Wow. First off, suggest you also cross-post on both the kitchen, and the bath forums.

It sounds to me like you haven't really fixed on your goals.

How much can you afford to spend?
How long do you plan to be in the home?
Do you need to revise they layout, or simply change out from old to new?
Why are things falling apart? Age, neglect, or are there underlying structural or quality problems?
Do you need to plan for future family changes? More/fewer kids at home, aging parents moving in?

My personal opinion is to think about how it all looks LAST. That is just decor.

FIRST you should think about structure, function, and the physical space.

Also, what don't you like about your current kitchen and bathrooms, and how will this be fixed?

Buy a few books/magazines on kitchen remodel plans. Look for kitchens that have similar physical size and layout as yours, and think about what you like and don't like about the function (not how it looks) Same thing for bathrooms.

For example, when we remodeled, we knew we would be expanding the footprint of our existing galley kitchen with 5 doorways into the back yard, making a more squared up space. But 4 of those 5 doorways would still be in the new space. I scanned the design materials for kitchens that had this type of constraint, and saw how others had dealt with it. This has nothing to do with white cabinetry vs wood, or marble vs quartz. It's about getting the layout right.

Then you will need to explore who is doing the work for you, and do you need an architect or engineer to proceed. We used a contractor, and needed an architect and structural engineer to get the plans stamped by the city permit/code department.

And no matter what your budget is, plan to have an additional cushion amount of about 10-15%. Something always comes up.

Best of luck.

Having just finished a bathroom and planning a kitchen for May, I second the above advice.

Our bathroom was a somewhat rushed "oh crap the tub cracked and we might as well do it all" kind of thing. We ended up keeping it the same, but with updated everything. New tub, obviously, new vanity, toilet, tile on floor, etc but no structural or layout changes. It's pretty small, so I don't think we really missed out on anything. Pics in the bathroom forum if you are interested. The big focus was increasing functionality with things like drawers in the vanity, double curved shower rod, and robe hook.

The kitchen is much harder. We want to use the space a little better, so we need to move the fridge and will be removing a little wall to the hall and the front wall to the pantry area, which was never even taped/speckled in to start with. This also requires a new ceiling due to popcorn texture, which will be absent under the walls and where the soffits are, which are being removed.

There is so much to think about with a kitchen. There are budget calculators online, I think the total is 15-20% of the value of the home, but they also break it down into categories. About half will likely be cabinets if buying new ones.

But first you need to figure out your goals and how long you might be there. Then definitely post in baths and also kitchens. The people there are fantastic and very helpful.