I'm definately in the smooth finish camp and faced this issue several years ago with my oak kitchen. Because of the modifications I wanted, and I planned on staying in the home long-term, my decision was to completely replace the kitchen. If you really love your kitchen except for the oak, my advice is to contact Rick at The Cabinet Authority (Conestoga Cabinets), and get quotes for replacing the doors and drawer fronts. He also sells the tape to cover the front of the cabinet boxes to reface. For a deposit, he can send you a sample box containing the many shades of white available. Your paint guy can give you a quote for painting the boxes and installing the doors and drawer fronts. I'm in the process of ordering some cabinets for a bedroom from Rick. He has the patience of a saint and is extremely knowledgable. Conestoga has top quality merchadise you will love. Good luck with your decision and please let us know how it goes.

I think it's just another one of those things that, if poorly done or over done, can look really bad. Same with glazing, antiquing, etc. Amusingly enough, when we had re-stripped our bottom cabs (or original refinishing came out too yellow orangey) I realized that a white wash on the cabs would have been perfect for the wood and for our granite. We decided against it, though as that would have meant either also stripping and re-doing the uppers or having mixed finishes (which I was hesitant to do in our tiny kitchen). There was also the consideration that we would have to learn a whole new technique/finish and have to be concerned about that poorly done issue. If we knew then what we know now I might have actually done it as I'm still not thrilled with our cab color. Then we would have been even more "out of fashion".

I'm in the midst of experimenting with Brushing Putty by Fine Paints of Europe for filling oak grain. I know that others on this forum have had luck with it. For example... (http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/kitchbath/msg0122443613076.html) At first I didn't think it was working but have discovered the trick is painting on a liberal coat of the brushing putty and then when dry, sand with 220 followed by 320. Seems to be working like a charm on my oak doors and I'm going to try my oak boxes next. The caveat? It's wicked expensive!! Here's the website if you want to check it out. http://www.finepaintsofeurope.com/brushing_putty.aspx

Turning what you have into "limed" oak can be done, but it won't be done by the usual contractor, i.e. Cheap Charlie. You need a specialty paint finish artisan or cabinet maker. If those are factory finished cabinets, then getting the finish off to be able to change them will be expensive. It's tough and darn near impossible to do without a dip tank of very noxious chemicals. Painting them a light gray would be easier (and cheaper) to do than attempting to get them the limewashed oak color. Because even if you can get that top coat off, red oak is tricky to remove the red undertones that give it that pinky look that gives everyone that visceral backlash against the 80's. Sometimes bleaching can work. Sometimes using a greener tinted wash can work. It depends on the skill of the artist involved. It takes time. Time is money. Sometimes "saving" what's there is a lot more expensive than donating it and replacing it with something that suits your taste better.