God give me patience!!

18 years ago

Okee dokes. I'm new to this forum. I have been posting on the Step Family forum for a little while and stumbled onto this one. i just needed to put some words on paper to clear my head.

My husband and I have been going through the ringer with his Ex. It is a long sad and Jerry Springer like story. Read my post on the step family forum if youre interested in the details. Anyway, we have both been under loads of stress due to custody issues of his two girls who I love. Long story short, Biomom is a nut and its become too dangerous for the kids and a huge visitation case is fixing to insue.

My hands are really full with two little girls who aside from needing normal day to day care are EXTRA EXTRA clingy because of issues with mom. I work for the State and it is a pretty demanding job. I feel so tired. Dad has been helping all he can but as of right now he works two jobs so he is gone alot leaving me to deal with the majority of the house work and child rearing alone.

Dad was in a band for many many years and right now he works in a kitchen during the day and at a bar kitchen at night. There are days when he is up at 7 to help get the girlies out the door to the nanny, then to work till 5. Then to the second job at 7 and I dont see him again till 4 in the morning. He was in a band for so long I think a regular 9 to 5 job with any kindof rules or deadlines would make him crazy. He is very nomadic by nature. He did the band thing state to state for ten years. He has opened for folks like Kid Rock, Skynard, Wallon Jennings exc.exc. For a whole year his band was the opening act for Hank Williams Jr.'s kids band Hank III.

He wanted to be home more for his children and frankly he was partying way too much to be a parent. In the past year and a half he has really mellowed out. I know it hasn't been easy for him going from party boy to working parent. I still hate that he is gone alot. The girls and I both miss him. He always has to work weekends so we never get to make any plans for family trips or outings. I started crying when he went to leave tonight. He kept begging me not to cry saying" Hon I have GOT to go to work.....dont cry. I HAVE to go." I feel alone. The girls of course wanted to know what was wrong. I told them I missed daddy. The response was "were here with you". I had to smile.

I guess I really didnt need advice. I just needed to get my feelings out to someone. I cant talk to the girls and there is no one here to talk to. I feel sad and guilty for making him feel bad at the same time. I know he has come such a long way. We are just all going through so much with biomom and I am worried and sad for the girls and Im tired and it has just been a looong week in general.

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Comments (6)

lizzie2
18 years ago
You hang in there. You have alot on your plate. Biomom is she in therapy? I did not go to the other site to see. Dh has come a long way and he will continue. You just relax when you can and keep that head up. Those little girls love you and are depending on you. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted.
doodleboo
Original Author
18 years ago
Mom is in denial it is her. Like all addicts with mental problems she believes its the world ganging up on her. It is a terrible situation that is going to cost us alot financialy and emotionaly. I think the reason for me breaking down tonight is Im spread more thin than normal with all of this that is going on.

Dad wont let the girls leave with her unattended but it is going to be awhile untill we can get money for the lawyer (5 grand for holding) and untill then we are going to have the battle royale with her every weekend when she tries to pick them up. Good times indeed. There are mental issues (attempted suicide), drugs, and a current domestic incident with her boyfriend. The girls were there and one of them got hit with a strand off a bead curtain when the BF snatched it down....all reasons this decision has been made.

We are both so stressed. We feel bad that mom has issues and I hate keeping her from her kids but the situation has become way too volatile. The girls are going to be very upset as well. They dont understand that mommy is "sick".

Its just a real hard situation. Thats why dad HAS GOT to go to work and we havent been seeing him. He is physicaly and emotionaly pooped and so am I. Miraculously we havent been short with each other. I guess that says alot for our relationship that even under extreme stress we manage to remain tight. Thats one positive way to look at it I suppose:)
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Aw, thanks Liriodendron! Yes, it really helps being able to vent to you guys and I know you're pulling for me. And beating on some pipes for me! Well, let's see. There's another problem. The buyer got the statement the bank needed so that's taken care of. But now the underwriters discovered the buyer's ex-wife, who he is still legally married to, is late on an income tax payment. I don't know how much it is. I don't know if it's a small amount that's no big deal or a large amount. I don't know if it would make a difference if the ex-wife provides a letter stating it's her debt. I don't know if it will make a difference if the buyer pays it himself, if he can--maybe it's ruined his credit rating? The buyer feels it can be resolved but he is not sure how the bank will want him to resolve it. He was at work all day and plans to speak to the loan officer asap. He gave me permission to call the loan officer tomorrow and speak to her myself. I really need to find out whether it's resolvable or not. Is it just a delay or does this mean he won't get the mortgage? I have to tell the people up north. Yes, you're right L, I was willing to be flexible with my last buyer and hopefully they will be with me, because yes, I keep selling! I am doing everything I can! But according to the selling agent of the house up north, they got another offer. It's a cash offer with no contingencies. The seller is taking it as a back-up offer. I think it's either a bluff or it's a lot less than my offer, otherwise he'd take it now because I am technically in violation of contract today. At any rate, if I could just give them a new closing date, I think they'd wait for me. The buyer and I are sharing a lawyer. He's been communicating with me and seems concerned and upset, though he's still going on the cruise. (Thanks NC. Good to know there are fax machines, etc. on these cruise ships.) Yes, he quit his old job and is now at his new job near my house. They are in a family rental but new renters are supposed to move in on Nov. 15 so even though their situation is not quite as bad as mine, it's bad. Phoggie, I do think about that! But I don't know why God would want me to stay here! It's a beautiful place but I need my family. I'll tell you the lesson I think I'm supposed to learn. I think I'm supposed to learn patience. And also that I cannot control everything. I have a feeling that this is not going to go through until I finally give up. I told my husband that we're not going to close until he cuts wood!
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bnicebkind
18 years ago
He only sleeps 3 hours a night? Obviously, something will have to change soon for that reason alone.
doodleboo
Original Author
18 years ago
Bnice-

He only works both jobs four nights a week but you are still right....he can only go on working these hours for so long. He is going to seriously burn himself out.
sweeby
18 years ago
I feel for you Doodle --
And your Hubby sounds like a really good man in a very tough spot. It's tough to give up your identity like he has. From 'Rock Star' to 'working Dad' has got to have his whole self-image in a tizzy. He'll need your love and support to keep going. He's a hero - the quiet, invisible kind - and the more you show him that you see him that way, the better he'll feel about the choices he's made.

One other thing that I hope may help -- and that's viewing the problems you're having as "around you - not between you". It may help to sit down with Hubby one quiet moment (IS there such a thing?) and tell him exactly that -- That you recognize you have so many problems around you, but that you're grateful that you've kept them from coming between you.

Good luck to you Doodle...
doodleboo
Original Author
18 years ago
Hey Sweeby! You post here as well I see :) Yes, he is a beautiful person. Eccentric and artistic and very talented musicaly. He is a great husband and a great daddy.

I think as irrate as I have gotten about this biomom situation I have looked over how much he has gone through adn how many changes he has been through as well. I tell him every night how proud I am of him and how he is our hero.

FYI- Mom tried to pick up the girls again today. He told her no. He told her why and she left crying. She came back thirty minutes later with the girls park passes and said she was checking herself "in" and wouldnt be back for awhile. He told her he hopes she gets straight but regardless of what she is doing now the courts were going to be notified of the situation. There would be LEGAL papers concerning the visitation rights written up. She hung out with the girls by the pool for about fourty minutes and she told them she was sick and would be gone for awhile to get better. Keep your fingers crossed!

God give me patience!!

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God give me patience!!

Comments (6)

lizzie2

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