I don't really think there's a real good answer. But, I doubt it would kill him NOT to play with barbies when he was over there. Some people have stupid thoughts and ideas. My mom thinks feeding kids a bunch of candy and sweets before dinner is a fun thing. But, you know, if they are doing you a favor and watching your child, I can't really see where their viewpoint on this is really going to do much harm. I think everyone has in-law stories; people just have different opinions. I would just laugh at them on this point. And, as long as they are not really hurting him, I don't see too much harm.

I doubt you will find another caregiver for him that will agree with all your politics, religions ideas, and viewpoints on everything, so be careful. You may be trading it one vice for a worse one. I usually think the love and care grandparents can give (even if they have some warped old fashioned viewpoints) is better than putting your child with a stranger that you really don't know much about.

You could have your husband try to talk to them about it being your child, respecting your opinion, etc...but I doubt it will work. Just wait until they let him play with toy guns and you don't want them to --LOL There are bigger fish to fry!

anyway about the barbies and the toddler boy...there is other things...they let him pee out side on tree and im sorry i just dont like that i think if they are camping or something like that ya thats ok...anyway they say its so embarrassing for him to play with barbies and hes going to turn the other way if you dont do something about it...i think the barbie is like his security blanket...if im not there then he had his barbie....anyway i have to pay them its not like they are doing it for free but really all he does is play out side and watch tv all day do i was thinking of putting him in academy and they teach them things...so what should i do...i know there is nothing like family..but i dont want him staying over there if they treat him different because he would rather play with a barbie than a truck or a gun...so im sort of tuck in a hard place because this is my inlaws..

Do you really think daycare/preschool is going to be better? Or are you just upset with the in-laws because they don't have the same ideas you do?

I have my share of in-law issues (mainly mil and sil). My fil and I had common ground in our love of the kids. We had our fair share of obstacles to overcome. Fil was a chain smoker, he taught my children to jump on beds and to examine tail pipes on cars. He was an inventor who had toxic chemicals and dangerous contraptions all over his house. Once he tried to put some experimental lubricating powders that he had developed for a client on ds's diaper rash. He taught my ds#1 to drink coffee. My fil absolutely loved my children, but he didn't always think things through. I had to work with him so he wasn't endangering my child. Instead of coming unglued the first time fil lit up that cigarette around my newborn baby, I took the baby from him and then said something like "Why don't you finish that and then you can hold the baby." Dh and I had to request that fil not operate his spray drier while we were visiting and we always had to be on the lookout for hazardous chemicals. DH and I hid his diaper rash concotion because we we not sure it wasn't a breathing hazard. How many parents want their kids jumping on beds or going behind cars to look at possibly hot tailpipes on a car that may soon be backing up?

My fil passed away last year. My oldest ds was the love of his life. Unfortunately, fil only got to enjoy him for about three years and then he got sick. Fil never got to enjoy my other children like he did my oldest. I wish all of my kids had been able to know him.

Do you really think your child is better off elsewhere? Or if there is something you can do to make the situation with your in-laws one that you can find mutually beneficial? I think you could get around the Barbie thing by just not allowing him to bring Barbie to their house. When he gets there, interest him in something else or just accidentally misplace or forget Barbie one day. Your son will probably figure out pretty quickly that he doesn't need Barbie when he is there. He can still play with Barbie at home. On the peeing thing, you can teach your ds that he can only pee outside when he is at the grandparent's house. Kids learn different rules, different houses pretty easily.

My two oldest kids were in daycare when they were little. Our experiences weren't all positive. If you want daycare/preschool for the reason that you want him to have more interaction with other kids, you might try something like a 'Mom's Day Out' or see if you could get the in-laws to take him to activities like zoo or library pre-school hours. I wouldn't worry about whether he is learning his alphabet and numbers yet. He has plenty of time for that. You can jump start that learning by reading to him at night or singing songs in the car.

In-laws situations aren't fun. I've got my share of problems with them. I would still try to make it work unless someone is being deliberatly nasty. Good luck!

By 'turn the other way' -- You're saying your in-laws think that if they allow a little boy to play with dolls that he will turn out to be homosexual? Totally ridiculous, and IMO, offensive.

I've always been careful not to pull a "eeewww - those are for girls" with my two boys because I think it teaches them that "girl things" are somehow inferior to boy things, and that being "like a girl" is a bad thing for boys to be. What kind of mother wants to teach her children that girls/women aren't as good as boys? There are ways to teach the differences between boys and girls without denigrating girls or feminine traits. (Both of my boys are kind and nurturing and not the slightest bit effeminate.)

OK - enough of my soapbox...

Is the Barbie doll just a little thing he walks around with? Or does he play with it like a doll? If he does engage in doll play, you could play with him and talk about how he's being a "good Daddy" and play up the 'nurturing father' aspects. Then talk to your inlaws about what a good father their son is and how you want your own son to grow up and be nurturing as well -- that there's nothing un-masculine about being a nurturing parent.

sweeby's post sort of reminded me of a point...although I bet 99% of people that are middle aged or younger feel your in-laws opinions about boys and dolls are wrong, I would bet there is a huge percentage of the older conservative generation that would agree with them.

I don't think their out-dated opinion necessarily suggests they are mean or bad people; it just puts them in a certain generation. I bet they don't believe in premarital sex, and probably think that everyone who has a tatoo is doing drugs. And, yes, your kid(s) may indirectly pick up some of this stuff from hanging out with them so be sure to make your viewpoints and opinions on matters known, but there should be some positive old fashioned things they can pick up from their grandparents too. I have a feeling many couples have had this boy and doll disagreement with their own parents/grandparents.

Heck - I had it with my own husband! And the funny thing is, he's very secure in his own masculinity and not at all homophobic - he even went to a gay bar with a group of friends to celebrate a close (gay) friend's birthday. DH is actually kind of proud of his own 'feminine side' and genuinely likes and respects women.

So why did he freak when our sons picked up and played with their cousin's dolls? My best guess is that it's just leftover 'habit' breaking through all of his good conditioning... While we agreed to disagree on the subject, he did agree to refrain from making derrogatory comments about "girls' toys" or being "like a girl" because he did see the harm in that. Or maybe he just wanted to get lucky? ;-)