skip to main content

No Sex With Affectionate Husband

13 years ago

I've read quite a lot of the forum postings having to do with own situation. A few years ago out of frustration and years of trying many different approaches, I told my husband that although I still loved him very much, because he seemed not to want nor even need sex nor even have desires for sex I was going to stay married to him but have as many affairs as I wanted, even love affairs, if possible, for I don't enjoy sex without love, that I wasn't going to inform him or tell him anything at all and not to ask. If he didn't like it, then "man up" and be normal or otherwise get a divorce. I wasn't going to live like that anymore.

We had a long discussion. He wasn't upset. He said, "Just don't tell me, and I won't ask. Don't let me know, and I won't be upset."

Since then I've had several sexual affairs and one love affair, on-going, with a man who already had a long-term partner (not married). I'm as happy as I can be and certainly not sexually frustrated. On the contrary. I still love my husband, but I cannot believe he would pass up the delights of sexual love for close encounters with his t.v., hunting rifle, fly-rod, and wood-working tools.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (13)

suzieque
13 years ago
Thanks for sharing, I guess.
mkroopy
13 years ago
Yeah, suzieque's response pretty much sums it up for me too...
Related Discussions
My husband has never had sex with me,married for 2 yrs
Q
Comments (4)
You do not have a marriage. Your "husband" is being dishonest with you. You could let him know he needs to get help with his problem(if it is a medical/psychological one). If he is gay then he really is dishonest and married you under false pretense. You need to leave this relationship if he does not change his sexless behavior. NancyLouise
...See More
Husband not affectionate, and no sex in 10 months
Q
Comments (2)
"We have two children, so divorce is not an option"- this is fallacious reasoning, because staying in an unhappy marriage "for the sake of the children" simply teaches your children that marriages are unhappy, that dysfunctional relationships are the norm, and eventually make one or both parents resent their children because after all, if the children weren't there the relationship could be ended. The kids pick up on their parents' feelings. You need to fix this one way or another, so your children can see how healthy and happy adults behave.
...See More
My husband doesn't have the desire for sex or quality time.
Q
Comments (4)
My advice is for you to ask him about it. Have you sat down with him and had that serious discussion with him?
...See More
Husband has changed
Q
Comments (14)
Thank you all for your responses. In response to the last poster, yes he does have many other women in his life! Not women who he cheats with but he is friends with his ex who he works with (she is married also) and he has casual friends or aquaintances that he sees when he stops at the convenience store or gas station (he befriends these women). He hasn't crossed any boundaries and I believe that men and women CAN be just friends but not at the expense of your partner. My husband admits he enjoys the attention of other women because they are new and they don't EVER argue with him or have any disagreements with him (as we do from time to time) I look at it as those "friendships" are so superficial nothing like a marriage so of course they have nothing to disagree about. I just don't understand how to reach him and make him understand what I am feeling. I am tired of feeling as though I am bothering him when I try to be affectionate or when I ask for advice about a problem (that has nothing to do with him) He willingly gives advice/listens to any other female and he is very attentive to other women who are casual friends. With me, he's not mean just acts distant.
...See More
amyfiddler
13 years ago
So you have a roommate with tax benefits.
zzita
13 years ago
I'm glad you two found a solution that works better for you than the alternative. I hope it keeps working out :).
Patty_N
13 years ago
How can a man not want sex!!?
LuAnn_in_PA
13 years ago
Maybe he does... but not with her!
That MIGHT be why he's okay with HER affairs...
mkroopy
13 years ago
LuAnne, I was gonna go there but you beat me to it. I guess if the situation works for both of them and they are happy, so be it.
amyfiddler
13 years ago
Patti, lots of reasons.

Gay men who marry women often will stop wanting to have sex.
Men who were sexually abused may have sexual issues.
Men who are having affairs often change their sexual behavior in a marriage.
Depression will inhibit sex for men.
ED will increase anxiety about sex and reduce desire.
Men who are treated poorly by their wives will sometimes withdraw sexually.
lee676
13 years ago
or your body just stops working in your 40s and you completely lose interest.

I'm about ready to deal with it the same way babylonia's dh did. (but minus the rifle and fly rod)
kanchu
13 years ago
As reading your post, its seems that the attraction of your both has been nearly to decreased. you have to find out the reason behind it. as you said u still love him,and that's a very good point to stay together.
scarlett2001
13 years ago
There are more marriage "arrangements" like this than you think. At least she is honest.
gardeningisbliss
13 years ago
There are also many medications (anti-depressants, high blood pressure meds, etc) and other medical conditions besides depression that can reduce sex drive, especially as one gets older.

To each their own. If this arrangement works for the OP and her H, then good for them. I think many people buy into the "fairy tale" of marriage, the idea that you will meet your "soul mate" in young adulthood/barely older than a child, who will fulfill all your needs for the rest of your life in perfect monogamy. It's ridiculous.

Life is a lot of things, a fairly tale it is not.
scarlett2001
13 years ago
Amen to that.

Related Stories

PRODUCT PICKS Guest Picks: 20 Gray and White Bedroom Finds for Both Sexes

Rest assured that these soft shades will create a relaxing feel, while textures and patterns ensure a bedroom that's no snoozefest

COLOR Bedroom Color: The Secret to More Sex and More Sleep

By Mitchell Parker

Look to surprising revelations about bedroom wall colors to get more of what you want

FUN HOUZZ 31 True Tales of Remodeling Gone Wild

By Mitchell Parker

Drugs, sex, excess — the home design industry is rife with stories that will blow your mind, or at least leave you scratching your head

MORE ROOMS A Bedroom for Both of You

By Samantha Schoech

The bedroom doesn't have to be a battleground in the war between the sexes. These solutions will keep you both happy

COLOR Why You Should Give Brown a Chance

By Julia Pockett

If 'blech' is your first response to brown, you're missing out on the opportunity for a warm-looking room that appeals to both sexes

APARTMENTS Houzz Tour: Mod Remakes for a Silver-Screen Couple

By Mary Jo Bowling

Gutting a prewar Manhattan apartment sets the stage for a screening room addition, a kitchen makeover and much more

KITCHEN DESIGN Kitchen of the Week: Upscale Barn Meets Industrial Loft Style

By Becky Harris

Warehouses and grasses inspire a South Carolina kitchen equally, for a look that’s as charming as it is unusual

GARDENING GUIDES Backyard Birds: Invite Entertaining Hummingbirds Into Your Garden

By Habitat Network

Hummingbirds — unique to the Americas — zip through open landscapes seasonally or year-round. Here’s how to attract them

GARDENING GUIDES Vegetables and Flowers Mix in Beautiful Edible Gardens

By Margie Grace - Grace Design Associates

Ornamentals, meet your edible garden mates. We know you'll get along just beautifully

BEDROOMS 9 Ways to Dress a Four-Poster Bed

By Karen Egly-Thompson

Complete the fairy-tale look or go as modern as you like with canopies, swags, drapes — or nothing at all

Sponsored

17 Reviews

The Leading Interior Design Studio in Franklin County