Well, it is a very difficult situation from many standpoints. And I hate to say this, but there are child experts who say that if a child is 5 or older when rescued from a bad situation, it's already too late. Sadly, I've known several families for whom that seemed to be the case. Children were put in wholesome, loving, caring, stable families (on one case at age 4 and 5, in another, the little girl was abou 7)--and it made no difference. They ended up reverting to the very unstable, immoral lifestyles that their birth parents practiced. However, you have to do something, and you need to believe that maybe your family will be the exception to that 'rule'. First, your grandson needs to be evaluated to see if he has any diagnosible educational problems. If, by any chance, his mother was using alcohol or drugs when she was pregnant, he almost surely has some learning disabilities. And, of course, even without those poisons, he could have some problems. Second--you need to sit down with the teacher. See if she's willing to do this. At the end of the day, gs needs to show his teacher his assignment book, she will initial if (and only if) he's got all his assignments listed. When he comes home, you can go through the list with him, checking off each as it's done--if he's completed the work at school, he needs to bring it home with him in his homework folder, so you can see it's complete. Then, next morning, when teacher collects the homework, ask that she sign the assignment book. I'm a former teacher--it's not unusual for that kind of procedure to be implemented in the case of a student who's not turning in their homework on a consistent basis. Tools: be sure he has the right tools. An easy to use backpack. An assignment book (not too small, they tend to get lost in the desk or bottom of the back pack). A folder for his homework--with pockets for different subjects. Private school? I'd hold off on changing schools too quickly. This child needs stability, needs to learn that no matter where he is, he needs to fulfill his responsibilities (changing schools won't help with that). And, I don't know where you live, nor what the school situation is, but around here, public schools pay far more than private ones, and actually offer a much better education, and far far better services for the child who has learning problems. If your area of the country is like mine, public school is the best place. Now, that's not always true in every area--in some places the public schools are terrible. But if you do decide to change schools, you need to make sure the school you choose is set up to help a child who is having difficulties in class. You're going to need good professional educators and counselors, if you're to have any chance of helping here. Getting the school/homework situation sorted out is imperative. However, a few suggestions. You may need to step out of the box here. Different children learn differently--some learn best when they 'listen' to material, some need to read it for it to sink in, some learn the most when they rewrite the info--and there are dozens of other helps that work for some children. You need to start working with him to find out which kind of learner he is. Beyond that, you need to get this child EXCITED about learning. Investigate what he's being taught at school, and find ways to make the subjects more interesting. Just a few of the things we did when dd was young: We'd play games in the car, and when standing in line--things like 20 questions or 'who am I', or math games. We always gave dd her own maps when we were travelling--that she could mark out our route on. We visited places--both local and on vacation--that added to the subjects she was learning in school. Historicial, natural, scientific places of interest were both fun and education for us all. I'd further suggest that you help this child find his passion in life. Once you know what subject he LOVES, you can use it to teach him about other subjects by tying them in. One excellant teaching tool is cooking. Most kids love it, and you can use it to teach/reinforce--math, science, social studies, writing skills, art. Cooking reinforces following instructions in order to achieve a desired result. It teaches sharing and responsibility and creativity. You can subtly tie almost all subjects into cooking--but if you're smart, the kids won't even realize they're learning. It will 'feel' like just a fun activity they're sharing with Grandma. You could even dangle a carrot in front of them, by encouraging them to enter the county fair or other recipe contests (there are some for kids that offer savings bonds for their college expenses, or sometimes, free tuition at a good culinary school) Most importantly, you need to keep focused, stay calm, and hang in there. A few months really isn't enough for this child to turn around. For one thing, he's still thinking that you're going to abandon him as everyone else has. He's afraid to let you too close. Part of why he's being irresponsible in school may be that he's testing you--he's giving you an excuse to ditch him, and himself an easy excuse if you do. Keep telling him how much you love him, no matter what. It will take time, but eventually, he'll learn that he doesn't have to try to push you away. But always keep in mind that children have a very hard time letting go of their early experiences. The 4 year old I mentioned above is now 18. She's lived with people who meet her needs, and many of her wants, for the past 14+ years, and she's STILL a hoarder. When she was little, she overate and hoarded food in her room--fearing it might not be there when she needed it. Now, she tends to hoard stuff--she tries to get her hands on all kinds of things, even if she has no use for them. It's just something that she can't get past, because when she was little, she was homeless, and eating garbage. You're going to need to practice all the patience and understanding you can dredge up. Best of luck to you all. The kids are very lucky to have finally found someone who cares enough to go the extra yard for them.

I would like to point out that since the thread was started in 2002 I would hope the situation has come to some resolution. Either that or the OP's son is the only 25 year old still in middle school. What you should do is lie to your kid and tell him that grades are monumentally important. That's right I said lie. Grades are somewhat important, and they certainly make paying for college easier. Having said that, knowledge is way more important, I would far prefer my son get a C with complete understanding of the material than get an A with no real understanding of the material. There is a myth about college in general that most parents simply don't understand. Your incredible Ivy league schools have the small advantage of degree portability, but a degree earned from a large state school in the state where you want to work can be nearly as strong. There is a significant amount of research that shows HR directors are biased towards their alma mater, so for example if you want to work in central Ohio then Ohio State is a great choice, mostly because the HR director is statistically more likely to have graduated from Ohio State than anywhere else. The Ivy league only negate some of that. Furthermore, if your son intends to continue to graduate school then even High School performance will not be looked at. Grad schools care about entrance test scores disproportionately, all other factors pale in comparison. When we look at applicants for graduate programs the things we consider are: (1) test scores, (2) work experience, and (3) interview, undergraduate grades only sit in the background to help answer "can the student handle the rigor?". Finally, there is a LOT of research that shows good grades are not an indicator of a successful career and or a happier life. The most significant indicator for success in the work place is participation in an extracurricular sport. The fact of the matter is a B/C student with a strong social life is more likely to be successful than an A student without one. In the end, please make sure that your son/daughter understands the material (please, for the love of god, teach them some math). If they don't understand the material, especially math and english, fix that! Keep their grades as high as you can but don't sacrifice socialization for grades.

Both of our sons have been in the gifted/talented programs in our K-8 district. Older DS is now a freshman in HS, in all honors classes. OUr district does not "test for giftedness". Participation in the program is based on a combination of things, including teacher observations and recommendations, classroom observations by the gifted/talented teachers, test scores on the standard tests given to all the children (Gates-McGinity being one) in which they must score at 97% or above to be considered for the program. While the enrichment of the gifted program was fun for the kids, most of the programs at the elementary level are not geared to advance the subject matter, but more to advance the thinking process and depth of exploration of a subject. In other words, in the gifted classroom sections, the kids may work on the Civil War, which is what their classmates are also doing in the regular classroom. However, the gifted kids will do something with greater depth or challenge, but still on the same subject matter. Older DS participated in the MIdwest Talent Search sponsored by NOrthwestern University, and took the SAT (the same one taken by high school jrs and srs.)in 6th grade. Don't know if younger DS will be invited to take it, as he is only in fifth grade now. But again, the invitation came because of test scores on the standardized testing, not because of some special screening we did or testing we sought out. Kids can be gifted/talented in one area and not in others. There are some great websites and books on giftedness, but in truth a lot of the "characteristics" that they mention seem to be present in lots of kids I know. My older DS was a very early reader, like the poster's son. He was reading at a second grade level before he started kindergarten. But rather than seeing that as a problem, we saw it as a benefit for him as he went to school. It was. I will tell you that while there are things that the school can offer, you might also look into your local jr. college - they often have a "kids on campus" type of program, part of which is geared to gifted/talented kids, in which they can take advanced classes, etc. Gifted/talented kids can benefit by being in a regular classroom, and being leaders. Neither of our boys has EVER complained about being bored in school, whether in their regular classroom time or during gifted/talented classtime. Watch what is happening to your child, and seek out interesting experiences to enrich him, but do not let the concept of being "gifted" worry you, unless HE complains about his learning experiences.

Siobhan, it's wonderful to see you here again! I looked up Thoughts While Tending Sheep on Amazon, and there are quite a few used copies available if anyone is interested. I ordered a copy for myself on a whim, I'm hoping there are Border Collies in it somewhere :) https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-While-Tending-Sheep-Ilefeldt/dp/0517569191/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1524485857&sr=8-1&keywords=thoughts+while+tending+sheep&dpID=61bX%252Bvh6rTL&preST=SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40&dpSrc=srch