I think I know what's best.....

19 years ago

My ex and I have been divorced for over 2 years now. I pay him child support and alimony...not because I was ordered to, but because he threatened me. We split for several reasons, the main reason was that he was perfectly capable of holding a job but refused to do so. We had discussions about if frequently before I made the decision that we needed to split. We were constantly fighting and I was stressed because I was working extra hours and going to school so we could have a better life. I realized that if I was already supporting the family I could do so without the added stress of his mental and verbal abuse. I agreed to all ow 50/50 custody and pay him...what an idiot I was. He is now living with is parents..the 2 kids ages 8 and 13 are living in the same bedroom with him...has a job now and collects from me. My oldest son is having issues at school and I think it is because there is no consistency. The kids spend one week with him and one week with me. I believe that if there was some consistency that things might be better. I have no problem having my children all the time and feel that I shouldn't be paying him anyway. I want what is best for the kids. Do you think it would be a mistake to take him back to court. The reason I allowed the 50/50 custody to begin with was because I allowed the ex to intimidate me. I am much stronger now and am tired of watching my kids suffer....

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Comments (5)

jenny_alabama
19 years ago
helpthismom, I would DEFINITELY go back to court! Talking about turning the situation around! This is very unusual...now that you are stronger - go for it. THere is no life for kids when they are having to share a room with dad and a home with grandparents....sounds like you will win this one...get a good attorney that will fight where you may still be a little "gun shy" - didn't your attorney advise you to not agree to pay HIM? Take control girl....for your children and yourself.
aldra
19 years ago
It's so easy to give in easily when we are feeling weak or being intimidated by someone who at the time has a little more bluster than we do. I'm there with Jenny. Take this guy back to court. He's a slacker. He's sucking off of you, sucking off of his parents and in the interim your kids are the ones going down. I think you've been more than fair with him but now it's time to take control. You sound like a strong woman. You kept your family going when there was no emotional or financial support from your husband and then you had the courage to leave him. Honestly, I think your kids would be better off with you full time.
jenkin
19 years ago
helpthismom, I think that if you are in a position to offer your children a better life, you as a mother are obligated to do it. It is so GREAT to hear that you are stronger now! Get a lawyer and get your kids out of that situation. And stop paying the bum-let him take care of himself. If you gain custody, ask for child support. If you do not need the child support, put it away for the childrens education. I wish you and your children the best of luck.
helpthismom
Original Author
19 years ago
Thank you for all of your support!!!! I agreed to pay him on my own. My attorney actually advised me not to pay him but he harrassed me so much that I was afraid to do it. I laid down and took whatever he dished out to me. It was easier to just agree to whatever he wanted. The worst part about it is that i agreed to keep responsibility of all the finanical obligations, including my student loans that were incurred while we were together and he gets the benefits......
coolmama
19 years ago
Two kids share a room with their dad? That to me seems a little unhealthy. I think you have every reason in the world to take him back to court and try to get your kids.
I really hope things work out for you! Dont give up!