Ima,

I posted to you on the other forum, but wanted to post here, too.

The real problem with those who are taking pot shots at you has a lot more to do with being jealous of you than they would ever admit.

Why? You are happy. You are loved. I don't need to go on anymore but it is rather transparent. Ignore them.

Thanks

I've admitted, I like to argue/debate. There are many points of view or opinions on this forum, just as there are out in the world. I think I'm right. We all think we are right or we would say 'here's my opinion, it's not right but that's what I'm going to say anyways.' That would be ridiculous, so when someone accuses me of thinking I'm always right, well Duh! They think they are right too. We have different opinions/views. We can debate or argue why we think the way we do, the readers will decide for themselves. That's the good side of a forum like this.

The bad side is when someone thinks that because they think they are better than someone else, they make personal judgments or attacks. I've tried very hard not to do that. (not saying I haven't done it, but I do try) I guess if someone reads a post about something in general and takes it personally because it touches a nerve, then that isn't the same as saying it directly to the person in an effort to create hostility.

I posted on another thread about my sisters (a lot of my family in general) criticizing my having my kids in the circumstances I did. I believe very much in Karma. The same people that blasted me for having kids out of wedlock, have grandkids born out of wedlock. The ones that treated me like I was 'less than' because I wasn't married, they are ALL divorced now. They are all in their 30's to early 40's and hang out at the bars together, leaving their teen kids home alone while they get drunk and go home with ???. I'm home with my kids every night. I think everything happens for a reason and even the terrible things I've been through have made me appreciate what I have now. There was a time in my life when I considered suicide and thought there was no way I could get through this... but I did and I'm amazed by my own strength. and it's not in my upper body, it's in my heart & soul.

I think that KKNY and Fine touch a nerve in me because they do remind me of my mother. Yes, I have mother issues. When she found out my sister & I were molested, she yelled at US for going over there (he was our next door neighbor & had a granddaughter our age that we like to play with... we always had permission to go, but we didn't report it when it happened.. so mom blamed us) I've never shared anything else with her about my life that I didn't have to. She knew I had kids but even then, she didn't know until I was showing. And TOS, If everything she says is real, I do feel very sorry for her. I would hate to spend my life that miserable.

TOS, KKNY and Fine think they are here to represent BM's point of view. In my opinion, they are worse than any BM we can say nasty things about on here. The good they do here is make me think how lucky I am they are not my SD's BM. Woo Hoo!

Ima, Not really a bible quoter, but agree a few folks on here need to look up ....Judge not, lest ye be judged....I ve also said before, who really cares what the Evil Cabal thinks, they are on the outside looking in...The only reason they post is to say to us SMs what they really want to (and cant )say to pool lounger, cheater, etc......Post start out as one thing and turn into Bash O Rama (IE Wedding Interference turned into He has to fix my furnace for life!!!!I m the golden uterus!!!! Snuggle with your BF tonight, have a glass of wine together and enjoy your weekend and lets not give DHs EX PROBLEM a second thought... Thats what I m gonna do!!! All the best Dotz

I don't post much on here but I am a loyal lurker on the step family forum. It has become sort of a game with me to see what someone has posted and pretty much know exactly what those two are going to pick apart. You guys should try it, read the first post and try and guess how KKNY and TOS are going to respond. Rarely am I surprised!

When I miss a few days I can also figure out pretty easily which threads they have posted on cause those threads always have the most posts and they, of course, have said something outlandish and have everyone else up in arms.

I have to believe that they get some sort of satisfaction with inciting everyone on this board. Lord knows they have said things that pissed me off and I don't even post often.

I think that all of us, including Ima agree that her history is not what we would wish for any of our own daughters. I am also amazed to see where she is now in her life. We could all take a lesson from her now.

So I have not been on here much lately, been really busy. But today I came on and read this post and am wondering what I missed! Was there a recent post that really struck a nerve?

From the post "BMs Interference in Weddings, Honeymoons"

* Posted by finedreams (My Page) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 12:47

what's wrong with man helping mother of his children to fix something in her house where his kids live? unless he is a selfish jerk he would love to help. when people share children, there is nothing wrong in helping each other in time of need. people here judge everybody's situation by their own. if you have bad realtionship with your Xs or weren't even married to them or your Dhs have bad realtiosnhip with their xs etc it does not mean everyone has such drama in their lives. many people maintain decent respectful attitude toward each other especially since they share children! we are talking here about people we have children with! not somebody we had meaningless encounters.

* Posted by imamommy (misshalk_2000@yahoo.com) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:08

you are absolutely right finedreams.... If he wants to help, he should! If his kids live there and he refuses to do something that will cause his kids suffering or discomfort, then yes he is a jerk. TOS's husband is a jerk for not opening the window. But he is a bigger jerk for cheating & leaving her with six kids. But, June's husband did not have any kids living with his ex. If he doesn't want to look at her furnace or anything else, so what? He has no obligation. He isn't a jerk for saying no. It doesn't make June an insecure woman because she doesn't want her husband to be his ex wife's handyman. Maybe, once he starts doing tasks around her house, she'll keep finding more for him to do. He is married to June. That's where his priority is, fixing things around their home.

My husband has an ex wife. She has NEVER called him for a thing. They didn't have children together and the marriage didn't work out, she moved on and so did he. His ExGF that he has a child with, he doesn't mind when she asks for anything related to their daughter. When they had 50/50, he would run out and buy his daughter whatever she needed. He would give her money if she needed (and she wasn't even paying rent, utilities or food). He paid for all of his daughter's extra curricular activities. But when she calls to ask for band aids or directions or a ride home (she took her car into the dealership where he works for service and the shuttle offered to take her home, she refused and waited until DH went on his lunch break and had him drive her. He didn't get to eat lunch, but she didn't care about that), then she's out of line. Being married at one time or having children together does not create a lifelong obligation to the spouse when the marriage ends. The only lifelong obligation is to the children. It is nice if the ex spouses do things for each other (because they are their children's parent) but it's in no way an obligation.

and just to set the record straight, you can have children with somebody you had a meaningless encounter with. It may not be the way to go, but it's not impossible.

* Posted by finedreams (My Page) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:10

people have some twisted understanding of independency. wow!!! two miscarriages, one ectopic pregnancy, three babies. that's a lot to do by yourself! and driven herself to a hospital being pregnant. what is here to be so proud about? that you had that many babies and pregnancies by yourself, is that a proof of independency? i see it as a proof of bad choices and lack of responsibility not independence. and a pregnant woman usually does it all yourself not because she is independent but because she has no man. and when a woman who had 6 children with her lawful husband thinks it is OK to ask him for help she is labeled dependent. wow. that's really upside down kind of logic.

* Posted by finedreams (My Page) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:14

TOS husband is a jerk, but he fathered six children with her. This is not about him being this or that, he had children with her. It is not like she did it all by herself. I can't believe you, imaommy, don't see it. maybe because your children are all from different men, and none of these men is in a picture, and you weren't married you don't understand that we are talking about TOS's childrens father, her exhusband of many years. not somebody she just had one date or one night with.

* Posted by finedreams (My Page) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:17

if you have children together then it cannot possibly be a meaningless encounter.

* Posted by imamommy (misshalk_2000@yahoo.com) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:24

Having three kids before I was 22, irresponsible. I was irresponsible. I've admitted that and my mistakes. I was living with my BF when I had the ectopic pregnancy and drove myself to the hospital because he didn't feel like taking me. It was a huge factor in the ending of our relationship. and I don't know anyone that has ever physically shared the experience of a miscarriage with her BF or Husband. I never said I was alone and went through it by myself, but TOS is whining that she birthed six large babies. My point is that she sounds like a big baby, crying about how hard she had it giving birth to her children. She chose to have more children. She knew the first ones were big, did she think the next one would be small or hurt any less? Are you kidding? Or just want to judge my morals? She thinks it's okay to sleep with her exH now that he's remarried. How would you like your BF to be at his exW fixing things for her and if he felt like getting some, why not? They did have those 'til death do us part' vows!!

* Posted by imamommy (misshalk_2000@yahoo.com) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:26

You don't think it's possible to get pregnant from rape, incest or a one night fling?

* Posted by finedreams (My Page) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 13:41

we were talking about TOS's children. she had them in marriage. and you weren't raped either. so how many of us here had children in those terrible circumstances you described? as about one night stand, not too many of us here had that happened either. but even if it did happened it is prefectly fine to ask that person for help when it relates to our children. we are not discussing theoretical probabilties of what could have happened but what really is happening in our lives. if you can't engage your children's fathers in helping to raise your children it does not mean nobody else shouldn't either. i can't believe your logic!

* Posted by imamommy (misshalk_2000@yahoo.com) on
Fri, Feb 29, 08 at 14:11

you don't know about my life. You know what I've posted here and you can judge me... I'm sure your life is perfect and you are living the best life, or better than me. I'm sure you are much happier in your life than I am. You said it's not possible, I disagree and give examples of how it is possible. You may not like my answer but if you read my earlier posts, you will see that I don't say ANYWHERE that it is okay for a father to not help in raising his children. What does that have to do with my situation? You want to be the moral police and i'm just wrong because I am not as morally correct as you? Get off your high horse lady...

The man that molested me when I was six died two weeks ago. I can sleep better now, knowing he won't hurt anymore children. He's been free for the last twenty two years and I don't know how many other lives he's affected. But, he was a pilar of the community. A respected professor at a nearby college. Honored for his achievements in life. I'd rather be the whore that had three illegitimate kids with three different fathers in the forum of public opinion as long as I am at peace with myself. Only he and his victims knew the monster he was. Why should I care what a judgmental faceless person that is perfect thinks?

and just how do you know whether someone hasn't been raped? You want the details or something? Then you can try to find a reason that it was MY fault. Kiss my @ss!

Here is a link that might be useful: BMs Interference in Weddings, Honeymoons

I think that FINEDREAMS went too far with her posts, which suprises me because she never seemed that way before (unless I just did not read into her posts that way) We are supposed to be on here to give and receive advice. But, as we have all said before that is not always the case. Sometimes a good argument on here is fun, and even makes me giggle.

I guess you just have to let it go. This forum is the most active stepfamily forum I have come across and that is why I stay, don't let a few bad apples ruin it! Just because you had kids young (I had my child at 19) does not make you a bad person. And you have accomplished a lot in your life, so stay proud and ignore the stupid comments from all the "moral" posters! (you know, the ones living with a boyfriend or the ones who say they would sleep with a married man becuase they did not want the divorce!)

I wasn't whining about having large babies. It was just a statement. Were you, ima, whining about having to drive a flatbed trailer? Somehow you can say you did A, and B, and C, and that made you independent and wonderful, but if I do D, and E, and F, I must be complaining.

Finedreams,

I could be wrong, but I got the impression from a couple of previous posts that one of ima's children (the first, I think) might have been the result of date rape. Ima, don't start "yelling" at me if I am incorrect - it was just an impression I got from something you said about his father.

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make any noise? If everyone puts on their blinders to any post made by anyone who intentionally posts to instigate a war of words, will it stop the insanity?

How about - If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to see it, is it a step mom's fault??

I think that it would be a stepmoms fault, especially if she is raising the stepkids full-time and makes any decisions for those kids without trying to track down the biomom to get permission! HAHAHAHA

Sigh, maybe they re all right..I was a good parent until I put that deck on and discovered White Zin.......