Azzalea - you have my sympathy. In my case, there are just 2 of us. One of us did/does everything; the other criticizes. Guess which one is which.

Suzieque

No need to guess--LOL! And yep--mine has had a lot of criticism about the choices the rest of us have made--she doesn't believe Auntie needs to be in Assisted living (but then, she's only seen her for about 2 hours since her stroke, so how can she evaluate?)

Funny thing is, if my sib or yours read this post, I'm willing to bet they wouldn't even recognize that we were talking about them--they don't get it, do they?

And you have my sympathies, as well--has to be much harder with you being the only one doing the brunt of the work. I'm grateful I've got 2 who pitch in when needed.

Did these kids start out spoiled from when they toddled - or was it an awareness/certainty of their entitlement arrived at later in life?

My condolences to your siblings on the death of their sense of empathy with others' difficult circumstances.

Or has it just been anaesthetized - is it a temporary lapse?

Some folks find it hard to put themselves into someone else's shoes.

ole joyful

Got any teenagers that want to drive?? :D Let them bring the car to her and SHE has to bring him/her back home!

Otherwise, I agree with you. If you want it, come and get it!

"And--the really big one--seeing that she has frequent visitors to keep her spirits up." The 'frequent' visitors are my one sis and I. The other 3 all have excuses and have had for the many, many years our sister Annie has been in the home. The clincher with us is that we all live within 20 minutes of the home. I find it sad.

Shirley

I'm so sorry for the trouble you are having. This is a difficult time for you. I agree.....if you want it, come and get it.
DH & I know the time will come when these decisions will have to be made about us and our stuff. In our wills, we have stipulated that being our oldest son lives the closest to us, (Other son is deceased, and daughter lives abt 100 miles away) there is $10,000, set aside for his expenses to do what ever needs to be done with our stuff. Dottie

So true "There's alway's one" I agree with Dotmom....if you want it, come and get it. Sheesh!! What nerve!!

Pigs would fly before I'd deliver that car....

I wouldn't deliver it either. There are deadbeats in every family, it seems.

Yep, we all have them. There are 5 of us and 3 did it all the other stood with their hands out.. This is so sad. But I beleive their time will come. They don't have very good relations with their kids. So sad.. But as they say, we reap what we sow...

Don't even discuss delivering the car. If she wants it bad enough she will come and get it. Give her a time and if she doesn't get it, put it up for sale. Plain and simple.

Susie

or charge her an extra $500.00 plus gas to deliver it.

i've been through this, it's not fair. i wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

family...you can't pick 'em.

maryanne

If she wants it, 'come and get it'.

I have an elderly brother that has come to live with us and he does drive me nuts at times but my DH has been really wonderful about having him here. Said, 'he doesn't have anyone or any other place to go'. The man in Ca. that was so helpful to him isn't able to help him anymore. DB needs help with his meager finances or he would spend it all on motorcycle junk.

We have another DB in Tx, but they won't have him to even visit and have told him so. He isn't the cleanest guy around but we're working on it, but you would think his DB would at least let him visit for a week or so sometime. And, yes the DB here, thinks the sun rises and sets in the one that won't have him in his house!!

Yep---there is always one. Doesn't matter how many siblings there are, all raised in the same environment by the same parents, and everyone of them is different.

And then there is the one who is REALLY different and as my mom used to say, "Cut from a different cloth." That would be my sister.

Mom wanted to pass at home; this particular sister wanted a "schedule" to help care for mom. Mind you, she was the only one with no children, and no job! The other sis and I had jobs and small children at home! But she needed a schedule!The other two of us said, "Do what you want---we will be here every moment possible!"

Sad to say, she passed away 4 years ago herself---all alone. We were never able to reconcile after mom died; I regret that. But my other sis says, it would have never happened anyway because she was just "different."

Oh, well.
Sorry---didn't mean to hijack your thread!
I wish you luck with your situation---it is very difficult.
And I'll be damned if I would deliver the car!

There's always one, and it was me, but in reverse to your situation. I have 3 brothers, and none bothered to even call Mother more than once or twice a year in her last years. I moved her to an apartment here from 725 miles away because one brother, who lived 2 miles away from her in AZ wanted to be PAID for taking care of her finances. In the 3-1/2 years that she lived near me, she never paid me anything except lunch maybe every couple of weeks. I saw her several times a week, and we talked on the phone daily.

When she passed away, age 95, the last 8 days in the hospital, and I was there at her side at least 12 to 14 hours every day, a couple of nights sleeping in a chair in her room. I couldn't call out except locally, so I'd ask my husband to call one brother and update him, and ask him to let the other two brothers know what was happening.

Right after she died, I got an email from one brother complaining that I hadn't been in touch as much as he would have liked. I told him that was his younger brother's job, and if he had any complaints, to take it up with him.

Granted, one brother lived 500 miles away, and two were 2/3 of a continent away. But you'd think they'd try to see their mother, right? One even said, well, I don't want to see her now, I'd rather remember her the way she was.

My husband and I did everything, cleaned out her apt, and took care of the estate, burial plans (no funeral service), everything. I boxed up all the little things from her apt and sent it to the younger brother and told him to distribute it to the others. Except for her clothes, and a few things that I kept, and some heavier furniture, I sent dozens of boxes to the brother. And billed the estate for the shipping expenses, too.

I have only talked to one brother in the last 3 years, and I'll probably never see the other two again, unless I happen to run into them while changing planes in Chicago.

Not to hijack the thread, but I sure understand your problem! Be thankful that you have two helpful siblings!

I am so lucky- my brother helps me with everything. We are 17 years apart in age, he is the oldest and he had to shoulder dealing with my Mom's stuff since I was only 13 at the time. But when my father died (his step dad) he drove 8 hours to stay a week with me to help clean and take care of everything. I wish you could all have someone as wonderful as my big brother!

Trish

A practical question regarding this:

Who has Auntie's Power of Attorney ?
You can't transfer the title without her or the person who has financial POA, signing off on it.

I would tell her that, if she wants the car, she has to come and get it, because she has to sign title transfer papers. Otherwise...let it sit.

ya'll have my deepest sympathies...I'm sure I'll be in the same boat someday...and me being the baby...I'll probably get to witness more then the others...right now we all get along pretty well...I hope it continues...

Trish - may I borrow your brother? :-)

Have been away from the computer all day. DH and I took an 'us' day to get some stuff done at the new house, so I was really surprised to come back and see all the responses since this morning.

You all have my sympathies who are going through the same kind of stuff. Just remember, we know we're doing the right thing. Don't you wonder how the 'others' sleep at night. Oh, they don't think they're doing anything wrong, so I'm sure it doesn't bother them too much.

As to transferring the car. i'm Aunt's POA and have been using that for some of the bank stuff, but I can take the title to her for her to sign. While she had a stroke, she's okay mentally, but she cannot express herself. That--the aphasia (did I spell that correctly?) was one of the main reasons we didn't want her going back to living alone. What if something happened and she needed to call for help, but couldn't make herself understood? She's okay to sign stuff though and has even written some checks since she's been sick.

To be honest, if that one does show up for the car, I do plan to get aunt to sign the title--as a way to force/drag (LOL) that sis over to visit at least once more. See--there's a method....

and even though it's the weekend and I know Sis is off today--haven't heard a word from her.

As far as the car goes, if she doesn't wish to come and get it, feel free to sell it to someone else. The rest-you have my sympathy!

Not saying this has anything to do with your particular situation BUT in mine....

My FIL could use company since MIL died a year ago. We have a very large family and we all live close by. Because of my work schedule I can only visit on a weekend or in the evening after work. My 40 year old unmarried neice lives with my FIL and she makes it very uncomfortable for anyone with my scheudle (same as hers) to visit. She's always reminding people it's her house too and she'd like a little peace and quiet after work, there's limited parking, etc. etc.

Fortunately, my husband has a different work schedule and is free to visit his dad without the neice being there.

I still resent her for intruding when MIL was dying at home. When I wanted to have alone time with MIL, neice made sure she never strayed three feet from us. Just another perspective.

Neesie--what a shame for your FIL. As you obviously know, it's important for our older relatives to get as much and as varied stimulation as possible. That means having many different people around. What a shame his caregiver apparently doesn't 'get' that important aspect of caring for an elder person.

You're right, though--that's not the case here. It's exactly the opposite. We involved nieces/nephew are doing our best to try to get as many friends and family to visit Aunt as possible. It's so much healthier for them to have lots of friendly stimulation. We really want her to enjoy and participate in life just as much as she possibly can, for as long as she can. Wish your niece understood that, so that your FIL could enjoy life more.

I hope your niece learns to appreciate how important is is for all of you that you have the opportunity to spend time with your FIL as often as you both wish. Good luck.