My SIL was doing Thanksgiving dinner. Her DH likes giblet gravy. He decideed to cook the giblets in the gravy, then poured thru it a strainer. Unfortunately, he didn't realize he was pouring the gravy down the drain. He ruined their meal. Who eats turkey without gravy? Actually, I like white meat with cranberry sauce, so it would have been okay with me.

We had been married about 6 1/2 years and had recently moved to a new townhouse in the Chicago suburbs. I invited my single brother, living in California, for Christmas.

Our mother had always done a huge meal, and I was not going to disappoint. However, there was a very contagious flu going around; everyone seemed to be catching it, and by Christmas morning, I knew I was coming down with it. I was dragging, ached all over, exhausted, and I just did not have the energy to be my usual busy, bubbly holiday hostess. The fever had not hit yet, but I knew that was coming next.

I did manage to serve a lovely meal. Our daughter was born in September. I never did get the fever!

I always forget to put something out. The pickle dish. The cole slaw. The cranberries. Once I forgot to put out these gigantic fruit and veggie trays. I mean, they took up the entire dang fridge, how could I forget them?

It was after most of the guests had left, and my brother said "Gee, everything was good but I wish I had some veggies and dip. Or maybe some fruit for dessert". I was cleaning and only half listening. Then he said it again, about how he would have loved to have some fruit or veggies. I looked up at him and he was smirking, and DH was trying not to laugh.

He had been in the fridge getting milk for his tea and saw the platters, pointed them out to DH, and they decided to tease me.

Brats.

This is going to be long, so feel free to pass by, if you don't have the time or patience, or if I've told this tale before.

My daughter always wins when her friends compare bad family holidays.

Here's what happened in our family several years ago.

Back story: one of DH's brothers was out of town. SIL was taking care of his cat for him. He'd told her he DID NOT want her son (his nephew) in his apt. when he wasn't there. SIL, never one to follow the rules took her son (17 years old) with her on one of her trips. Son stole an expensive (?) porn tape from his uncle. Uncle came home, was livid, complained to SIL, she did nothing. In all honesty, BIL is really cheap and he was mostly annoyed about the cost of the missing trash. Oh, and somewhere along the line, SIL had found the porn in her son's room, and destroyed it.

Okay, fast forward to Christmas that year (a few months after the above incident).

FIL was in the hospital, Mil was pretty bad with Alzheimers. All the rest of the siblings, their spouses/significant others and children were there. We had a lovely dinner, opened gifts. People had sort of dispersed around the house in conversational groups. BIL and his gf and I were in the living room with MIL. All of a sudden the SIL flounces in, and demands: John (not his real name), Did you give Gary (again, name has been changed to protect the guilty) a present? John confirms that no, he didn't give Gary a gift, that since
Gary had never paid him back for the porn, he could consider that his gift. We were sitting talking and figured that was the end of it. Well, SIL somehow manaaged to get her brother and son in a huge fight. It was really intense and scary. One of the teen-aged nieces got really worried and called the police. Not one, not 2, not 3, but FOUR police cars pulled onto the property, and ringed their cars around the back yard. Mind you, this isn't a spread out rural area, or even an average suburb. It's and EXTREMELY expensive, exclusive town, that's even been featured in some movies--you'd know the name if I dropped it. Now, inlaws' families have been there since the early 1900's, long before it became the poster town for "Yuppieville". So, we've got two hot-headed, immature guys shouting profanities in the kitchen, on the verge of getting physical, and a bevy of police officers surrounding the house.

Eventually, they get the 2 guys out back to talk to them to calm them down. DD was disgusted with the whole thing, and was supposed to meet up with a friend later on anyway. "Go ahead," I told her, "I'd escape if I could, too." (I think, DH had run home to our house to turn on the light display, so I was sort of 'stuck' without wheels).

Here's the thing, though, that year, the in-laws had decided to put the tree in front of the front door, so it couldn't be opened (I know--they're idiots, the whole bunch). So DD had no choice but to leave out one of the back doors. Which meant she had to walk right past the charged pow wow taking place in the back yard. So she headed out, the talking stopped, everyone's head turned to look at her. Not knowing what else to do, she called out, "Merry Christmas!" and quickly beat a retreat down the driveway.

And on top of everything else, MIL--who was born, raised, married, raised her family--in that house, turned to me, with the confusion of the Alzheimer patient and plaintively asked me, "Would you take me home?"

Well, there you have it. Merry Christmas to all, and may you never experience such a holiday yourselves!

The funniest Christmas dinner memory I have is when I was in my 20s and living in Washington, D.C. I had a friend in San Francisco who was from Westchester County, N.Y. She came home for Christmas and I drove up to her mom's with my cat. The dinner was very formal, candlelight, etc. and Jane and I kept rolling our eyes. It was all very pretentious. There was a clattering of plates from a side table because my cat had jumped up there with the food. Jane and I laughed hysterically as her mom was just having a fit about the cat.
Another time I was making a pumpkin cheesecake to take to a friend's home and the cake pan leaked in the oven and the butter caught fire. Fortunately, the cake was not ruined or burned but it sure scared me.

One Thanksgiving the braided water supply line under the sink burst while the dinner dishes were being done. Water everywhere! Unbelieveably I had a replacement in the house that was exactly the right size, left over from an earlier plumbing project. First time for everything!

My DH comes from a family of 8 soblings....all jokers. It was DSIL's time to make the holiday dinner for the family-her first time. She made a huge 20+ l turkey. Just befor dinner time, Her brothers got her out of the kitchen by some pretense, and switched her big bird with a cooked cornish hen. I thought she would faint when she took the cover off the roasting pan and there was this timy "roast turkey" Dottie

One Thanksgiving my job was to make the pumpkin pies to take to Mom's for dinner. I made four and had them cooling on the counter. Our cat got on the counter and when I screamed at him it scared him and he managed to step in all four pies. They were cool by then so it didn't hurt him. I just cut a slice out where each footprint was and took the pies to Mom's. I did have to explain but they were eaten.
Pat

When I was married to my son's father, the whole family went to his sister's (my ex-SIL) for Thanksgiving dinner. She lived with a roomate and that year they were doing Thanksgiving. My ex-SIL had never done Thanksgiving and neither had her roomate. They proceeded to cook the turkey in a disposable roasting pan with water. A whole lot of water, covered with aluminum foil so no one could get a "sneak peek". When they took it out of the oven to carve, they lifted it by the (very flimsy) handles, the roasting pan proceeded to collapse under the sheer weight of the turkey and the ginormous amount of water. On top of it all, the turkey had basically boiled to death in all that liquid. It was a horrid, pale, pasty color and the skin looked like cellulite. Needless to say, no one wanted to eat that awful looking bird, so we proceeded to make a feast out of all the side dishes. The bird went in the garbage. What a waste! But we laughed about it for many years and thankfully, so did the "cooks". The funny thing is, my ex-SIL still can't cook for beans, but her sense of humor is still great ;o)

Roommate...doh!