Hi, I am 46 in January and have been going through perimenopause since I was about 40. Started with sore swollen breasts, then heavier periods and even heavier then I had PMS for the first time in my life (It took 2 years before I realised it was PMS due to the cycles and timings of my symptoms) then I had insomnia around my PMS time and as the years have moved on my periods are all over the place. Then night sweats, nothing major just one a night and certainly no drenching of the bedding but enough to wake me up. I have periods with no symptoms and symptoms with no periods. The hardest part is no longer being able to say "Ahh! I feel like this because I am due on" the symptoms just hit me at any time and there is no rhyme or reason to them anymore. I have been waking up every night at 5am for months and thankfully I go back to sleep within 20 to 30 minutes sometimes less. Sometimes I get insomnia when and anxiety about insomnia when I wake up and cant go back after 4 hours etc but that usually is followed by my period which is now no more than a tiny spot of old blood, if that. I am using Progesterone (Natural) pessaries 400mg daily every day no break and have done for two years. Progesterone is the calming hormone, nick named "Natures Valium" were as oestrogen is an excitatory hormone. Over the years, as we age, progesterone starts to drop, when we fail to ovulate our bodied produce no progesterone at all (Except a small amount from the brain) and this is what causes a worsening of PMS symptoms as we reach menopause. Oestrogen levels on the other hand, remains the same (over time, of course it dips and ducks throughout the month) and with xenoestrogens in the environment and in our foods, cosmetics, microwave foods contained in plastic, meats etc that women are now no longer accepting the old fashioned belief that we need "Oestrogen" when facing peri and menopause, in fact quite the opposite! Oestrogen Dominance is no more a gimmicky term used to sell progesterone products than "Oestrogen Deficiency" is to the pharmaceutical companies who sell chemical hormones to the medical profession who prescribe them. The studies done on menopause were last researched in the 1950s and were incomplete and yet the medical profession are still treating hormone issues based on that out of date information. If you research the net you will discover *new* studies showing post menopausal women in their 50s with as much Oestrogen as a 20 year old woman but almost no Progesterone. The modern era has enough xenoestrogens to push our Oestrogen levels up already without us needing to put more into our system. It's not a case of a lack of Oestrogen, its the balance or lack there of, of these two hormones that cause the issues.. and as I say, modern research shows a decline in Progesterone whilst Oestrogen remains more or less the same. Women who have PND do so due to the sudden drop of progesterone once they give birth. Our bodies make 400mg of progesterone when we are pregnant. We give birth and suffer from depression anxiety etc due to the sudden drop in Progesterone. This is why many women say that their PMS goes when they were pregnant but comes back with a vengeance when they give birth. All that said, and despite my Progesterone therapy (Which I had to convince my female doctor to prescribe as she wanted me to have a coil fitted) I DO have bad weeks and hours and not all of the symptoms have gone and I wonder if I am getting worse the closer to menopause I get. According to my research you cannot overdose on progesterone, the only thing that would happen is you would feel sleepy! Take too much Oestrogen and all Hell breaks loose not to mention the links to cancers. If anyone is interested in the research and papers to back my own belief up here is a link to a forum on the subject http://www.progesteronetherapy.com/#axzz3KNpFIkMz I am very interested in womens experiences who HAVE taken HRT in either combination, for how long and whether they feel it was working :) Many thanks, Here is a link that might be useful: Progesterone Therapy

Hello Fay-Lisa, You've been through so much, you should get a medal for staying as strong as you have and being able to maintain your job and relationship. You are absolutely NOT insane or anything close to it. Many people have that moment in life (or several) in which they feel like they have *had* it. They may not use markers to vent their frustration/anger/anxiety/depression but they do all kinds of other things -- eat too much, drink too much, have affairs, spend too much, leave their families, withdraw completely and so on. First things first, you are doing the right thing by getting all the physical tests out of the way. My first thought after reading everything you've been through is that you might need to see an endocrinologist to have your thyroid and hormone levels thoroughly checked (forgive me if you said you have already done then). If all the tests turn out to be in the normal range, then it's time to consider other possibilities. You may have some kind of chemical imbalance which might be helped with the right kind of medication. This process is most definitely trial and error, and I certainly understand your frustration with the various medications and their respective side effects. I don't like taking them either, but they do have their place as part of an overall approach to tackling and managing symptoms. One suggestion I have is for you to find a *good* therapist -- someone who is very experienced and has training in working with people who may have emotional damage from childhood. You mentioned in your post some unkind things your mother said to you when you were young. I imagine there's a lot more where that came from. Was there alcoholism in your family of origin? Are there others in the family or extended family who have struggled with mental health issues? One psychiatrist I consulted with asked me what kinds of mental health issues there were in my family (I, too, was struggling with terrible depression and panic attacks/anxiety). When I told him there were family members with bi-polar, extreme anxiety, schizophrenia, alcoholism and chronic depression, he said, "well, what did you expect?" The truth is most families have members who cope with these illnesses. A psychologist said that each of us has a collection of genes that contribute to our personalities and temperaments. We just have to work on doing the best with what we've got. You sound like a very self aware, strong person. Please please please do not be so hard on yourself. I am an easy going, peaceful person usually-- but when I have gone through difficult times in my life the anxiety and depression caused me to behave in ways I'm not proud of -- angry, irritated, crying, throwing things, hiding, having major panic attacks where I felt outside of my own body. That's called disassociation and it can happen when anxiety and depression go on for too long without proper treatment. In addition to all this, there is the real possibility that you are now in perimenopause and many of your current symptoms may have been caused or made worse by it. I think I've had every symptom in the "34 symptoms of menopause" list." I've always dealt with anxiety and depression, but this was so deep and dark -- I'm thankful to God that I finally found a competent therapist, the right medication and inner strength to choose to believe in myself and stop condemning myself. This is a choice you can make too and I hope you will. It sounds like you're a caring, compassion, intelligent and very sensitive person. Those are gifts worth celebrating!! It's so easy to slip into that groove of basing your self worth on your job. I'm a decade older than you, and I'm here to tell you, the quality, richness and success of your life is not about what you do to earn money to support yourself. It's about your relationships and your experiences. What do you do to relax and have fun? Fulfilling life experiences don't have to cost a lot of money. You don't have to have a lot of friends, but you do need a support system you can turn to for a listening ear and encouragement. There are many ways you can cultivate loyal, kind and supportive friends. You deserve to have people in your life in addition to your wonderful boyfriend who care about you and will treat you like the amazing person you are. Life goes by so quickly. Take each day as it comes and don't worry so much about the future. As the saying goes, we only live 24 hours at a time. And if I'm having a really bad spell, I take it about an hour at a time : ) Be good to yourself. You might find yoga relaxing or some other kind of exercise class. You might also find a support group beneficial -- it's always comforting to know you're in good company when it comes to dealing with life's difficulties. Think about what makes you the happiest and resolve to pursue these things. Don't ever let anyone make you feel "less than" about anything -- whether it's your job, appearance, hobbies, friends -- all these belong to *you* and if someone doesn't have something supportive or helpful to say to you, tune it out!!! It took me years to learn how to do this, but I am happy to say, it can be done!! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. I am interested in finding out what the test results will show. But no matter what, cherish yourself and look for the positive things that happen each day -- even the smallest good things matter. God bless you and good luck with your appointments next week!!

Boy, can I relate to this post. I could of wrote this myself. I had an FSH of 29 two years ago, along with horrible symptoms of irregular heartbeats , extreme anxiety, Insomnia...on and on. The Doc said early Menopause, I had it retested last month, it was 4 !!!!! I had the same reaction as you... I am expecting the worst, as some of my symptoms have lessened , now I am thinking it will all start over full force. I had waited to re-test the FSH , and thought that maybe I was Post , as I have felt somewhat better with some of the symptoms... I had my Uterus removed 15 years ago, so no periods to help establish where I am in all this. I am confused as to what this all means just like you, You are the first one I have found to have the same issue, sorry for you, but a relief for me to have someone to talk to !! I am wondering if it has something to do with he Thyroid.. as I am Hypothyroid, with Hashimotos Disease. I was curious before, but now I see you have Thyroid issues also, wondering if there is a connection... the Thyroid is part of the Endocrine system like the Ovaries ... Anyways, I feel like I am rambling.. just know that you are not alone, and I hope you fee better knowing that someone else is dealing with the same craziness, I know I sure do. Peace, Rebecca

Hi melonwhelz, Sorry I didn't respond sooner, had a rough week taking my dog who has an incurable disease to all these different vets. He will be okay and I will just pray for the best as he is my bestest friend. Anyway, the day after I posted, I started to spot, thought I was going to get my period, but nope! It never happened. I have to make an app't to see my gyno. Yes, my body is very confused and sending mixed messages to my brain which I hate! At least when I had Lyme I knew all my symptoms including the mood swings and depression, but this is a whole new ballgame! I am feeling a different type of depression, almost like I am bored but too tired to do anything about it. I did receive the book "Awakening at Midlife" yesterday so I am going to start reading that. How is your sister? I help many people who have Lyme Disease because it is horrible and so misunderstood, especially by doctors because they don't know how to treat it. What helped me recover was following a book written by a brilliant doctor named Dr. David Jernigan (Beating Lyme Disease Using Alternative Medicine". I know so many people that are cured now because of Dr. Jernigan. Maybe your sister should buy the book? Anyway, I feel so drained, is that normal? I need to vacuum and do some laundry but I'm not doing it, LOL! I am laughing at your drumroll:::: THE CHANGE! Oh why oh why don't men get this? Yeah, I'm bad. Denise