IMO she is being a Bully and you should stand up to her. She is controlling you at this point and it really needs to stop.

Some people are just power tripping psychos and you are unfortunate to live next to one. Welcome to the large club. Document all run-ins you have with her. That way if it ever becomes a legal issue or an issue in which you need to call in authorities, you have ammo.

Keep doing what you do with your dogs and ignore her. Oh yeah, and install no trespassing signs.

munkos, there is always someone like your "friend" in a neighborhood. Let me guess, she is unattached, and has nothing better to do than mind other's business. Your "friend" is the poster child of why I don't ever want to live in a neighborhood where the houses are less than at least 1 acre apart. That said, I realize that is may not be an option for you at the moment.

While I agree with klimkm, I disagree with getting into a verbal with her. If you do that, she will be up your butt all of the time. I would keep a journal of dates, times and occurrences. Do you have a privacy fence, and if you don't and could afford one, would she still be able to view you from her second floor deck?

I don't think there is an easy answer to this, but this person is an a$$. When she starts with her criticism literally cover your ears and keep saying, not listening, not listening repeatedly until she shuts her mouth. This has worked for a few friends who have "friends" like yours for neighbors. It also frustrates the heck out of the "friend" who incites the confrontation. Sounds silly, but I think if she's going to act like a child, treat her like one.

Also, make sure your dog licenses and vaccinations are totally up to date in the event she decides to call the township on you.

I hope some of these posters have more and better suggestions since I don't live in a neighborhood, my first kneejerk reaction would be to get in her face and tell her to mind her own darn business. I don't think that is the right thing to do, but that's just my personality.

Best of luck to you.

Ah, thanks guys. My licenses and shots are all up to date. If she ever did call anyone in on us, I know they'd probably take a look and laugh, and walk out. We've got dog and cat stuff in every square inch of this house, I think. Cupboards and closets packed with treats, baskets full of toys and two very social, friendly dogs that immediately bond to anyone who will maybe pet them. Especially little girl who's a bit chubby, constantly wagging, and loves anyone who even looks at her.

I guess it just worries me because we are young, and I'm always afraid they would take her word, over our word because she's older and has kids and all that crap. And I wouldn't doubt she's capable of coming up with some pretty well thought out lies. Which is why I don't get in her face, because I feel that would prompt her to do more than just peer over her fence and yell when she feels it neccesaryand our furbabies are our babies and I'm afraid to do anything that might compromise their well-being and our little crazy, furry family.

We can afford a privacy fence, however because of zoning laws, we can only add a foot to our current height, which would solve nothing. We're going to try and put up some trees here this summer, but they might not be big enough to do much for a few years.

I would love to live on an acerage someday, but other than my neighbor, our neighborhood and house is perfect. Theres parks, schools, it's quiet, the house is nice, aside from her all our other neighbors are great, we're close to everything. I think it would be silly to move right now with how great things are, especially just because of a neighbor. But eventually we do want to move someday.

I have to laugh though. We have three things we do with the dogs that probably just give her a heart attack when she's spying into our living room.

We make a fist and an angry face and ask the beagle if she needs a punch. It gets her all excited and she makes noises and jumps and huffs and then licks us like crazy. But it probably looks like we're about to punch her.

Big guy goes absolutely nuts if you spank his bum. He'll start ripping around the house, and if you spank him everytime he flies by, he'll turn and throw his body at you and then keep going.

And if you put little girl on her back on the floor, and jiggle her while growling at her, she goes balistic and makes these crazy demonic noises. She loves it, she'll throw herself back on her back to make you keep doing it.

But to someone who can only see and not hear any of it, it probably looks like we're threatening to punch the beagle, and holding her down and yelling, and probably looks like we spank big guy over and over. So I take some sort of sick satisfaction in knowing that she can see all of that, but can't say anything cause we're inside and can't hear her.

I cannot answer without having some idea of what your age is. Nobody ever corrected my children when they lived at home. A problem in the home should be dealt with by adults. If the children are involved (in their home), you talk to the parents. She reprimanded you when you were 9 and again when you were 12, and you have vivid memories of these incidents? Now is the home yours?

If you are remembering things that happened 10 years ago, and now are an adult, my answer would be different than if this only happened a couple of years ago, and you are 15.

Sammy

We moved in when I was 9, I'll be 21 in 3 months, and my boyfriend is nearly 26. I moved out for 2 years after my mother passed away when I came back at 16, she was even worse then when I was young because I was on my own while my dad was out of town most of the year. I was lucky enough that when my father passed on two years ago, he left me the house and left me with the means to take care of myself quite well. Since he passed on, the neighbor has gotten worse, probably because there is no one to answer to but me when she acts the way she does.

She absolutely loved my dad, my dad wasn't fond of her because of how she was towards me. But she'd always bring him cookies, and such (and yes, labmomma, she is definately unattached) But as soon as he was out of earshot, or eyesight, she was back to the wicked witch of the west.

munkos - I have a brown thumb, but I have planted Arborvite (sp) around my pool fence. They are tall bushes that grow quickly.

Ask your nursery to suggested something bushy, tall and VERY FAST GROWING!

Also, to clarify sammy, nothing happened when I was 12. When my beagle was a pup, she sent her 12 year old over, to tell me the dog should be in the rain, when it had just started to rain and she'd been alone for 2 minutes max.

Well, I'm a total meanie, but I next time she started screaming and yelling the F word at me, I would calmly yet sternly warn her that another outburst like that would bring over the cops to charge her with making threats, even if she wasn't actually making any direct threats. And then follow through if something like that does happen again. I would also tell her that I am quite capable of caring for MY dogs and I don't want to hear another word about it again- ever. And while I was at it, I might even add a big old MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

That's what I would do. Like I said though, I'm a meanie. And I couldn't care less if my nasty neighbor never looked at me or spoke to me again. Actually with someone like that, it's the best case scenario.

Have you just tried ignoring this person? Most of the time, that fixes problems like this because you don't engage them with what you are doing. Don't look at person, say anything (no matter what) or have anything to do with person.

Person knows you are intimidated. And from what you posted, you are. Not a good thing for you no matter where you live.

Good luck!

SG

She's still treating you like a child: she's not made the mental leap to thinking of you as an adult. You need to put her straight and act like an adult in front of her, not take her belittling treatment. I think you should confront her, along with your boyfriend (if he lives with you--it wasn't clear from your post). Knock on her door when both of you are calm and collected, not when she's just yelled at you or done something that drives you crazy. Bring a plate of cookies to be neighborly. Ask to come in and talk. Then tell her firmly but calmly what your concerns are and how you think the two of you can better live as neighbors. Don't agressively accuse her or give ultimatums--and don't bring up what she did when you were 9!--she probably has no clue. Pointing fingers will just made her defensive and angry. But be clear about the issues. It is good to keep a journal for awhile so that you don't overgeneralize: ie. "you always do this." Rather say, "three times in the last week, on these days, you did this." Ask her for her reasons, then really listen to her response. Make the experience positive in that you really want to come to a solution, a plan, for treating each other with respect and courtesy. I've found that it is often effective to say things to her like, "What can I do to help us be better neighbors?" That takes the heat off her and helps you get at what is really underneath the irrationality and anger. YOu might be surprised at what you hear. One way or another, if you treat her reasonably and respectfully--yet firmly--you'll find that even if she doesn't change some of her behaviors she'll have a new found respect for you as an adult.

Ok, this probably won't work for you but I did it once years ago when I was young and in a similar situation. The neighbor came at me with a vengeance (sp). When I was younger I responded in one of two ways when I was fuming inside - I cried or I laughed. This time I started laughing. I mean really laughing, side splitting it really hurts kind of laughing. You should have seen that woman's face. She spluttered and huffed and went away never to be heard from again. I think after that she was afraid of me. Today I would simply tell the person quiety to remove themselves from my property before I had them arrested for trespassing and or making threats.
Get some tall bushes and/or trees.

My 2 cents, is that you are giving your neighbor too much power. Do what you want to do. If she comes over to knock on the door to reprimand you, say thanks and close the door. Just say thanks and forget about her, dont let this woman keep you all from having a good time. Who care that she is watching - maybe she is envious of you, who knows. I would not let it bother me.

Hi Munkos, What your neighbor is doing is called verbal harassment. Next time she does this call the police and report it so there is an official record. Keep making the reports and let the police respond. They will give her the message. In a lot of places using that language in public is illegal. Let the police know that you find it highly offensive. In the meantime get those high bushy shrubs or trees. Good luck to you, I grew up with a neighbor like this too and the animal control came out to investigate so often that he would stay and have a cup of coffee with my parents.
Lorie

SG, I do ignore her, which I'm starting to think is making the situation worse, because maybe she thinks I'm just being a brat or whatever and might infuriate her more if I just shrug and walk away.

I've considered the police as an option too, particularly after her last incident, although I'd really like it to be a last resort.

Mazer, I'm pretty sure it would bother anyone to constantly have someone standing on their deck watching you, your friends, any company, and peering into your living room at night when you're on the couch watching TV. It's hard to not let it get to you when it makes your company uncomfortable in the summer when you're outside having a barbeque, or playing with the dogs, or whatever. My whole yard faces her deck, so unless I turn my back to the yard, you can see her staring. Even if she weren't an old hag, it's still quite unnerving to be constantly watched.

Marita, thanks. I'll have to try that, if I can get myself to be nice or stop from being too nice. I have issues with that. I either go into something expecting an elxplination and walk away going "Oh, sorry, silly me..my fault" and then realise after all is said and done that I didn't do anything wrong and definately didnt get my answers. Or I go in with my dukes up and nothing gets solved. I'll have to find the happy medium before I talk to her.

And if that doesn't work, I can be a great big meanie like meghane. Atleast it'll make me feel better. And if that doesn't work, then the cops. And as a very last resort, she'll probably turn me into a psycho neighbor and we can both drive eachother up the wall.

Thanks for all the suggestions guys, I'll keep them all in mind and try to find something that works for us.

I had to ask about the age to try to be at all helpful, and Marita has basically spoken for me. I would only add a couple of things.

She needs to see you as an adult, and needs to talk to you. (By the way I am very sorry to hear that you have lost both of your parents.) I would leave boyfriend at home, and speak to her alone.The presence of another person unless there is a man in her life, could make her feel defensive. I like the cookies or flowers idea. By flowers I mean the small ones in the market.

You have two issues - staring out the window and dogs. There is no point in mentioning her spying since that would be interpreted as a hate statement. I don't see that you can mention the dog issue either since she feels superior, and would perhaps begin ranting.

I would be firm, serious, and pleasant. I would not allow her to bait me into getting angry or upset. I would not defend a criticism. I might repeat it outloud, and say that you and your boyfriend should dicuss that.

I think it is good to know your neighbors and be on good terms - even if only you are on good terms. It never hurts to smile or wave even if the person does not return the greeting. We need neighbors. If something doesn't look right or if the neighbor sees a stranger, you want that neighbor to call the police. You do not want to drag around the baggage on anger and bad feelings in your own home.

Can you get a second window for the living room that keeps people from seeing in? We have those for one room, and I hate them, but mine are 25 years old. You might also try awnings. If you could invest in a taller fence, why not try some huge umbrellas and tables for your yard? You could look around and get some that you could store when not in use. That would deflect the view somewhat, and may be nice seating for your parties.

You could mention to her that you are going to do some remodeling, and will be putting in a new security system with cameras outside. (You don't have to do it.)

You also might be able to get a partial roof in your yard that would deflect the view - a canopy or even a pagoda. You and your friend could build it.

I would not go into her house. She sounds weird, and I would not allow her to accuse you of anything. I would catch her outside on a nice day, and talk outside.

These are just a few thoughts.

Sammy

This is a legal situation, an altercation between neighbors. Do not speak to her. Any time she is abusive or offensive or loud or her dogs are loud, file a complaint with the police. Speak to other neighbors and ask them to do the same thing. Do not accept foul lanugage under any circumstances. Walk away and immediately file a complaint.

One complaint will not succeed. A paper trail of officially filed complaints will succeed. never speak to her. Only speak to the police or Animal Control officer or other officials.

It is not your problem to build and incur expense for your privacy. It is not your problem to live in a quiet area without abuse.

If I thought there was the slightest chance she would be reasonable, I would suggest you first talk to her. However, she has a history of being abusive. Therefore, speak only through intermediaries.

After reading the post from Measure Twice, I must say that I totally agree.

You need someone who will do the talking for you. This will take you out of the picture, but put your problem in the hands of someone else.

I do think that the least you interact with this person, the better off you are.

Good luck!

SG

Yes, don't discuss anything with her. It could get heated. Then it is her word against yours, and if that goes to court it could be bad. We have been instructed to not talk to our problem neighbors by authorities. I think they are also trying to avoid "domestic disturbances".

If she has a problem with you anymore, you should say you will call in authorities and you can all discuss it together. Our area has a "mediation" representative available to iron out problems.

Find out if there are court mediators (sp?) Some places have them instead of it being drawn into court. She just sounds like a pushy nosy busybody who thinks she knows everything. I agree with measure twice. Don't corner her she probably will freak!!! What you might do is everytime she says anything to you just smile and say thank you and wave. It drives them nuts to know that they can't rattle you. Remember YOU....OWN....THAT...HOUSE!!!!!! It is your haven and no one should make you feel uncomfortable. Has anyone ever called the police on her? If not then she thinks she has power over all of you. In that case forget the smiles and call the cops everytime she blinks. Realize if she is staring into your house through your windows she is a peeking tom or tomette!! Do not ever confront her alone, always have witnesses or don't confront. I know I am saying alot of different ideas, but something has to work. Good Luck. Keep us posted, Dena

Plant a nice big tree between her yard and yours so she can no longer look into your yard.Then,the next time she comes into your yard to complain about something,tell her she best leave before YOU complain and call the cops.

I don't think you should even think about calling the police. I just read your initial post again after having read the many responses here, and since you have moved back, she has only yelled at your dogs once. I think you could handle this situation much better by being nice than to call the police.
Sammy

There's a non-invasive clumping form of bamboo. Plant that and she won't be able to see you within a year. It will grow 25' the first year. If she can't see you, maybe she'll stop harrassing you.

Sorry your neighbor is a nut. It must be nice for her to stand up there on her perch and spit on all the little people.

If it were me, The next time I saw her being nosy and looking at y'all from her balocny, I'd walk out butt naked, give her a little shake or two... you'd probably never see her again. I second the bamboo... the stuff grows like a weed, provides a great barrior.

Nicely tell her next time she has something to say that you would prefer to gain your advice from a professional and any futher comments can be forward to your attorney, And yes what she is doing is harassment,our ex-neighbors complained to our animal control officer that our dogs were left out all the time and were mean and that they kept trying to get under the fence.
First thing is we are so over protective of our dogs that when they go out we go out with them. They were the most friendliest and loving dogs ,they loved people (except for DH one friend LOL).The animal controll officer had observed our house for awhile and after a few days came to do a home check.He was totally amazed that we even had dogs ,he said our yard was not the normal neighbor yard.There was no droppings left around and the yard was kept up very nice,he played with the dogs and said my neighbor was out of her mind.He had to go into her yard and check the fence to make sure that we had it supported enough and than he called the code enforcement officer out to issue my neighbor some fines for her trash cans not having lids and for all the trash in her yard.He also told us next time she harassed us to document it and take the documents to an attorney and file a harassment charge agianst her.

I think I would take a camera out with me periodically and photograph her as she is watching you. A lot. And maybe a video recorder for when she is screaming obscenities.
In my experience, people do NOT like to photographed when they are doing something wrong, and perhaps this will quell her desire to stand out there and observe your every move...
And please do stand up for yourself and whenever possible, tell her to MYOB.

Invite all your other disgruntled/offended neighbors over. Have a barbeque, set up some lawn chairs facing her 'perch', and have a group 'stare back' and everyone talk about her amongst yourselves, loud enough for her to hear.

Seriously it sounds like she is mentally ill. Do some googling for 'borderline personality disorder' - she sounds like she has some of those characteristics. There are techniques for dealing with those types, where you regain control of the abusive conversation and can set some boundaries. BPDcentral is a good site.