Geogirl has a good point. There may be services available to your son--but you have to know about them and ask for them in order for him to get them. Again, my nephew's disability is physical, so not an exact comparison to your son, but he is also completely mainstreamed. And that has caused some problems, because he's not in a special ed classroom with a special ed teacher who knows about all the resources. There's a ton of adaptive equipment that the school has, like rulers and compasses and protractors, but no one thinks ahead that during math lessons that use these, it might be a good idea to have them in the classroom for Nephew to use. He can't hold or move a standard ruler very well. But the classroom teacher doesn't know they exist, and the special ed teacher never sees the lesson plans. So what happens is that a week is spent sending notes back and forth between home and school and finally the necessary adaptive equipment is identified and located and given to Nephew. And then the next week, the class moves on to a new lesson topic. My brother and SIL have found that they need to really be on top of some of this stuff and remind the teachers repeatedly, to make sure that Nephew gets what he needs. And this is with a school system that is really trying to work with them--from the start they have been very willing to try new things, to keep Nephew in a regular class (he has health issues so a home nurse accompanies him to school daily), to really try and get him the best education possible. I can't imagine what it would be like with a school system that had less money or no desire to really work for Nephew. My brother constantly gets, "Sure, we have X equipment. All Nephew has to do is ask for it." But it can takes days or weeks to find out the school has the equipment. My brother finally broke down and asked for a list of every single piece of adaptive equipment the school system has, so that they can ask for things without spending days sending notes back and forth. It's the little things like this--yes, the school can help, but you have to know what to ask for in order to get that help. And if you don't know the help exists, it's pretty near impossible to get that help. I would encourage you to ask about other options and find out what's out there. Pull-out sessions, one-on-one aides for certain subjects, extra tutoring, whatever the school has to offer. Ask other parents what support services their kids are getting. And when you identify a specific problem, be it that it takes your son half an hour to figure out what the homework assignment is or that after weeks of your working with him, he still is not grasping a specific concept, go to the teacher and ask what can be done to address that issue. The regular classroom teachers aren't going to know everything that's available, they have too many kids with too many different needs in one classroom, but they should be able to help you find out what's out there, or point you in the right direction.

Thank you all-- I am researching what everyone has mentioned to see if anything "fits." Carol, I will keep in mind what your friend went through, in case it progresses. We saw a neuro at a nationally famous children's hospital. She does NOT think they are migraines, as the symptoms don't fit, and the typical migraine treatment doesn't work for DD. She thinks the pain is very real but that they are stress-related. :( Hard to say. We are going to be keeping a journal to try to figure out why some days are better than others. However, her treatment is to lie down in quiet for 30 minutes (along with meds/water) and DD is now avoiding complaining because she does not want to lie down. I can see on her face and in her behavior when she is in more pain, even when she does not talk about it. It's still a mystery at this point. I am thinking of alternative medicine next-- maybe acupuncture, and other stress management sources. I am just still worried they are missing something. I know of too many cases where the person was not given a correct dx.

As a former teacher who relied on a planner throughout the day, I could not operate without lists. My lists are at various "levels" since I need to break things down into baby steps. This way, for me, they are more manageable and less overwhelming. 1) I maintain master "checklists" (that are used repeatedly ie Vacation Packing List, Before-Company checklist, Seasonal checklists, Room Rescue for the kids and that sort) in WORD documents and print them off as the occasion arises. 2) I keep an ongoing list in a notebook. I call this list OMM or MCL (On My Mind or Mind Clutter List, probably courtesy of Pam/Peggy Young or Julie Morgenstern.) Some of these items never get done (as in wishful thinking). Some get highlighted if they are time-sensitive. No "categories" here, just a run-on list of things that pop into my mind. I might reference something here too, such as: "5/16 DS owes me $20 for video game" (he asked me to pick up). This gets highlighted. And it is put on this list since it is a long-term list (as opposed to Weekly or Daily lists that get thrown away.) 3) Each Sunday I print a Week-at-a-Glance "Schedule/To Do" list. This is in a "table" format, and I fill in necessary tasks that apply to this week, i.e. Take Mom to dentist (on Tuesday), Drop off rummage sale items to church (on Thursday), budget for PTA due (on Friday). mail brother's birthday card (on Saturday). There is space on the bottom to add "Notes" i.e. "owe neighbor 2 cups of sugar" and other items I'd like to get to this week, but not necessarily time-sensitive. I also have a separate "text box" that features Cards/Gifts I need to purchase this month. Creating this list takes all of 10 minutes since it is a saved word document printed off - then I hand-write details as they come up during the week. I use a Palm Pilot from which the information above is generated. (Might seem redundant to some, but the teacher in me likes the actual pen/paper approach. The PP is very handy for maintaining family schedules; another benefit is that I always have it with me.) This is what works for me, and is not time-consuming at all, since it's just a matter of tweaking or transferring week-to-week. My most recent "improvement" at this level is to keep this list on a clipboard and include any *time-sensitive* papers that need attention this week i.e. summer registration forms need to be filled out, a list of dates that I can renew pool passes, a proposal that is being considered, that sort of stuff. The clipboard also helps this list from getting "lost" if mail or school papers are set on top of it. 4) Each DAY I hand-write a list of things I want/need to accomplish based on information at the Weekly level, and it is at this stage only that I might include the everyday mundane stuff like laundry, decluttering, clean litter box, put air in tires, local errands, what to cook for dinner (aka Am I cooking dinner?) -- stuff that is very specific to the needs of this particular day, things that might even be flexible but I WANT to commit to. Many of these items are repeated almost daily, and so they might appear on the next day's list again, depending on what the next day dictates, schedule-wise. But these daily tasks do not "appear" at the Weekly level, since most of them are a "given". Grocery Lists are kept on a tear-off pad on the fridge. Other "shopping" items might be added to the OMM/MCL list from which I would make a separate shopping list when needed. We go to Costco once in a while, mostly for household items. As we are running low on these we note it on the kitchen calendar (in a spare grid at the beginning or end of the month). Hope this is helpful to some! Maura

RM :( I'm so sorry to read your son is still challenged. And more so to see you're on the horrific "diagnostic" road trip literally. I wish there was something that could be done to blow that danged road up....I don't miss it and hate hearing anyone is traveling it. I can only hope you have a short trip! Virtual hugs in the biggest of ways hun! I have only this advice, learned in year three of that road....carry a big purse and a wine opener. You'll be a friend to many a parent if you lock the door to the parent room and crack open a bottle quietly :) Screw tops can be your friends as well. (And for those horrified that one would drink in a hospital...you haven't spent months in one I guarantee). A quiet glass of wine at 11 when the kids are finally asleep and it's marginally quiet (only the sickest kids are making noise that never goes away, soft cries of pain...that glass of wine alone in the dark while you thank god that's not your child every so often is a peace you don't understand). Enough of that....back to the chickens! hm here's a photo of just the backsplash uninstalled. We framed it in nordic black antique granite to make it fit the space it's in (Joe the tile guy rocked!) So the funny thing is....I've had to move (because of my son's health we had to leave alaska) so we have a new house and two kitchens to remodel/build LOL So I get to start planning all over again :) I can't wait to start from the beginning all over again....(which makes you wonder if I do crack does it not? I can't afford it, I have to finance another kitchen LOL). Star thanks for the nag. I missed the first one :) (You're good LOL) I'll work on the worksheet over the next couple of days. :)