other forums

18 years ago

As some of you may have noticed I have not been on here much lately. I have not been online as much and when I have been online I have been checking out other forums. I am getting tired of all the negativity and feeding into it, which I do seem to do.

As I looked at other forums for stepmoms though I am disappointed. Some of those forums have stepmoms who are out of control! Geez. I do not want to even post on there because I just want to say WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?! The eow stepmoms are complaining about "bratty stepkids" coming over too often, dh spending too much time with the kids, they are making the kids call them mom, and they are controlling when dh talks to bm!! And other sm's on there are okaying the behavior!!!

At least on here the stepmoms are wonderful and caring. So I have decided not to leave gardenweb. I do encourage some bm's on here who are out to tear apart stepmoms to find some of the forums that I have mentioned, there will be a lot of prey for you there!

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Comments (5)

pseudo_mom
18 years ago
links :)
gigglemonster
18 years ago
lmao, Mom2emall.

After I first posted here, I did a quick search of the old threads and there were SM's here that were like that as little as a year ago.

Personally, I think this forum has a nice balance. I don't want to go to a forum that is just SM ranting. And I think that getting perspective from all sides is crucial in achieving a healthy balance in blended families, so gardenweb works for me.
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Of course YMMV, but this is how I find the topics (forums) list from the main "Gardening in Texas" forum page. Hovering the cursor over the "Get Ideas" link at the top of the page provides this dropdown:Clicking the "Gardenweb" link highlighted in the red oval opens the main Gardenweb page (which is your personal "Your Topics" page if still logged in):Clicking the "Show All" link in the left column under "Featured Topics" (may have to scroll down to see it) expands to the full list like this: Hope this helps... it's really unfortunate basic navigation has become this obscure.
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ceph
18 years ago
I looked at a lot of other SFamily forums before I chose this one.
I chose it for just the reasons you said - that other forums are full of SK-hating ranters. Everybody needs the odd rant, but I was looking for constructive help with adjusting to our family, not people to advise me to try to get rid of A__.
I lurked in a few other forums for awhile and I saw another SM of a child that was not biologically her DH's get told that it was "stupid" that her DH stayed involved with the child he had raised since infancy, and that he was "clearly" only still involved with the child because he was in love with his ex.
For all its faults, this is a much more supportive place!
imamommy
18 years ago
Ceph,

I agree, but it sure would be nice to have some biomom's that really want to foster a good situation for their children that are in a stepfamily on here.

The other parent and child may not get a say in who the stepparent is or even the fact that there is a stepparent, but when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Tearing apart step parents that are trying to make the situation better is not doing their own children any good. Their time should be spent in dealing with their own situation and trying to foster a better relationship between their children and their children's other parent, instead of looking for ways to justify that it's okay or not their fault their children don't have a very good (or any) relationship with their other parent. It is so easy to blame the new spouse if the kids don't see the other parent, but the ones that are responsible are the parents. They can spend all their time here to look for the opportunity to say 'aha... see SP's are evil!' but meanwhile, they don't realize that the only ones that can make the situation better for THEIR children is THEM. If they aren't putting energy into that, but putting energy into this, they are dropping the ball when it comes to raising their kids.
ashley1979
18 years ago
I have really found a lot of comfort in this site. It seems like all of the SMs on this site really and truly care for their SC.

I don't think FSD's BM would ever come on a site like this. She doesn't seem to ever try to see the other side of things. I get the impression that she thinks she's always right because she's the BM. I don't think that way with my own DS. I know I can be wrong and make mistakes. I'm willing to admit those and change things. But I feel like she's sees us as weak or not as qualified so she just railroads us. I wish she would go on a site like this so she can see all these SMs that love their SC so much. But she won't. That would prove that some of the ways she handles things are wrong she can't be having that.