Here is what my first pile looked like in May of last year. It was made with fresh grass clippings and loose hay, some leaves and shredded paper. Maybe a little horse poo, but I don't think I had added any of that yet. In the summer when I use grass clippings, I will alternate mowing with the bagger and not mowing with the bagger. This way I am still allowing the lawn to receive whatever benefits it gets from allowing the mulched grass to stay on it and I still get to use some of the clippings for the pile. I have recently started getting coffee grounds from the corner store. I am finding that the pile is staying hotter longer in using them. I don't really know if it's because I am using more greens now or because of just the addition of the grounds. Right now it's at 165.

I have to amend my view of failing joints. Today my neighbor called and asked how to shut off the water to the house because she thought she had a leak in the garage. When I took a look at what was going on, I saw that she had a frost free hose bibb in an unheated wall and there was a length of copper pipe that extended from that to a coupling. the copper pipe was showing about 1/2" of shiny solder. I can only theorize that it froze when we got down to 15 deg F last week, it was a bad joint, and the ice forced the pipe out of the coupling, but not completely. Surprisingly, the joint was only dripping because it hadn't totally failed yet. She had her plumber come over to cut out the joint and resolder everything. When I asked him how often he'd seen something like that, he said it was the first time...and he was at least 50 years old.

I have gotten a lot from this forum, as well. It's funny to me that sprinkles says all people want to do is gripe and not change things. I have found the opposite, that 99% of the time people offer advice and workable solutions. Sometimes they ARE no solutions but then I have been given advice on how to cope. My situation has similarities to many other posters on here, and differences, as well. I started dating my DH in February of 2004. We moved in together after about 3 years and we got married in September last year. Even though I officially became a SM in the fall of 2008, I had lived with DH and been in the "role" of SM for 2.5 yrs, or something like that. BM has always been difficult. She is an alcoholic ( in our opinion, though she would never admit it.) and I do fault DH for not documenting things and pursuing his legal options sooner. They always excercised a 50-50 custody situation but never had anything court-ordered until about 18 months ago. DH and BM have joint legal and physical custody per the parenting plan now. Things have gotten progressively worse with BM, her drinking and her lifestyle growing more and more unstable. "In court papers, BM said "Ima is the driving force" when DH asked for child support. That is her attitude... if it weren't for me, there would be no problems" I can so relate to this. BM has always put SS in the middle of things and she does blame me for the way things are. She told him last summer in the midst of the court battle that DH and I were trying to take him away from her--not true, btw. The odd thing about BM--and this is a way I cannot relate to Ima or Pseudo---is that she would never "ditch" her son. She really does love SS and she has never been the type of mom to be absent. I think she resents DH for having SS half the time, and she really resents me for being in a parenting role to him. It's strange to me, though, because you would think she would WANT me to love him and she would WANT him to be happy with me and to have a close bond with me. NOT AT ALL. She is so threatened by me and my relationship with SS----and I think DH, too. For years, she has done so many things to sabotage my relationship with SS, from telling him that I wanted to have her arrrested to telling him he didn't have to listen to me b/c I wasn't his mom to telling him that his dad loves me and DD more, etc. Terrible things that no child should hear. All those things have colored my relationship with SS to a certain extent. I feel he has always viewed me through suspicious eyes, like one half of him believes what his mom says, but the other half doesn't. Things got really bad this last year---BM first withheld custody from DH for 3 weeks and it took an emergency court hearing for DH to get him back. (This was in July of 2008.) Then a massive court battle ensued over whose school district SS would attend. He had attended a private school for kindergarten, which my DH paid for completely. Then BM enrolled him in HER district for 1st grade, without DH's consent or even knowledge until after the fact. In December of 2008, DH won residential custody for schooling purposes and it was entered into the paretning plan that SS would attend our district starting in August of 2009---now. We were ELATED and thought the battle was over. Then BM's drinking spiraled out of control. The final straw was when she didn't get SS off the bus this past April---she called DH from a bar, drunk, at 3 pm and said she was too drunk to get him and could he or I go get him. I picked SS up from the busstop and took him home to our house. 5-6 pm BM showed up drunk at our house, wanting to "talk" to SS. Against my WAY better judgement, I let her inside. that was MY mistake. In hindsight, I should of told her no and called the police right off the bat. I didn't, ironically, for fear of causing a scene. The scene that ultimately ensued was WAY worse than I ever imagined. BM stayed for an hour to two hours---I let her sit in my kitchen and cry and I listened and offered advice and support. I finallly told her she had to leave,as it was bathtime for the kids and that was when she wanted to take SS with her. I told her NO WAY, she was too drunk---and she went to say goodbye to him. He was understandably reallu upset to see his mom in such sad shape and he went under his blanket on his bed, and started mumbling to her about how I "beat him and spank him all the time." NOT TRUE. I don't even know where he learned the word "beat" as it is certainly not a word in our vocabulary. My DD would not know that word in that context. Anyway, BM was drunk and irrational and became quite enraged at me and I told her she needed to get out NOW. She took SS with her out to her car and I told her I would call 911 if she attemepted to leave with him. Long story short, she did, I called 911 in front of her and she punched me, yelled at me, came at me---all of this in front of a hysterical SS. I tried to get him away from her and she came at me again, and I ended up having to lock myself inside the house with her trying to get in--I slammed the door in her face just as she tried to shove her way back in. She was taken to jail--not arrrested---taken to jail and her DH had to come pick her up. Back to court we went. I was given a year-long order of protection against BM. Bm had to sign documents saying she is not to consume alcohol 4 hrs prior to or during custody of her son. If she does so, it is a violation of the parenting plan, we can call the police and it gives DH grounds to modify the plan for full custody. In the middle of all this, BM called the police on me and CPS and said I abused SS and he had a bruise on his wrist from me. Well, there was NO bruise and SS himself even said to the CPS worker that I didn't do it but his mom said I did. SIGH. I feel like I am always looking over my shoulder and wondering what will happen next with this woman. We recently found out BM has another order of protection pending on her now. Her SD's mother has filed an order of protection on behalf of her daughter. BM is a volatile and sometiems scary alcoholic. I don't trust her for a second. What I have learned from this forum is that I have a right AND an obligation to protect myself and my DD from her. I unfortunately cannot change the fact that she is SS's mother and all I can do for him is protect him when he's with us and pray that DH and I can counter-act her enough. I cannot control my DH or his reactions to BM. He often deals with her in ways I don't agree with, and I have come to the conclusion, from all the advice I've gotten on here, that I have to do what feels right to me in setting boundaries and protecting my child, myself and our home. My main issues have not been with SS (although i've had some, but funny enough, all the drama has actually BETTERED our relationsip) but have been with DH. This stress has taken a HUGE toll on our marriage and there have been many times i've questioned EVERYTHING and contemplated leaving. I still do at times. I have gotten GREAT emotional support and advice regarding all that on here.

Kittiemom, I don't envy you the task of selling your childhood home. I didn't have to do that, but I did have to sell my parents' retirement home, where they lived for 30+ years. Not fun. Mary, what you accomplished must have given you a real boost in terms of confidence and self-esteem. I'm not suggesting you needed that, but it's what usually happens when someone develops a new skill or learns something about a previously unfamiliar field. Good work! Rob, yes, keep that up. Anxiety breeds anxiety, so it's important to fight back whenever you can. Taking that first step was probably the hardest, and as you discovered, it reaped rewards. When I was in my forties I started experiencing anxiety and became afraid to drive. I don't know what caused it (perimenopause?), but it was not a welcome turn of events! As I've often said, I'm a car person, and I love to drive. It felt so unnatural to have become a wimp about it. So I fought back, and got myself back to normal. Whew! Salgal, I can't relate at all. Which means I'm jealous. LOL Dedtired, good for you for giving it a shot. I bet you'll have a blast. A couple of years ago I found myself in a crammed, noisy singles bar (very young singles) with some of my family, including my granddaughter. She was the right age to fit in; I most certainly was not. But we all did a little chatting/bantering with the young clientele and had fun. With your guitarist to listen to, you'll have even more fun! (I'm guessing it's not Willie Nelson because he's 81.) :-)