I feel for you. I haven't helped a parent sell a house, but I know when I was discussing my home purchase with my parents they were clueless about the current market. They were shocked at the prices when I would tell them about homes I liked.

With your mom, she probably needs to watch a couple of homebuying shows on HGTV. Then she will see that kitchen and bathrooms sell homes. Every time someone on one of the those shows has a comment about not liking a house, it usually involves the bathroom or the kitchen.

Let your mom talk to a realtor. Maybe she will be more accepting of the advice coming from a professional. If she does not make the changes and her home languishes on the market, she may realize this is a reason why. If it sells, at a price that she is satisfied with, then there really isn't any reason to be upset. She would have gotten what she wanted and the buyer would have a great house with a kitchen that needs upgrading.

Yes, let her hear it from another source, like the realtor. (You may need to "prime the pump" with the realtor behind the scenes.) Does she have friends who have sold or are selling who may already know the importance of being "turnkey"?

Carol - no need to stress out on these type of things...I say let her have her way and when she realizes that she is not getting any offers close to her wishing price than she would understand your point...I say let her have her way for now and soon she will realize her mistake.

If she is on the internet, point her here. If she isn't, I second the suggestion of pointing out a few good HGTV shows. My parents, who are preparing to sell, haven't bought or sold a home in 37 years. They understand how desirable it is to have the house in turnkey condition and have been working slowly toward that for a couple of years.

The other point you might make with her is that people tend to overestimate what it will cost to fix somehting - I've heard it said that people will think it will costs 2x more to fix something than it actually costs. That's money out of her pocket.

Good luck!

I feel for you. I have told my mother that if she doesn't shovel out the house before they die, I'll kill her. :-P My parent's house is completely wallpapered with all sorts of ummm patterns. The only positive to their wallpaper is my father refused to hang anything not cloth-backed. Smart man. The really frustrating thing is my parents are neither old (early 60s) nor stupid, my mother is just stubborn.

Oh well I wish them many, many more years in that house before we need to have a "serious talk".

I sympathize with you, pipersville_carol.

Just a suggestion to try on the counters...Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

We stayed in a rental a couple years ago and the white formica counters were really dirty, stained, scratched, etc. I took a Mr. Clean Eraser to them, and they looked absolutely brand new. That Eraser got rid of the dirt in the scratches like I could't believe.

Hope this helps!

I second the Mr Clean magic eraser suggestion-- had those same counters in my last house. Straight bleach did wonders, then the Magic Eraser did the rest. Then, being an artist, I decided to take away the little dark lines at the seams on the edges and to cover a couple of chips with good old white acrylic paint-- and belive it or not I got tons of compliments on those counters once I did that-- many neighbors with the same counters followed suit with my help. Go figure. Worth a try if she won;t get new ones. Will certainly help!

People see their homes and belongings differently than others do. Take pictures of the kitchen and show them to her. They'll look different to her in pictures. She may just say "Are those my counters?" It's always surprising. For people who haven't tried it... do it and see the difference.

It's always hard to watch someone make a financial mistake. It took me a while but I've learned that you have to let them do it.

Sounds as though your pretty lucky in that the house is in good condition. Often in this case the house is in disrepair and they refuse to fix it or the house is bulging with clutter and the parents won't declutter.

I'd try getting the realtor to talk to her about it. Maybe even get a quote to see if it costs as much as she thinks. The price may be less than she thinks.

Another good thing to use is soft scrub with bleach, magic eraser and then wipe down really well.

Also, I wouldn't force her to do the countertops. I think some people would see that the rest of the house is in tip top condition and that the countertops are a small thing to do that they can choose for their style.

However, it could garner a higher price solely because the kitchen looks more finished.

What type of demographic is the neighbourhood?

Here's a recipe for some awesome cleaner. I use it on everything but wood. It will clean the scunge from the counters:

1/2 cup sudsy ammonia
16 oz rubbing alcohol
few small squirts of Dawn Dishwashing liquid
Water

Use a big spray bottle, and fill to the top with water. Shake whenever you use it. I use this on my mirrors, counters, fridge, stove - even the floors. It cuts grease big time. I wipe my floors with the mop in just water to get the surface dirt, then take a clean wet mop and spray a bit of this right onto the floor (mine are tile). Then clean wet mop. No streaks. Dries quickly and the floors are spotless.

You can halve the recipe if you want. I bet this would get alot of the crap off her white counters.

As long as we are on the topic, my friend also swears by that eraser-thingy.
Here is my question, my Mom has oak cabinets in a relatively dark finish. They need to be thoroughly cleaned before we list. Will that eraser thing get off the years of accumulated finger grease? You know, the gunky stuff where you use your fingers to open the cabinet door (they are handle less cabinet fronts)? Or would Murphy's oil soap or something else be better at cutting through the finger print gunk without harming the finish of the wood.

And what do you use to shine up and polish the handles on cabinets when you really don't want to swap them out?

Here is my question, my Mom has oak cabinets in a relatively dark finish. They need to be thoroughly cleaned before we list. Will that eraser thing get off the years of accumulated finger grease? You know, the gunky stuff where you use your fingers to open the cabinet door (they are handle less cabinet fronts)? Or would Murphy's oil soap or something else be better at cutting through the finger print gunk without harming the finish of the wood.

Try Murphy's 1st. I also suggest Dawn, it's great on grease. For stuff that won't come off try Greased Lightening or Krud Cutter. I found both at Lowes, not sure if Depot sells them. I know Greased Lightening can be bought at my local food store. Krud Cutter is the better of the two.

Be sure to test areas or clean small areas with them until you know it won't take the finish off. Neither did with my kitchen cabinets but for door molding at my parents the finish came off. The finish there was from 1966 - so it was older then mine.

Wow, thanks for the great tips and supportive comments. I'm going to try the Magic Eraser!

Acey, here's how we refreshed the finish on 25-year-old builder grade oak cabinets:

1. Removed all doors

2. Washed/scrubbed doors and frames with TSP (they looked bad after this)

3. Applied several coats of "Kitchen Cabinet Restorer", purchased from Home Depot. It resembled liquid car wax. Very easy to use, and the cabinets look fresh and new. I couldn't believe how well it worked.

acey - that gunk isn't just "finger grease;" it is the finished surface of your cabinets that has deteriorated due to the constant touching. When you remove that, you will expose the wood behind it.

Mineral Spirits (use the low-odor stuff!) will also clean grease off cabinets.

What worked in our family was to wait until our parents moved into their assisted living facility, and then prep their condo for sale. There was no way the condo could have been shown while they lived there, and the stress of prepping it was too much for them. By then they were only concerned with the net proceeds of the sale and it was possible to do whatever we deemed necessary to sell (after much clearing out and cleaning.) My oldest sibling had PoA, so he paid for the renovations out of our parent's account and explained it all to them after the sale closed.

Perhaps your mother is worried about how much mess and bother will be caused by replacing the counters. She might not want to deal with the disruption. Maybe she thinks that a buyer will want to choose the counters and thinks that whatever she selects will later be ripped out and replaced anyway. Whatever the case, is it feasible for her to move before putting her home on the market? Her RE agent could advise whether to leave the home staged as if still occupied or to show it empty.

Acey, baby shampoo suds up in a bucket of water will often clean cabinets surprisingly well. Also, Watco makes a cleaner that works pretty well without being damaging- it comes in a red and white can, may have "restorer" in the name, and can be found at the hardware store next to the watco stains. My inlaws used the Watco stuff on some rather expensive furniture that had suffered at the hands of my overclean MIL :)

OP, I feel for you. My mother is/would be the same exact way. Her kitchen countertops are a bone of contention and she's not even moving, LOL. She has these hideously ugly (it's the color) Corian countertops that she paid a pretty decent amount for 15 years ago- they are nothing compared to what people do to their kitchens today. Mom will go on and on about her countertops being top of the line and how she would have to consider taking them with her if she ever moved- that doesn't even make sense (she's being serious). If she ever sells her house, I will just stay out of it... Good luck, some moms...

Q

My sibs and I delt with this last summer/fall. My Mom swore she wouldn't be like her mother and leave a full house for the kids to deal with -- but she kept finding reasons not to downsize from a 5 bedroom house to senior living until a health crisis!

Her home was in relatively good condition and in a desirable area. But it needed some work to take it from "40 year old nice" to really ready to sell. We all have our quirks and Mom was no different. For example, she had a hard time understanding why we insisted that the dark, unvarnished doors and woodwork in the upstairs hall be painted. But what a difference that made. From dark hole to bright and clean looking (I know some of the painted over handprints were mine from 30 years ago!). Mom was proud of her home and how nicely she had decorated it. And it was nice ...but a "grandma house" and like all of our homes full of more stuff than is ideal for selling. We talked about some things and started on some small things while she was there but waited for the painting and major staging until she had moved out of state. That was much better for all of us.

My sister in law could go into business as a home stager. She did a stupendous job moving things around and adding a few items borrowed from her home or bought cheaply at target to really make the house look more updated and spacious.

Some of the things we did:
Kitchen-Thoroughly degreased kitchen cabinets, replaced pulls with inexpensive ones off ebay, took valences down and decluttered.
Family Room-Updated colors by Padding and arranged a nice throw cover on her 50's sofa, removed shabby recliner, took everything from built in bookshelves and put a select few books back with a few display items. Took down window coverings to enhance light and update. Wrapped fabric around window seat cushion to blend with updated colors.Removed endtable. Room looked more spacious and inviting.
LR-Rearranged and packed away boxes and boxes of very lovely knicknacks, and art work. Took up rugs that were on carpet. Had sheers and drapes open for more light.
Bedrooms- took up rugs to show hardwoods,painted dark slider closet doors, took out many small items of furniture including bookshelves, sewing machine, computer desk, etc. Moved some stuff into other rooms for better balance. A br papered with a small ruby pink print wass transformed by putting a dark tan spread on the bed and removing some dainty accessories and adding a small wood dresser from another room. It was amazing how the changes neutralized the pink and pulled out the neutral tan from the paper. In the mbr her worn out bedding was replaced by a nice comforter and plenty of pillows (on sale a target)all arranged like in a magazine.

The family photo galleries were taken down and walls repainted as needed, many curtains taken down and replaced by inexpensive sheers. The carpets were professionally cleaned and , boy, did that ever spiff things up.

All in all, it was a lot of work upfront but the result was that my Mom got a good price quickly as compared to some homes that have stayed unsold.

The area in NJ had a slowing market but we felt that being in a desirable neighborhood, by a good school, and now in move in condition, that the house would sell w/o difficulty. We priced it fairly but not too low. The first looker made a low offer we rejected much to the realtors dismay. Within 10 days the a much better offer was made by a much more qualified buyer. They love their new home.

Wish I'd known about the Mr Clean trick for her counters. Good luck with your Mom. If you can, get her moved, then get the condo spiffed up. In the long run it's easier on everyone and the only way to do some things w/o offending her. Keep stressing how you fix up a home to sell is not the same as how you live in it--that it needs to be a little bare.

Boy, I feel for you. It's a really hard experience to go through.

I second some of the suggestions here. This is what worked for us when selling my MIL's $1M+ home (for which they paid a not so whopping $41K for 38 yrs ago), in a slowing market:

-- It's so much easier to do this stuff if the parent is out of the house. We moved my MIL to her friend's rental room.

-- Ditto on a good, experienced agent helping to confirm the mistaken impressions she had on selling. This ranged from "I love my wallpaper and chandelier over the bed(!)" to "I want to sell it furnished, because I'm sure any new owner will find it easier to buy a house with furniture already in it."

The house was in good shape, recently painted. The kitchen was okay but dated 1980's colors, the bathroom totally retro with its green and pink 1930's tilework.

My husband wanted to remodel the kitchen, thinking it would be worth more. I said absolutely not - it's clean, modest, and whoever buys it will want to put their own $100K taste into it.

My MIL gave away whatever furniture she could to family and friends. The rest was liquidated at an in-house auction; she actually made $600 on the sale of what was mostly unneeded junk.

Everything was painted white (the house was a little gloomy inside), including some horrid cheap fake walnut wallpaneling in the basement. The curtains were removed from every window; wood floors refinished; icky sheet vinyl in the family room replaced with flat-weave beige carpet.

A professional stager did a very good job, making the rooms look large and lived in without artificiality. Our full service realtor was worth every penny to us - he recommended great vendor services, even came and watered the lawn every day so the grass would regrow in time for the open house! Most importantly, he both reassured my MIL that she was doing the right thing, and backed us up on the decisions made.

Just keep plugging along. This is probably just the beginning of many decisions that you and your mom are going to need to work together on, so good luck and keep us all posted.

Been there. My parents (closer to 80 than 70...) needed to move a couple of years ago from a house in the country with too much acreage to maintain to something "smaller" in the city and closer to one of my brothers. We had to find something for them before putting their house on the market so they'd be sure to be happy with it & not in a hurry to find something if the old house sold quickly (optimists, all!). Looked at several - all had neighbors too close... I know, moving from the country to the city, one would expect that as a given, but no. Also, I learned that "smaller" was not an option because Mom didn't want to get rid of ANYTHING. Ok - whatever. We finally found a great house - 500 sq ft or so BIGGER than what they had - priced low (to them it seemed incredibly high at $125K but was listed at $140K) for the market & square footage. It was already renovated beautifully, great walk-in shower in the master bath & ready to move in to! Really, the best looking house they've ever had. Problem was that it is on a big creek at the very back of the property with some erosion. It is city maintained & they add fill every few years per the nieghbors & it's far enough from the house & it's been OK for the 30+years the house has been there. The plus is - no neighbors to the back!! They have mixed feelings about the move - constant worry about the creek ( you can't even see it from the house & there is no way they will be affected in their lifetime) but they are very comfortable in the house with wide halls for Dad & his walker, a great bathroom for him & a beautiful modern kitchen for Mom. Selling the old house.... wow. We (me & DH) painted the whole thing, put in new carpet, cleaned out barns & the yard (did I mention that this old house also had creek erosion problems - even closer to the house - that they seem to have forgotten!), planted seasonal flowery things in the front beds...etc. They hated putting money into the old house, but sold relatively quickly ( I think they should have held out, but they took the first offer) considering that both houses were paid for & the only expense they had was insurance, utlities & tax + yard care on the old house. Oh well - they were happy.

The point of my long post is that I learned not to force anything on my parents. I learned it has to be their idea & what they think is best. It may NOT be the best, but if it doesn't hurt anybody, I say let it slide. Sometimes I think they hate the new house & all of us for finding it for them! Mostly though they seem to like it after 3 years and love it that all of their friends comment on how nice the house is. My sister was just there & called to tell me she thinks they should really downsize within a couple of years.... I say "Good luck to you, my dear sister"....haha!