Wodka, I lost my husband in May - he died in his sleep. He wasnâÂÂt sick, but he wasnâÂÂt too healthy, either. It was a total shock and I still donâÂÂt quite believe it. I also have a big support system of people taking me to dinner and making sure that I'm busy. I haven't been working out as much as I used to, but all summer I was like a crazy woman in the garden doing all the heavy digging and lifting that my husband used to do for me (I've been re-arranging). I'm just a few years younger than you, and I thank God that my body is strong enough to do that work - there are many people our age that have physical problems. I've lost close to 10 pounds, mostly from my middle and I'll share the way I've been feeding myself - maybe it can help you. I buy chicken breasts or pork chops or small steaks when they're on special and I freeze them separately in zipper bags so it's easy to pull out just one piece and defrost it in a pot of hot water in the sink. I usually grill that meat (or fish or veggie burger) and also have a salad or sauteed spinach. I now rarely make rice or potatoes (something my husband insisted on having), so I'm eating just protein and vegetables, and there's fewer pots to clean up, too. When I don't pack my lunch I go to a local soup/salad bar, except for those very stressful days when I can't resist a ruben and French fries, but I try to keep that to a minimum. I'll get Chinese or other take out for dinner maybe once a week. And I still drink wine! But with winter coming and the long dark nights to get through, I'm looking for an affordable gym to go to after work to have a place to go and to keep moving. And I'm going to look into massage - what flyleft said makes sense. I'm sure toxins can build up from grief. Since my husband didn't take care of his health, I'm determined that I will. I also turned down the anti-depressants my doctor offered. I told her I cry every day, many times, but not all day. But like others have said, give yourself a break - this is a very big thing, especially after 40 years together. You will find your way.

cheerful1, is your husband a health minded person, or is he obsessive about looks and body? It sounds pretty unreasonable (to me) for him to get angry over 5 pounds of weight gain. Are there other things about you that he criticizes, or is it just the weight? Is he at all interested in what is going on inside your heart and your head? If he is genuinely concerned about you and your health, that could be positive. If, otoh, you are overly sensitive about his criticism, and you don't feel good about yourself, it could just be that you are feeling particularly sensitive. I know I have that tendency myself. I have a habit of expecting perfection out of myself, and I tend to over-react to anything I perceive as negative from DH (or anybody else for that matter). I have worked really hard at correcting this, and it is somewhat better, but that old habit tries to creep back in with persistence. Is the weight really an issue with you, or is it just bringing other stuff to the surface? I'm truly sorry you have having to deal with this, and I wish I could do or say something to help. Just go ahead and express all the frustration you need to here. We're all in this at the same time, and we are happy to listen :) Mrs H

I will be having a full (everything goes) hysterectomy soon. I've been told horror stories about gaining lots of weight (~25 pounds in the first year) and not being able to take it off. I've also heard a little (very little) from some women who actually lost weight in the year post-hyst. I am 120 pounds and 5'2". I REALLY can't imagine gaining that much weight - and am very concerned about it. Of course, I know that I need the operation, but am interested in your experiences. Oh - I'm about 10 years post-menopause. Did you gain? How much? Were you able to take it off? Any tips? Thanks!

Chisue, I rarely post on this forum, and in rather a rush so hope I make sense : ) I was in a similar position as you some years ago. Original weight was 115-125 lbs. at 5’5” – slender but enough. I became ill and kept losing weight, my lowest was 76 lbs. if memory serves. Sadly, you and I both know what that looks like and does to the body. I did have an appetite, but still struggled to gain weight. I eventually put on some pounds and stayed around 80-90 lbs., which was not enough and always fluctuating. If I skipped one meal I lost a few pounds. Dieticians these days are more familiar with weight-loss programs. I found no help with several medical specialists other than ‘gaining weight is very difficult when you are trying’, but that could be the area where I live. Boost and Ensure helped keep me from losing weight but not gaining and keeping it, and I added ice cream and malt powder making milkshakes with them – they were very filling to me. Disliked the higher protein drinks for some reason. They tasted odd. I’m not sure if this will help, because all our bodies and metabolisms are different, as are reasons for weight problems, but eating a few more carbohydrates with each of my meals finally helped. Slow going, and if I put too much on (3 pounds in a month or so) I’d lose it and then some (like one step forward, three steps back!). Kind of like trying to lose weight, seems the slower you ‘pack it on’, the more likely you keep it long term as it allows your metabolism to adjust. At least for myself. I understand you are looking for something now to help quickly, of course. But the long-haul is important too. I am happy to report I weigh 108 lbs. now and holding very steady for over a year. First time in 20+ years. I’ll add this: I was told everything under the sun – eat 3 large meals a day; eat several small meals a day; eat more bananas; bananas fill you up to much; eat more fruit with meals; eat less fruit with meals; drink fewer liquids; drink more liquids… you get the gist and I’m sure you’ll hear it all. I even added the powdered bulk-gain supplement to Ensure. Eating well-balanced meals with as many extra carbs as you can tolerate is my recommendation. Potatoes, pasta salads, rice, etc. The protein drinks filled me up and didn’t help me gain at all. Your mileage may vary, and I understand your appetite is low. Perhaps the protein drinks with some fries? And as others have said, there are medications that help with nausea or low appetite related to illness and chemo. I could not tolerate most but you may. I wish you the very best.