If you are in a financial position to support a child, then go to a sperm bank. Do not just get pregnant and not tell the guy. Would you want to be deceived or manipulated into being a parent? I think that would lack integrity and not be an ethical choice--it will also have consequences down the road. If you desire a particular man to father a child and he is willing, then see an attorney and draw up a contract, so that he will not be held accountable for child support or the financial responsibility of raising a child. Don't deceive or trick anyone into this type of responsibility, if it is something that they do not want. Think about what you will tell the child as they get older. How will you handle that? It is natural for many children to desire to know their biological parent, even if that parent is not in the picture when raising them. Children are human beings, even if not fully developed. Don't rush in to dating men to find one that wants a child. You could wind up divorced--usually not a happy outcome for children. Also ask yourself what you expect from being a mother.

I really feel for you, it seems as if your heart is in the right place and that you have alot of love to give those in your life. Your boyfriend is letting you down I feel. He is not only the link/bridge between you and his son. He is also the barrier between you and his ex and should be protecting you more from her and not leave you so exposed to her bad behaviour. He is also not enabling or creating that many opportunities for you to bond with his son. 1) It is his job to do the discipline/parenting etc. 2) You need opportunities to have a bit of fun with the boy rather than him relying on the neighbour's. That is just lazy parenting on dad's behalf, you need time to be a family together. 3) He should deal with the ex. End of. Keep out of the way, let him see to her. And he doesn't need to tell you every gory detail if it is emotionally draining for you. 4) Talk to you boyfriend about his bond with the baby and perhaps about getting his son involved with the baby too, helping out, etc. The big picture is so frustrating, as I have a similar situation. My bf's ex is absolutely toxic, an evil, depressing person, not happy unless she is causing chaos, making the children upset and trying to control everyone. You will not change you bf's ex, nor can I mine. What you have to change is how he deals with her. And negative things that are said, that happen, can be dealt with directly with your bf's son (in an age appropriate way). If inroads are not made, nor opportunites to bond with his son created by bf, this situation will only get worse. And I've read enough on here and experienced enough to know that the step mum usually gets the raw deal no matter how hard she tries and it can be a relationship breaker unfortunately. Hugs.

OMG, seriously, if you want to say anything to PO1 on this forum you need to go slooooowwwww..... I haven't contacted them since the middle of June when I first got my notice of court in the mail... that he wants to lower support to $0.... except to ask that they leave me alone (after they called me.... have NO idea how they got my number!!!!!!), then to ask for them to remove fb post about me. I was told by the police department I HAD to do these things FIRST before I could file report. I did. Then I went to police department and filed report. Police officer told me I was fine because in my very last contact with them I simply told them to leave me alone. I counted... I told them twice. Police office told me it was just fine if I used strong language. Which, yes, I did. Yes, I called when I was upset... then they called and I hung up. Then I used fb to tell them to leave me alone after they called me. They used fb to harrass me, I told them to remove, they didn't, I filed report. No more contact..... since like June 16. OK? Got it? How did it turn from me being not trashy because I'm not fat... even thought that's totally not what I said to me contacting them repeatedly? Not so... infact.... I can see that sister-in-law posted on fb just yesterday about me again. I didn't contact her again... but that's another print off for the harrassment charges. OK?

First of all carolyn...welcome to the gardenweb. Your situation is not that uncommon. Happens lots in fact. Can I ask you a question? Why haven't you two married? Twelve years is a long time. You are lucky that most people at the family functions seem to like you. The indirect hostility hasn't gone too far yet, but if ignored it will have far reaching and extremely damaging effects. If you want to read a great book on indirect aggression, read Phyllis Chesler's book, "Womans inhumanity to woman". The fact that you two have not married leaves the ex with the hope that they will reconcile. A marriage is a definitive move. Most times;) I have always been ambivalent about a mother's relationship to her children in so-called being forced to share their affections with another woman, particularly the one living with her ex. I respect parenthood a great deal, and I have never understood the zero sum stance "most" exwives have. I also am an exwife who learned to share my children with a stepmom. Damn, if it wasn't the single hardest thing I had to learn about myself. I had all the normal instincts of wanting my children to love me most. Or, not even that, to love ONLY me as a mother. I could and did think of a bazillion reasons why she was no good. She did the same for me. Then, when their marriage ended in divorce, my ex wanted to drive her out of the lives of our children. Give me a break! They are adults now. They should have the freedom to make their own choices without my interference that may source from envy or vengeance. Who the heck was it, m. scott peck who said life is difficult. "This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."