Not sure how frayed your nerves are, but maybe a personal tool box for him and a project you could work on together for the kitchen. If he can contribute, the upheaval might make a little more sense and seem less threatening. Get out of the house as much as you can for FUN stuff. All the reno is hard on you too.

I can see that a little one from a disrupted family might have a really hard time with all the commotion and change involved in a reno. Can you, at least theoretically, involve him in the work? Spend some time letting him nail random nails into scrap wood, get the workers to let him hold or carry things occasionally, that sort of thing. It might also help if you or your husband spend some time talking about what is planned work for the day and what has been done at the end. Inspect stuff talking about "a good day's work" or the skill needed, anything to make him feel a connection. Don't forget that cardboard boxes left from appliances and cabinets make great toys.

Let him paint subfloors and joists and studs? Let him demolish something? Protect a space for him, by hook or by crook. Buy cheap sheets and nail to the ceiling to mark off hanging walls of "his" corner of a room later to be demolished; then move the same deal into a partially complete room (portable "room" for him is the idea I'm not expressing too well).

My then 2-year-old liked getting to know the subs and talking with them, and they were great with her.

Music doesn't change-- let him pick a lot of what you listen to. Ditto for favorite videos. Lots of comfort items and comfort repetitions.

Good luck!
Good for you for fostering.

Never underestimate the power of a consistent schedule. This may be harder than it sounds but try keep your sleep/play/eat times the same and he should get some stability from that.

Also, include some fairly physical playtime each day (long walks, games of tag, climbing at the park, etc.)so that he can have an outlet for his frustrations.

Try to spend time outside the house instead of inside since the noise and smells can really wear on you even for an adult. I know my teenagers were fine at first but after a while they started complaining about "living in the basement".

The good thing is that you are already into it and you should be done soon! Stay positive, it will be worth it when it's all finished.

Ayerg73, all the advice here is sound and wise. Hang in there and start painting some subfloor along with the kids!!!
We are going thru renovation at the same time, and life is definitely disrupted... we try to spend as much time together outdoors or in areas of the house where there is minimal chaos. Our evenings are family time and our rec room on the lower level has become our sanctuary for the time being. People and pets (2 dogs/2 cats) all together enjoying the adventure and making due by being creative!

Much luck to you and my utmost respect goes to you for having such a big heart to foster a child in need. That is a most noble act. Cheers!

Thanks guys! All great ideas!

The little guy has some developmental issues, so working with tools is not going to work in this instance, but it's a great idea. I might head out today and look for some tool toys.

I'm very fortunate that he loves our GC. LOVES. He comes in the house and yells "Mr. Matt! Are you home?!" I'm even more fortunate that the GC loves kids and has a soft spot for the little guy as well - even taking him for a ride in his pick up. :)

We are redoing the flooring in just about all of the house, so that makes things harder as there are precious few places that remain untouched. His room is one of them, but he is unwilling to play alone. He has to be with me 100% of the time and that has been my biggest issue.

Music and TV are my biggest life savers at the moment. Due to a history of being plopped in front of movies, I tend to keep him away from TV. I guess I'm going to have to relent and let him indulge for a few weeks. That alone will probably make everyone a lot more relaxed. PBS may become my best friend.

I do need to get outside with him more, but I've been pretty diligent about watching what's going on in the house. Need to refocus! He could spend hours outside examining all the subs pickups! (Hope they don't mind that! HA!)

Thanks for the support. I have to keep reminding myself...This too shall pass!

BTW - I totally LOVED the idea of painting the subfloor with the kiddos. That hadn't ever occurred to me! What a great way to use up all those paint samples I bought and will never get used any other way.

We're getting crafty tonight and putting a permanent mark on our house! :) Thanks!

You've been given wonderful advice, and seem to be doing *all you can* !
I'll add to what others said by sharing that my 3.5 year old who worships order really enjoyed using the big sheets with architectural drawings on them - she colored in the cabinets, trying different color schemes on the walls, cut out pictures of lights, refrigerator, etc and did her own decoupage. I gave her lots and lots of copies of the kitchen plans to work with.

She loved giving advice to the contractors.

Lastly, it sounds like YOU need a break. Even a little one. Can you get away for a few hours and enjoy a meal, book, walk, date with a friend? Your kids will likely be less stressed if you are too!

Take pics of the floorboard painting -- love that idea!

As a mother of a child with his own issues, let me just send you a mental hug...and share a glass of wine (you do drink don't you? That helps...does he? LOL KIDDING). Anyhoo, what I really want to share with you is some advice that a doctor gave us when our son was about 2.

Hospital kids do nothing but watch TV because there isn't much to do. I used to limit it substantially at home because of that. Turns out, from the therapist at the hospital, maybe I wasn't doing a service to my child in doing so. In a stressful situation, watching "tv" or movies or whatever becomes their escape to sanity. I don't know what his life was like previously but I'm assuming since he's with you it wasn't good. My son's life is wonderful, but he still used to get highly stressed at changes in his life. As she said, he literally would center himself while watching the back yardagains. In the hospital situation this came up in he was having some very intensive therapy and had taken to banging his head, which he NEVER did. At her suggestion, when he got stressed we watched a show together and it was amazing the difference that made. From that point on whenever we finished a therapy we would go back and watch something together. He still watches more tv than most, but I know what it is and I allow it when I allow it (no tv in the rooms etc in my house). But he still centers his little world often when he's being pushed too hard by sitting in his little "fort" under the stairs and watching a favorite show.

You have to understand that allowing this for a child who needs it is not "plopping them on the couch". Think about his life...that time on the couch might be the only happy time he had...his escape. So to take that escape away adds to his pressures. Then you rip the house apart and that stresses him even more...yet he still can't have his escape. You see where I'm going? As the therapist told me...what we had planned as "ideal" parents was just a fantasy. My child wasn't going to watch cartoons...he was going to play outside or play games or read....And letting go of that fantasy was hard but as a good parent, when I did so I realized what I was keeping him from...his moments of sanity.

You can't entertain him 24/7. It's not good for him because one day he'll be on his own and won't know how to entertain himself :) If a little tv time helps...and you monitor what he's watching carefully you aren't hurting him...you might actually be giving him a great deal of help coping with what's happening in his life.

Thanks for the words of encouragement! It's been an especially rough day today and they help tremendously.

BalTra - I am lucky enough to have the little one going to preschool for a few more weeks, so there are times in the day that I get a few hours of respite, but you're right. I need out of this house! We are so exhausted when the day is over that we don't take time to get out (I fell asleep fully clothed last night on top of my blankets ;). I will tell my DH that a date night has been ordered!

igloochic - Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and the hug. I am enjoying an adult beverage as I type this, too!

My older boys are actually autistic, so I get what you are saying totally. I spent years trying to limit the amount of 'screen time' (still do to a certain extent) but there are stressful times when that is all that will suffice.

The night my dad passed away, for instance, was so awful. We had moved in with my parents to help (we were stationed in Germany at the time - I uprooted the kids and went back to help for several months) and they were there when he passed. It was awful.

I will never forget my youngest looking at me in the middle of the night and saying "Can I play Gameboy so that I can handle all of this heavy stuff?" How amazing that he could articulate that and it truly did help him.

Without getting into too much info, this little guys issues aren't medical, per say, but neglect related. He only knew how to be alone and watch TV. So, once I banned full length movies and switched to short educational shows, he grew by leaps and bounds.

Unfortunately, he isn't even willing to watch TV alone anymore. He craves attention (even after many many months with us) and makes me sit to watch whatever is on, so even TV isn't a break. You can only watch Sid the Science Kid so many times before you begin to twitch! :)

TV is certainly a comfort mechanism for him. I know that allowing more of it in the short term may impede development for awhile, but in every situation there is give and take. Right now I feel that I need to 'give' in to the constant demands for television before they 'take' me to the looney bin!

I told my older boys about the painting idea and they are so incredibly excited! Unfortunately, the little guy had to be tucked in bed a little early tonight (not surprisingly) but I'll let him add his own touches in the morning.

Pictures of the masterpiece will follow. Promise!

Thank you for letting me vent!!!

Just a thought about the painting-- be sure they're all clear that it will be covered up and invisible. It's a kind of magical secret for your family. (I could imagine DD freaking completely when her painting was "gone" after the floor went down, otherwise!)

We were all adults when my parents redid their kitchen and we had a lot of fun painting soon-to-be hidden spaces.

We remodeled out last kitchen when my daughter was 3 and my son was 10 months. That was an experience. All the advice here is good. We have pictures of my daughter painting the walls and it's where the cabinets were going anyway (since she was short). I also found that when we had the dining room furniture stuffed in the living room she thought it was the coolest thing. The room was a total disaster, but we let her "play" around everything. We had to wash dishes in the bathroom sink and again it was such a cool idea because it was different she loved to watch it.

We have a 4 year old, and are diy-ing our kitchen renovation. So, we are only doing this on weekends. Kiddo and I often leave the house so that DH can work on the construction stuff. We talk alot about what the kitchen will look like when done - where the refrigerator will go, stove, where we will cook together, etc. as we realized he has no frame of reference for a renovation like this (we've redone bedrooms with his "help", but nothing this major).

If we are around, he wants to "help" which sometimes is more successful than others, and sometimes must be more "managed" than others. One thing that has been really useful is ear protection - we actually got them several years ago as kiddo was bothered by any loud noises (vacuum cleaner, sirens, saws, etc). But they have come in handy now as he know that if the noise gets too loud he can get his ear protection and have some control over the situation.

We got these:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001ET5XAI/ref=noref?ie=UTF8&s=hi&psc=1

There is also a kids construction book that he loves:
http://www.amazon.com/Little-Red-Toolbox-Stephen-Johnson/dp/015202154X/ref=tmm_other_meta_binding_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1335483920&sr=1-1
Good luck, and hopefully the chaos will be over as quick as possible.

((((ayerg))))

Thank you for taking all this on, so good-naturedly.