Yes, he should know right from wrong, but the teenage years are often filled w/ self-centeredness. I think the teens only want to talk to one another - have seen it w/ my nephews, whom I largely raised. Chatty w/ each other, but I'm only receiving a few grunts on their way in and out, lol.

The BM could be viewing his attempts to contact his dad as being disloyal to her.

I'd not be too offended by his attitude. I don't think it's that uncommon. I think later, after a few life experiences, he'll grow to appreciate you all more and hoefully open up more.

Good luck,
Dana

I don't understand why it would even occur to him to call to see how his father was doing when his grandparents died. Wasn't he grieving too? The father is the adult - if he wants to maintain a relationship with his child, he should initiate contact. Teenagers don't normally call their parents to check on them, no matter how close they are to them.

TOS, I don't know what life experiences you have had, but your views on marriage, children, divorce, and relationships in general are frightening.

Theotherside-Your definetely right about that.Looking back now,i realize how self-centered i was when i was a teenager.It was like the whole entire universe revolved around "me"!

I put my parents through hell once i hit 16.I got mixed up with the "wrong crowd" and did alot of stupid things.After i got married and had my son it all hit me.To this day i really regret alot of the things i did to my parents,and what i put them through.I thank god that i had parents who always had open arms and welcomed me back into their lives.It took a while for me to "grow up" and settle down.I guess what i'm trying to say is,its a really difficult age for some kids...because in reality they are "still kids" growing up.I have to agree that its up to the adults in their lives to "maintain" the relationship with their kids.
Both my parents were married and remained married until my dad passed a few years ago,so it wasn't a "broken home".Being a teen was the worst age for me,i can only imagine what it would have been like if my parents were divorced....

I once drove my child back to college at the end of a holiday weekend, on a foggy night with lots of traffic. She called home to see if I had gotten back safely, and when I wasn't there, she called my cell to check on me. I was very touched, in part because it is so unusual for teenagers to think to do such a thing.

While I agree that teenagers are generally self-centered, and I was probably that way too, I do believe that they can try ONCE in a while to think about others. I've known DH since SS was 8, and in the last 9 years I can only recall him calling DH because he needed DH to buy something for him. DH used to call SS's house all the time, but the mom usually answers the phone and chews out DH before he would hand the phone over to SS. So then DH got SS a cell phone so that it would be easier to communicate without mom's interference. Still, SS never called DH. Although I did not grow up in a divorced home, I have friends who did and they said they would want to call their dads just to say hi because they miss him. Maybe this is where the reason lies...SS doesn't really feel a connection with DH so he doesn't miss him. The other thing I'm trying to grapple with is how in the world he could not call and show care after the birth of his half-brother...I think even an average teen would be a bit curious, wouldn't they?

emmyc-"SS doesn't really feel a connection with DH so he doesn't miss him"-That's a great point you made. I think that the break-up of parents in a relationship,when there are kids involved,rarely fails to involve or injure the emotional security of a child.When one parent leaves they'll cling to the remaining parent fanatically.Since kids rarely understand why a parent left,or what caused them to separate they usually blame themselves and internalize the blame onto themselves.They feel as if they were "abandoned and rejected" by the parent who left.If the remaining parent has never made any positive comments about the other parents,and has always shown hostility towords the other parent-then the child most likely will reject the other parent.Its such a sad situation.I really feel so sorry for children who are subjected to this kind of emotional abuse.Although i understand your feeling frustrated by this boy's lack of desire to bond with your son,god knows what his mom has brainwashed him to think....Maybe his dad could spend a day with him and have a heart to heart with him about everything?

Although he might be curious (about what, though - I assume someone told him the sex & name of the baby), I think it is likely he is more than a bit resentful of his father's "new family." What exactly is he supposed to ask about the baby - I just can't picture a teenager, particularly a boy, asking how much he weighed, is he sleeping through the night, how is breastfeeding going...

Why doesn't he feel a connection to his father? Why did his father leave?

Hiya - I think both dcubana and TOS have valid points here, from my own experience. My partner's 19 year old daughter, who is actually his step-daughter with EW (complicated!), was moved to a new secondary school by her mum which resulted in my partner only seeing her every second weekend. Impossible to maintain a connection like that, and as a result she is not too interested in his life, despite calling him "Dad" since she was about 2.

She is more interested in what he can do for her, and definitely harbours some EW-fuelled resentment about Dad (mum is always the victim), and I think it's due to lack of time together as well as the fact that everything is black and white and dramatic for teenagers. She is also unaware of the divorce circumstances and probably thinks that Dad just left them after a fight (not because EW had an affair and told him she didn't want to be with him any more). (However I don't think it would serve any purpose to tell her the real reason just yet, she's way too immature).

Also, as per TOS's comment, I don't teenagers really know how to deal with feelings of resentment about a parent moving on with their lives. SD reacted in a very perfunctory way when she found out I was pregnant last year - I received an SMS! Then when I lost the baby I heard nothing at all from her, probably because she wasn't sure how she felt about that or what was the appropriate thing to do. Maybe she was glad in way, because the imminent arrival of the baby meant she was going to be using the pull-out sofa on the weekends she visited - and would probaby have to help more around the house as I would have my hands full (bearing in mind that when she's with us, she sits around waiting for us to get home to cook for her, do her washing etc).

Teenagers! Hard work at the best of times, it's easy to take it personally when you're a SM, but try to remember the BM is probably also having issues and it's very possible the SK is playing you off against each other a bit for maximum personal advantage/comfort.

When I had my first, my three dear nephews (6, 8, 10) were at the hospital to visit the next morning. Even my SDs, who complained horribly right in front of me when we told them our 'good news', showed up for a peek. The SS was in college. He spoke to his dad, but not to me, and I didn't expect to really hear from him or anything so I wasn't offended.

For the second, my one SD showed at the hospital, my nephews also did, the other two skids did not. Everyone was home as it was late June.

For the third surprise, and he was a surprise...the SD living w/ us now screamed at her dad when learning I was pg again, "Don't you two know about birth control?" I was appalled as this was a conception against high odds and I had been initially upset to hear I was pg, but by the time we told everyone (m/c risks greatly decreased, ultrasound looked good, etc.) I was elated. Anyway, my nephews still showed to see the new arrival (then 10, 12, 14) and none of my steps did - not even the youngest who was living w/ us that summer...

So, I'm afraid that the new arrival is maybe more exciting to the woman's side, like my nephews. My steps never bought so much as a card for any of the boys. Ironically, several of their friends did, but they chose not to, even when I felt they knew better...the skids were 19, 21, 23 when the last arrived. BTW, the SDs came to a surprise baby shower my friends had for me (I wouldn't consent to one I knew about, felt funny about being showered w/ gifts) w/ their father. Not a card, not a rattle, not a thing. My friends thought it was awful - felt that my husband should have seen to it that they didn't arrive empty-handed. I don't know, I guess after seeing how they reacted to the news of my being pg, I was pretty sure they CHOSE not to acknowledge their little half sibling...

Dana

When I had my daughter, my DH insisted I call my 17 year old SD and tell her I had just had the baby. She said to me, "that's nice, I'm really busy, got to go", and I never heard from her again until they came over for their next visitation. She refused to acknowledge her half sister for about the first four months of her life. Would not look at her or even acknowledge her exsistence. She has finally come around somewhat (my daughter is 14 months), but still really doesn't have a whole lot to do with her. So, I definitely know how you feel.