

hey firstly i think you should start this as a new topic,

I think that as much as the guy your seeing has good intentions 2.5 years only and he wants you to play mom...i don't think its fair to the child or you. You can't play mom, you can start by being a friend to this child thats all you can do...You have to let the relationship grow naturally, yes you might end up becoming a parental figure, however thats not something you can decide at the best jsut try to be a friend. Just liek with skids you take the lead from them all you can ask is the same respect you give them that they return, sometimes you end up with a wonderful relationship sometimes you dont.

Poor kid its tough losing your mom at a young age what do you mean spoiled? it is very traumatic losing your mom at 7 when you don't truly understand the concept?

so all of your free time has kids all over the place?

It isn't necessarily the kids, it's the loss of your "non-Mom" identity during the only sizeable blocks of free time you have.

Maybe every other week-end, with Dad having them some evenings during the week?

Their mother might be happy to have the change:

I think that, if they were my little ones, I'd want at least some week-end fun time with them, more than just 5 days a week getting them up & getting them to school & being rushed all the time, etc.

rspiegel:

that poor little girl!

Today, we don't expect young mothers to die, & fathers don't have the resources of extended family ("gramma will be thrilled to have another young face at the dinner table"), but...

"He wants me to be Mom"

Well, he expected his daughter to have a mother, & now she doesn't, & he may still be wandering around in a daze, clobbered by a devastating loss.

He may be just sharing the nitty-gritty truth (if the situation were reversed, you or I would want our partner to step into a "fatherly" pair of shoes), but he may also have the very common expectation that being "Mom" means being the primary parent, & you're wise to realize that there's too much riding on this to wing it & hope everything works out.

Articulate your feelings, in short words & simple sentences, to this guy.
Don't take on more than you can handle,
don't commit to this little one who's already lost one mother if you have any inkling of doubt,
& don't wake up one morning to find that you've become the answer to someone else's problems but that you've lost your own identity.

Now, having said that...
you know, it might be fun to have a young face at the dinner table.