If the doctor isn't concerned, don't be. BUT if you want to encourage her to talk, then

#1 talk to her (like an adult, yes, not like a child). You want her to be able to communicate with other adults at some point in her life, and she won't be able to if you don't show her how.

#2 ask her open ended questions (not "Is this your doll",(Yes), but "What is your doll doing?" (so she can tell you a story) These will encourage her speach.

#3 WHen other people comment on her speech, take note (mentally), and say, thank you for caring...then if you agree keep track, and if you don't..forget it. I didn't notice my DD#2's speech problem, others noticed her problem with her "L's", and when enough people pointed it out, then I realized I had to notice!

Remember she's only 3, she'll blossom, and then by the time she's 12 you'll wish she'd just SHUT UP (Trust me, you will!!)

Vickey-MN

Speech development various so much among younger kids. You will often fine a two year old who talks better than a three or even four year old and all can be in normal ranges. You really shouldn't compare kids, just make sure she is reaching the milestones that the doctor thinks she needs to and that she doesn't have a hearing or ear problems. It sounds to me like she's more than fine.

She's three, so talk to her like she's a three year. No, you shouldn't baby talk ALL the time but you can treat her like a kid. "Itsy Bitsy" Spider talk and an "I wuv you --kiss, kiss, kiss" every now and then will not hurt her.

Try to read to her and to show her new things and just talk about what you are doing. "Mommy is putting away the dishes; do you like this blue bowl, this glass cup is heavy". But don't go overboard, just be yourself. Things will fall into place. Don't let others get to you. Trust yourself and your doctor for any real advice.

At almost 3, she should be speaking in complete sentences. That is with a subject and a predicate and pronouns. Like "The doggie goes in the car"....not "Doggie go car".
Don't talk incomplete sentences to her....that's what you do with a 10 month old. At 3 she should be a little chatter box. Do all you can to encourage her to talk...often electronic games and computer programs can reinforce talking, as well as reading books and asking her about each picture....say things like "What is the boy doing?" And intentionally make errors so she will have to correct you. Say what is the doggie doing while pointing to a little boy.....hopefully she will correct you and then you can say "Silly Momma!!" and make a game out of it.
I have a grandson with serious problems that were not diagnosed as early as could be. He had delayed speach and the Dr's said there was no problem, the speach therapist said no problem....but my daughter insisted and got an appointment with a pediatric neurologist.
Just because a Dr. says "no problem" if you feel things are not right.....get on top of it! You are the mother! You know your child!
Linda C

My now 18yo son didn't really start talking till he was about 3. He said words and could put two words together but the real speech skills didn't kick in for a while. The doc said not to worry so I didn't. And in fact, he was fine. When he finally did start talking, the did great and is a very bright boy. He walked at 8 months which is very early so I figured his development just concentrated on physical more than speech at the beginning.

Funny thing is, he wasn't athletic at all, but a very good student and highly motivated. So maybe he just needed that extra developmental time for talking.

And by the way, once he did start talking, well, he has yet to stop! He's a motor mouth just like his mother! (me)

my nephew is almost 3 years old. He actually doesn't started talking. He tells few words by himeself.He tells 'go' 'bye' etc. He is always playful and running here and there. Doesn't converse or doesn't listen to what we speak. He is not concentrating or listening to other. He enjoys playing lot.
He speaks few words by himself. But we ask he doen't reply. he just walks away. He watches TV.No problem. pediatrician checked and found no problem with him.

If anyone could advise me, that would be really cool. My 4yo son sounds alot like these other little folks. He is very bright, knowing his ABC's, numbers 1-50, shapes (even octogon, pentagon etc) and can even read some words and has an EXCELLENT memory. But, he doesn't have a whole lot of 'meaningful conversation' yet and has a less than impressive attention span :) He was evaluated by the local school district and was quickly labelled autistic. My hubby and I were floored. They spent less than 2 hours with him on a day my hub said was his worst ever (he was there, observing). He was ultra cranky and basically refused to listen to the screeners (he's not big on strangers telling him what to do). They determined that he was unable to do a lot of tasks that he does everyday, just wouldn't do for them. Well, when we told our Pediatrician about all of this, he rolled his eyes and chuckled, very annoyed. He said that my son is four and that he's fine. I'm LOST!! and very concerned. I learned that our district is labelling many boys autistic as well as ADD/ADHD. One mother that I met heard the exact same thing as me..."don't worry, it's only a mild case [of autism]" Opinions please.

I have an autistic grandson...moderatly autistic. The things you are saying about your son certainly would cause me to be very worried and to get to a pediatric neurologist. Autism can be treated, the child can learn to cope, but it is VERY important tos tart early1 Children learn at express train rate in very early childhood and it is important to get him the help he needs at the time he needs it most.
He may have been having a bad day at the time of the screening, but the behavior you describe on a day to day basis soundl like something to check out.
Autistic doesn't mean stupid or retarded....it just is a disorder causing a child to be very involved in what's going on in his mind than what others are trying to say to him. In fact autistic people are often much more advanced in certain areas than "normal" people.
Get another opinion!
And keep posting......many people care that all children get all the help they need to be the best they can be.
Linda C

I was glad to read what everyone had to say. i have a 19mo old who has few words and almost no "real" words, basicly just dada. His mother baby sits seval kids his age, many of which speak and understand a variety of commands. its easy for me to compare the kids and worry about Davin's(son) devlopment. It sounds like the speech delay is a relitivly common problem. ill try to wait a couple months before starting to freak out.
Has any one had any success keeping an easily distracted toddlers attention? if so how?
lastly, im really not trying to be mean but did anyone read this a couple posts up from here:

"my nephew is almost 3 years old. He actually doesn't started talking. He tells few words by himeself.He tells 'go' 'bye' etc. He is always playful and running here and there. Doesn't converse or doesn't listen to what we speak. He is not concentrating or listening to other. He enjoys playing lot.
He speaks few words by himself. But we ask he doen't reply. he just walks away. He watches TV.No problem. pediatrician checked and found no problem with him."
seriously almost none of this makes sense. i read this post like 10 times. it is really crazy

Papa, the writer of the paragraph you quoted is not a native English speaker. Her home page says she lives in India...
I wonder if you could do as well in her/his native language.
Linda C

Danmom...I completely feel the way you feel. I just want my little guy to talk to me and tell me about his day. I want to CONNECT with him. Sometimes I just try to get him to look me in the eyes for a while and smile. But I am not worried anymore. I am actually excited to watch him improve AND do things his own way...seems it will be that much more rewarding. He is pure sincerity and happiness and affection and funny and I am thrilled with him. I know of 3 kids (2boys 1girl) who started out the same way as my boy (who seems to have a bit more difficulty than your girl). Two had the speech and occupational therapy and all 3 are up to speed or ahead in their grade levels. The girl seems a bit ummmm, socially awkward but if everyone who was socially awkward was not 'normal' then I think the definition of 'normal' would have to change. lol

danmom and mamug... I don't know if this will help you, but it does work for me alot of the time. My boy doesn't respond when we talk to him all the time [especially if the tv is on]. But it's not that he doesn't hear, he just doesn't care as much about what I'm saying as he does about whatever else he's tending to at the time. I started using the dreaded counting method..lol. If I call him or ask him a question and he ignores me, I repeat myself and start, "1...2..." and by then he usually responds. The fate of the child after you reach 3 is whatever works for you. We usually use the corner but make use of the minor pank too. The problem with anything other than a 'minor' pank is that he will start hitting himself afterward, whether it be on the hand or the butt. Anyhow, I really hope this is helpful to the mommies and aunts etc that are trying to harness their kids attention spans... :)

hi scrawnydawny ,
looks like ur son is perfectly OK. I think they haven't diagnoised properly. These people they label the child quickly. They don't understand the parent's feeling.
I have done lot of research on Autism on the interet. Pl. go thru the symptoms. You can really come to conclusion yourself.

Hi All - I'm not normally on this forum, but have a little extra time this afternoon.
I also have a 10 year old son who has a mild form of autism as well as a serious speech and language disorder, learning disabilities, seizures, and probably some sort of genetic syndrome. Here's what he looked like at age 2.5 to 3:

- Spoke a few words - Momma, Daddy, go. Just after his 3rd birthday, he was up to a few 3 word sentences. Lots of missing or distorted sounds in his words. Without context, or if you were only 'half-listening', you didn't know what he said.
- He didn't listen very well either, and frequently ignored us when we called his name or asked him to do something. He could follow a simple one-step direction of the sentence was short and simple.
- He would come fetch me or his dad to get things for him, and would lead us by the hand to whatever he wanted. If the object was on an upper shelf, he'd push our hands toward the shelf. He did not point and didn't look if we pointed.
- He would sit with his bottom on the ground, his knees out to either side with his legs making a W.
- He was a very sweet and affectionate child who clearly loved his family and was very 'connected'. He sometimes avoided eye contact, but usually when we wanted him to speak or he thought he might be in trouble.

I began to suspect he wasn't typical at 6 weeks of age, but his doctor assured me everything was fine. He was just-starting-to or just-about-to reach all of his milestones right at the end of the 'window' the books talked about. I voiced new concerns to the Dr. at every check-up. Turns out, they were even the right concerns, the classic warning signs for autism and development delays -- Dr. assured me he was perfectly normal; refused even to agree to my request for a speech language evaluation until age 2.5 which, given the waiting periods, meant it didn't happen until he was almost 3. His language tested out at a 12-month level!

Bottom line-- If you - the mother - feel deep in your heart that something is 'not right' with your child, then listen to your gut. One doctor's 15-minute exam doesn't outweigh your day-to-day observations for three years. And every parent of a child with special needs will give you this exact same advice. Most of us have shared this experience. And it's hurt our children.

If you even wonder if there may be a problem, and your child is rarely around children his or her age, find a way to change that for a few days -- a church Sunday School group, a Mommy & Me class, Day care, play group -- anything. You need to be able to see your child compared to 5-10 other children the same age. Yes, they're all different -- But if your child is noticably behind in a key area (speech) or more than one area, INSIST on a comprehensive evaluation by your county's Early Childhood Intervention program. Every county in the U.S. has them, and any elementary school can tell you how to find them. Intervention is most effective the earlier it's started.

I too have a three year old daughter who does not speak as well as her peers. Her father was speech delayed as was his brother; both now are Nuclear Engineers in the Navy on Submarines. I know it is hard to distinguish between what is autistic and what is speech delay and what is just a late talker as at times the symptoms all seem on the same blurred line, but I have found it is better to be safe then sorry in early prevention. I would hate to just assume that because she does understand any command even three to four step commands but just responds back with one or three word sentence responses she is just waiting on her own time to talk. On the other hand she is so adept and responsive to everything I say, and clever in her own right that I would also hate to say oh she is autistic. Our daughter has always had a very introverted personality since day one; she prefers to play alone a lot of the time. She does not speak much and does a lot of imaginary play. Yet on the other hand she is sweet in nature and very loving, she is the first kid to approach another kid at the playground and say hello, so I do not worry about her being too much of an introvert. She just has a keen sense of self at a very young age and a huge dose of stubbornness inherent from her father. We have enrolled her in preschool to help give her the extra boost in socialization and learning she needs at this time and have opted to start speech therapy as well. Her younger sister is the complete opposite in personality the extrovert and enjoys being the limelight of all situations. We have learned just through observation of our own two that all children are different in their own way.
While hunting around for answers I did find the book "The Einstein Syndrome" by Thomas Sowell highly informative. It especially has a lot of helpful insight in regards to our daughter since her father was so delayed to the point that they wanted him to go into special education classes by the second grade. Thank goodness his teacher and parents decided not to go that route, but just enrolled him in speech therapy. He never would have been top of his class or gone to the Naval Academy and certainly would not now be a Navigator aboard a Fast Attack submarine. I know that my husband can totally relate to our daughter and he is just as frustrated as me in wanting her to talk to us and tell us about her day. I would say to all the parents out there you know your child and his/her capabilities. It can get frustrating and upsetting when we play the comparison game with other children of the same age. Just be sure to do the research, do not let others label so quickly what your child may or may not have. If all else fails it never hurts to give them the extra tools they need to get up to speed with their peers. Good luck!

I did not read all the postings.. so forgive me if someone already mentioned this. I am a private speech language pathologist in NY who works with young children from 18 months up until kindergarten. Unfortunately, pediatricians do not always refer children with speech prpblems for evaluations as they should. Some will tell you to wait. However, the sooner your child is seen, the better it will be for your child. If you suspect your child has a speech delay contact your local school district (to find out where your child can be tested) OR your local county health department and ask for a complete testing. Early intervention is available for children under the age of 3 usually through your county's public health system. After age three until kindergarten these services are usually provided through your child's school district. (at least that is how it works here in NY state) Your child can be tested at ANY age and it is usually free to the parents. Complete evaluations take about an hour or so and in NY they test across five domains including communication.

Face it lady, your kid is an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this message is for zoe 52, or anyone else who is in the know on private speech therapists. my son is speech delayed, and he just started going to the pa state /early intervention therapy program, but my wife and i wanted to look into a private therapist to get him more hours with working on his talking. we are located in bucks county, pennsylvania... is there any online (or not online) listing / resource guide for finding private therapists for toddlers?

How old is your son? And do you have any specific diagnosis for his speech problems? The best therapist for him may vary based on the answers to those questions.

If he doesn't have a diagnosis yet, or has a diagnosis of anything other than apraxia of speech, I'd go through your pediatrician's office and try to work with someone on your health insurance plan. Some SLPs may be covered; some won't be. Once you get a few names, call the SLP's office and ask to talk to the person who handles insurance billing. Ask that person if the therapists in that office ever work with your insurance company, if they have trouble getting paid, and what your portion of the fee would be. Call around until you find a place you feel comfortable with financially, THEN ask which of their speech therapists would be best for a child your son's age and with his particular temperament. NOT that money should be the guiding factor -- but one SLP may cost you $25/session and another could cost you $200 -- JUST based on your insurance plan. And any good SLP will be capable of treating most speech problems in youg children.

Now, if your son has been diagnosed with apraxia of speech (it's rare), there's no harm in going through your pediatrician and insurance company first, but in that case, which SLP you choose will be much more important than the financials, assuming you have some room for choice. You may need to call every SLP in the city to see who has experience (and success) working with children with apraxia. I know Pittsburgh, PA (Children's Hospital) has some of the world's best apraxia resources, and I'm sure they can point you to someone in Bucks County.

ASHA has a website, but IMO, it's pretty incomplete.

our son just turned two last week (aug 10). he was assigned a motor skills therapist after being evaluated as developmentally delayed back in may, but he has no diagnosis. we were surprised he did not get a speech therapist, but we like the motor skills therapist, and wanted to add a private speech therapist as early intervention was not willing to provide us one right now. our son says approximately 15 words, but he is very hot and cold with them. he does not request things, he mostly labels things - "awa" for water, "fish", etc. some times he'll say a word several times a day, than days, sometimes weeks might go by before you hear the word again. we are trying to get him to use his words to request things... he does understand things he does not say, like outside, inside, upstairs, downstairs, lay down, open, close, chips, drink, bath... but does not get that he can get better results by saying what he wants instead of guiding me over to it (like when he wants to play with the garden hose he doesn't say "awa", he grabs me, brings me to the hose faucet, and puts my hand on the spicket).

Try to get him to use as much speech as he is capable of. For example, if he goes to the refrigerator, ask him if he wants milk or juice. Wait for a verbal response of some sort to indicate his preference. Ask him to use his words to tell you. Then ask him if he wants his red sippy cup or the blue one - red or blue? Again, "Use your words." Don't push him for more than he's capable of -- you don't want to frustrate him, just 'stretch' him to get him to become more verbal. Talk to him A LOT during yout time together. Narrate your own actions: "You want some milk in your red sippy cup? OK - I'll get your cup. Here's the red one. Now lets go get the milk. I'll put it on the counter. Now let's pour some milk into the cup. And let's put the lid on. OK here's your milk." Try to involve him in the conversations as much as possible. Also try to invent simple games you two can play together that will elicit speech. For example, build a simple tower of blocks and say 'Boom!' when he knocks it over. Try to tie the fun activity (knocking over the tower) to the speech - "boom!"

A few more questions: How often does he get therapy? In your home? Or in a place with other young children? Is he ever in a group setting with other kids his age where you can observe him and compare his development level to others? Has he had his 2-year check up yet? Who suggested he was developmentally delayed and why? Was it you or someone else? Do you know what they saw? Any specific behaviors that had them worried? Does your son ever point? Or does he just take your hand to the object in question?

Try this little experiment: Take your son to sit over by a window. Then YOU look outside and find something that might interest him - a bird, plane, pretty flower. Then, while looking at your son, point to the item you saw and say "Oh! A pretty bird." (It's OK to glance at the bird, but your attention should be on your son, not the bird.) Does your son look at you? Or at the bird? Does his attention follow where you're pointing? And if so, is it immediate and automatic? Or delayed?

he does therapy for four hours a week, two at home and two at daycare (he does daycare three days a week). our therapist says he can be a little shy at times, but generally fairs pretty well in terms of social interaction with the other kids in his class. he co-plays and shares toys, and likes to put his hand on other kids' shoulders to get their attention. he babbles alot at daycare, but doesn't say too much in terms of his actual words.

my wife and i were the ones who wanted him looked at, and a part of this was daycare. we noticed other children around his age with much broader vocabularies, and seemingly ahead of our son in terms of understanding instructions, paying attention, etc.

our son does point to things, but this has been a more recent development with him than other kids his age (the last 2 months he has been pointing, while most other kids seem to do it much earlier).

he does like to guide us to the refrigerator, the stairs, or to our back door when he wants a drink or wants to play outside, which i've heard can be a symptom of autism (the guiding people around thing). Sometimes he wants us to push buttons for him and he places our finger on the button, other times he does it himself just fine. as a general statement, he is cautious with things he is not sure of... once he gets comfortable with something he goes at it 100 percent.

i will try the test.

It's good that he is pointing, and yes, that's why I was asking. (My son is on the autism spectrum, and at age 11, he still sometimes just grabs my hand...) The 'you point - he looks' test is really just another measure of the same thing, but interesting to see what happens.

Four hours per week is a good amount of therapy! And it's good that it's you who noticed and asked for help. A lot of times, parents are in denial and can't imagine anything could possibly be wrong with their precious darlings.

It sounds to me like you and your wife are absolutely on the right path and doing the right things. Therapy will help, and time will help you see more clearly where the differences are (or aren't). Keep trusting your instincts, because they're usually good, and so far, they've been leading you right --

Sweeby

thank you for all of your advice. i am curious, what is your son like today, and when did he start talking? is he social? does he have friends? how is he in school, grades, etc.? i have heard so many different stories about children and autism... i have no idea of what to expect if he does get diagnosed with it.

You know -- There are so many stories, and so many different outcomes because our children are all so different. In other words, my son's outcome and progress would tell your NOTHING about yours. I know you want to see into the future -- but I'm sorry -- you just can't.

But there are some common threads that we see in varying degrees in different children:

- Some children have genetic differences or syndromes that are probably at the root of their autism issues. (Mine probably does, but we haven't found it yet.) For these kids, they can improve, but they will never be 'cured' by anyone's definition.

- Other children appear to have been damaged by certain toxic exposures -- possibly vaccinations, heavy metals, PCBs, pesticides, food intolerances, unknown other substances. Some of these kids have made remarkable improvements (or even recoveries) once the underlying problem agent was removed. These kids often have severe digestive or skin issues that can provide valuable medical clues.

- Other kids seem to have been influenced by their early surroundings - Eastern Orphanages and such. They can also make big gains, but generally still have traces of 'stand-offishness' and interpersonal difficulties well into adulthood. To me, these are the saddest cases, because it just didn't have to happen.

- Many others just seem to have been born that way, and we never have any idea why. I think that may be the hardest group because the parental guilt just has no escape valve.

- Most autistic kids have speech and language impairments of some sort. Some will repeat long scripts verbatim. Many repeat key phrases over and over. Some develop huge vocabularies ('little professor syndrome') and others never get more than a few words. I'd say most high-functioning kids have 'functional but odd' speech by the time they're 8 or 9, and continue to sound different somehow throughout their lives. For many, the main difference is in prosody, the musical rythem of speech.

- Statistics say that about 75% autistic children have IQs in the mentally retarded range, but I personally, don't believe that's true. I do believe they TEST in the MR range because the test protocols are so far out of sync with the way their minds work. But I've seen such a lively intelligence in many of these kids. And I've seen too many kids who tested in a MR range at age 4, but in an 'average' or even 'superior' range by age 10. (My own son doesn't test as MR, but I'm pretty sure he has a significant cognitive impairment.)

- Most autistic kids do not have many other 'typical' children for friends past age 7 or 8 or so. It's sad, but true. Our kids are just too different and 'don't play well with others' because social interractions are just too complex to teach. But my son has many adult friends, and I'm hoping that when he's an adult, he will still have adult friends. He's also friends with other 'special' kids. But even those friendships are a lot of work relative to the rewards he gets.

- In school, most autistic kids are in special ed. Some for academic reasons, some for emotional and social. Mine is and clearly has to be. He works one on one with the special ed teacher for reading, writing and math and is mainstreamed for the rest. We put him in private special school for age 3 to grade 4, then enrolled him in public school, repeating grade 4.

The good news is that our son is extremely social, very affectionate, and about as happy as any child you've ever seen. He knows that 'technically' he's different, but also that 'Everybody's Different!' and that he is wonderful and very much loved.

Try not to worry too much -- Just keep watching and 'therapizing' and loving your son. If he IS on the autism spectrum, it will be revealed to you as it becomes evident in his behavior. If he isn't, the therapy will only help him. He will continue to grow and develop and improve, and the best you can do is provide him the therapy and loving support to help him develop to his own best potential, whatever that turns out to be.

I also have a son he is 2 years old right now, but he doesn't talk too much. What I did is teach him for example he is holding a ball I'd say "that is a ball... Ball..." then I would ask him to say it again.. then he would say it again. I always ask him questions like what are you going to do with that? what is that? etc. Just be patient with your daughter and don't ever compare her to other toddlers. Every toddlers has different milestone and I agree with someone's comment here that as long as your daughter has no hearing problems your daughter is fine.. Nothing to worry.. Talking to your toddlers can be fun! :)

"Just be patient with your daughter and don't ever compare her to other toddlers. Every toddlers has different milestone and I agree with someone's comment here that as long as your daughter has no hearing problems your daughter is fine.. "

Yup -- So long as your daughter is fine, SHE'S FINE!
(See - There was nothing to worry about.)
That's exactly what almost all pediatricians tell almost all parents, and most of the time -- they're right.
You see, Autism only affects about one in every 150 to 160 kids, so a blanket platitude of "She's fine! Don't worry!" will be right more than 99% of the time.
And so long as your child is in that 99% of the population, you will have worried needlessly.

But sadly, 1 in 160 children IS NOT just fine. (More like 1 in 100 if you include other issues besides autism.)
And THAT child needs help NOW.
And THAT Mom needs to tell her doctor "Stop patronizing me! Start listening, and refer my child for a speech and language evaluation now."
And THAT Mom NEEDS to compare her child to other toddlers to see if he/she really is behind, or if it's just Mom being nervous.
And THAT Mom needs to ask her child's pre-school teachers to compare her child to other toddlers to see if he/she really is behind, or if it's just Mom being nervous.

And most of all -- THAT Mom doesn't need to hear (again!) that she's worrying herself sick for nothing.
If Mom's gut tells her something's wrong with her child, she needs to be encouraged to trust in herself enough to push for a professional evaluation --
one that's more in-depth than 15 minutes with a garden-variety pediatrician.

I am a speech pathologist.
Is she COMMUNICATING?
Can you, the family understand her?
Does she speak in three word sentences?
Does she follow commands/understand you?

Articulation is different than language. Articulation can vary greatly from child to child and as long as there is no hearing issue, cognitive ability issue, 99% of the time it works itself out, with out remediation.

Language issues can be intertwined with learning and cognitive issues.
If your only concern is from what your sister said my guess is your daughter is FINE. Red flags would have gone up before now in your parental GUT if there was a concern.

Anyone have updates on their children? Did everything turn out okay? I ask because I am in the same position you were in many years ago and I would love done reassurance everything was just fine! Please and thAnk you ladies!
Nikki