I have a very definite style, and it's not for everyone. I have found that generally people either love it -- or it obviously isn't for them, and perhaps even makes them feel somewhat uncomfortable. I've been told more than a few times, "Well, it's not my style, but I can see your vision and you've done it well." I guess I've been fortunate enough not to have received any rude comments (because then I'd have to tell them to go pound sand, having little patience with rudeness). You already have the solution to your issue with your sister (just stop asking her opinion already! ;-)) -- but she may feel that she can be so blunt because she is your sister. Would she speak that way to a friend or acquaintance?

I never ask for opinions, except for dh's opinion once in a while ; he has no vision so if I show him one element , he might say no, but once it's done he likes it, so I've stopped asking him mid way through.

Is your sister someone whose taste you admire greatly or has she a special knack for interior deco?

I do find it impossible to get an objective opinion from anyone around me,
everyone seems to have their personal agenda, likes and dislikes, except for my interior designer, he's the only one I'll run my ideas by, and even him,
I've surprised him at times with things he never thought of, but it's usually the other way around.

I think it's good that your sister gives you her honest opinion,she's not trying to be nice or spare your feelings. I have a sister like that....I really don't like her. :0) Yep. She's into shabby chic and nothing else. If your sister is voicing her opinion just to be mean, then that's another story. Doing put downs on people to try to embarrass them, make herself feel superior.....well, that could be an "issue". At least your sister isn't that bad right?

If your sister can't be objective why do you ask for her opinion? You obviously value it or you wouldn't ask, right?

We all ask for opinions on this forum and hopefully want a truthful answer.

And I would like to take this time again and apologize for the prison bed comment I made the other day. It was totally uncalled for and I doubt I would of taken it as good as you did. I promise I meant no harm.

.....Jane

I also have a "very definite style" ... auntjen's words ... lots of color, comfy furnishings, everything suited for my lifestyle and the pets in my life. (Read couches and chairs covered with blankets so the spolied dogs and cats can sleep on the furniture.)

My sister is an Interior Designer ... I don't ask her opinion ... she and I have different tastes ... but she generally likes what I do. 2 years ago I re-did my kitchen and 2 baths, the only thing I asked her for help with was what color to paint the kitchen. She showed me an excellent cobalt color that was perfect.

Same strategy you would use with a staunch republican (i guess there must be non-staunch reps but that is another discussion). Dont ask!

Where there is only preconceived disdain, judgment and loathing, there is no room for objectivity. of course, we like to engage in discussions and debate but when the other party is coming from a point of rude stubbornness, it is best to 'tell' then than to 'ask' them.

Post your photos here and we will appreciate and oohahh them :)

I have no clue what this has to do with politics and though I'm a repuplican now I was brought up democrate, first registered as an independant, but recently felt the D party left me completely behind over the years. It wasn't I that had changed.

Through all this political change I have always tried to be as kind as I can to one and all whether I know their party afiliation or not. That has nothing to do with home decor in my opinion. We are all children of God and given His free-will act as we choose. I choose to be kind when asked give my opinion. If one doesn't like my opinion, I would assume they know enough to stop asking because obviously they and I don't look at things the same way. Simple as that in my book.

Please share your pictures here and we, or at least I, promise to be kind and give my constructive criticism *only* if you ask for it.

Do you also find it hard to get an 'objective' opinion on your decorating style instead of people's personal likes & dislikes?

Honestly, I don't think everyone can see past their likes and dislikes. I've met people that can stand back and objectively evaluate any given style, whether it be MCM, Cottage, Southern formal or a more streamlined Contemporary look. I've met others that have a harder time seeing beyond their personal style and what they like. Not everyone has the same 'gifts' in this area.

Now as far as your sister, I think there's ways to be totally truthful, yet not hurtful. The first time she come back with gross or disgust .. that would be the last time I asked.

I'm like Aunt Jen in that I have a very distinct style that's not everyone's cup of tea. I ask people's thoughts here all the time and I do get honest opinions, which is what I'm looking for. I've never walked away 'smarting' because some one came across rude in their delivery either .. so post away, I'm sure you'll get tons of honest, yet kind opinions.

If she wasn't a democrat, she would certainly fit the mold of the phrase "staunch republican." By that, I mean that she is generally unwavering in her opinions, and most often the opinion is just that: her own PERSONAL opinion, and not an "objective observation." She doesn't know how to be objective.

Shame on you.

Where there is only preconceived disdain, judgment and loathing, there is no room for objectivity.

Exactly. Pot meet kettle.

Note to self: put mmqchdygg on ignore, she's just as unobjective as her sister :-P

If someone asks my opinion in real life I give it, but I often ask them if they want my true thoughts or my "candy" opinion and respond accordingly.

There's no such thing as an objective opinion. Contradiction in terms. You can get a disinterested opinion, meaning the responder has no emotions about the thing in question, but I don't think a sister would be the right candidate.

If you just want hair pats, I wouldn't ask someone whom you know to be brutal. (And lose the stereotype of Staunch Republican as disagreeable, please.)

I'm not sure how you can phrase the question that doesn't end up asking for an opinion. My guess is that your sister is fairly representative of the population at large - if asked to comment on something, they give their personal opinion.

The less you know about a subject, the more likely you are to express a personal opinion rather than an objective observation. You can't "step outside" your opinion because you don't have a broad range of information to draw from.

Staunch isn't a bad thing at all, so my guess is you think we Republicans are the bad part, huh? Just kidding.

Here is a link that might be useful: staunch

That's why I like these forums. Most people here can be objective about a design element in someone else's home without first thinking about how it would look in their's. It would never work in my house, but I adore Aunt Jen's style, so when she asks a question I feel I can give an unbiased opinion. And that's what I'm looking for when I ask a question. This is the place to be for unbiased opinions and constructive criticism!

Popcorn, anyone?
;-D

How about we discuss this over beer at the white house this evening? I believe all differences are being sorted out there...:)

Obviously you can't even bring up politics in any form anywhere, even by accident. My apologies for blatantly mis-using the word "staunch" as that wasn't what I meant, and it was totally used incorrectly. "Assume" what you want about how I feel about either party; it simply isn't true, but we all know what that gets us.

Forget it. I thought this was a friendly forum. Feel free to ignore me; I'm already on my way out the door anyway. I didn't mean to open a thread that would turn into "popcorn passing;" that wasn't the intent, but that's the turn it took, evidently.

Thanks to the few people who HAVE been nice and offered objective outlooks and suggestions over the last few days. It takes just one to ruin it for someone.

Jane- your comments were hysterical, and absolutely NO offense was taken.

Whoa greenthumbfish. This was the first post of mmqchdygg that I have read so went back to read another & she seems very open-minded.

Even though I'm a republican, probably even a "staunch" republican, I didn't take offense at your statement. I just figured you were trying to get across the idea that your sister has unwavering opinions.

It's really hard to get the real idea of what is meant by printed words, both here and in an email. It's also hard for most people to love anything that isn't their own tastes. As much as I try, I can't make myself like certain looks; the look of a room affects me emotionally I guess.

I don't ask my mother's opinion because I know we have totally opposite taste. My suggestion is to look around the board, see whose rooms make you want to be in them, and when you ask a question, see what they say about it.

Hey, now ... I didn't think you meant to initiate a popcorn-worthy thread either, but you're right -- that's the turn it started taking there for a minute. Please don't feel as though you should be "out the door" at this point. Just reciprocate to anyone who claims they're "putting you ignore." ;-)

I'll take some of that popcorn Jen! I'll pass on the beer at the Whitehouse though. I don't care for beer.

mmqchdygg, passing the popcorn wasn't meant to hurt you. It just meant you started a lively thread. But again when not conversing face to face it is hard to completely understand what someone means. And if someone chooses to ignore you, so be it. They may miss something wonderful along the way, but it's there choosing which they have every right to do. Please don't let it bother you though.

As for me, I wasn't offended by your "staunch Republicn" comment. I thought it funny. Most Republican's I know, whether staunch or not, have great senses of humor and take ribbing rather well. We do it to each other all the time.

Oh, staunch can mean inflexable. So I don't *think* you used it improperly. I was just saying it can be good too. As in faithful, loyal and reliable.

I do hope we haven't chased you away. Remember, variety is the spice of life. Without our mixture of likes and dislikes life, and our homes, would be rather boring. Don't you think?

That was very nicely written justgotabme.
I cannot even think of anything to add.
I concur ignore the snide comments and stay and keep posting
mmqchdygg.

I have a sister too. I love mine very much and value her opinions. Perhaps I have hurt her feelings over the years, but never intentionally. However, *my* sister has a knack for making comments like the following:

"You know how your bathrooms are? Well, mine won't be anything like that. We want BIG, NICE bathrooms."

"You know how your kitchen is separate from the living room? We don't like that. Our will be much larger and open."

I'm usually too hurt and shocked to even respond. I think mine carries a deep-seated resentment from some things which happened during our childhood (which I had no control over.)

What do you do? I don't know the answer. I love my sister anyway. I wish she loved me enough to not need to one-up me constantly. I guess I used up all my compliments as a child, but it would be nice to get just ONE now.

p.s. I get the same type of comments from her about my children. Those REALLY hurt.

Obviously you can't even bring up politics in any form anywhere, even by accident.

It was not an accident, and you are certainly free to bring up political references in passing. However when you insult half of the people here with a flippant remark, don't expect it to go unnoticed.

My apologies for blatantly mis-using the word "staunch" as that wasn't what I meant, and it was totally used incorrectly.

Actually, you didn't use the word "staunch" incorrectly. It was your use of "Republican" that was not only unnecessary, but pretty ironic as it proved you to be exactly the close-minded type of person you were trying to describe.

That said, I do hope you will decide to stay here and keep posting, as the people here genuinely want to be helpful and have a lot of great ideas to share.

When I first started coming here I also made some off-hand remark (non-political) on the Kitchens board that got some people ALL riled up. I was shocked because if I would have said the same thing with my friends the conversation would have gone on without hesitation. That was how I learned to edit my comments with a very diverse audience in mind.

Nicole

Truly, politics do not belong on a decorating blog. I agree with nigel-bigel in that the remark was an insulting one to the population of us that are Republicans, even if it was not meant to be. If I go to someone's house and I don't like her particular type of decorating should I remark that it is that way because she is Democrat. What the heck does one have to do with the other?

All I can say is that I am proud to be a Republican and if I am confident and unwaivering about my opinions as to what is right and wrong, I believe that to mean I am strong and spiritual not mean and insulting.

Shame. As someone said - pot meet kettle.

My guess (seeing as how I am very close to my own sister, but we definitely fight at times) is that this isn't about just getting thoughts on your taste from just anyone . . .it's about getting APPROVAL from your sister.

Maybe I'm just projecting here, but I am guessing you are the younger sister? I am the younger one, and I sometimes think we (general "we") tend to seek the approval of our sibilings (esp. if we're the younger ones) more than the approval from just about anyone else . . .most people, outside of our parents, entered the picture much later. The history we have with our siblings is so long and deep, so the comments we get from them can carry much more weight. At the same time, families CAN to get a little too comfortable with each other and forget tact.

I will ask again what someone else asked-- do you like her taste? If you do, only then would I continue to ask her opinion. I would also only ask if she sometimes says nice things about your taste. Now, I know that is easier said than done, but you will grow in your own self-confidence to choose things YOU truly love instead of trying to please her.

mmqchdygg, I think it is hard for many people to not let their personal likes and dislikes come into play when giving their take on another's decor, simply because home decor isn't their passion so they lack the knowledge needed to give constructive criticism. But that's what makes this board so valuable. There are so many here who do have that knowledge and generously share it in a non judgmental way. So I hope you'll stay. We're all guilty of occasionally framing our comments in a manner that can be or has been misconstrued. Welcome to the club! : )

spitfire, those really are hurtful things your sister says. I hope you are able to rise above your hurt and smile at her, saying you can't hardly wait to see her new bath, kitchen, whatever. Personally, I'd tell her how much she hurts you with those remarks. It's surprising but there really are people that don't realize the rudeness of their comments. They are so caught up in stroking their own egos that the words just come flying out without thought to anyone else's feelings. Or maybe she's really unhappy and needs to make others feel the same. Reminds me of an old Yogi Beara saying about another big leaguer, "the only time he's happy is when he's unhappy." : )

Thanks angelcub. I really do enjoy hearing about her plans for her home. I hope it is gorgeous. She deserves a gorgeous home for putting up with her DH. LOL! He is a great guy, but she has given up a lot to help him realize his dreams. Her new house will be her reward! I already know that my house is frumpy. I don't need her to point it out. (But I do have a little hope. She is now raising a daughter who is EXACTLY like me. She has already apologized to my mother for accusing her of favoritism. I *wanted* that daughter so badly, but I think God knew what he was doing when he gave her to my sister. My sister needed her more than I did, to forgive old grudges.)

I apologize for getting caught up in my own little pity party. My point to mmqchdygg is that sometimes close family members cannot be objective. They carry too much baggage. You might be better off asking for the opinion of a good friend who somewhat shares your taste.

Wow, since when did calling someone "staunch" or "republican" amount to an insult?! I'm a registered Republican, though I vote for the best candidate and not along party lines most of the time, but to think I would be offended by someone saying I was a staunch "anything" amazes me. She was trying to paint a picture to convey the type of person her sister is, and I got from it someone who is very clear about what they like and dislike, unwaivering in their beliefs. The negative way in which her sister conveys those beliefs is unfortunate, but I didn't really inter-relate that with her being a staunch republican. I guess I appreciate people who don't waiver in their opinions but I do dislike when they present those opinions as though they are law and in a rude manner.

As you get older, most people learn to find their own rhythm so to speak and rely less and less on what others think. If you are the youngest child (and I'm the youngest of 4) it may take a little longer because we've spent most of our lives getting lots of opinions about how we do things, whether it's decorating or anything else in our lives. Hold true to yourself and if your sister doesn't like it then too bad for her, she doesn't live in your house or live your life, only you do that so go with your gut.

As for me, I won't ignore anyone who has an opinion. I don't have to agree with it, but being called a staunch republican or a bleeding liberal democrat is a compliment, it just means I know who I am and I'm willing to fight for what I believe. The only irony here is others telling "you" how closed minded you are...hey that's open minded now isn't it!? ;-)

Kat (staunch GW addict!) :)

lemis, it wasn't calling someone a Republican that others objected to, it was mmqchgygg's definition...

If she wasn't a democrat, she would certainly fit the mold of the phrase "staunch republican." By that, I mean that she is generally unwavering in her opinions, and most often the opinion is just that: her own PERSONAL opinion, and not an "objective observation." She doesn't know how to be objective. (emphasis mine)

Again, using the word Republican was totally unnecessary and only served to reveal her own biases and inability to be objective herself.

Nicole

I thought I was done here, but feel the need to come back for clarification, and another beating, because I know that no matter how I try to explain away what I totally screwed up saying, the backlash will continue.

Thank you, Les. There's one person who understands what I meant by all of it.

1. If you were offended by the post, I am truly apologetic, because I didn't mean to offend. I should have chosen to put more of a separation between the 'unwavering' comment and the "opinion and objective" comments. The only part that I truly meant to refer to 'staunch republican' was was the unwavering part, and that was only a MINOR reference, and not intended to provoke political commentary or debate. I shouldn't have said it at all because...
FWIW, I've never heard the term "bleeding democrat" but only "staunch republican." I was ignorant, and I thought it was a "coined phrase" like a metaphor that people used generically to mean "unwavering in general," and had I realized that it was not something you "just say," I certainly wouldn't have used it at all. I never EVER intend to insult anyone, or their beliefs/affiliations. Ever.
Commentary on my sister's personality should have not been implied to refer back to the (R) comment, which again, was stated out of ignorance in using the phrase.

2. For the record...and who really cares...up until recently, I WAS a registered Republican, but, like Les, wanted the ability to vote for who I thought was the best candidate, so changed to undeclared status. More often than not, I do vote (R). I never meant to lump all Rs or Ds into a category. If anyone fits the mold of "unwavering," so be it. I applaud your willingness to take a firm position and defend it.

3. Nicole- going back to item #1, again, sorry for not putting more space between the comments, because you now have formed your own opinion based on my ignorance, and having added your own emphasis to the statements I made (and how they were presented), only fueled that fire. Ref #2 above regarding being biased and unable to be objective; I like to think that being undeclared gives some justification that I truly CAN be objective, because I DON'T sit on one side of the fence or the other. Because I can see both sides of most issues, I find it very difficult when trying to "choose sides."

And for what all that is worth, I'm sorry to have caused such hate & discontent on the forum. I may stick around; I may not, but wanted to sincerely apologize for the disruption.

mmqchdygg, I'm very sorry that you feel so badly about this thread. Yes it did go in a direction you didn't intend it too, but that happens. I found it very amusing, but then I'm not the one that started it. It may have affected me differently had I done so.
Just remember there's always the possibility that someone will take something we write differently than what we intended. The fact that you had the gumption to come back and apologise says a great deal about you. We've all said/wrote, at one time or another, something that others mistook other than how we intended. I, for one, got a kick out of it. Lifes to short not to laugh at ourselves and carry on. I do hope you stay with us. I'm wondering if it would make you feel better if you write the "powers that be" a note if they'd delete this thread and we can all get on with decorating.
I'll add my appoligies for what I wrote incase I offended you or anyone else. It wasn't my intention either.

Time to move along and get back to doing what we do best, which is not bickering over perceived slights, but HOME DECORATING! :-D

"If one doesn't like my opinion, I would assume they know enough to stop asking because obviously they and I don't look at things the same way. Simple as that in my book. "

I agree - if you don't like her responses I wonder why you keep asking her.
my sister and I are very alike in many ways - and very different in many ways. I always try to be honest with her - if I don't like something I try to say something like 'it isn't what I'd buy, get, do, but it is very you and goes with your house, dress, bedroom (whatever). we don't have to agree on everything. we're different people.

I'm beginning to feel fortunate that I have only a brother and no sisters. I can't say we've ever in our lives discussed decorating at length. He's also been very complimentary about the way our house is decorated. My best advisor is my husband, who has good taste and a real eye for color and proportion since he's an artist. At the same time, he's tactful and supportive of my ideas. He's also very willing to pitch in and help with anything I ask him to do. We have a good time collaborating on projects and feel really happy when things turn out well.

I think maybe the sister wasn't asked her opinion. I know I've NEVER asked my sisters opinion of my home and she opens cupboards in the kitchen and rants....raves...as she does it....acts like I've just committed a crime....not purchased a home that "I'm living " in!!! smile

My sister called my current kitchen "stupid BIG". Said she didn't like the little over the sink cutting board, so I reached over and handed her a huge one that was hanging up....she just tisked....then she said "LOOK!"....to my DH. She has place settings for 12!!!!!!!!! DH said yes...that's so we can fill up the dishwasher before turning it on.

My sister is 10 years older than myself and is loud and rude to "everyone"....no exceptions. smile I should do stand up comedy based on my family, call myself the domestic goddess....OH...WAIT....Roseanne Barr already did that! smile

Oh I am so late to this party/seminar but I have found it very entertaining and educational. OP: hang in there. You may not have expressed yourself exactly as you wanted originally but your character is shining through all of this. Just as a reference point about sibling order, I'm a middle child in a family of 5 children so I've probably learned to let a lot roll off my back b/c I always could see the perspective of both my older and younger family members. Add in that I'm a Libra (does anyone do astrological signs anymore?) and in my old age most people do say I do have the ability to be an objective observer in most areas although I have my own (staunch)preferences.

My sister is not my problem but my dear mother used to be (she is with the Almighty now and I'm sure he can deal with her perfectly well) although I eventually learned to let her comments roll off also. DH once threatened divorce if she ever visited again b/c she tended to open conversations by saying to me, "let me tell you your problem with the way you've, fill in the blank---arranged the furniture in this room, painted your house, disciplined your children, cooked the chicken, etc. The list was endless and did get to me. DH gave me the same advice you are getting here: either don't ask or don't listen if she volunteers her opinion. I did love my mother dearly and miss her terribly so I don't want you to think everything was wretched. But, try to think of your sister as someone you love dearly but for whatever the reason she is unable to give you the validation you would love so much.

My MIL called my wall color choices "vulgar and tasteless." She lives 1,500 miles away and she stresses over my colorful palate every day. "No home should have more than two colors inside," according to her.

I asked her why should she even think about, much less worry about, the colors Ichose to put in my home.

She said my hallway looked like baby poo (not her exact words, LOL); "no one" puts black crown molding in a bathroom," and the idea of having a red office and a lavender sewing room was simply "wrong."