Posted by kkny (My Page) on Sat, Feb 2, 08 at 21:21

Mom2emall -- Tax refunds are your own money. I think people should estimate withholding. But in any event, my values would be to put a refund to retirement or college savings.

Posted by kkny (My Page) on Sun, Feb 3, 08 at 13:18

Since you titled this priorities, I guess it is OK for SMs and dads to take vacations, not pay for college, etc, but not moms. Again, thanks for the education.

"Posted by kkny (My Page) on Sun, Feb 3, 08 at 15:08

On another thread there was a conversation between SMs about cruises and vacations, etc. I dont make these things up.

And I hear a lot about SMs going on crusies etc. I dont."

I haven't taken any of the kids on a real vacation since 1999, when my sister paid for most of a three day vacation to Florida, for myself and two of the kids. As I mentioned, I took a couple of the kids to visit one of my daughters a couple of years ago, and we did do some sightseeing. It has nothing to do with being a mother or a stepmother - I don't know how almost anyone can afford vacations unless they are wealthy.

Sending all my kids to college is not optional for me. Of course they are going to go (unless they really didn't want to, but the first five sure did/do, and my 12 year old is already worrying about taking the right courses, because of something someone she met yesterday said to her.) I wouldn't have completely eliminated vacations just because their college fund was not fully funded, because even if my H were still here we would have qualified for significant financial aid. We used to take a vacation of about a week every four years or so.

I'm all for family vacations. Brittani & I would take 2 a year when we lived up north. Once we lived in FL...who needs a tropical vacation? Now w/ 3 babies, I don't get to go anywhere but as soon as they are out of diapers, I'm going. I just looked up cruises & kids The skids & BM go to FL every year. They go much more than I have the opportunity to go. I'm glad they get to go, but I'm going to be even happier when I'm going.

When I was single ... just me and the two kids I could afford to take a vacation. When I was with ex we never went anywhere.... Every year I was single I used my tax money to plan a vacation for me and the kids. And thats with reimbursing their dad 1/2 of the tax money because I claimed both on my return. I had more money as a single mom than I do as a SAHW.

I had 3 weeks vacation per year.

I would rather make memories with the kids ... my children still talk about the vacations... Florida, DC, Myrtle Beach, Maine, NH, Cape Cod and other New England destinations.

Now with 5 kids and one income we really can't afford it ... but with the visitation schedule ... we really couldn't take them away from their mother ... she would be crying ... "you can't take my babies away from me".

Really doesn't make a difference these days, we live on an island ... the beach is a 5 minute walk from the front door. We still do day trips in the New England area which sometimes cost just as much as a "real vacation".

When my kids were young, I had paid vacation time from work so I didn't worry about losing income when I went on vacation. We did a lot more 'weekend' trips to the coast or San Francisco than actual vacations. I have always prioritized family vacations or time together because kids grow up so fast. I don't regret a thing. When I was with my ex, we took out loans to pay for most of our trips. I made the mistake of a joint loan and he later filed BK and I had to pay it back myself. But when I was a single parent, I saved and took a 2nd job when my social services job went from working 5-8 hr days to 4-10 hour days, I got a job for the 5th day to give me more income. I never worked on the weekends, that was time with the kids, shopping & house cleaning days. and when I became self employed, I had more spendable income than before, so that is when I could really afford to do more things. My daughter & I went to many concerts together and I took the kids on cruises. since I got married a year and half ago, I don't have as much spendable income. My husband was making just enough to cover his debt.(he has a lot of credit card debt mostly from past relationship & financed assets that when they are paid off, we've agreed they are community property now) My spendable income now pays to transport his daughter from her mom's, I buy all the groceries, I pay for all the medical/therapist visits, I buy all the clothing for everyone (my sons work & buy their own) and if we go on vacation, I pay for it. I also pay for anything his daughter needs for school. BM contributes NOTHING.

So, as long as my business allows me to finance vacations, I will. Our living expenses are first priority and college is something that we'll deal with when we get there. I went to college for a while when my kids were younger, but I don't think it completely necessary to have a college education. I know many will disagree but I came from a family that is entrepreneurial and my father owns his business (he inherited it from my grandfather, but prior to that, he also had his own business in another town), I have mine (providing legal services), my sister has hers too (operating tractors for construction). Nobody in my family graduated college except my step mom that got her Master's in psychology and was a marriage & family therapist when she got sick. (I am the only one that attended more than one semester) and everybody is successful (middle class) on different levels. I am the only one in my family that doesn't own my house, but with the current market that may change soon. My brother is a deputy and his wife sells real estate, so they are not self employed but everyone else has done quite well without a college degree. If my children have a desire to do something that requires one, of course I will help.

I dont think college is something to deal with when the kids get there. Because it will be too difficult, if not impossible, to fund at that time. And yes there are plenty of people who are successful without a college degree, but choices are limited. Too me, this is about planning, budgeting and keeping the future in mind.

I do! As often as I can!
We take a vacation yearly (DH & I) , when the kids his & mine were living with us we would take them with if they wanted to come the two youngest mine & his usually did.

We go to my family's lake cabin up north several times sprng/summer/fall for either a long weekend or 4-5 days and kids are welcome to come with or drive seperate whatever. We are not wealthy by any means trust me but we both work, I as a nurse & DH electrical contractor.

I am not willing to give up vacations for ANYONE-not the kids his or mine and not for him. If he doesn't want to go, fine but I travel as often as I can find cheap tickets and go. Maybe that's selfish but that's what I need to do for me. My son is in college, the eldest s-son graduated college, the youngest one is a trucker and the middle one employed but had no desire to further his education. They all had the option of college/trade school.

Most of the time I travel pretty cheaply, I get deals on airfare, stay with friends or split hotel with girlfreinds etc. We don't live high on the hog but I want to travel and see the world while I'm young and healthy enough to enjoy it-Nothing wrong with that in my opinion, plus we have had some of the greatest times together on family trips. Especially up north and that's not expensive at all.

I'm going on 3 trips this spring summer with girlfreinds and we aren't paying a lot, when we split costs & share a room, and staying in the DR free for a week at another friends timeshare. so all I'm paying is planefare & spending money. We are very blessed to have friends/family all over the world and I think this makes it more affordable.

I don't think this is a SM/BM thing its a you need to get away from it all not matter who you are thing!

Cattletuce,

Where do you find deals on airfare and hotels, etc. Is there a specific website you use? There are SOOO many out there I have been trying to venture through many of them lately, but it takes lots of time!

Travelzoo.com is another wonderful resource for vacation deals. We try to take at least one family vacation a year and one childless vacation a year. We work hard and deserve it, and so do all of you! I agree that children grow up so quick so you should make the most of their childhood. My dd and sd always talk about the vacations we have gone on and love all the fun we have had. When college time comes, if we don't have enough money there are always scholarships and loans available. Once their childhood is gone you can not go back and redo the memories. They either have them or they don't!

Everyone needs vacation from time to time and it doesn't have to include the kids. I take vacation with and without the kids. With my child alone and with or without the stepkids.
If the dates coencide...fine..if they don;t ...who cares.
As for school.......you know people,,,,we help our kids but dont spoon feed them all the way! Its called get a job! help your kids but tell them to get part time jobs or even full time and go to school. I did both and there is nothing wrong with that.
Parents should stop fighting about cash for school. Put a lump sum or some money aside..whatever you can afford in a common account for a few years. LOck it so it accrues interest and then when they are old enough they use it for school , if there isnt' enough cash, TELL THEM TO GET A JOB AND SAVE WHILE LIVING AT HOME!
So....yes...we need vacation. we are all humans and yes vacation money can also be set aside and money can also be set aside for school.

When I was single and raising DD I couldn't afford much vacation until my salary went a bit up. Also I worked two jobs, so i rarely had vacation time. DD went on vacations regularly wiht her dad and sometimes with grandaparents on either side. I was happy so she didn't sit home because I couldn't afford going on vacations. I did started to go with her on short vacations when she was 9-10th grade because my salary started to get decent and I quit second job. I do go on vacations now several times a year mainly because my BF makes decent money. I probably still wouldn't go if I wouldn't have him.

***This isn't my post - I'm just moving it to the thread OP meant for it to be in but had technical difficulties***

Hmm rejected my follow up message so I'm posting a seperate post on the vacation resources. I hope I don't get in trouble for posting web addresses etc but these are the main travel sites I book through.

I get lots of great deals on flights through spiritair.com, join the $9 club it's $30 bucks a yr and well worth it.

Sign up for email alerts for the cities you want to travel to on travelocity.com,vacationstogo.com for cruise deals (really good ones!) they are also doing safari trips now too. Airfarewatchdog.com. Also, kayak.com

You can also go to Frommers.com and read up on the forums about particular places you are thinking of going to and get ideas for sight-seeing and also places to see real culture-non touristy stuff-its a great resource when you are on the fence about whether or not to go some where as opposed to somewhere else.

I've got more in my bookmarks but that should get you started. Happy to help & hope you plan a great vacation, you can do it on the cheap if you just do a little research, I've gotten amazingly great deals on airfare-it's the shopping where I usually blow it on vacation.

XXX