My DH has opinions and a very good eye, but he subscribes to the "happy wife, happy life" philosophy. I always ask, because he has to live here too, and I think it's polite, but I don't think he cares too much.

I have more influence than my DH but both of our tastes are reflected in our home. He has a man cave all his own so I am thinking of creating my very own space with only my ideas in an extra room one day soon. I have had my own places so it does not bother me too much and sometimes I enjoy the challenge of making our two styles blend nicely together more than I would enjoy free range.

Other than DH's penchant for ugly lamps and hatred of white sheets he doesn't care too much about the decor. I ask his opinion (and even drag him to stores) when big ticket items are being sought. Smaller stuff I don't even ask him about. He is the type who won't notice new things for weeks or months so I figure his opinion only counts for so (not) much. ;-)

My husband would rather eat a worm then shop for most anything.

He does accompany me when I go see craigslist items. He's not crazy about me going alone.

He's been happy with all my decisions. So far. 42 years- numerous homes and flips.

ML

My partner has red green color deficiency and although he offers an opinion, he usually agrees with my plans. I would say I have almost complete freedom to decorate.

I feel your pain. In nearly 40 years of marriage my husband never cared what we sat on. THEN we bought a winter home in Florida. Boy did he start having opinions on everything I wanted. I mostly gave in just to get it done. Now this past winter, second winter in Florida , I have started to "redo" most of it. I figured out it was because he didnt have a "Job" so he felt his job was to help pick furniture. We just bought him a boat I hope that this becomes his "job "so next winter I can finishing fixing the mess. Lol.

total freedom, since I am happily single. BUT, that means I have no one to bounce ideas off of.

(Well, I do, but it takes much more effort than having a live-in opinionator. The cats are color-blind.)

Fortunately, I have complete freedom to decorate/purchase/change our home decor in any fashion I wish. DHâÂÂs only involvement is his dislike of the color green, heâÂÂs always requested that it not be used, on the walls, fabric or floor. Since itâÂÂs not one of my preferred colors, either, in our 32 years together decorating has always been my job.

We have always shopped together for the house decorations ...42 years and counting. I went directly from living at home to life with a husband also and had just turned 20.

I never spend any significant amount of money unless we talk and neither does he...that would be anything over $100. I like his input and he likes mine. Our other agreement that has worked extremely well has been to "get a cup of coffee" before we ever spend a nickel on anything. We made a couple mistakes back decades ago and after that we never ever spent a dime till we took a breather....

of course there was the house purchase in 2001 that DD and DH orchestrated while I was in FL taking care of my Dad who was dying....and the sale of the house we owned at the time....all without me knowing...

but other than that we always talk and decide together. He has great taste and I love this old house...and that old man :) c

I would say it is collaborative. He was a good sport and went with me to every granite, tile, cabinet place. Then when the kitchen was done, numerous furniture stores for new LR and FR furniture. Often I will scope out things on the Internet like rugs, lamps, etc...narrow down the choices and then show him. He will delete what he doesn't like and we generally come to a consensus. He has a "not bad" eye and sometimes will see nuances I don't. It helps that we both like modern/contemporary decor.

You sound like my friend...her DH is an exhibit designer for a major museum and he pretty much decides things but she does have input, although not sure if she has veto power. They also have similar taste so I don't think they duke it out too often . He designed and picked out most things for their recent MB remodel and I think she likes it as well.

Is there a way for you to claim at least one room where it's all yours and he has no say...that would seem fair and reasonable, especially since it is something you really feel you need to do...I hope he will go along with it.

We're heading towards 50 years together, and when younger, had Totally different tastes, and had a really hard time making decisions. Now we tend to listen to each other more, are willing to make concessions, etc. It's amazing what putting a few years behind you accomplishes...

He designed and did a lot of building our master bath; it's grey walls, black sink and granite, black tub, gold fixtures, maroon towels, omg, not even close to what I would do, but, hey, he's happy with it and that counts!

I will design remodel on our guest bath (which I will use), and we'll see if he cooperates with my taste, lol!

I'm the decision maker. Years ago when we bought the house we live in now, I was telling my MIL that *I* was going to do this and *I* was going to do that and she got very upset with me and said that my husband would be living here too, where was his input. At that point he spoke up and said "What do I know about decorating? She's the one who is good at it, I trust her" and it's been that way ever since. A couple times I've asked his opinion but that was mostly due to something that would be a permanent action (flooring for example) but he's never complained in 24 years about my choices. Oh, no, I take that back-I hate overstuffed recliners and sofas, so when I proposed to get rid of his fugly giant recliner he put his foot down. I eventually won that decision, tho when he realized the new one I brought in was much more comfy and attractive.

Dh doesn't really care. He reminds me often that we don't live in a Victorian mansion, and I gently remind him that we don't live in a log cabin. We have very different tastes, but all rooms have a mix of each style, except the living room that is all his, and the only room that I would love to redo one of these days. Over the years, he has told me I'm too cheap too many times to count, but if I happen to suggest spending a little money on a piece of furniture he doesn't like, then it's suddenly too expensive. It's his way of having a say in decorating, I suppose.

Fortunately our tastes are similar. And he almost always defers to me if we do disagree.

My opinion has always been that is IS his house too! No reason why I should not take his input, likes and dislikes into consideration.
I would be unhappy if he made all the decisions, so I don't either.

My DH has very strong opinions on design. We do have very similar tastes, so it's not a big deal. Most of the time, I like that he's involved and cares what his surroundings look like. And, for any major purchase, we decide together. For smaller items, I will purchase without him since he does not enjoy shopping, but if he doesn't like it, I'll return it.

My favorite story about my DH's strong opinions -- years ago we needed a new tea pot. I was in a store and saw one that I thought was fine and was on major sale. Purchased it and brought it home. DH hated it. I mean really, really hated it. Hated everything about it. The shape. The color. OK, put it back in box and took it back to store. All my girlfriends were astonished that he even noticed it. And amazed I actually returned it. Hey, it's his house too and he would have to look at it everyday (it lives on the stove). Why would I want to force him to look at something he hated everyday? They didn't understand because their husbands wouldn't even have noticed it.

I decorate in a way that makes us both happy, it prevents any wild hairs on my part and keeps him up to date and not purely practical. He's happy with what I do, mostly! and I ask his input on big items, usually narrowing it down to one or two of what I like and get his final approval. We've been married long enough for him to trust me and that makes a difference. He knows I care a lot more about how things look than he ever will.

Last year we had to replace the downstairs/basement laminate ( about 1300 square feet) and I brought home many samples- he never set foot in the store- and I was wildly leaning towards this cool gray, weathered barn look ( a wild hair, and it went with none of the furniture) but he immediately nixed it and what we went with has made me happy and relived I didn't go with the gray.

DH and I haven't remodeled much, but when we have, we made decisions together. Ditto for major pieces of furniture.

If something doesn't work functionally (esp. the height of the TV!), DH will notice and it will always bother him. He will notice the "form" aspect for a max of about 3 days, and then does not give it a second thought. Since I notice everything FOREVER (unfortunately), I decided it's OK for me to pick on my own. We also each have our (very limited) "fun money," and I spend mine on things for our house . . .so I feel free to choose what I want.

However, that doesn't mean I'm not limited! My budget is teeny, as is my time for big DIY projects. I also visualize DH sitting in the house, and I personally do not feel comfortable seeing him in a room full of florals (which I love). He is the lone male in this house of 5 girls + me, so I have to rein it in a little.

My girls also have pretty strong opinions about decorating. The two oldest have an aversion to anything old. Sigh. My oldest (11) was looking at a book of wallpaper samples and said that one particular pattern made her feel like she was going to throw up. So, while I don't actually consult the kids, I do think of what they like and try not to go overboard in the other direction.

And then, of course, I have to consider my house's opinion. It can be very vocal!

My biggest boss is definitely the budget, or lack thereof. I'd probably be pretty close to done if it weren't for that detail!

DH and I used to go to antique stores together when we first married, and for awhile after #1 was born. But after a few years, he tired of it and it was my get away thing when the children were at preschool, then school. He has is a little colorblind also, so many things automatically would go to me anyway. After almost 32 years, it's still my thing. He could care less - he has never expressed concern with anything I've purchased... and he would if he didn't like. I can only remember him asking to pick out a recliner (leather, looks like a chair) and our mattresses over the years.

When we built our home several years ago, we were both heavily involved with the design and building. Paint/stain colors, fixtures (lighting, plumbing) and finishes were left up to me.

All three of our children (DD1, DS and DD2) all have strong opinions about their houses/furnishings, but asked my opinion or for my help with they were younger adults.

Our house is pretty much a reflection on my taste. I know he would prefer a little more modern space (a little less vintage) but, I don't know how to decorate that way!
When we would go shopping together, if I said black, he would say white. So frustrating!
So now I go shopping alone and pick 2 or 3 things I like. Then he gets to choose from those. We are both happy with this arrangement!

My husband likes nice quality but wants to spend less than used Ikea prices. So, I have to pull off Miracles on a regular basis (thanks CL). I usually get my way because he knows if he complains I'll say you got what you paid for...you want better cough up some $$$$$. I always manage to sneek in a few nice pieces to pull off a look though

It wouldn't occur to me to ask DH about design. We bought the house he wanted--- after years him of never expressing an opinion I figured it was the least I could do, although I warned him I would essentially remake the house. He is happy if he has a spacious home office, a tennis court, good coffee maker and The New York Times. Other than that, he is not really interested in his surroundings as long as they are comfortable. He could have lived in this house as it was when we bought it. That would certainly have been the smarter financial decision!

No, actually I take that back. I made him go with me to a Southern Living idea house in a nearby town and he sat on the porch in an all weather wicker rocker/glider and asked why we didn't have any chairs as comfortable as those. I found the exact same ones and we now enjoy them on the deck off our bedroom. So I guess you could say that I don't ask, but when he expresses interest--- like, twice in the past 32 years, I acquiesce!

What a wide range of relationships! My husband is a systems analyst who mostly has zero interest in aesthetics, or so he claims. He does intensely dislike yellow, otherwise has no opinions on colors used for paint, upholstery, linens etc.

He is also quite spartan in his personal preferences. In fact he seems to take pride in denial---so for example, he would never buy himself anything simply for comfort, luxury etc.

And, he *hates* spending money. I mean, seriously truly deeply loathes parting with a dime not related to the purchase of something necessary to sustain life. I'm exaggerating but not much. If left up to him we would be living in a home similar to his bachelor digs when we met: no air conditioning (in Miami!), a 7" tv with a broken vertical hold (found in trash), no ornaments on the wall except his water and snow skis mounted in the living room. No telephone (you can make calls at work and who wants to talk to people anyway). No newspaper. No curtains. Etc etc.

However I have over the past 30 years managed to create a home featuring all those items. And more! I don't consult with him because he has only one response which is 'we don't need that'. What I do keep as a priority is to work around him in terms of what will make him comfortable. My primary consideration is that he is very tall, so I try hard to create an environment that is, as much as possible, sized for his needs in a world in which that is never the case. It helps that none of us are very short, and of course we don't want Land of the Giants but I strongly believe a home should be a refuge for those who live in it. For example, when I remodeled the bathroom I had the shower head installed at 7 feet instead of lower. The sink cabinet is custom and is 2 inches taller than standard. Same dimension consideration in the remodeled kitchen. Even our refrigerator was a happy confluence of design and function: I wanted a built in with panels for aesthetics and those are build to be quite a bit taller than normal--so it works for his reach and view better than the 'normal' style anyway. Knobs and pulls are if possible sized to fit more easily in a large hand. And so on. I guess this is ergonomics more than design but it's always a priority for me in doing anything around our house.

And despite all his protestations....he quite happily sits in his nice, large comfy chair in the cool air conditioned room while he watches the big color tv with no broken vertical hold :).

Ann

I have complete freedom, but my husband does voice opinions on some things - not on others. I always take his thoughts into consideration. After all, it is OUR home and I want him to be comfortable and enjoy the surroundings too. He defers to me on most but will let me know if there is something he really likes or does not like.

He is my antiquing partner. We both share a love for the old items and love the "hunt". He's great on DIY'ing and will join right in (or completely take on) many projects. We are in our third home, which we had built, and we made it through that project. We made quite a good team on that venture, actually!

tina

trailrunner! They seriously sold your house from under you?! Surely with the best of intentions, but wow. You need to tell us that story. (We already know it has a happy ending.)

runninginplace, vertical hold, LOL! How many of us do you think know what that is?

My DH doesn't care how I decorate (except for the expense), but that's probably because I tend toward very safe decorating. No $$ for furniture now, but I'm studying up so that our space will look terrific when we get there. And hopefully not too vanilla.

I usually ask my dh's opinion. However, that is usually on something that I truly am not sure about. On things that I know will work, they just come home with me. On things that I know will work but are a little pricey, I do ask him. He has learned to just trust my vision, because he can't always see what I see, but then later--he does.

I have had two marriages. The first husband had no opinions whatsoever! Divorced and on my own, I decorated the way I wanted! My fiance loved all my choices. So, we got married and I discover that he HAS opinions, and they don't agree with mine............ YIKES!

He has no problem spending $$$ on sporting events, rounds of golf, and 1 week fishing trips including all the equipment for the aforementioned!! He is cheap and opinionated when it comes to decor.

For instance, this home has four outdoor decks including one by the pool and a large one over boat storage from the driveway below. There are small view decks off each bedroom. To me, these decks are an extension of our living space. I'm into making comfortable seating on each deck, and he's of the opinion that we have guests 3 x per year, and they won't get used....... Round and round, we go....

We are mid remodel of a very neglected property, and mid decisions. I feel once the major purchases are made, and comfort sets in, he'll focus on golf and fly fishing, and I'll focus on little touches he won't even notice!

I have found that if I find something in my decorating magazines I like, he is pretty easy to convince. He has zero imagination, but if he sees a picture, he gets it.

I like to cook, and he likes to eat, so we have that in common!

Suzi

I feel exactly the same way! I did have my own apartment after college, but had no money back then so didn't really get to explore my own decorating style. I would love to put a guest/MIL cottage behind our house and I do fantasize about having the decorating of that cottage all to myself!

My husband has strong opinions regarding decorating and this has led to a few heated discussions over the course or our 27-year marriage. Sometimes we actually agree on something that we both love (our dining room set), sometimes one of us gives in because the other cares more about that particular thing, but often the end result is a vaguely unsatisfactory compromise. And I think those compromises are why some of our house doesn't look as nice as it could! My daughters have strong opinions too, but I don't feel the same need to accommodate their decorating styles except in their personal spaces. But I do listen to,all of these opinions, and then end up confused!
I have always suspected that the most beautiful homes that I have been in were decorated by one spouse without too much interference from the other spouse. The responses to your post are confirming that suspicion!

I had a friend, co worker of dh's, who took expensive trips to things like Nascar all the time yet one time we were talking about decorating- he and his wife were trying to decorate- and he said he would Never spend $150 on a lamp- and couldn't believe they could cost so much. I kept my mouth shut!

I care a lot, he has opinions but doesn't care much and belongs to the happy wife club. Fortunately.

Early on, twice, years apart, when trying to shop with him for new upholstered furniture, he took fancies to the ugliest fabrics I'd ever seen. If you can imagine, muddy bilious versions of multiple colors all thrown together in abstract, jagged, violent lines. He's such a nice guy, not a sociopath at all, that I thought he was joking. He was offended, I was traumatized at this insight, and in the decades since there hasn't been a trial #3.

He can exercise a veto if he really dislikes something, but after over 40 years together when I asked if he'd mind a pink and cream bedroom (pretty under lamp light) he smiled and shrugged and told me whatever I want. And meant it. :)

The house is my domain, the yard is his. I do the interior with a free hand, but in return, he can plant whatever he wants wherever he wants to.

The only exception was the FR sofa. My choice was so despised, a revolt was brewing. So I replaced it with something the guys would approve of lest they go out and buy on their own.

I do whatever I want but keep DH in mind. I know his tastes and wouldn't do something that I know he would hate.

We have always operated on the "defer to the person with the most expertise" philosophy in our marriage, and it serves us well. Dh is in a high-pressure, long hours career, and I stay home with the kids...so naturally I have more time to research my design passions. When we custom built our house, I was pretty much able to indulge my taste in the selections, but I was always cognizant of making sure i didn't make choices he would dislike.

Dh is involved with decisions over the big stuff, like the furniture, but the rest is up to me. It's not that I know what I want there either, but he could care less. He's all about the function, and I want function and style. We go round and round on that too.

My DH is mostly in the happy wife club, accompanies me on almost all CL shopping runs and doesn't mind looking over paint colors or fabrics with me.

I always ask his opinion when I'm changing something around the house. Occasionally he insists on keeping some pieces for a sentimental or practical reason. I respect that and work around it. We both prefer modern lines and wood tones, and don't care much for knicknacks and frilly things. I tend to make my decisions on paints and fabrics quickly, so that makes it easier, too.

It's funny - I haven't been around GW for several months but I posted almost this exact question shortly after DH and I bought our house last fall. I thought the worst was behind us after we finally bought the house since we had a terrible time trying to find one that would suit our very different needs and wants. In the end, neither of us is 100% in love with our house but neither of us is 100% displeased either... and we're still married. ;)

After we moved in and started decorating I was really disappointed to discover how opinionated he was about every item and color and concept - and how different it was from my own vision. I've returned various throw pillows because he hated them for being too soft, too pokey, too *something* and then, just as I find some that I love and he will go along with, he decides to use them to prop under his feet on the ottoman. Urgh.

I've come to the realization that our home may never be the pretty, tidy home of my dreams and, rather, it's where pretty things go to die. DH is a wonderful, loving man with so many great qualities but he's also kind of a slob when it comes to taking care of nice things and it's not worth it to me to spend money on things that will get damaged quickly. Because of that, I choose to mostly live vicariously through others' beautiful design decisions.

I'm lucky. We have similar taste and my DH has a great eye; in fact years ago before we married he was a professional window dresser for big department stores. Thus, we select paint colors and decor together. I am wiling to spend time researching, and will narrow down our choices, and he helps with the final selection. We both prefer to buy quality used furniture and rehab or re-purpose it, so this works great for us, and I love spending time together with him.

I pretty much have free reign. Though I consistently try to coax any opinion at all from DH. On the rare occasion he has one, I generally go with it. Otherwise I try to pick things I love that I think he would also like. He generally gets veto power though, as long as he can tell me why (no sense in repeatedly picking out things with the same flaw, waste of my time). I also have veto power. We rarely invoke a veto.

Anything semi-permanent or that costs a decent amount of money is a joint decision. That usually involves me doing the research and looking at a ton of options, and dragging DH to see the 2-4 finalists. He has no desire to shop for anything, but I love when he comes along because he keeps me focused and it's a lot quicker.

I could have written Williamsem's response. Ditto!

That is until we decided on new flooring. He liked my pick but wanted to rearrange the living room furniture so that the couch faces the TV. He doesn't SIT on the couch, he has his favorite chair. He just thinks the TV is the focal point instead of our big fireplace and the couch should be in front of it.
I'll keep it like this for a while but once the weather gets cool enough to enjoy a fire, I'm probably going to move some furniture again.

My husband has strong opinions and often they are not the same as mine. Sometimes I give in and am pleasantly surprised. Often we compromise which really just means neither of us love it, we just like it. Sometimes I get my way.

I always ask would this be all right, and he always says yes. I don't even ask, would you prefer this or this, just is this okay.

We married young also, at 20, 31 years ago. Our decor was what other students moving out of the same apartment building were selling - cheap and easy to carry home. Posters and plants, that was decor. We still have a few things from those days.

I got him to check out and pick up a vanity top on Craigslist that was near where he works, and he chose his own desk chair - which I don't like the looks of, but he has to sit in it. That's it.

DH and I were both a bit older, settled into our careers and each had very nicely furnished apartments when we married. Mine was a cozy Cottagey Shabby Chic. His was Contemporary Elegant but very comfortable. Combining our two homes was both funny and frustrating. Over the years, though, we've developed a common taste in furniture and art . . . at least most of the time (LOL)!

DH has very good (and expensive) taste, while I'm still much more hesitant to spend a lot of money on things than he is. I prefer haunting antique and consignment shops. He'd rather head to some upscale furniture gallery, order it and then head on to a nice restaurant (with me) to relax.

These days I pretty much have free rein to buy the smaller things, but DH likes to go with me when making major purchases to help decide.

As many of you know already, I'm a passionate collector of art. Most of it, DH has thankfully liked. There are several pieces, though, he barely tolerates and one he flat-out doesn't like. Darned if it's not a beautiful, large, original painting that I adore! At the moment it's hanging over the laundry hamper in our bedroom foyer. I'm hoping he'll eventually come to tolerate it. On the other hand, I've gotten rid of a number of his Contemporary art pieces over the years. That or they're stored away in closets. My bad (LOL)! He doesn't have a "man cave". The closest he comes to that is his study, which does have only the art, furniture and rug he chose.

So, we compromise where we can because we love each other. Every once in a while, though, he gets a wild hair idea to choose certain things by himself. Sometimes I let him (LOL). He picked out our new pots and pans (All Clad Professional) that I'm not all that crazy about. This was a compromise on my part. He'd originally fallen in love with ~and bought!~ an extremely heavy and cumbersome Le Creuset covered cast iron skillet. I agreed he could keep it, but nixed any more LCs. I still avoid using the darn thing . . . but every Sunday morning he happily makes us eggs or something in it, so how can I complain? I also gave in and let him buy all of our knives (Wustof), which I admit are nice. (Sigh!) now he wants to go out this weekend with me and insists he gets to help choose our new vacuum, omelet pan and coffeemaker, all of which have given up the ghost in the past week. I'm afraid to let him go by himself. Grrrr!
Lynn

So interesting the dynamics in different relationships.

To add to my original post, my DH has great taste and a very good eye. In the beginning of our relationship/marriage, I used to get so frustrated. We would be looking for a piece of furniture for a particular use. We would see something. I would say let's get it -- it's nice, it's a good price, the right size, etc. He would say let's keep looking. I'm an instant gratification kind of person and would get very frustrated. But, I finally realized that we always found something better - better looking, better size, better price. So, I've relaxed and realized it doesn't have to be purchased immediately and sometimes it's ok to keep looking.

So, even though I consider myself the one that does the decorating/designing around here, I've actually learned quite a bit from his methods.

The other thing that has been a life saver is houzz.com. Whenever I have an idea, his response is always I need to see a picture. I would then have to go through years of decor magazines (that I kept for that purpose) to find a picture of what I want to do. Now I can just go on houzz.com and find many pictures quite easily. And, I've gotten rid of all those old decor magazines that just gathered dust!

Well, I guess having complete and total freedom to indulge myself with whatever I fancy whenever I want is at least one of some of the advantages to living solo....... : I