I'm very nervous

15 years ago

In one week, the system closes for DH, the medical student, to pick his residency preferences. As we've put it in so far, Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN is number one, then Mayo in Jacksonville FL, then here, Indiana University.

This is very unlike me, to be unpredictable and stray from our ordinary lives. Our families are here, just 10 minutes in either direction. I can't belive that I'm willing to sell the house I love and move our little family away from everyone we know to a new city.

I asked my dad tonight privately if my mom was freaking out, and he laughed a little and said of course! I commented about how she was very quiet about it, and he said that was on purpose. I also commented that I was afraid that I was in for a great big "This is what YOU wanted, Audrey" when I call home for support in the future. He agreed that I may be in for that too.

Not sure why I'm posting. I just have a lot of nervous energy around all this. We find out on March 19 our fate for the next four years. I'm hoping that knowing where we will be living will calm me down some, even if it means quitting my job, selling our house, and moving away. It's a great opportunity for DH, and he assures me it's worth all this. Thanks for letting me vent. Just feeling a bit off tonight about all this.

Audrey

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Comments (20)

vicki_lv
15 years ago
(((Audrey))) Sometimes the paths that we have to go down are not easy ones. Be assured that your Mom will come around and even if it is "what you wanted"...sometimes you have to go other places to keep your family afloat financially.

You can always come here for support.
janie_ga
15 years ago
Audrey, I feel your pain/crazy stomach flips!

We went through something similar when I was waiting to hear about phd programs. We ended up moving from Metro Atlanta (6 million) to Clarksburg, WV (12 thousand). Talk about a "What have we done moment"!!!!!

We have had some definite trials but so far so good (knock on wood). It has been good for us and I hope our next adventure, planned for 2012, will be just as good and hopefully not such a roller coaster ride!

Will be thinking about you!
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susan_on
15 years ago
I can understand being nervous and excited at the same time. In fact, that's normal with such a major change looming. I hope your mom doesn't put a damper on it. She probably is having trouble letting go of you. Understandable as that is, you can't let that hold you back.
cynic
15 years ago
I don't know the details, but then again what would be the feeling if she got very involved in telling you and your husband what to do? I'm sure it's difficult for her, as well as for you. You know her far better than do I but I'd take it as a compliment that she's keeping out and letting you decide. Maybe she's trying to make it less difficult to do what you need to do?

Maybe to get everyones' minds distracted you should get your parents familiar with use of webcams. It'll be a good way to keep in touch and see the kids in the next few years and might calm everyones' nerves.

It's obviously one of those times that you want the time to pass quickly so at least you know where you stand. Try to relax. It's not easy but getting sick over it isn't going to help. Best wishes to everyone.
patti43
15 years ago
It'll be hard if you have to move away--on both you and your mother. But it's best for your family in the long run. Who knows--maybe you'll get IU and won't move at all.
Adella Bedella
15 years ago
Several of us have been in similar positions where we had to leave 'home' and family and friends to better ourselves. It's hard to think about when it's happening, but it will work out and be good for you and your little family. Good luck and enjoy the adventure.
petaloid
15 years ago
I wonder if a property manager could rent your house to someone while you're gone, instead of you selling it. I have a neighbor who is doing that.
sandy_in_ia
15 years ago
I was just talking to my DD about this last night. I know I would be so lost and soooo sad if either of the girls moved far away. BUT, like I told her, we moved from all of our family 25 years ago this June. And that was in the time of only having SNAIL mail!!! This day in age, we have email...instant, web casting...instant, skype...instant!! I told DD that even tho it would 'kill' me, I know that I wouldn't miss out on as many things as our parents did.

Our DD Kalie was just in Tortola, 2,338 miles away! We were in contact with pictures and texting every single day of their 10 day vacation! When we first moved here, we were lucky to talk to one of our parents every other week!

Yes, it will be hard...no doubt about it. But, remember it is ONLY 4 years! Then you can go back to the area that you came from...but think of the experience that Mayo will give your DH!!!! WOW!!! My niece took her first job (just to get her feet wet) at Mayo at least 11 years ago now...she is still there, and wouldn't change a thing! (she did grow up in SW corner MN and only moved to the SE corner of MN)

Think of it as an adventure for the kids!! Just think of the things that they will get to see if you move...things you sure wouldn't go to MN just to visit (if you end up in MN). There are wonderful adventures in FL too...things that you wouldn't see if you were visiting there!

That is the way we went into our 'adventure' 25 years ago...would I move back?? NEVER!!! This is my home.

(((HUGS))) to you, I know it is heavy on your shoulders.
missindia2020
15 years ago
Audrey, how exciting it is for your DH and you! Match Day is close at hand here at WFU School of Medicine. I work as an in-house temp and was on assignment 2 1/2 months in Student Services working with 3rd and 4th year medical students. I loved that department! I learned so much about the workings of it all. Good luck! I hope DH gets his first pick. I had to move 2 days driving time from my family, so if you are closer than that, you'll still get to see family more often.
debnfla8b
15 years ago
Speaking as a Mom...my only child moved all the way to Phoenix Arizona...we live in Panama City Florida! She had no one there...she packed her little car to the max and drove slam across the country! Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck for the 3 days it took her to get there. She is only 22, single and going to go to grad school at the University of Arizona this spring. It is sooooo hard, we are a very close family. I love my baby girl more than life itself but I bit my tongue and let her spread her wings and fly. Jessica is doing wonderful, working at a great job, getting ready to go back to college for her Ph.d in Bio-Chemistry...I am soooooo proud of her!
Sooo....I just bet your Mom will be just as proud of you and her SIL...a Doctor at last! That is something she will be very proud about and proud for you for supporting him!

I hope everything works out great for you!

Deb
glenda_al
15 years ago
My neighbor is going through the same thing.
He's in pediatric surgery.
He and DW and DD have been apart since July. He's here once in a while. Been in Seattle for over six months, now see he's home, and back at University hospital.
Know they will be moving,this June, wherever.
Uncertainy is a killer.

Best of luck to you!
mcmann
15 years ago
Audrey- Many of us have had similar experiences. It may not lessen your anxiety but maybe you could think of this as a wonderful opportunity for both you and your husband. It might actually be beneficial for the two of you to be away from families for a while. I'm sure your Mother must realize that neither you nor your husband are able to pick just one hospital as your first choice and be assured of getting that one. That might be one of the reasons she's being quiet on the matter. Until Match Day results are posted no one can make permanent plans.

It's hard to imagine the future but you might discover that after spending 4 years at one hospital in another city that you decide to make that place your home. That's what happened the day I married my husband and we moved 350 miles away from our home to start our own adventure. We're been in that 'new' city now for over 30 years and it's become our home.

So stay positive and think of the wonderful experiences the two of you will have no matter where you end up.
OklaMoni
15 years ago
Audrey, it sounds like life with husband and kids will take a life of its own before long.

Trust me, you can do it. It will be fine. Like others said, it is easier to stay in touch now a days, then it was 20, 30, or even 37 years ago.

Back then (37) it took about 3 weeks for a letter to come back answered, when I wrote to my parents. Forget about phoning. We could not afford the phone calls to Germany.

But I survived. :) and became a mom, raised two girls, and will now be a long distance grandma, coming May.

All always works out.

Good luck!

Moni
joyfulguy
15 years ago
Sitting on the edge of the nest, no doubt the young bird's heart goes pitter-patter ...

... but then comes the exhileration of flying!

Of coasting on the buoyancy of the air!

Think of the expanding horizons.

Being a kid has its wonderful times - as does being a teen (at times).

I said here a while ago that I thought that one of my major responsibilities as a parent was to help my child plan, prepare for and build independence. Someone agreed that she felt that to be one of our major responsilities, as well.

It is hard to be the parent, seeing your young one take off - and I recall my daughter, prior to her final year of High School, going on exchange scholarship to Germany for a year. It was a wonderful experience for her - she still keeps in touch with her distant "family".

That was less disrupting for me, as I'd been her non-resident parent for ten years or so, and had moved to the Prairies (a couple of thousand miles from her) a year or so earlier.

Good wishes as you look forward to the future - and it is disconcerting, not knowing whither you're bound.

Trust me - it'll work out well in the end ... for your Mom, as well.

ole joyful
ruthieg__tx
15 years ago
You are going to start a new "adventure" and it's up to you to make it a good one. I was an AF bride in my early life and then married another vagabond later and I can only tell you that moving and experiencing each move made life fun and exciting. Our moves were always good for our child too because she never expected it to be anything else. Good Luck and enjoy your new life...
sheilajoyce_gw
15 years ago
Good luck to you. What a wonderful experience ahead for all of your family. It is hard to leave the familiar, but this should prove to be a good opportunity for all of you. You won't be the only ones new to town. Just get involved as soon as you can and make new friends with your neighbors, coworkers, and kids' friends. We moved so many times that I have lost count! Thank goodness for the ease of communication these days.
sue_va
15 years ago
Audrey. in a way, this decision was made when you stood beside your DH on your wedding day. Whatever the words were, I'm sure they included a promise to stand with him in whatever circumstances occurred. This is one of those times.

When I married my DH I knew that his goal, his dream was to be a teacher. It took ten years, financial struggles, several moves that took me away from my family. It was all worth it.

As you have read all the above posts, you see how common it is for families to make these changes, and be better for it.

You will, too. And if you stay in Indiana, you may often wonder what you missed!

Relax, right now it is out of your hands,

Sue
yayagal
15 years ago
God bless you in your adventure. Make sure you call Mom often and tell her how much you miss her. Once she adjusts to the fact that you'll call often, things will settle down. Make sure there's a room in the house for them to come vist. It's hard to move away from your Mom. You sound like a kind warm person so I'm sure it will work out just fine.
FlamingO in AR
15 years ago
Indy, 20 years ago Woody and I moved from FL to AR, leaving my parents behind. It was hard, really hard and I think I cried for the first 300 miles on the road. But it got easier and wouldn't you know, my parents followed us up here, living here part-time at first and then eventually moving up for good. So don't feel like you're "doomed" to this decision forever, everything is fluid and adjustable, to some degree.

Good luck and best wishes that you get the best move for DH's career and your future together!
okwriter
15 years ago
What an exciting time for you! I'm sure everything will work out fine...but I know the waiting must be hard. Sounds like you have a close family, and it will be nice to have each other there for support in spite of the distance. Good luck! Mayo is awesome, and Rochester is such a nice town (if that's where you end up).

I'm very nervous

Comments (20)

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