Stepson neglected by BM?

22 years ago

I just wanted to get some opinion from others to see if I am over reacting or have a valid reason to be upset.

First of all their is alot of interesting history that would make you scream with frustration, but I'll cut right to the subject of complaint I have at this time.

My stepson, age 11, was sent to live with us this weekend because his mom could not handle him at home...she states she is physically afraid of him. He came with one gameboy game (but not the gameboy to play it with), and some magnets to play with. For clothes he has TWO pairs of pants that fit (one worn out jeans and the other highwater dress pants). One polo type shirt and four t-shirts. When I asked him where the rest of his clothes were he told me that this was it. He wears SHORTS to school (which he has three pairs of)! OK NC is not the coldest state but it gets cold here and has even snowed lightly where he lives.

OK, these people live in a nice neighborhood and drive, nice new cars (both BM and her husband). She feels financially well enough not to feel the need to work. My 15 year old SD is always dressed nicely as are the two half siblings age 10 months and 2 years. We unfortunately only get to see the kids every other weekend since she moved them 1 1/2 hours away. I have been assuming that he was going through a stage just wanting to wear the same comfortable, broken in jeans and sweats when in fact this is all the child has to his name! I feel HORRIBLE!

I was sooo upset it was all I could do not to call and tell her off. I mean why is she not providing for her son? We pay child support to her (and still do although he now lives with us but that is yet another story). Am I over reacting?

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Comments (9)

Karissa
22 years ago
Hard to say. You do know that boys that age tell whoppers sometimes ... don't you??? Especially when they have a very captive, easily convinced audience. Make sure that before you do ANYTHING ... you find out more facts from sources other than the 11 year old.
User
22 years ago
Check with his teachers ... but it is not uncommon for one child in a family to be singled out as the scapegoat and badly treated.

YOu could call and ask when the rest of his things will be sent to you.
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Stepmom_to_2
Original Author
22 years ago
Hadn't really thought about that he may be lieing...he does do that quite well sometimes. She is getting him this weekend so I'll just ask her to pack the rest of his stuff for us to get when we pick him back up. But what do I say if, as I dread, that WAS all his stuff?
mom_2_4
22 years ago
If she says that it was all his stuff, you'll know. But I seriously doubt it.

I know my kids have their favorite clothes and I almost have to yank them off of their bodies to wash them ... so it's possible he packed only his favorites. If this was the case, it would seriously bother me that the mother did not pack all of his stuff ...
BettyL
22 years ago
So ... did you SS have more Stuff??
Stepmom_to_2
Original Author
22 years ago
Well, he ended up with one pair of jeans that he can wear without snapping them, one pair of ratty too short sweat pants, and one pair of dress pants...not much better.

And the underwear he has been wearing are size 12 (he wears a 16 now!). No wonder he has a temper...he has a constant wedgy! (of course now he has plenty of appropriately sized underware).

Of course now he has three pairs of jeans, six pairs of dress pants (he wears these to school), and the ratty sweat pants.

Interestingly enough, although they have responded verbally or with an email to EVERY OTHER email I wrote, they ignored the one asking for his other stuff...so I did have to ask if they needed help moving the rest of it...that Sunday he was sent back with the rest of his stuff (per step dad)...a nintendo and a light weight coat.

I am over being mad, just sad that this little boy has not been taken care of the way he should have...I mean we pay (and still do although he lives with us) child support to her EVERY month! What kind of person would not provide for her child?
MIStepMom
22 years ago
My SK's Biomom is the same way. We also paid CS for SD for 2 years and she lived with us. It is so frustrating to think that these bioparents get all the credit and us Steps - who have been really doing it all without the emotional ties of giving birth - are used as whipping posts.
I hope your SS comes around and appreciates all you do for him. He will probably need some time to adjust after being kicked out by his bio.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Stepmom_to_2
Original Author
22 years ago
And I thought my hubbys ex was the only crazy women to think she should get child support even when we have the child...she is a little slow sometimes!

We plan to have the child support adjusted in 6 months or so...once SS has settled in and finished the school year.

I started him in counseling to help him adjust...I have high hopes for him that with some counseling, structure, and a little attention he will improve (and actually his behavior is already better as are his grades).

And new counselor plans to test him (he has been on extremely high doses of meds for six years for ADD w/o testing)...imagine that...what a novel idea!

I commented to my hubby last night that I was surprised by bio mom's lack of contact and interest in her son's life. Like out of sight out of mind! No phone calls during the week at all...poor SS probably feels forgotten. Can you imagine sending your 11 year old baby away and not calling to talk to him during the week?

Thanks for the support...
BettyL
22 years ago
Advise given to us by our Lawyer .... Try to get the child support adjusted during the school. Because boi-mom, if faced with the fear of losing $$$, may not release custody and want her son back. If it is during the school year, then the courts are less likely to pull him out of his school, especially if he is doing better at the new school. If it is the summer time, then it increases bio-moms chances for going after the $$$. Also the longer he lives with you the harder it will be for her to have him pulled out of your house.

The other advise I received is ... Document, Document, Documnet. Write down as much detail as possible. Date, time, what was said, by who, what happened (he came to live with you and had no underware that fit him. Only had two outfits the fit, No attemps at regular communication, ... ) Log it all! So, if Boi-mom tries to change her mind, you have ammunition for the courts.

Stepson neglected by BM?

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Stepson neglected by BM?

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