I call it a holiday because I don't feel the need to make everyone feel the same way. I celebrate the holiday because it's fun to be a part of things, not because I believe in the "origins" of it. Would you feel equally sure that you were right if all the stores began wishing you happy XXXX for all the other religions? Or would you then say it should be nondenominational because you didn't enjoy having someone else's beliefs thrust upon you. It's easy to have an opinion about something dear to you, but do you support the parallel argument as well? I suspect not. You also said "our largely secular society" in your post. To me that says it all. Perhaps there are more people who see it in a secular way than a religious one. In that case (and I'm basing it on your own words) perhaps this is an issue of a small vocal group trying to put forth an agenda of their own against a majority. No one is stopping you from saying "Merry Christmas." Why are you so strongly in favour of forcing others to do so. The people who produce cards and run stores are basing their decisions on the wants of the largest groups. It's financial. Apparently their target demographic is larger. I think everyone should be free to celebrate what they want as they want. I don't get the sense that the OP feels that at all. To each his own I guess.

First of all, thanks for your comments, I appreciate the outside viewpoint! Carla35- She brings home a stack of work every evening and weekend, and even if she doesn't do it, it serves to block any spontaneous activity or plan that I might propose. But if a friend, relative, or co-worker calls she will spend hours on the phone with them, and if they are in a crisis (real or imagined) she will spend tons of time with them, explaning they "need her support". Yes, I'm groused about it, and yes, we've talked about it, and it always ends with "after this crisis is over, we will have lots of time together". And maybe there will be a couple of quiet weeks between crisis, but usually not, because the work and friend/relative/coworker crisis are usually overlapping. Her friends are mostly of low moral character, or just hangers-on who use her time and money, and most of her relatives have "behavioral problems", so I don't want to spend time with them. And frankly, I've grown tired of trying to fit our married life into the tiny free spaces in her schedule. I get tired of following her around like a lost puppy in order to actually hold a conversation. popi and scarlett2001- You could be right that DW is bored with me, I'm not Mr. Excitement, but I am Mr. Dependable. I do about 90% of the housework, take care of the pets, take care of most of the financial matters, make sure her stuff is in her briefcase as she screams out the door in the morning, and support her 100% in these endless crisis she's involved in. And I have a full time high-level job of my own to go to everyday. It's kind of funny and kind of sad, it seems like I'm simply experiencing what most career women with inattentive husbands go through. ;-) We married late in life, so I knew we'd have our own friends and interests, but (I thought) we would both be giving up some "personal space" for "common ground" and companionability. I must have thought wrong! I've gained a huge load of work and grief for a small dose of companionship. And I think I'm just running out of energy to cope with the endless "crisis mode" we seem to be in. As the years pile up, it gets harder to believe that she can't manage her schedule well enough to live a semi-normal home life with her husband. So- rivkadr- thanks for the suggestion on meetup.com, looks interesting! I think I'm just gonna have to start taking care of my social needs on my own, and not worry about the grief that DW gives me for it. As I mentioned, there are some reasons for not making a major status change at this time, but at least I can have some fun while I see how things shake out. Thanks again!

Because a human being in general wants to be loved and needed. And being in a marriage makes them feel safe and secure, it's that feeling that everyone else can leave you and get mad at you but as long as you're family is there, you're good. It's a place where you're accepted and loved for what you are. Knowing that the family won't just abandon you because you made a mistake. But of course you should also try to change for the better and be the best that you can at least try. Couples should marry for the right reasons. Marriage is a commitment it's supposed to be that one other thing (other is love) that can make a person walk the extra mile for the sake of the marriage, family and love one. But now since Divorce is so easy to get Marriage has lost its meaning to most people. If it's hard to get a divorce or if there's no divorce, I think maybe almost 50% of the marriage couples had stopped first and thought what they are getting into and have tried to test the waters first like living together first. Or maybe tried to work the marriage out really hard than leave and find another one, or find another one then leave, this is the common thing nowadays they look first for a replacement then leave their spouses. I think the government should have a law that starting 2008 couples who are getting married then on should be married at least 10yrs or cannot have no divorce whatsoever. Imagine how many couples would now doubt marrying their partners (yet) or leaving their partners for another and instead work it out. By the way, I am not single and I am not in a happy marriage either. My husband is cheating on me but I am trying to be there for him because he had some insecurity issues. But now what I do is let him have it sometimes, sometimes I just go with the flow. I have 23 month old baby and also 5 months. We were married for 3 yrs but actually lived together for the last 2 1/2 yrs. I think that while I still can I will try to be there for the marriage and family.

people who use drugs or who smoke or drink to excess. edited to add: people whose difficulties are all someone else's fault. This post was edited by sylviatexas on Wed, Oct 15, 14 at 17:08