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I don't think I can be a stepmom any more

17 years ago

Hi every one I just found this forum and I really need to vent. Please do not think to bad of me. I have been married to my hubby for 10 years now. I knew he had a son when we married him. He was not allowed to see him at all. We tried to see him for the first few years and after a while we just gave up figuring it was never going to happen even though he had court ordered visitation rights. It all came down to his birth mom and her new boyfriend. My hubby having a child has never bothered me until recently. We payed child support for the 8 years we did not see him and tried to call once in a while but that is about as far as it went. I actually pushed my husband to take her back to court to see him. I was told that we would never be able to have kids after my first daughter was stillborn and gave up on having babies. I watched my husband cry on birthdays and christmas and other holidays because he could not see his son and I could not give him the family he wanted. Needless to say I finally did get pregnant and had a girl. We were the happiest parents in the world and got along great. Still paying child support and still trying to see his son. After 8 years of not seeing him one day there was a knock on our door, it was his son. He was shocked and happy and hugged him for a long time. But it was not weekend visits, his birth mom showed up after all that time and said she had a drug problem and some mental illness and she did not want him or could not take care of him anymore so here you go! My husband had not seen him since he was in diapers. Now here is a half grown kid that is moving in. I was happy for my husband even though we did not have room for him in our small house. I remembered all the times he cried for him and all the christmas and birthdays he was so upset that he could not see him. We took him in and at first everything was great except that he would not call my husband dad only Mike, after a few weeks I could not take it anymore. He was disrespectful, he was rude, he was mean to our daughter, and I started to really regret taking him so fast without even getting a chance to know him. We took every bit of money that we had to get the things that this kid needed. He came to us in a pair of shorts and a tshirt that is all. No socks, underwear, shoes, you get the picture. we started counseling with him immediately and found out that he had been abused and mistreated his whole life. I would cry every time I would hear of the abuse he suffered. I truly felt bad for this kid. A few months went by and my step son started touching me inappropriatly. That did not last long because it took me about 2 seconds to tell him if it happened again he would be gone. In the meantime his mom would call once in a while and in a 2 month period she lived with 8 men and every weekend when were still trying to get him to go see his mom he would come home worse and worse after a new house every weekend. One day I caught him touching my baby inappropriatly by then I was at my breaking point. We had done everything to help this kid and this is how we got repaid. We told his counselor about his behavior and she notified DFS we have been working with them for the last 4 years but it has not stopped he is a threat to my daughter, my marriage and my family. DFS says it is the way he was raised because he was sexually abused by his mom that is why he was doing this. I tried to be understanding i tried to be helpful I have tried to help in every way i can and I can not do it anymore. Living with his mom is not an option anymore per his dad and dfs and I do not want to go through anymore abuse than he already has. He has no where to go, but with us. We have tried everything. I have tried to talk to him, counseling with all of us, he is just getting worse and he hates us, especially his dad. He acts out, he gets in trouble at school, he is mean to my daughter, he is disrespectful to me, talks to me like a dog, he refuses to do anything as part of the family. He refuses to talk to anyone in our house and when he does say something it is very rude. He has lived with us for 4 years now and I am at my breaking point. It seems like no one will help us and even try to blame us for his problems. We have done everything that we can think of to help him except for pulling his pants down and whipping his ass. Which DFS says we are not allowed to do. I really think that is his problem. He knows we are not allowed to spank him, he tells us all the time that if we try to get on to him he will call dfs. We have worked with our caseworker for 4 years now that he has lived with us and even she does not know what to do with him anymore. This kid is mean. he even killed my daughters puppy and knows that there can not be any reprcussions from it. My husband blames himself and it is really taking a toll on our marriage. We even suggested to the caseworker to put him in foster care. If is mom don't want him and we can not deal with him but she refuses. She says he has loving parents and we need to do something. I am about to the point that I can not take anymore of it. I love my husband very much and I will not let this monster come between us or hurt my daughter. He has stolen, lied, hit, kicked, cried, screamed, spray painted his walls, got in fights, skipped school, I can not do it anymore and I know that he has no where to go but our house. Not even juvenile will take him but yet they will hold us responsible for his actions. Why can they not hold his mom responsible she is the one that took him away from my husband in the first place and then just decided he wasnt worth the trouble and dumped him on us 8 years later with no warning. She is the one that sexually abused him and let him do drugs with her. She is the one that lived with 8 men in 2 months, We were a happy content family and I want that back so much I am so lost at what to do and find my self sinking in a great depression and staring at the clock everyday dreading that he will be home from school soon or afraid that we are going to be thrown in jail for something that he has done to someone. We have tried and tried with this kid and it is only getting worse. He blames his dad for all of this. Because his dad never seen him or his dad owes it to him to do this or that. I knew I was going to be a stepmom but I did not know it was going to turn out like this. I just want my family back again the way it was 4 years ago before he showed up and I want my husband back. I see him now worry about what he is going to do to us and if he is going to get into trouble over his sons choices. He even blames himself. I can't do it anymore.

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