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We just got ANOTHER one like this! A postcard this time. [Note: I am CHANGING the date, names, and location, to protect their privacy -- i.e., NOT Zachary and Lauren, NOT Napa/Carmel, and obviously not August 32.] The front says, SAVE THE DATE August 32, 2008 and it has 2 pictures of the couple, but both small; you can only, barely, recognize faces in one. The reverse says: Mark your calendar for a Napa Valley wedding! Please view our website for more wedding/hotel details: [URL of web site] Ww hope you can join us and we can't wait to see you in beautiful Napa!!! Love, Lauren and Zachary My husband had NO clue, and he found it annoying. I figured it out, because I had heard that my cousin "Zachary" is engaged. He is much younger (my first cousin's son), and lives far away, so I haven't seen him in several years, when he was much younger; I'm not sure I would have recognized him from the tiny picture. neesie writes, "If you can't recognize the couple by their first names, are you really close enough to "save the date" and invest in celebrating their happy occaision?" Maybe that's true if their names are Cuthbert and Thusnelda. But, as I wrote earlier, even if they are very close, if their names are common, you may well know more than one person by that name. And remember too that many invitees are closer to the PARENTS than to the couple, so even less common names may not ring a bell. If I get a save the date or a shower invitation for "Rachel," I may be baffled, because I know a lot of Rachels and a lot of people who have daughters named Rachel -- and when you consider that I may not know Rachel at ALL, but I know her FIANCE'S family very well (I might even be related) -- well, it's hopeless, even if her name is Thusnelda! The point is, it isn't just people that you "barely know" that confuse you when they don't put last names ANYWHERE on the save-the-date or invitation. (And this one didn't even have a return address, so no clue there.) So I think it's a mistake to do it.

It just seems to me that all this holding people accountable (people who are not going to ever *be* accountable) is like banging your head against a wall because the wall wasn't supposed to be there. & everyone here knows how to get things done in a practical way- like the thread about clothes (good clothes sent over, ratty clothes returned)- People groused a little about the "other" parent, but they addressed the problem pragmatically, & *taught the kids how to manage the situation*. So the kids don't get all stressed & bent out of shape about their "other" parent being unreasonable or irresponsible about clothes. so they don't have to "express their feelings" about the clothes situation. Having a step-by-step system to deal with things is not only reassuring but good life management as well- Take the good tennis shoes, put them away when you get there & put on the grungy ones; when it's time to return, put away the grungies & put on your good ones. so much better than seething about how awful the other parent is for keeping all the good clothes. If I were to speak to children who have a disfunctional parent, I would say: The person you drew for a mother is a vast disappointment? Be comforted that you aren't the only one; neither God nor the great Universe picked you out & said, "hmm, think I'll mess up this kid's life with a mother who doesn't fulfill her responsibilities". It just happened, & it's your mother's problem, not yours. Don't get yourself all tied in knots & resentment because of her deficiencies. Don't obsess about it, don't expect *anything* from her (better to be pleasantly surprised if something works out than angry every time it doesn't), don't let yourself be pulled into the big ole disfunctional wheel. The most rewarding way to live your life, is to *stop expecting responsible behavior from this person*, find out how & from whom you can get your needs met, & focus on that. Step right out of that disfunctional mess & go forward; enjoy your life with the people who love you & who take care of you, & focus on making your own life a healthy, happy one.

I use different cards for different things. I love rewards and have managed to accumulate so far this year $1300 plus 2 free round trip tickets for an emergency trip home for a funeral this week. At first it can be a pain to juggle so many cards but after awhile it becomes second nature. I pay every card off in full, so never pay interest. I use the cards for normal everyday spend Groceries, gas, utilities, car insurance so on. My thoughts are as long as I am not paying interest let them pay me to use their cards. I have one card I pay an annual fee on but even after the fee the rewards more than pay for it plus. Amex Blue Cash preferred- Groceries 6% they also pay 3% at gas stations, 3% department stores and 1% everything else. This is my main grocery store card. I use it at Publix and places like that warehouse stores do not count. Chase Freedom- 5% cash back on rotating categories right now it is restaurants and wholesale clubs, Sams, Costco, BJs. Next Quarter it is Wholesale stores again and Amazon. Last year when they did Amazon it was 10% cash back. Discover IT- Just like the Chase Freedom it has rotating categories right now it is Amazon and Home Improvement stores. Since I just bought a new house the Home Improvement category came in Super Handy. Plus for the first year on your anniversary they double whatever cash back you earned the first year. That equaled $1200 alone for me last year. I cashed it out and put it in savings. USAA Cash Rewards Plus- Great for gas 5% cash back. Capital One Quicksilver - 1.5% cash back on everything. There are better cards for everyday stuff like utilities but I like this card and Capital One. I use this card to pay bills and for everyday spend outside of the other cards I get better rewards. Platinum Delta Skymiles Amex- This one I got the annual fee waived for 2 years so once the annual fee kicks in I am not sure I will keep it as there are better cards. I fly Delta only and just with the sign up bonus I was able to pay for 2 round trip tickets from Florida to Mass no money out of pocket. What's nice about this card is you get free baggage, priority boarding and a few other perks. This card is not for everyone but works for me until I have to pay the annual fee. Like I said earlier in my post. So far this year I am at $1300 in cash back rewards. I have not cashed those out yet. I usually cash out towards Christmas and that is my Christmas money or I throw it in Savings. Last year I earned over $3500 in cash back rewards but that was also a big year for me. I had to buy new furniture, I traveled a lot and I did a multi state move. All went on the cards and was paid off so no interest at all and I got paid to use my cards. Not bad.