Thanks, cheerful, I really appreciate your thoughts. I think what has been most difficult to deal with is the fact how fast I was hit by all this, even though there have been symptoms around for years but I did not recognize them as such. Then came the awakening [when it felt like an alien had invaded by body and I really wasn't my good old self and I knew for sure that something bigger than me was at work here] and now I feel like I can't catch my breath. Everytime I turn around, something new is happening. Thank God I do not have the hotflashes like some women do but I get the night sweats which I can live with at this point. The migraines are a different story. I usually get them every other month, just like my periods seem to be easier one month, with less symptoms, and real doozies the other month, with especially mean migraines. My periods are the toughest part for me to deal with, the irregularity of them at times and now the spotting which is a new one for me. It is still going on this morning, with cramps and backaches. At this point, it is more like a very light period...something new for me. Life, my body, really feels out of control at times, and too often. I just want my old self back. Sorry for complaining like this but if I don't get this off my chest I'll turn into complete mush. Marli P.S.: At this point, I am not taking any supplements other than the regular one a day vitamin and only because my eating habits are not always the best. I had considered adding soy milk to my regular diet but after reading some of the information out there I am not so sure now. Also, I would like to tough this out without any HRT, if possible. I'm not very big on taking anything. Seems like what might help one thing may cause problems elsewhere. I am probably too black and white on this, though. I have a feeling I have a lot of reading and studying to do on all this.

"the child may very well not ask to speak to his mom because he knows there is a rule that he can only speak to her once a day around bedtime" Nope, not the case. Unlike BM, my DH is the caring and rational parent who has his son's best interest at heart. He would never, EVER tell SS "you are only allowed to talk to your mom once a day."" SS just gets busy living with US and doesn't seem to think of talking to mom. Much like when he is with BM, he doesn't call DH except in the evening, close to bedtime I think Marie you are attributing qualities your 11 year old DD has, and comparing them to a 7 year old boy. Sorry, but boys don't seem to like to "chat" on the phone as much as girls do. I can already see that diff. between my DD and SS. Also, a 7 yr old is really not "into" talking on the phone much yet. Maybe when SS gets older, he will want to talk to BM or his dad more often---but for now, it is simply not an issue. I think you are giving the BM in my situation way too much credit here. She is not the caring, "involved" parent you are describing. I could go on and on about the times she has continually NOT put her child first. She with-held visitation for THREE WEEKS last summer because she was pissy w/my DH for taking her to court. DH talked to SS on the phone throughout the weeks sporadically, and SS sobbed one of the times, crying that he wasn't "allowed" to see dad. AWFUL. Many times now when his mom calls now he asks his dad if BM is fighting. Slowly but surely, he is begining to see his mom is WACKY. It's to the point that SS tries to listen in on DH's phone convos b/c he thinks BM is causing problems. Last week, BM called him, and at the end, she asked SS to put his dad on the phone, and SS said "no because I'm afraid you're going to get mad at him." He knows. This woman is irrational and insane. She sent her current DH to the hospital last winter b/c she got drunk, and ripped the phone off the wall, and chucked it at his head---he had to get stitches. The year before last, she was fighting w/her DH, and I guess he stormed out of the house, and IN FRONT OF HER SON AND HER STEPDAUGHTER, she took a KNIFE to the blow-up Frosty the Snowman in their front yard. SS "laughs" about it occasionally, but DH and I both know it's a defense mechanism. Talk about terrifying for a child---to see a parent that out of control. Last Christmas Eve--it was DH's night, but BM begged him to let her have SS until Christmas morning. DH consented. Well, guess what SS did that night? He spent the evening w/his stepdad at his stepdad's parents' house while BM stayed home gettgin plastered. She called my DH and me a gazillion times, sobbing about how she wanted a divorce, hated her life, etc. Nice, huh? You can sit there all you want and say that she is a caring, involved mother. Yeah, she loves her son, I will give you that--but she is an alcoholic with serious mental issues. We will do what we have to do to protect OUR FAMILY from her behavior and her antics. A direct line of communication to SS is not needed and actually, is very detrimental to our family. And, truth be told, to SS. DH wishes BM had LESS influence over him than she already does. Unfortunately, until she really screws up, joint custody will continue---but that does not mean BM needs to be in constant communication w/their son on his father's time. The woman has some serious issues, and everyone knows it---the former GAL, the current GAL, the judge, our attorney, and heck, even BM's own family knows it. We have a letter ON FILE in our court case from BM's cousin stating that she has a serious drinking problem. If we ever go to trial, this cousin will testify on our behalf.

Wow, for a daughter that wants to be with nature she sure is acting like her zen is being lazy on the couch. Sorry, I'm not sure how to put it more politely. It's lazy parenting to let the children rule the roost. Being a nature geek or free spirit, doesn't mean the kids get to run free to destroy grandma's house. Now that you've mentioned your medical predicaments, she should be even more mindful of your simple wishes. Sure there will be times the kids might run, or take food into the wrong room or even forget and jump on the sofa but she should be thoughtful of your desires as you are of hers. Your following her vegan rules as far as the kids go. Your doing what should be her share of the house work it seems. It's time for her to grow up and respect your space. It sounds like your willing to be a super grandma if she would only respect the house rules. Being safe from falling objects, respecting your property, I don't see how she can argue against this. Sounds like your in between a rock and a hard spot right now. I suppose it would be good if you could get her to return and implement your rules on your own. When they bring food into other rooms,quietly tell the child to return to the room where the food is eaten. When the run tell them the rule politely with the suggestion of a time and place they can run. After dinner in the back yard. I personally think they should follow your rules without a reward, although a reward for another reason might tempt them and be acceptable to you. They can be the one who picks out the movie or the one who picks out a game first or a walk to the park. Maybe make smores for a really good day of being good in the house. Your pick of rewards but they have to behave (most all of the time) to get it. Stick to your guns but do it yourself. Quietly, sweetly, & use lots of honey. Mom will have to see, that's the way it is. And the deployment excuse doesn't cut it for me. If anything they need more structure and order. (with out a doubt all of this has crossed your mind, so good luck these next few months)

Hi all. Ten minutes ago, I finished The Forgotten Garden. There was so much going on in that book that a synopisis is rather difficult to formulate. At first, I was interested in the book but could definitely put it down. Then slowly, it grabbed hold of me. I found myself out in the garden and having to stop my gardening to grab a quick chapter. How do I rate it? An enjoyable read but not a book I will keep or re-read. I will be getting it in the mail to my aunt tomorrow morning. Next up? When I figure it out I shall let you know. As I sit here typing, I can count my downstairs TBR pile... 36 books. And before you ask, yes, I have an upstairs TBR pile, too. I am afraid to count the titles in that pile. I have come to terms with the fact that I shall always have a TBR pile (Or two, or three) so rather than worry about their sheer volume, I am rejoicing in the fact that I always have so many choices at my fingertips! PAM P.S. to both AnnPan and Woodnymph, Thank you both for your dog breed suggestions! I had friends who had Samoyeds. I always felt that they were lovely dogs. But the long coats have me wondering about grooming and bathing. Scottish deerhounds! Never heard of them before! I will look into them because I don't even know what they look like. Sadly, I am still a one-dog person. The good part is that my black lab, Captain Nemo, is really bonding more deeply than he had before. He was always second fiddle to Snoopy. Without Snoopy here to guide him, Nemo is becoming more confident, and more protective of the family. It is nice to see him growing up! I will keep you all posted on my doggie status. My daughter (12) has petfinder.com memorized. She was ready to jump in the car and have me drive her to Indiana for a puppy just last week. (If the puppy had been within a five-hour drive from me, I would have jumped in the car and consented. But Indiana? That's a bit too far.)