Fern4, there is no such thing as normal, haha. Are you feeling anxiety over change, cost, or design?

You are completely normal. I, like you, haven't signed our contract yet either. Still working with KD on our kitchen and MBR design. I'm constantly analyzing the pros and cons of this vs. that. I think about it all the time and am dreading the remodel and how we're going to live with the constant noise and intrusion. We will be moving out of the top floor of our home into our daylight basement for three months!

So the solution for me is to try to think about this differently. What I have is a "luxury" problem. I get to do a remodel. I get a new kitchen and bath. There are so many people who cannot afford to do what I'm doing so becoming grateful is the tool I'm trying to employ. Staying in the moment helps a lot and eases the worry. Good luck and all will be well.

lisapico, What a nice way to think about it all, you really have an exceptional attitude.

Good attitude except that for me it only induces guilt!

So, let's see: change, cost AND design? All of the above. Really it's mostly cost and the changes it drives and whether we can find enough of them to drive the cost where it needs to be.

This is obviously the time those worries are worst, because you're still in the driver's seat to change things. After anything is 'set in stone,' you can somewhat give up a portion of the anxiety because you're in 'there's nothing I can do about it now.' It's hard to tell you what to do, because some anxiety and worries let us know we haven't yet reached the plan that is right for us, but some just is worry and guilt of no constructive value. Only you, knowing yourself and your situation, can determine which yours is.

Have you added things to the project you didn't intend at first? Have you gained new 'needs' after reading this forum that may just be temptations? Those are things I had to work past, and when I chiseled things off the list that really never should have been there, I felt much better...It just took time to work past wanting them. I still feel some guilt...My kitchen will be way better than any of my friends have or my mother had...So obviously past bare need. But I also use my kitchen more than they have/do, and I made tough decisions along the way to spend where we did. It's a constant struggle. Some of us just don't do well spending for ourselves, so for us, unfortunately, the anxiety is 'normal.' When I had an attack last week, my sister pointed out that what we're building is for my whole family, not just me, and I'm creating a space for us all...That I hadn't chosen anything lightly, and I need to expect to enjoy what I decided on. I hope you can get there, too.

Make this your mantra:

'It won't be perfect, but it will be great. It won't be perfect, but it will be great. It won't be perfect...'

I'm exactly the same way. I'm a wreck. My KD is coming over tonight with her contractor to nail down a few more elements of the design. I swing back and forth between feeling like she's dragging her feet, and it just takes too long between visits & consultations, and on the other hand I'm walking around with knots in my stomach because it seems like it's finally getting closer.

Part of the problem is that it's so much money to spend, and I just don't want to make any wildly expensive mistakes. Usually I'm pretty good at telling myself that if I still hate it once it's done - whatever "it" might be - I'll just bite the bullet and get a new one. And 99% of the time I'm happy with whatever "it" is.

But this is just HUGE and I'm not close to being in a financial position to say that if I don't like it I'll just dump the whole thing and spend another $100K or so.

So I'm filled with angst - white? wood? (I've compromised on a combination of both) will it be dated? how soon?

The other thing is, as much as I hate my current kitchen (avocado green appliances, harvest gold counters, you know the look), it works. Every meal, delicious. The linoleum floor, mops right up - no grout to worry about, soft & warm, & cushy under our feet. Even the hideous Formica countertop, nothing seems to hurt it. A few sprays with Fantastic & it's clean. Never have to seal it. Stains, come right out with Clorox Clean-up.

Anyone know that old Jimmy Durante song? "Did you ever have that feeling that you wanted to go, but also had the feeling that you wanted to stay? Go. Stay. Go. Stay. Go Stay." That's me.

Fern - best of luck to you. These boards have been a life-saver as we can rely on the great words of wisdom and advice to get us through challenging moments. Take care.

There is much wisdom shared in this thread! I love the mantra! I really needed that! Thanks!

The worst thing that can happen....well heck it's happened to most of us :oP So at least you'll have friends in your misery.

Welcome aboard you fool :o)

I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom to impart, only empathy. I feel exactly the same as you do, and it's comforting to know that I'm not alone! I'm still just researching (everything), trying to decide on a general style/color scheme, and trying to pick a KD. The stress is making a nerve under my left eye twitch!

Thank you lisapico for the great advice and oruboris for the perfect mantra!

Oh, Fern4, I feel for you! The other night I was laying in bed, not quite tired enough to sleep, when I had a tremendous flashback to a year ago, pre-kitchen reno, when I would lay in bed at night with my mind racing as I considered all my options. Racing so fast I could not slow it down. I so clearly remember laying in bed for what seemed like forever, imagining different cabinet/ counter/ flooring combinations. Natural maple cabs/ peacock green counters/ oak floors? Natural cherry cabs/green counters/maple floors? Dark cherry cabs/white granite counters/oak floors? Literally, every night this is what I thought about. Instead of sleeping. (Don't get me wrong -- I thought about it all day, too.)

After many hours and many times of telling my contractor "Final answer" only to call him up the next morning saying, "Is it too late to change my mind?" I ended up with white cabs/ lab antique granite/ red oak floors. Love it all. But I think I would have loved any and all of the above options, too.

Helou, so funny that you mention your existing kitchen works well -- I remember dropping a glass on my old laminate counter and thinking, if I get granite, this glass is history... and that vinyl floor (with three layers of vinyl underneath) sure was cushy and warmer underfoot than my hardwood...

But really, truly, in the end it is all worth it. My new kitchen is heaven. Yours will be too.

Amy

Well, we have a new plan of attack and my anxiety has decreased. They say you can have two of three things -- budget, time, or quality -- but you can't have all three. It seems to me that going with a (good) GC gets you quality and time. It also decreases fear and anxiety about things that you're not comfortable with but it costs extra.

After pondering this and thinking about how there are so many people able and willing to help on GW I've concluded that we want to partially GC and partially DIY and that's the only way to get the money part down and relax. I don't care if it takes a while to get it done.

So, although there are still fears, I feel like we're taking control of the situation instead of having the situation control us. I feel better already.

Good for you, Fern. When you get it all sorted out how you're going to be dividing/scheduling the workload, I'd love to hear the plan. I think my DH and I would be most likely to do something similar. We appreciate being able to rely on the expertise of others at times, but we're still inclined to be pretty hands-on. When we built our current house, we had a GC, but we worked it out with him that we would do a number of things ourselves. It worked out well. You just have to find someone willing to work with you.

I responded to the other thread about soapstone and asked if you've decided on your cabinets yet and, if so, what you've chosen. (You know I'm going to be watching you as you proceed through your project, since we're both from the PNW.)

Stress comes with the territory. That's evident from just a casual look through this forum. I feel for you, believe me. I'm two months into our DIY kitchen remodel and it's a bear. There are good times and bad times but in the end it will all work out.

I'm usually pretty laid back, but I was getting stressed, especially while trying to get things settled with a GC. Now that the work is in progress I find it much *less* stressful.

Part of it is that my contractor people have all been super. They found lots of issues with the basic construction of my condo, but have been able to cope and work around it. They don't get upset, or do things that would make me so.

So hang in there. Maybe you too will be less stressed when something is actually happening.

Oh honey, let me tell you about stress. Got home from work, raining cats and dogs, the sanders had been here to sand the wallboard. The only furniture left in the kitchen/dining room/family room/laundry is 2 chairs, 1 end table, old TV, and a wooden cart on wheels. I uncovered one chair and the TV, now sitting in this MESS trying to decide what to do next. So decided to talk with all of you.

Here's the thing that I found. I thought that being in limbo was causing me stress -- a lot of stress. Then I realized that trying to get out of limbo was actually the most stressful part of it. Feeling that I had to move quickly, that I was boxed in, between a rock and hard place, ETC.! those were the feelings that were really making me so anxious. There's still some of that lingering but throwing that feeling of pressure off has decreased the stress tremendously.

I haven't signed a contract with GC yet either, but I have put a $2500 deposit down with a KD on cabinets, which may turn out to be my first mistake because I think I am going to switch and use Ikea cabs (still saves me over $12k, even factoring in the deposit). I hope I don't keep making expensive mistakes. argh.

In a word, I think you are totally normal. This is a LOT more money that most of us are used to spending, it's a complicated process that a lot of folks end up getting sc*&&^ed in, and few of us have any real expertise. We are at the mercy of people who may not have our best interest at heart, and few of us have the savvy to separate fact from fiction. Who wouldn't be sweating this, even before the ink hits the paper? I know I am.