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The aftermath

15 years ago

So yesterday I posted about letting BM have a piece of my mind. Me and dh were wondering what would come as a result of that. Well we shortly got our answer.

Seems last night bm texted oldest sd and said "I was going to take you all this weekend, but your bit** of a stepmom will not allow it. You can thank her for keeping us apart"

SD showed me the text this morning. So I told her what bm said to me yesterday after I told her of middle sd's plans. I told her that I never said her or her brother could not go, all that I said was her sister had plans that could not be cancelled. I told her that things got a bit heated and that I gave her mother a piece of my mind for the things that she has done that upset her and her siblings (I did not go into detail for sd though on exactly what I said).

Anyways sd said she understood and that she was mad at her bm for the text. I asked her if I could talk to dh about it and if it would be ok if he talked to her mom about it. SD said yes.

I told DH about it and he called bm and told her that we pay for the cell phone and will block her # from sd's cell (we have the ability to block any # under our family plan from one or more phones) if she should text another message talking badly about him or I again. He told her that her behavior has been unacceptable and he will not allow her to talk badly about us to the kids, especially when we have not talked badly about her to them.

BM told him he can not keep her from talking to her kids and DH reminded her that we have cell phones and a home phone she is welcome to contact the kids on. But that her privilege of contacting the kids via sd's cell phone would be taken away if her poor behavior continued. (She did not like that!)

She hung up on him of course. But what did we expect? Not like she could defend her actions!

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Comments (5)

amber904
15 years ago
She is so Pi&&ed!!! She is resorting to hurting the kids. She knows that if she hurts the kids, she hurts you and your husband. How come so many BMs are like that???? I think you and your husband are handling it really well and doing everything to protect your family. I give you props! Stay strong :)
organic_maria
15 years ago
You know, another thing that can work is for your SD to tell her to muzzle it!
Even though i have my ups and downs with my Sd she still told her mom to muzzle it one time. Yes she got punished but the older she is going to get the more heat Bm will get the more she continues to do what she is doing.
I think you did the right move on your part. You do pay for that cell phone and its not like you are blocking her entirely. you are just telling her to behave nice. Too bad its BM who has to punished as a child is. eh....oh well.
I'm sure she will bad mouth you guys again and you probably will have to block her number off that cell. Does your SD agree to the block of her BM? Cause that would put her in a tight situation if she doesn't want her BM blocked eh?
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nicksmom
15 years ago
organic,

While I agree with you that it would be lovely for SD to tell her mom to knock it off, unfortunately that's easier said than done, at least in our situation. While my SD can tell me that she just wishes her mom would stop the guilt tripping and pressuring, she just cannot muster the cahones to tell her that. Since mom has spent so many years making the kids feel like they are responsible for her happiness, they cannot be candid/honest with her.

However, if Dad or I have hurt her feelings or if she's mad at us for something, she can easily tell us about it. I guess unconditional love goes a long way, huh?
Vivian Kaufman
15 years ago
Hopefully as she gets older she'll be able to do it. It took until our daughter was 17 (just this year) before she was able to tell her mom just how she felt. Of course, those two have always butted heads, but the girl finally told her off this year. IMHO it was justified.
mom2emall
Original Author
15 years ago
I think that the hardest thing for the kids is when they are mad at bm. They have such a hard time telling her they are upset. The youngest will cry and then act like things are fine. My middle sd tries to please her mom most of the time because I think that she feels that if she upsets her mom then her mom will stay away and it will be all her fault. The oldest is getting wise to bm's ways and does stand up for herself and her siblings at times.

But with us they all have no problem telling us when they are mad or upset. Yea for that unconditional love huh nicksmom!

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