What is maturity ge? I meant maturity age. Oh my. Sorry

Well I lived with my dad and sm in high school. From the time I was 16 I worked part-time, sometimes more in the summer. My dad made me very independant...if I had car trouble I asked friends to pick me up. When I was sick I made dr. appt....once I turned 18 I went to dr. alone if I was able to drive. My senior year of hs, after I had turned 18, I broke my nose in gym class. Once it stopped bleeding, and nurse spoke to my sm, I drove home and made a dr. appt. Then I drove myself to the dr because my dad and sm were still at work.

When I was 19 I was already a mother and taking my own child to dr. appointments. I guess maturity develops when it needs to, or when parents push it. If you "baby" your child all their life and do not teach them any independance then they will not mature as quickly.

When it comes to my bio kid and skids I have started to teach them some independance at a young age. Since the age of 5 each of them has been able to wake-up on a weekend, get cereal, and watch cartoons until an adult woke-up around 9ish or so. They can also use a toaster to make frozen waffles and pour their own juice or milk. They are able to pick out their own clothes and remember to brush their teeth (I still ask to make sure they have done it, but most times they did).
They all have chores. The older ones have alarm clocks and set them during the school week. They get up and dressed when the clocks go off. I am already up making breakfast of course, but I rarely have to go wake them up. We live in a small town that does not have bus service, but we live a few blocks from the school. When it is nice outside the kids all walk together to and from school. If one has an afterschool activity we pick them up (I am protective when it comes to anyone walking alone outside). But for the most part, they are each independant in their own way.

I have a sister who is 20 and can not do anything for herself. She stayed living with my mom, who babied her. At 20 years old she wants everyone to do everything for her. She stayed at my home for a few months and never took it upon herself to do dishes, or wipe down counters she cooked on. She had to bring her car to the dealership for something and she wanted us to go with her. She wanted us to go to dr. appts with her. She is just very dependant on everyone. And I really think it is because my mom did everything for her.

I started working at 13 in the fields (packing produce) for my uncle. When I was 16, I got fast food jobs so I think that by working from a young age, I developed a good work ethic. At 17, I had a baby & my mom moved out, leaving me to take care of myself. I was pretty mature for my age but I did struggle to take care of myself and a baby. I was taking myself to the doctor before I was 18, because I remember the hospital calling my mom to get permission to treat me for a cold or flu. (I was pregnant and could get prenatal care on my own, but not for a cold)

I agree with mom2emall when she says "I guess maturity develops when it needs to, or when parents push it. If you "baby" your child all their life and do not teach them any independance then they will not mature as quickly."

thanks for replies. I guess you both are right: maturity develops when it needs to. DD quickly matured being on her own. When DD lived at home she frankly didn't do much. She went to a really hard high school so I let her focus on academics, she also is a book worm so she was busy reading. There were very few chores she had to do and she worked only here and there sporadically. As soon as she was on her own at college and not living in a dorm she immiadetelly learned how to do things and she works, takes care with budget, cooks etc I guess SD knows that parents are just 2 hours away so she can bug them about every little thing.

People will do what is expected of them... doesn't matter the age..

If someone is always doing for "you" no matter what age "you" will never do for yourself.

As simple as pumping gas ... if you have never done it you don't know how to do it.

I remember teaching my ex-MIL (in her 50's) how to pump gas ... her husband always did it for her or she went to a full service station ... ran out of gas "one time" because she couldn't find a full service station and her husband was in the hospital.

I agree with the ladies here...

Although the process of maturing is different for different people, in general people do what they "must"...and some people do only that, if they know they can get away with it. A lot of friends of mine who were babied by parents from a young age went off to college and fell flat on their faces. Sometimes "help" does not do you any favors! Parents are supposed to teach their childen how to be self-sufficient and self-reliant, not how to rely on others.

On the other hand, sometimes being put in a situation where someone needs to stand on their own two feet shows in a really positive way what they are capable of, whether they have done it on their own before or not. Personality plays a huge role in this, no matter how the parents act. I also think there is a difference between little kids who are all at various levels of learning how to get along in life, and young adults who have not been given any chances to make their own decisions and be self-reliant because "they're just kids". The latter seems to be more about the parents' need to have control than their childrens' need to function autonomously in the world.

my sister-in-law doesn't know how to do anything. Doesn't know where their bank is, how to pump gas, how to find out if you need to change oil, how to find directions (she doesn't drive far because she is afraid to get lost), who to talk to in her kids' school, doesn't know any school related info, so she completely relies on her DH-my brother. I and my parents always worry that if something, G-d forbid, happens to him, she will be completely relying on all of us because she cannot do anything. She is physically capable though.

lol
So often you hear people say "It's so sad that children of divorced parents have to grow up so fast"
That sure isn't the case here!