Well, Stevied, thanks for your concern about "hijacking" my thread but I think we would all be better off if it morphs into a discussion of how we can all (male and female) be more sensitive in communication with our significant others than if it remains a narrowly focused thrashing out of my little problem. After all...I've already relegated that to the "last week's annoyance" category. Some might say that I've swept it under the rug...I prefer to think I've moved on. And I think I might learn a lot from a man who is willing to think a bit about these things. A different perspective, doncha know? I suspect that part of the problem your wife has with your attempts to communicate stems from old hurts. She may be expecting repeats of earlier disappointments and such. It's hard to imagine that a husband who would make such a sweet, humble attempt to understand and change would be rebuffed. There must be some issue lurking here. Have you asked about that? You say that you still can't help her feel better - well, apart from the fact that one person really cannot be responsible completely for the feelings of another - have you asked her to break things down for you into really small, doable bits? If you find that you just don't know what to do or say, could you say, "Honey, I can tell that you are hurting and I hate that and really want to help. What do you need me to do or say right now? What am I not getting about this? Do believe me that I want to understand and am not trying to be thick...I just don't quite see it and need you to help me understand how to help you. I'm hoping that if you walk me through it a few times I'll start to get it on my own." Any woman who would reject that must have a LOT of mistrust left over from somewhere. And those issues will have to be dealt with before progress is made. Also, apology has its valuable place. If you react in a way that turns out to be mistaken, apologize! Right away you can say, "Whoa! I think I read that wrong. You were serious, weren't you? I'm sorry I didn't get that. Let me back up and try again cause I really didn't want to hurt your feelings." And you may need to start out by assuming that it's ALL important for a while. Rather than putting all the burden on her to announce whether you should really pay attention or not, how about just assuming that if her mouth is moving you need to get in gear? I seriously doubt that she will be as annoyed on account of you taking something seriously when she was kidding as she would if you ignore her when she is trying to get your attention. You say that you want to help and you just can't seem to figure it out? Well, take the time and trouble to just pay attention to everything she says for a while and see if that helps. Really listen every time she speaks, take a few seconds at least to try to see what she is really saying and if you don't get it ask her to clarify for you. If nothing else, it should be a huge compliment to her that you are willing to pay attention to her. We really do teach others how to treat us. Heaven knows what I'M thinking...I seem to always teach people to take me totally for granted and to ignore my needs. When will I ever learn NOT to do that? Or HOW not to do that? But it's always easier to give advice about someone else's problem than to figure out our own or to take advice when it applies to us. So why shouldn't your wife teach you what she needs? If you are as willing to learn as you appear to be, I think she would be making a huge mistake not to jump at the chance. Guys like you don't grow on trees!

shelly 2, I see your questions going unanswered so I respond with just an observation. Sometime activity spawns more activity/responses. I think color is very personal and hard to given anything more than standard "color wheel" advice. I think: If you like it, buy it! If you're having trouble visualizing, then I'm with you. Colors on the micro-level (chips) and the macro-level (house, rooms, floors.....) sometimes don't match up in my eye. Good luck, and given your insights already shared I'm sure you do just fine following what you like in colors. As for brand, I have even less to share, I have some pavers that were installed by my "deck guy" about 15 years ago and they're holding up fine. I don't know anything about them other than to say they have an old soft look, and are red/earth tones. They get heavy foot traffic and regardless of their "soft" look, they look as good as when installed, to my poor memory.

Sorry -- I think I fell off the end of the earth -- no that was just the first week of school, meetings almost every night since then, football and band going full tilt and I thought I could function with little or no sleep. My son had a big roller coaster experience with his college and life plans over the weekend and the first of this week. I'm still not certain where that will wind up, but the crisis moment has passed. OMG -- I'm not sure I'm ready for this senior year. I'll be okay when he leaves for college, but deciding where he will go and all that goes with that is not going to be easy for this one. I was supposed to be somewhere else hours ago, so I will quickly tell you what I was playing with and see if it sparks any interest rather than spending more time trying to get back to drawing it up and then finding it's impossible or whatever. I'm really getting caught up on the living spaces and flow of the home more than the knit-picking of the kitchen itself. The main thing that is bothering me there is the pantry being so far away from the cooking and prep areas. If you have enough cabinets to put your spices and most used staples in them near your baking and cooking zones and use the pantry for extra storage, small appliances and extra bakeware -- the things you don't need daily or won't have to go grab as you adjust or improvise when cooking, it might work. Or if you cook in an orderly fashion -- all by recipes or can gather everything once and not need to run to the pantry to get something you forgot or decide you need to adjust or improve something, it may work for you. I had a kitchen with a pantry across an aisle -- not as far as this one would be, and it drove me crazy -- to the point of hating to cook. I had very few cabinets in the kitchen itself and no room for any food other than the fridge. Even my spices were in the pantry. The walk-in pantry was one of the reasons I loved the house when I first saw it and one of the reasons I hated it by the time I left. -- but it was the whole package and you have more to work with. Just make sure you know where things will go and how it will work for you. I was thinking that instead of moving the laundry you simply move the door and reorient it, but if that has moved already, it's a moot point. I was kind of hoping that would save some expense so you wouldn't hate me if I suggested taking the kitchen to the right instead of to the back so that you could create a large great room rather than having things divided. It doesn't sound like you live divided and need the two living areas and two dining areas. I will forget that for now -- looks like it might be too much and too late. However, I would not wall off the area in front of the master. I was thinking of moving the desk that faces the kitchen and putting it over between the coat closet and the master BR door, then make that open area (overgrown hallway) a reading or game area with comfy reading chairs and/or a game table for playing cards, board games, crafts, extra dining for get togethers, etc. That's an area that will work with your family room but still give you an added function. I think I would still do that and even if you go with the kitchen pretty much as planned, the area that was patio could be a crafting/activity room that is more segregated and can be closed off from the much used door. I think that closing off that space and having traffic right through the middle of it would make it a mess in terms of too much hall and too little room to work with. If you make that area a game/study area, you could make that wall separating that area from the kitchen a peninsula - go all talls on the back wall and then have a pass through so that you can do snacks, coffee/beverages and even buffets there. If you have island seating, you then have three eating areas for when the family and grandkids are all there -- possibly even room to set up another folding table - and everyone can see each other. The thing that really stuck with me was that this house didn't flow and you wondered where the space was. I am afraid that if you wall it up and box things up like you have them, you might not improve that at all -- maybe make it worse. As I said at the start -- I have been out of the loop on all that has preceded it, so if I'm off on the wrong track I'm sorry.

Thanks for all of the responses. Let me clarify further. Yes, the architect is licensed - it is required to have one in New York City to get a permit from the Department of Buildings. The scheme that I signed off on that was incorporated into the bid set and construction set for the contractor had no measurements called out. There was a legend for the scale. There were also elevations drawn which had measurements called out. The architect never explained that its drawings did not incorporate different depths for the cabinets or the overhang of the counters. With the overhang of the counters, the space between the counters would be less than 3', which the cabinetmaker said would be below the minimum it recommends. I was not asked to sign the shop drawings. Had these variance been discussed with me, I would immediately have voiced an objection. These were not the only design errors and I have absorbed the cost of the other ones. The others included: omitting relocating the intercom from its original location to another because cabinets were installed where it was locating the telephone in a place where it would be smashed by one of the doors of the cabinet ditto for a pendant light fixture omitting one of a series of light switches omitting an electrical line for the wall oven and in another room, signing off on shop drawings of bookcases were a key level was inconsistent with the architect's elevations I have been very involved with the details but this is my first renovation and I honestly didn't know that I could not rely on the architect for these details.