Kathline, I'm not upset at what she said. I'm upset that she created a scene in front of her daughter during an exchange and kept using the word abuse because of foods I have served her. I thought it was ridiculous and told her that if she felt her daughter was abused, why didn't she call CPS (or someone else because she said this so called abuse had been going on for weeks and she's never mentioned anything to DH) All of a sudden, she starts making these allegations on the day DH tells her she can no longer pick up SD from school early for her weekends. (Even the teacher said something about it) Now, she's not getting her way.. abuse allegations. and the previous incident about the tuna & ice cream was following three other emails he sent her about other issues he had concerns about. She let SD sleep in the same bed as her BF's two sons that are a couple of years older than SD. and then SD started telling everyone at school & her counselor that she was moving to her mom's house. DH had asked her why SD was saying that. BM didn't respond to any of his emails. She didn't respond to his first email about SD being sick, so he finally told her that if she wasn't going to respond to any of the issues he has, then he will report it to someone else. When he said that, she responded by calling him and denying everything. She lied and said her BF' kids have their own room (they live in a one bedroom house). That's when she decided to say that the previous weekend (four days earlier) she noticed bruises all over her daughter. In my opinion, as a mother, if my child had bruises all over them and I thought the father or stepmother did it, I wouldn't call up the father and say anything, I would call the police. She didn't do either. She waited until he complained that she wasn't responding to any of his concerns and then makes that allegation. She knew it was a lie and she didn't mind putting her child in the middle again, and even if it might have resulted in subjecting her daughter to being physically examined to prove or disprove the allegation. It's kinda sick if you ask me. (and I think she may have a mental health or medical problem that hasn't been diagnosed) They haven't been 'throwing' around threats of CPS but there have been many things that, if true, would warrant an investigation. Unfortunately, proving those things is not easy and we have no intention on escalating things. DH and I have tried many things to get along. We've taken cooperative parenting & step family classes, talked to the counselor, limit our contact with BM to only 'necessary' things relating to SD. and our counselor says that she likely goes into these rages when something else in her life is amiss. Like her relationship or money problems, she then rages at us because we are easy targets.

Not sure what to make of this... DH finally got a hold of BM and BM said that it's up to SD if she wants to stay for DGS's party or not. She asked DH to have SD call her that night. So, DH told SD that BM said it's up to her and then gave her the phone. SD talked to BM and really didn't ask what they are doing... she started telling BM how cute & adorable my DGS is. I mean, she would talk a little and giggle and say "Oh the baby (calling him by his name) is sOOOOOO cute... he just SO adorable!" Finally, I took the baby to the room for his bath & she hung up shortly after. I'm I reading too much into it that she is cooing over my baby grandson, maybe knowing that it would irritate BM, who just had a baby of her own? DH didn't see that, he just thinks SD is saying what any kid might say. I guess it would depend on what BM has told her about it. but I don't imagine BM has said anything positive about our house at all... given the history and comment she said to DH a few months ago.. that she "hasn't said anything about the baby we are now raising" I guess I might be a little irritated if SD is going to use my grandson to get even with her mom... she has certainly tossed ME under the bus many times to get a reaction from her mom. I'm much more protective of the baby and having him dragged into that situation.

love, I'm not trying to be sexist, but throughout the years whenever my kids attended birthday parties with kids from school, I cannot remember one time that a father hosted or was present at the party. I'm not saying it doesn't happen & I know that my kids were raised by me 100% so of course, their dad's were never there... but usually it's the mom that is into parties and stuff. I don't know about anyone else, but that has been my experience. In fact, as I'm writing this I am thinking back to when I lived with my exBF... any parties for his kids where school kids were invited, he was always at work. He would celebrate with family but never came to the ones where it was a bunch of kids. Okay, I have to admit, now that I am thinking about it, last year DH was there for SD's party but it was at our home and his nephew was one of the kids but he was the only guy there. He ended up sticking at the BBQ all day and running around, not really AT the party. I just wouldn't think most guys would be that interested in a kid party. I could be wrong. Hope it goes well no matter what happens.

txnursingqt, I agree. Kids should never be the communicator. We did not tell her "ask your mom if she can go". I asked her if her mom is making a party for her & if not, I will. Instead of asking her mom "are you making a party for me mom" she asked her mom "can Ima make me a party". Yes, DH should have called her and asked her, but we have had an ongoing problem with BM telling SD lies. So if DH asks BM "are you making DD a party?", BM might say yes and then tell SD "daddy doesn't want to make your party so I am" or she will say yes, then at the last minute.. she will make an 'emergency' excuse that she can't do it. (something like she doesn't have enough money... tells her that daddy takes it all for child support, etc.) In the five years I have known SD, she has never had a good birthday. Age 6: No party. We did have cake/ice cream at MIL's house & BM came. (this was when we were dating & BM was being super nice to me & DH was her 'best friend' ~ all that changed when he proposed to me) Age 7: DH & I were out of the country on SD's birthday and BM did nothing with her. Age 8: BM planned a bowling party after I asked if they are doing anything for SD's birthday. They agreed to a joint party & split the cost. The day of SD's birthday, BM went ballistic at DH's work over the cost & they ended up filing court papers & started a long hostile custody battle. (at the conclusion of the custody battle, BM met BF 2-3 weeks later & moved away, giving us custody of SD) Age 9: Since BM moved away, DH gave her 1/2 the day (after school until 6pm) of SD's birthday every year on paper. In reality, he said she can have the whole day if she's not in school. So, I planned a party for her the day after her actual birthday, assuming BM would have her on her birthday (her birthday was Saturday, my party was Sunday) SD told her I was making a party and BM continually asked if she is invited. SD asked me & I told her that her mom will have her on her real birthday & this is a party for classmates. BM decided that she would rather plan something on her own weekend & not see SD on her actual birthday. Then, the day of her party.. BM's mother & sister show up toward the end of the party to bring SD her gift ~ a bouquet of tulips & a card. My MIL asks her if she wants to stay & have cake and she makes a big deal so everyone can hear and says "oh no, I WASN'T INVITED!" and they leave. SD ends up in tears that night because we wouldn't let her mom be there. I decided then that next year, she can have her mom plan her party because I spent lots of time, money & energy to make it special for her and all she cared about is that her mom is there... and I didn't think her mom would have come if I had invited her. So, threw my hands up and said "let mom take care of next year" (btw, BM never did have a party on her weekend. The day she was supposed to make a party for her, BM decided to go out to a party with BF and left SD with BF's parents... when we picked up SD, she burst out crying) Age 10: DH asked BM if she is getting SD on her birthday and BM said yes. That was last year. She was supposed to have her from 8am-8pm. She got her at 9am (well, grandma got her and BM came around 10 or 11) They did nothing that she told SD they were going to do... go to Sizzler & roller skating. BM had already sent two nasty text messages to DH before SD was picked up so we knew she was in a bad mood. She had SD call DH halfway through the day to tell him she got a rodent from the pet store & DH had to tell SD that she can't bring it to our house. Then at 6pm, grandma says she is dropping SD off at our house. We had gone out to dinner & weren't planning to be home until 8pm, the pre-arranged time. So, grandma brings her at 8pm and proceeds to demand all the clothes that SD has ever brought from BM's house. I take all I can find out to her car & she starts screaming at me because I don't have a pair of jeans she bought. (look up the thread "those damn pants" because it was utterly ridiculous! I tell her to leave & go back into the house to find SD in tears. I was thinking she is upset because grandma and I are yelling at each other in the driveway and she says she is upset because BM went back with BF at 4pm and she thought they were going to do all that fun stuff, but did nothing. What can I do? There's nothing anybody can do for this little girl if her mom doesn't care and that's what she wants. Age 11: So, this year I relented and offered to make a party if her mom isn't. I really didn't want to step on toes and I needed BM to tell SD that she isn't making the party instead of it coming from us. Deep down, SD knows her mom won't make the party, that's why she didn't even ask.. she asked if it's okay for me to make the party. Now BM is on the defensive of trying not to look like the bad guy... so she says "fine, but they aren't going to let me come" and SD says "sure you can come" without asking us. We are going to call her bluff and we did. She was going to call mine so it was a standoff and I was worried that now that she has called my bluff, she will swoop in and steal the show. BTW, I would have let her. I am not going to get into a pissing match or do anything to upset SD, especially on her birthday. I feel terrible for SD but at least she is getting older and she is seeing for herself what her mom is doing and I am doing all I can to be the bigger person. As for next year, I think we may let SD invite a couple of friends and go to an amusement park... BM can go if she wants... lol, at her own expense. She won't do it. She looked like she was being forced to come to the roller rink. Next year, she will have a one year old... and since I have custody of my 1 year old grandson, I know how that will be. [if she thought traveling 3 hours to the party... 2 hours in the party... and 3 hours home was a lot for a 7 week old baby... try a much longer drive and all day in an amusement park with a one year old] and finedreams, Yes grandma came. She left the party to go pick up her prescription (because she hasn't transferred it to the town she now lives in & the party is in the town she used to live in) but she didn't bother to ask for 'those damn pants'!