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anyone with similar experience..

18 years ago

at this point I have no one I can talk about it. I can only talk to my therapist but I won't see her in few more weeks. other than that there is no one i can tell that. i wonder if anyone here had any similar experience or know anyone who had and have any kind of useful advice or has any ideas of how to get any support to deal with this etc

My DD (20) is homosexual which i pretty much knew (I mean i am not stupid, it is hard not to know). but she didn't directly came out until today, so until today i tried to maintain "denial status quo" hoping it is just a phase. Well it is not....

DD is terrified of our family's reaction which eventually is going to happen, our family is rather conservative. My brother is accepting, parents are very traditional...But even for accepting people like me it is obviously not a fun fact to know. I also have rather conservative BF. My Xhusband, DD's father, and his side of the family are also pretty conservative. In any case, I have been crying the whole morning and don't know what to do about it.

DD is obviously scared. I do feel scared and sad that my only kid won't have, a so called, typical life etc. I wonder if there is any group anywhere that i can get any support from.

I will talk to my therapist but i will see her only in few weeks.

What a "fun" weekend...

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Comments (5)

silvercomet1
18 years ago
I think PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a really good resource - their website (www.pflag.org) is pretty extensive, and has a lot written by and for parents in your exact situation. There may even be a group meeting near you!

Here is a link that might be useful: PFLAG website
finedreams
Original Author
18 years ago
thanks so much. whatever i looked for sounded creepy or religion based. I'll check this one out.
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azzalea
18 years ago
PFLAG is definitely the place you want to go for information and support.

Otherwise, this is nothing to cry about. Your daughter has come to you, told you she knows who she is, what makes her happy. As her parent, celebrate that with her. Yes, I have some gay relatives. It's almost never a 'phase' (except in the case of women who have been controlled or abused by men and who temporarily turn to women as they get their lives back in order). Most of the young gay people I know were born that way, many knew by 2nd or 3rd grade that they were 'different' from other children. Some 'came out' younger, some waited until they were in their 30's or later. It's a terrible thing for a gay person to have to hide who they are for years. It takes a real toll on them. Be glad your daughter has decided to take this step now, rather than later.

I really don't see what good a therapist is going to do for you, but if you think it will help, by all means sit down with one. But the facts are what they are. Your daughter is gay, and ready to present herself as such to the world. YOU need to stand firmly at her side and let all--friends, family, and acquaintances--know that you love and support her now as much as ever. Mainly, you need to do that for HER sake, but it will help the rest realize that they also have to continue to love her, or step back from your life.

Make no mistake, though--you may run into a few situations where you'll have to make a choice. I do hope, in every of them, that you put your daughter's well-being first.

Good luck to you. And give your daughter my best wishes. She's bravely taken a huge step and should be congratulated.
Jonesy
18 years ago
Regardless of how the family reacts, let her know she can talk openly with you about anything, anytime. One thing we all want is happiness and if two people of the same sex, or people of different colors can find it, good for them.
finedreams
Original Author
18 years ago
thanks again. I cried because, let's face it, no matter how we put it life is harder for gays than heterosexuals. at work, in personal life, everywhere. we all want easier lives for our children. it is easy to say there is nothing to cry about. i am a cry baby and cry over everything, so not crying over this would be extraordinary for me haha

i don't expect therapist to do anything good for me. my therapist is someone i can talk to, who is a neutral person. I am not about to go around at work and talk about my child's sexuality, right? espcially if it is not something she proclaimed to the whole world. i do want to talk to somebody, that's why i mentioned talking to therapist. there is no one else i can talk to unless DD makes it public. DD didn't make it public so it is not up to me to talk to anyone who knows her. Not at this point.

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