It's not the actual money that causes most money arguments -- it's the difference in opinion regarding all those things listed above and more. Taken on their own, most of these issues are simple glass half full/empty trade offs. If you're not comfortable in your own skin things like this tend to blow way out of proportion. Be careful...

I don't agree totally with either of the positions you put out but frankly if I were to have to chose one, I'd side with your DH. Your "absolutes" will get you into far more trouble than his will IMO.

I won't go into each, but for instance putting off decisions can often SAVE you money. Putting off investing in that pyramid scheme seldom costs you. But again it's not absolute. Impulse purchases are usually money-wasters, but again a savvy shopper can pick up bargains too. Thinking about a purchase for a couple weeks rather than rushing into a purchase when you might not need the item is a good thing.

Throwing around terms like cheap and expensive are problematic. Value can be considered expensive or cheap depending on your outlook.

Before going off the deep end, if a long shower is the one pampering that he gives himself, perhaps it's a good use of money rather than buying new cars, clothes, hitting the bars or hookers.... :) After all, even a long shower usually uses less than a bubble bath.

Sounds like, as suggested, you both have the same goal, but looking at different routes to get there. Maybe communication is the best investment you could make.

Sometimes we take a position, and someone else that's in a web with us takes a different one, and we start arguing.

Often better to discuss the situation, and often you'll find that you have more common ground that you thought, when each item came up.

You are a team, after all, seeking the same ends.

No one has a perfect system figured out ... each of us can learn new stuff, every day. No one is so perfect that s/he has nothing to learn ... and the people that do are darn hard to live with!

And, rather than getting all defensive, often it's good to listen to what a person who knows us well says about us, for usually their ideas have substantial merit.

Did you ever see an illustration of two jackasses, tied together with a rope, each straining to get to a pile of hay a few feet beyond the nose of each?

And a second and third pic ... first showing both asses eating at the left stack, then at the right stack.

With a smile on their face. Faces, that is ... or is that "snout"? ("snouts").

Remember the story of the blind men and the elephant?

When they each told what they knew, no one could complain of their message.

But when they began arguing that the other guys were wrong ... well, that's when they had some more to learn (unless they were too stubborn ["blind"?] to be willing to listen to reason).

Have a lovely week, what's left of it.

ole joyful

My week got worse. The leaking tap saga continues. Don't those idiots in the shops know anything about the products they sell? Had to laugh though at the sight of the electrician up the ladder looking at our smoke alarm and saying "You know you could have just replaced the battery". That was the first thing I thought of but who listens to me around here.

Cynic, my "absolutes" are examples. Putting off making decisions is vague (covers a number of things) so I understand what you're saying about pyramid schemes and impulse purchases. That's actually a tricky one. Sometimes waiting and giving it some more thought is the wisest thing to do. When it's part of a pattern of putting things off including necessary house repairs it gets annoying.

Don't drive around to save money on gas. We were returning fro0m a doctor appointment, about ten miles from home we saw gas for $3.21. Wow, it's $3.25 closer to home. Should i drive 20 extra miles to sAve 4 cents a gallon? My gas tank holds about 11 gallons .

Jannie,

How far did you have to back up to get back to the cheapie station, after you'd passed it by?

No, one can't afford to drive very far out of one's way to savea few pennies per litre/gal. on gas - or groceries, or other identical stuff, either, for that matter.

ole joyful

P.S. And, for my money, I can't afford to buy bottled water ...

... or lottery tickets,. either, for that matter.

And I wouldn't even hitch-hike, let alone drive, to a casino!

But - if you U.S. folks like 'em, the winnings here are tax-free.

o j

Don't drive around to save money on gas. We were returning fro0m a doctor appointment, about ten miles from home we saw gas for $3.21. Wow, it's $3.25 closer to home. Should i drive 20 extra miles to sAve 4 cents a gallon? My gas tank holds about 11 gallons .

One day as I was returning home from work, about 15 miles away), I saw gas for $2.999. Closer to home it cost $3.099. I needed to get gas so I stopped and filled the tank. But I wouldn't drive out of my way to get the cost savings.

Seems to me the OP's gripe is that they are "living small" simply for the (questionable) satisfaction of doing so. I've ranted about the smug quote on the "Buying & Selling Houses" forum about "living in a house smaller than you can afford" (paraphrasing).

Living AT your means makes sense to me -- living below them is no less dumb than living above them. A couple needs to have a budget and track what they need and want and what they can and can't afford -- before and after retirement. Buying a "want" isn't BAD unless you can't afford it. It's about balance in your life and your finances. Neither the grasshopper nor the ant had it completely right.

Putting off making decisions is NEVER a long-term good. (Presumably one would DECIDE against foolish things like pyramid schemes, the lottery, etc. That's an unworthy distraction from the premise.) Making a CONSIDERED decision shouldn't take an eternity. Sleeping on something is one thing; never declaring a decision is another.