I really loved this post - thanks for writing it.

I moved into my parents home 7 years ago after a relationship loss with major financial repercussions. It has worked out okay - they live here half the year, the other half I have the home to myself.

My father has experienced steady vision loss to the point he was told to stop driving. This is a hardship because their primary home is a 30 min. drive from doctors, pharmacies, and most shopping. My father was accustomed to "going into town" every day. Neither my mother nor I, want to do that. It's a source of frustration, especially to my father.

I've suggested selling the country property and buying a home closer to town. My mother told me she would never buy another home in Ohio.- if she bought another home it would be in a retirement community in Florida. And she also expects I would go with them. I don't want to.

I'm not building a railroad yet, but rather "dream designing" a home that I and my parents could feel comfortable in. I think it's more important that we stay closer to younger family members who would be able and willing to help us if we need help, than to live in an enclave where elderly friends are passing on each year. This is what has been happening in my parents "winter home" park the last several years. I don't understand why they would want to buy a more expensive home, with more expensive taxes and HOA fees without family around. I feel under those circumstances, they would end up relying on me perhaps too much? I'm in my 50's. What happens if I need some extra help too?

They come back in April, so I have all winter to contemplate different ideas. My father has numerous health problems beyond the loss of vision. It is quite possible it will be just Mom and me within a few short years. Anyone have suggestions regarding this train track?

It's amazing how things can turn around. Twelve years ago, we were having major financial problems, and ended up with nothing but a heavily mortgaged house, a couple elderly cars, and each other. Since then, we put our son through college, bought 7 acres of land, paid off ALL of our debts, sold our house in FL, and now have a new house nearly completed by my own hand (a life-long dream), with no mortgage. Everything has led us to where we are now, and, i don't know what others believe in, but we feel blessed, and that we are here for a purpose.

Along the way, we have been busy building railroads for trains we never thought we would have, and yet, here we are! It still surprises me that I'm pretty fearless when it comes to tackling huge tasks despite previous disappointments in my life.

I'm laying track for yet another railroad that may or may not come to pass, but I find I like building railroads, so why not?

Llucy- If you can afford it, I think you need to come up with two versions of your plan. One for the three of you...and one for yourself.

I say this...planning to move in with my mom fairly soon, since she and my husband do get along very well...and it will allow us to have a place to stay while we fix up a house we really like. We all are thinking of relocating about 60 miles from where we live now, so that's quite an adventure, but let's get back to you.

So, your dad wants to be closer to the things he enjoys and your mom doesn't want to move unless it's to Florida. If you were to move out, would they want to stay at their current home, being gone 1/2 the year? Would it be a good idea to find a place closer to town (for your dad) and still something you could live in while they're in Florida?

I think you are VERY smart to consider having help nearby, should you need it. You never know what is around the next corner, but having people you trust around you is great! A railroad needs to be built on a sturdy foundation :)

If you do some research over the winter...maybe you can come up with a few proposals that might interest your parents and work for you. It sounds like your dad would like to move and so would you...so it's really about finding some place your mom is going to love. Does she garden? Does she like to shop? Go out with friends/family? If you can include some of her interests...maybe she will reconsider.

Also...while you're doing your research, find out if there's any place that might work for you in the area. Are there any other family members, who might want to share costs? Think outside the box...many of the best ideas can be found there!

Jay- You are my idol! You and your wife have done what we are trying to do. Get back on top of our finances and find a new place to live. While we love our farm, there are just too many obstacles to stay. I'm very glad everything is working out so well...you build excellent railroads :)

Thinking about the idea that things will be better in Florida....
Just exactly what is it that your mom sees in Florida that is not elsewhere? Find out what that might be.

Is it just the sandy beaches and palm trees? Is it the "getting away from it all" aspect of being there? Does she enjoy perhaps visits to Disney World or to resorts or ....meeting new people, wearing different style clothes, whatever. Perhaps staying in places with no maintenance, not responsible for the care of the home.....

That could mean a condominium with maintenance provided. Live on a golf course? Does she like to watch TV and see these people with romantic lives, living in style, and she sees her chance to live but her DH is fading and she has never had to do anything alone, he's always been there for her....and you too.....but you must think of a way to break free before your dad becomes incapacitated.....or it will never happen. This is something to think about this winter, and maybe by spring put a plan into action.

I like the image I see of building a railroad with no train. It is like FIELD OF DREAMS...."build it and they will come." In the meanwhile, position yourself so when you see the glimmer of an opening to a lovely change, you will be ready to take that first step.

I've had a couple of new beginnings in my life. Keep your eyes open and your mind open to new things.

ML- That's an excellent idea! Maybe the warmer weather is just part of the appeal. And it's hot in Florida in the summer! Maybe a cool, shady yard with a few flowers, but less maintenance would be nice.

All this has me wanting to watch Under the Tuscan Sun tonight. The clip is making me remember all the funny scenes..and that house! Very nice, but I don't think two story homes will be in our near future...

I just realized I did not include my story...and I probably should, since I'm asking for yours :)

Many people already know what I'm going through...but my latest update is that my husband is getting better every day. He had some mystery neuropathy that they still haven't diagnosed. He still has a lot of pain (especially first thing in the morning) and can't use his hands quite as well as before. His balance is slowly coming back, but he still needs help with some things....however, the walker is only used once in a while and the wheelchair is long gone!

With all the craziness over the last few years (despite our very expensive health insurance) we have had to declare medical bankruptcy. During the process, we were informed that although our farm qualified for all the requirements to keep during bankruptcy...the mortgage company wanted us out and we were being tossed! (Shocking, I know.) We do have one year to 'redeem' our property, by paying for it in full...with interest, late fees, attorney fees, etc. etc. etc. So....since my money printing press is no longer working, we are planning to move.

Now, that I'm past the "holy crap, what are we going to do?" phase...I decided to look at the bright side. We no longer owe for medical bills we couldn't possibly afford to pay. We got rid of some credit card debt at the same time. We now have the opportunity to honestly assess if we really think we can live here for the next 20 years, given our situation.

So...talked to my mom (who lives nearby) and we all decided to go look for a new house! We like living in the country, but would like the land to be more level, a bit less acreage and a REAL house. Not a farmhouse that needs too much remodeling for my current budget and expertise.

My research lead us to a small town, where prices seem to be stuck in the 1980s. Real estate is not expensive and it's an area that people seem to avoid...so there's room for horses and we can afford it! We are actually looking at three houses (I know....3!) that might work for us. One is connected to the acreage, but needs a lot of work. One is on an acre a block away, but owned by the same person. Also needs work, but might make a nice office. Can't even imagine leaving work behind at the end of the day...but excited to try!

The third house is in better shape and has possibilities. They're all one story, smaller homes. This one would be a bit squished for all of us, but wonderful for my mom after we get the house with acreage (and our horses) finished.

So...crazy, out of the box idea, but aren't those sometimes the best ones? I think it's easy to try something crazy when you're in your 20s, but more difficult as you get older. Yes, we're smarter now...and know that some ideas are too crazy. But it's also easy to wonder if this is practical as retirement age begins to loom in the horizon. That 20 year mortgage might be a bit trickier to pay down the road.

Finally...inexpensive is good! At least in our case...and it's definitely an adventure. I think our railroad may have a few different stations, but it's a railroad we are happy to build :)

This post was edited by lavender_lass on Tue, Nov 18, 14 at 20:22

LL - You have shared your past difficulties before and your view of a different future than what you were thinking about just a year ago. I have a question though, many of the stories I read about others who have had to declare bankruptcy and faced foreclosure state that, because of those issues, they cannot buy another home due to the fact that they cannot get a mortgage. How are you managing to be able to look at purchasing a new home? I think the information could be helpful to others who read your story and see that the future can be bright even after facing costly medical issues.

I am not sure I am building a railroad. Even with the uncertainty of Joe's health ,should the pancreas cancer come back, we chose this house and set it up to age here for both or one of us as easily as possible. It was always the plan. I might make some changes to the house if I end up a widow. Nothing drastic. I am very happy with the way it is now. We added the new ductless heater in February and it works really well. Stretching it to heat and cool the whole house but even adding a second one would not add much to our electric bill.

I think my railroad would be mostly minor things as far as decorating the house. Moving the furniture around some. The TV would probably go away. I am not a fan of TV and would not pay the high price for Dish. We have a little over a year left on our contract and if Joe is no longer here that is going away too. So as small as that decision is I guess it is a few feet of railroad.

I thought about enclosing the front porch but if we put a second heater in it would not be possible to enclose the whole porch. Maybe one side and we talked about that and make a vestibule by the front door to help keep the cold out in winter when the front door is opened. Then I would set it up as a formal entry and kind of part of the house. I would like that now. Even half the porch would be 13 by 8 foot and would make a sweet sitting space with the coat rack and place for boots. There is that Trex?? I think it is called deck boards down now so I do not know how a regular floor would happen. If they have to be taken up or some sort of flooring over them.

With closing in only one half of the front porch I could keep my gas stove out there and I need that for emergency if the electric goes out. The house is all electric. Except for the little vent less propane back up heater.

Other than that this house is great for us or just me. I like the kitchen even though it does not have great cabinets. They are all wood now we have had them refaced.

The yard is always evolving. Some day I hope to have the whole place fenced. I would love to be able to have the dogs loose in the yard with me all over and not just their yard and the side yard. Which is certainly big enough for them because they really prefer the couch. I know they whine if they see me in the lower yard and they can not come with me because of no fence. This is the second time I have had a brand new house and yard to landscape. It is so much work and I an 28 years older then the first place we built. We have been here 7 summers but the first summer was a bust as far as the yard goes. We were still grading the property and just trying to get moved in and I went to work right after we moved here. Then I was ill for three and a half years and then Joe has been ill for two years so we really only have had 2 years to get real work done in the yard. This year with the patio I accomplished a HUGE addition to the yard.

This really is an interesting thread. We thought we were going to loose Joe within months of his diagnosis. He was so sick. I was in serious training to become a widow. It is good I learned all of that and took notes and had over a year when everything that got done here was on my shoulders. Not complaining. I was blessed with a reprieve. Hoping it lasts a long time.

MushCreek I love your story. You have accomplished an amazing build. Just like ML you put so much thought into it and have kept your nose to the grind stone and made it happen. I think those of us that have faced hard times learn not to get into another mess and how to improve our lives.

LLucy. I think LL gave very good advice. I know when our neighbor was told not to drive he continued and I always feared he would have a stroke while he was driving. But he just could not give up his daily drive about.

LL I really hope you get to settle into a house you love or three with your Mom office and home. I worked from home for so many years I understand what you mean about not knowing how it would be to walk away from the office. Even when I worked for the city I brought most of the work home to do. The city office was an awful hole in the wall with no windows and just freezing in the winter. OH and Joe has a lot of that neuropathy hands and feet but it is chemo induced. He also had to learn to walk again and he still walks with a wide stance and slaps his feet more than normal. I use hot rice packs on his hands and feet. Made extra large ones for him.

This small house board has been a great place to come to for support weather small house ideas or life support.

Thanks Shades. I hope your husband keeps you a happily married woman for many years to come :)

Deke- We were planning to keep the farm and possibly upgrade to a new manufactured home or remodel the farmhouse...whichever was more affordable. Then we found out we were not keeping the farm and started to think more creatively. While it's more challenging to find traditional mortgages after bankruptcy...there are options. It depends on the state you live in and how liberal (economically speaking) private lenders and owner financing may be in your area. Research, research, research would be my advice! :)

Thanks for the support everyone. I truly appreciate it.

If I provide a bit more backround perhaps it will answer some of the questions that have been raised.

My parents built their retirement home on a lake in central Ohio 23 yrs ago. They still enjoy the home, but my Dad feels the maintenance has become too much for him and periodically tells my mother (not me) they should sell. The last couple of years she told him she wasn't ready yet - she likes being near family.

For the past 12 years they have been spending 6 mos. out of the year in a mobile home in FL. They have a lot of good friends there and it's particularly good for my Dad because he has buddies he hangs out with. Buddies who will ask him to come along if they run errands. In Ohio he has friends, but not the kind who want to hang out, so he's mostly in front of the tv during his waking hours. Going into town to run errands every day was his break, his entertainment so to speak, and now he can't do that.

My mother's sister lives on the opposite coast of FL from where my parents winter. She has friends in a retirement community in central FL and has wanted to move there for a few years now. Her husband passed last July, and since she has been more avid to move. Since neither of my parents want to spend winters in Ohio, they are thinking of selling the lake house and buying into the development where Mom's sister wants to live.

My mom's sister is 79 and has been undergoing cancer treatments for a number of years. One thing gets cleared, then something else pops up. She is doing okay - as in she's not feeling terrible - but from what I get from my mom the treatments continue.

My fear is that if my parents sell the lake house, put all the proceeds into buying new home in the FL retirement community it could be only a matter of a few years until my mom is there by herself. I HATE thinking like that, but given my father's and my aunt's health issues it is a real possibility.

I don't believe my mother would want to live there without any family around, so I would probably end up moving her back to Ohio to live with me.

A better plan- to me -is for them to sell the lake house, buy an Ohio home closer to town for the 6 months they spend here and keep the trailer for winters since that is where Dad is happy. I've suggested this to Mom and that's when she told me she would never buy another house in Ohio. I'm not sure why she is so adamant.

Last summer during our 30 min commutes back and forth to town I would point out areas on the outskirts and say "It's pretty out here and not too far from town." Once she shot back: "Why would I want to live where there wasn't a lake?"
I replied, "Um...because you'd have something nicer to look at than your neighbor's windows? Which is what you would have with a house in FL."

Maybe she sees buying a house in OH without a lake as "coming down in the world"? Or she feels buying another house here means eventually having to live here during the winter? Maybe she wants to be nearer her sister while she has her? I don't know.

I agree the track I need to build for myself is a way to support myself in my own small place. Let mom and dad do what they want to do and cross the bridge of taking care of one or both of them when the time comes. I suppose I'm just trying to prepare myself psychologically for that future.

Thanks again Lavender and all, for letting me explore that here.

When Shades began mentioning it was seven years ago they moved into their current place, I thought how time is flying. Tempus fugit? Because we have shared smaller home issues for more years than that. However, I seem to recall her previous home, and also the homes of other "old timers" on the forum too. Jay was in Florida and then we had Scott in the Carolinas, Ilive2die was around, Marti8, DesertSteph, LavenderLass, then Nancy in MIchigan, and an assortment of folks in New England and the midwest. With smaller homes, you must plan for contingencies such as health and kids moving back home, and parents or other relatives needing accommodations far beyond that of overnight guests.

Looking down the tracks, trying to see around the mountain what lies ahead, I can only say, keep your options open. Don't paint yourself into a corner. In the Old Days, which to me is the years I lived in rural Winston County, My grandparents had a 3 room house with no electricity and no plumbing and no running water. It was before TVA brought power to the people. And in their 3 rooms was a huge kitchen, and 2 bedrooms with a single fireplace between them. Two double beds served the 4 sons (my dad was the eldest), and the other bedroom served the 3 daughters and my grandparents. The door to the kitchen was off this bedroom. The water pump was near the back porch. So 9 people lived in the 3 rooms and bathed in a washtub on the back porch, grandma did her laundry in a black iron washpot over an open fire, rung them out by hand. She allowed no grass to grow near the house....to keep fire from consuming it and to keep free range chicken poop swept away, and watch out for rattlesnakes. She swept the yard each morning with a brush broom. My grandpa built us a small house on a knoll just up the road from his house, and I ran barefoot down to accompany him to his plowing or feeding the animals, and to watch him hang his tobacco on the barn rafters to dry. I was there when he slaughtered the huge hog after a heavy frost. There was not much in the house to sit about with, except the Bible. The days were spent working, mostly outdoors, and the entire family was involved.

Where did I get off on that? I mean, a small house can serve many people provided most of their activities are not housebound. I'd say kids in those days did not hang out on computers, or stay indoors long enough to mess up the house. The mama did not have time to clean up messes, she was busy gardening and canning and picking cotton and milking the cow, churning. I'm not idealizing that as the right lifestyle for the 21st century, but saying that a smaller home can work beautifully with an ACTIVE family life.

Oh I am glad I came to this site this evening.....how interesting and thought provoking. My life has had so many railroads and I hope this is the last one until they carry me out feet first.

My first real train wreck was in 1975 when my first husband was killed in a firery highway accident when I was 33 years of age, and left with three small children (7. 10, and 13) to raise alone. Times were tough, I just about went crazy thinking that every evening at 5:30, he should drive in...solution was to leave our first home and build a new one in our little town...which helped to take my mine off of not having my DH.

Our kids were wonderful...grew up, valedictorians of their HS, graduated from college (Occupational Therapist, Electrical Engineer, and Master Teacher), got married, gave me 5 beautiful grandchildren, but I was left all alone again.

In 2000, I met a wonderful, caring man and we were married, sold my house, retired, and moved to "his city", but I never liked it there, even though we built a beautiful big home. We enjoyed life and did a lot of traveling, etc.

But for some unknown reason, at one minute until midnight in 2011, God called him home by a sudden fatal heart attack. I was crushed and longed to be closer to my family and friends. It was then that I put our 4090 sf house on the market....took a beating....but sold it.

I had to down-size and nothing materialistic meant anything to me anymore, so sold mostly everything, moved "back home", built a much smaller home on a lake lot here in town. I love it here, my children are closer, people are friendly and welcoming, I feel safe here...and life is good for this 73 year old woman !

So I have built my railroads and not looking to build any more....just enjoy being where I am in this life and looking forward to the next whenever that might be...I am content.

PS...other trains that came down my railroad... I lost both of my parents after my first husband was killed... Right after I married for the second time, I found that my entire body was consumed with Arthritis and have had three joint replacements (working on my fourth)....neck fusions and recently an emergency back surgery which kept my home-bound for 5 months. So please, no more unpleasant trains for me to ride!

Hi Phoggie, So good you dropped in. Sorry your back is still giving you fits. I know the arthritis merry go round. UGH. Hoping all good trains for you from now on.You really has some jolts along the track.

Glad you are still enjoying your new home. It sure is a lovely place. We are very happy here too. We have always made do with the homes we were flipping but it is nice to add the little touches that make your final home comfortable for you.

My railroad is still being built next news Dec 2. Praying it is good news for Joe. Well and me too of course.

Don't be scarce Phoggie.

Chris

"This small house board has been a great place to come to for support weather small house ideas or life support. "

I love that about us!

good to see you here phoggie!

It sure is feeling like Old Home Week around here these days. So pleased to have you join the group again Phoggie.

For a couple of years at least I've been in gardening mode, since there was no progress on my house, and I did not know it would ever get done. So I took a break. Now we are in the middle of it, or maybe in the first 1/3 of it, and I'm just beginning to see the shell of what will be. This train is headed out, and finally the construction crew is on here with me! It will deplete my cash reserves, but I'll deal with that later.

"Fiddle de dee," said Scarlett...."I'll worry about that tomorrow."

OH I so loved Gone With the wind. One time I saw it at the movie twice in the same day. LOL Was matinee and early evening. My parents had some thing to do so they left me at the theater all that time. Cheeper than hiring a baby sitter. Was a blast.

I think some times we all need to say Fiddle De Dee once in awhile.

Haha, Shades, I am with you on that.

My story about seeing the movie though was much different. I had a date. We took a bus to the movie, neighborhood theater. We watched and it was long. I had read the book of course. BUT....it was at the point where Scarlett returns to Tara at sunset hungry as can be.

And that is where the movie stopped.
So we got up, and walked OUT!

Sigh. I did not know for a long long time that it was JUST INTERMISSION. I mean, it did not SAY it. So we caught a bus home.

When I read GWTW, I was in high school. I started it on a Friday afternoon and read non stop all that night, all day Saturday, and all night that next night until I finished in the wee hours of Sunday morning. I was totally exhausted and INSPIRED. It was a long long time before I found any other novel worth reading. It blew everything else out of the water. What a story! What an ENDING!!!