A chuchi? Hahahahaha!!! That's a new one for me! :-D

Okay, so I completely agree with you Monablair about the inappropriate dress. I do struggle with my 17 y.o., but over far less egregious outfits it sounds like. It really does not sound like this child was dressed properly for a family gathering. Kind of disrespectful to you and your husband, IMO...actually to everyone who was feeling uncomfortable for this girl.

What I find most interesting about these get-ups is that the girls are rendered so physically awkward, there is nothing appealing about it. They may think they look great, but honestly, how attractive is a girl tugging at her clothes to stay covered and teetering around on strumpet heels? It makes me think of all the little girls running around at the school dance tugging on their strapless dresses! If I see my kiddo tug once in a fitting room, out goes the dress. :-)

As for the parents, well, perhaps they have decided there are more important battles to be fought. So many things can become a struggle with girls at this age, we often have to choose to look the other way on certain issues. If you nag them about the little things, they learn to tune you out.

My kid is fairly well-endowed and even a "normal" T-shirt looks low-cut on her. I wish she would wear turtlenecks, but she has a strong sense of her own style and it does not involve turtlenecks! She does not get marks for not following her's schools fairly strict dress code, so I have just given in. Yeah, I still whine about the lipstick she wears sometimes (eeek) and I wouldn't let her out of the house with me dressed in a way I find inappropriate for wherever we're going, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.

And, I know she never shows her chuchi!

Here is a link that might be useful: Next Christmas?

Heehe, chuchi. Never heard that one either.

No, you're not being a prude. I cringe at anyone showing off too much skin. Sad thing is I see it all the time anymore with girls younger and younger.

My parents wouldn't have left me out of the house. I never could understand why I wasn't allowed to wear certain tops as a teen but now that I'm older, I get it. I wasn't "exposed" but it wasn't necessary and could've attracted the wrong kind of attention.

Maybe it's what Amy said about more important battles to be fought. Makes me wonder if the parents noticed any reaction?

I remember lots of clothing wars with my mom when I was a teen. It's unfortunate that so much time was wasted over something so trivial. Back then (late 60s/early 70s) it was mini skirts and going bra-less.

I fought with my mom because I wanted to wear track shoes and bell-bottoms. All the time. Mom wanted me to wear pretty little feminine dresses, and I just wasn't havin' it. I was just about to say "the times have changed", but now that I think about it, I do remember how really tight jeans were the "in" thing among many teens when I was that age, and the jeans I wore could've been a bit roomier.

I don't think you're being a prude at all, Mona. I would imagine that a parent engaged in "clothing wars" with a teenage daughter feels it's not trivial, because they so badly want their daughter to present a decent, wholesome image instead of a tarty one. There may be some thinking in there on the part of the parents that the way their child dresses might be seen as a reflection on their parenting skills. In the overall scheme of life, it shouldn't really matter, but I think I can see why it would.

Would it have bothered you, though, to see this dress on a 17 year old who was in no way related to you? I just wondered if perhaps it was the fact that the dress was on your girl ("your", since she does belong to your family), and somehow it seemed even more in your face than it might seem on a stranger. I don't know - sounds like the parents exhibited pretty poor judgment for allowing her to attend a family gathering dressed that way. I wonder how they would feel if they knew others in the family had been horrified?

Hoooboy, that's a tough one to approach. At DD's wedding my then 13YO niece had a lovely age-appropriate dress on. She looked just adorable! Then this summer, she changed...entered HS, and her older sister, who'd just graduated, took her under her wing. She got contacts, highlights and a new outfit. Gone was the girl who never took off her t-shirt at the lake, and in her place was Miss Teeny-Tiny Bikini. My sister pretty much encouraged this. Me...I'd have said no way Jose. Pictures of her attending the Homecoming dance show her in a tight, strapless mini...SHE IS 14!!!

She's not a hoochie, she's quite studious and straight, but my sister lets her girls dress 'hip'. My sister also acts that way, so I guess it's all about her way of thinking. My girls never felt comfortable about showing off their bodies (especially my VERY well endowed DD), so I didn't have to go thru that with mine. Just them wanting to dye their hair green or pierce their eyebrows.

I think it's unfortunate that the parents don't have a bit more influence. I don't like to say won't let the girls dress more appropriately, but more of not encouraging less media influenced attire.

Jen, it would have bothered me even if it were a stranger dressed in such a revealing manner. Combine the length of the dress with thong underwear and it's indecent, IMHO.

This dress would have been really cute with tights and under the knee boots.

Another thing, when this girl attended her great grandfather's funeral this past September, she wore a just as short dress with a revealing neckline. And she also wore really high stiletto heels with ankle straps. Certainly not appropriate for the occasion.

But, she's not my daughter and I'm not going to say anything.

I'm all for helping teens be hip. There is a huge difference between dressing hip and dressing like a call girl.

We're not fuddy duds here but our girls know that you don't have to show all to be sexy. Not all strapless minis are inappropriate. Strapless minis that are skin tight knit? Yes.

No, you are not a prude, Mona. I would have felt very uncomfortable, too. My DD is 17, and I am thankful I have not had clothing wars with her. She is pretty modest and has a great sense of style. The most revealing thing I have ever seen her wear are her volleyball shorts, and she doesn't have a choice about those.

Mona, as others have said, you are not a prude. Even if that is today's "look", it's inappropriate for a family dinner, and especially at a funeral.

Natal, I am also of the mini skirt, hot pants and braless (I really never outgrew my training bra anyway) generation. Whenever I see a rerun of the Mary Tyler Moore show I can't believe I dressed like that!

No, you are not a prude, Mona. I would have felt very uncomfortable, too. My DD is 17, and I am thankful I have not had clothing wars with her. She is pretty modest and has a great sense of style. The most revealing thing I have ever seen her wear are her volleyball shorts, and she doesn't have a choice about those.

Jen, it would have bothered me even if it were a stranger dressed in such a revealing manner. Combine the length of the dress with thong underwear and it's indecent, IMHO.
This dress would have been really cute with tights and under the knee boots.

Another thing, when this girl attended her great grandfather's funeral this past September, she wore a just as short dress with a revealing neckline. And she also wore really high stiletto heels with ankle straps. Certainly not appropriate for the occasion.

I was trying to think of how I might feel if my niece (who is only 8 now, but will be 17 before we know it!) showed up at a family function dressed like that. Because she'll probably always be "Baby Dumpling" to me, I think I would just be extra bothered to see her dressed so inappropriately.

But, she's not my daughter and I'm not going to say anything.

Yeah, I can understand that. Depending on family dynamics, it could be disastrous to speak your mind.

There's a commercial I've seen on tv a few times over the past week - I think it's for an upcoming season of something called "The Bad Girls Club", and the girls are shown dressed as I'm picturing your niece was (see photo from the show below). This is, sadly, the style of television's role models bombarding impressionable young women nowadays. (I feel old when I talk like that - almost "You kids get off my lawn!" old, but to be honest I really don't care that much anymore.)
{{gwi:1527650}}

I think it's important to keep things in perspective. And to realize that what you did as a teen may have come across as equally mortifying to adults. There are some people who think body piercings and tattoos are about as low class as it gets. Obviously not true ... for the most part they're nothing more than a reflection of a person's need to express their individuality. Teens are just beginning to enter that arena of free expression.

I understand what you're saying, Natal. A 17-year old certainly needs to express herself and discover her own sense of style. I think the issue with the near-obscene dress is the message of "wanton sexuality" it unwittingly sends. There's a time and place (and appropriate age) for the realization of self-expression, however. A short, revealing dress and stilettos worn by a teen girl to her grandfather's funeral? No way. That's disrespectful. And dumb.

As someone already mentioned, the ultra short minis, no-bra looks, and revealing clothing were rampant in the early 70's too. I remember wishing I could wear my skirts a little shorter to fit in better with my friends, but my mother would have none of it. No argument held any weight with her on what was appropriate and what was not. And I also remember watching one of my best friends attempting to sit down on stage for an interview in High School and she just couldn't get her dress down enough to sit ON it. Excrutiating.

I must confess though, that while I understand Moms arguing with daughters over what they can wear, I do NOT understand how a Mom ever comes out the loser? I either bought my daughter's clothes, or gave them money and accompanied them shopping. And as they got into late teens, when one brought home something that I felt was not appropriate or didn't fit right, I nixed it. It went back to the store. Only a child not living with me and not depending on me for their housing, food, and clothing, would be able to buy and wear something that brought me embarassment, unless they sneaked around and changed Before they came home. I really never had any big issues with any of my kids over clothes or makeup anyway, but I can't imagine losing that battle.

Red

I have two teenage girls. It is really, really hard to find dresses that fit the balance between looking "grandma" (as my girls call it) and looking youthful. EVERY dress in the junior department is super, super short and/or tight. To add insult to injury, the other teen fashion trend is strapless. WTH?

My older daughter is pretty modest and occasionally I still have to nix a dress because it is just too short. She would never wear high heels with a super short dress but I have seen in it plenty of times around here.

My 13 year old? Ay yi yi. She's got boobs and a booty and is really confident. Styles that look cute on her friends look hoochy mama on her. I know I am in for a constant battle with her.

But, battle it will be. My children will have their butts covered, not show cleavage, will not wear strapless dresses and will not wear hooker shoes.

You are not a prude. I might have said to your guest, "Aren't you cold? I can get you a sweater."

Last fall we attended a funeral mass at a Catholic church for a young man who had taken his life.

It was a very sad, thought provoking mass. At the end, everyone was talking and greeting the immediate family - I noticed a girl who's skirt was slightly flared and barely covered her butt cheeks. I found it somewhat horrifying and but distracting from my sadness to carefully watch her navigate around the courtyard. It was only by the grace of God and I'm sure that grace was only given because we were right outside a church, her body parts were not displayed.

The dress wasn't low cut, just very very short. The friend I was standing with was horrified when the girl turned around and she realized she knew the girl. She wanted to go right over to her and say what are you thinking, but we decided it wouldn't do any good and would make for an awkward situation.

Faron just bought his DD a pair of 5" heels for Christmas and many people thought it was wonderful. I don't know what his DD wears with her 5" heels but do you think it's OK for a 20 year old to wear 5" heels with mini dresses? Is it the age (16-17 year olds) or is it the look you don't like?

Golddust, I don't think because people said it was wonderful that Faron bought his DD a special gift that they were commenting on the height of the heel. I can only speak for myself, but I thought it was nice that he was able to give his daughter a gift that was special to her.

But to answer your question, I don't think it's the height of the shoe, but the entire ensemble. There are different styles and lengths of miniskirts. Not all miniskirts are micro mini and skintight. Personally, I don't like that look (skin tight and micro mini) on a woman of any age. And, what may look inappropriate on one body type, may not on another.

This, too, shall pass. Teens (and young 20s) make lots of mistakes as they start to assert their own identities. Looking back on some of the things I wore makes me wonder what in the world I was thinking, but of course, I thought I looked wonderful at the time. Styles change and girls grow up. Until then, hold tight to your sense of humor!

I don't know, but, something tells me that Faron's daughter has much better taste than that. "Most" girls who wear the high end heels, know how to wear them and not look "hoochi-mama", in my experience.

To me, it's the girl who has the whole package, who can pull it off. Unfortunately, those are few and far between.

It's not the heels that bother me, but, the short-short dresses and skirts that make it look hookerish. The 5 inch heels are THE lastest style, so we will see more of it. I think they look very stylish with jeans and cute top, when you are twenty-ha!

I don't mind the fact that someone wears 5" heels - that's a feat of balance in my book. What I was commenting on was the fact that a dress or skirt so short as any movement front or back shows either your butt cheeks or your crotch is inappropriate for anyone 15-80 years old.

I am with deee - dinding appropriate clothing for teenagers is very difficult. My 15 year old daughter is 5'10" tall, so a dress that lloks perfectly acceptable on the mannequin in the store is often startling short on her. Ditto on the strapless!

Finding suitable clothing for teenagers is hard. Make them bigger or smaller than average and it can be even more difficult.

Carrie

Basic rule:
Don't show-cha your chocha.

Examples of the not-wearing-pants-when-they-are-clearly-necessary trend

{{gwi:1527651}}

Perfect link, lenam! Good grief, those aren't dresses ... they're not quite even tunics in some cases!

Wow! This is a frightening thread...in the sense of what some teens think is OK to wear!!

No, our DD wouldn't be caught DEAD in "hooker-esque" dresses. She'd rather wear heels with jeans than dresses! Her shortest dress is mid-thigh lace-overlay, NOT tight, and pretty conservatively styled. Mainly a "nice jeans & dressier-tops" Girl! With her looong legs, She wears Capri's well imo...
With those new tall heels, She was starin' me in the eye. I'm 6'3"...
Uffda!

That link was the CRASSEST page of clothing I've ever seen. The whole thing just said "Low-rent/class".

Faron

I apologize for not putting a warning on that link :-(

The 'dress' from SEARS Jr. Dept. blew me away.

-Lena

This post made me think of someone. 40-something mother of two, former model, current reality HW Kelly Bensimon. Has a penchant for short-short attire. She's got the legs, but to me these 'looks' alway come across like she forgot to put her pants on. ;)

Wasn't going to post this because of the pose. (It's actually about the jewelry, which I like, but doubt anyone notices, lol.) But what she's wearing is actually a top. It's a Donna Mizani, shown at designer's site over black pants/leggings. Could be a bikini under it, but given her taste, could also not. ;)

Don't know who she is, but I don't even think she has the legs for that look-lol. Definitely doesn't have the knees-few do once we get past 35. :)

Seems nobody knew who she was till she signed onto Real Housewives of NYC (which I watch for the sheer lunacy, somehow it's a stress reducer for me). I guess her claim to fame is through her ex Gilles Bensimon, a fashion photographer who's shot most of the 80's/90's super model crowd. (I don't remember her as a model, tho.)

I really just want to slap a pair of pants on the woman, lol. ;)

I really just want to slap a pair of pants on the woman, lol. ;)

After having had the misfortune of catching a couple of episodes that featured Kelly, I'd be happy with just slapping her.

(OK, so that wasn't nice ... ;-))

ROFL, yeah Jen, she's a trip. ;)

I hope they never have to sit down in those get ups. As was mentioned earlier, these are unfortunately the role models for many girls/teens today.

Mona, initially I would be uncomfortable too if a close relative wore a revealing outfit to a family function. It hasn't happened yet, but knowing my family, he/she would get the bejesus teased out of them. Maybe not at a funeral though....

LOL moonshadow and auntjen!

Never wear anything that panics the cat. ~P.J. O'Rourke

My mother's boyfriend passed away recently, and I was thinking of this thread as I attended his memorial service today. My brother's stepdaughter (who is a darling and polite 14 year old) wore a super short dress with boots to the service. In her defense she wore dark hose (not tights or leggings, which I think would have made the look more appropriate). Because most of her actual skin was covered, I think that she barely made it on the acceptable side of the style meter, though some of the older people in attendance may not have agreed.

Oye, terriks. Sorry about your day. I hope your mom is holding up. What kind of boots did she wear the dress with? Uggs, by any chance?

My mother is holding up okay. I went down last night, but drove home right after the service, as I had to drive through the mountains, and was worried about snow. I just got through before chains were required. I have to be at work tomorrow morning, and my daughter is flying home in the morning after being here for a too short Christmas visit. I plan to go down soon to spend a weekend with my mom. Fortunately my sister lives in the same town, and my brother is just about 1.5 hours away
Her boots were her mother's BCBGs. Black with about a 3" heel. She and her mother are the same size in shoes and clothes.

Remember hot pants and micro mini skirts and see threw blouses in the late sixty's and early seventy's? But for some reason they didn't look so vulgar as the clothes of today.

Back then we had never heard of big fake boobs or strings that were called panties.

Terriks, I'm so sorry for the loss in your family. I'm glad you made it home safe and sound and hope that when you go back to visit with your mom that it's a special, comforting time.

I've been fighting an urge to post here...but what the heck. At the risk of sounding defensive or like one of "those" parents, I want to say that I think we have to be careful to show our teens a bit of understanding, rather than disdain, at times like this. As a few posters have pointed out, MOST of us have worn clothes during our formative years that our elders found horrifying. I'm pretty certain they found the hiphuggers and micro-minis with platform boots just as obscene as many find the super short dresses today. I just think we have to remember that our teens are works in progress. If I see a forty-something woman trying to recapture her youth with cleaving falling out and tight jeans, short skirts, etc., I'm pretty horrified and think it shows an appalling lack of good judgement on her part. But I look differently at a young girl making the transition to a young woman. She will make mis-steps, she'll look trashy at times, etc. She's a work in progress... I just think we have to be careful about being too judgmental at times like this. My 15 year old daughter is a very willowy 5'10" tall. You can probably imagine how short the dresses are on her. And she loves high heels. I try very hard when we shop to guide her toward the more respectable dresses. But I don't doubt that their are some finger-waggers in the crowd who wonder why I let her out of the house the way I did. I could tell them that she is a straight-A student and an athlete, an amazing girl, but it is all beside the point really. Recently we atteneded a volleyball banquet, and EVERY girl was dressed to the nines. I commented to another mom how nice it was that girls are dressing up these days. It wasn't so long ago that girls never wore dresses, even at dress up times. Were some of the dresses a bit short? Sure. And some of the girls looked silly hobbling awkwardly across the room to pick up an award. But to me, it's part of the charm of this age. And it's temporary.... they are works in progress, and most teens could use a bit more love and acceptance in their lives.

Gee, I had a vinyl miniskirt back in the day that was probably shorter than anything in those photos. Somehow, the world didn't stop turning. I thought I looked like someone out of Mary Quant. And my hair was always in my eyes too!

Bestyears,

That was a VERY good post!
It should maybe be welded into every parents wallet or something! For MOST situations of this type (I hope!), your viewpoint is the correct one, IMO.

To ME...it always been kind of a "what goes around...."

Fashion sure is a fussy "*itch" ain't it?!

Faron

Certainly teens' dress is left up to each family to decide what is appropriate and what isn't. Parents of teens need to pick battles very carefully, that is for sure! What is acceptable in one family won't be in another and the differences are what make the world go round!

If the girls' chose to dress provocative, then they should expect fingers to be wagging. Chances are good that these same girls could care less about what we old people think. LOL!

I find that appropriate clothing also varies by season. I was at the grocery store last week and noticed a very striking young lady wearing a very short sleeveless dress with a sort of shawl type wrap, bare legs and sandals. She would have stood out (in a good way) if it were summer, but with the thermometer in the mid 30s she just looked out of place.

I often let my teen girls dress ridiculous - crazy shoes, tacky jewelry, weird hair styles, unflattering skinny jeans, etc. Where I draw the line is clothes that hyper sexualize them. IMO, when girls dress overtly sexually it emboldens boys and men to make comments, grab, etc. If I can prevent some horny kid from going after my daughter because she looks like a high priced call girl, I am going to do it. It's going to happen but I am not going to spend good money to encourage it.

Bestyears, you took the words out of my mouth. Raising 6 daughters, I've seen it all. Short skirts, bare legs, heels, boob spillage, tight low jeans, and the teeniest of bikinis. They all went through it and now are respectable adults. (except the 19 year old who is still going strong). They look at pictures now and say "What was I thinking and how did you let me dress like that?!" The older ones already forget how they dressed and pick on their little sisters choices.

I'm with Dee here. Dressing ridiculous is fine. Hyper sexuality, not so much.

Ditto Dee's post!! Hey that rhymes!

Makes me glad I had 3 boys. I know there would have been ugly battles at my house if I had a daughter. I grew up in the 70's too when hip huggers and mini skirts were popular. But we wore skin tight shirts that were tucked into those hip huggers - remember those shirts that snapped at the crotch!?? Seeing the top of a girl's thong riding up over the top of her jeans is just not an attractive sight.

And mini skirts were short, but there weren't any butt cheeks or crotch shots - that I can remember anyways! :-)

Personally, I spent my teen years wearing levis that were "big bells". We'd open up the outside seams to the knee and sew in triangle shaped pieces of fabric to make them really really big. They also had to drag on the ground and - heaven forbid you wore flood water pants. On top, we'd wear a tight tee shirt underneath an oversized flannel shirt. And don't forget those platform shoes!

Carol, we must be the same age. Last Halloween, I made some 'big bells' for my DS to wear -just the way you described- with paisley fabric! (Don't forget the wide belts for the hip hugger jeans!) Those tight, crotch snap shirts were great for the younger bladders. LOL! I had those nude, platform sandals that crisscrossed right before my toes. I've seen them again, lately.

My DD was a teen in the 80's. Oversized sweaters and big hair days. Woo! The boys came later, thank gawd they are boys.

Damn...this is kinda funny now! Sorta trippin' me back to MY HS days in the latter 70's!!

For the GUYS...my fave pair of pants were WHITE bell-bottom jeans...a little frayed on the bottom, and just grazin' the ground!
Woo-hoo!
PLUS....get this...my black 1" platform zip-side boots!
I was over 6' tall already. The top of the boot had an inset of wrinkled leather, and the back boot-heel was just under ~3" I think. The zipper was ~ 4" long, on the inside of the leg.
I towered over the Girls!

Well...I was a HUGE KISS fan then too!!

Pair those slacks with some cool black KISS T-shirts, and my mid-neck long hair....OH WAIT...I bet I'm making some of you "woozy"...

;-)

Faron

I agree that as parents we need to let our kids have their weird clothing choices and fashion faux pas. I, too, was a teen in the mini skirt/hot pants era. I remember being in England in the summer of âÂÂ69, on Carnaby Street, and some English teens asking why the girls in our group wore our skirts so long - and our skirts were all several inches or more above the knees. LOL

But I also think that as a parent we have an obligation with our kids to draw the line at certain looks, certain trends. It is also our job to teach them to know that there are certain clothes appropriate for certain occasions. We have an obligation to set rules and say âÂÂnoâÂÂ.

For example, my mom HATES jeans. I never was allowed to wear them until I went off to college and bought my own. So when we see my mom for dinner or lunch, my two sons know that they donâÂÂt wear jeans. I donâÂÂt have to tell them to wear a nice pair of casual pants, and nicer shoes, and a collared shirt. It is a small thing, but it makes her happy (and avoids a LOT of nasty remarks), making for a more pleasant gathering. We are not talking fancy restaurant here, often just a casual family restaurant where pretty much everyone in the place is in jeans.

But that lesson hasnâÂÂt been a waste of time, either. They both seem to know when they need to dress up a bit - both have voluntarily worn ties, suit jackets, etc without being told or asked. Older DS went to his teaching internship prepared to wear ties and dress shirts and khakis every day - until his mentor (an amazing guy) told him he could drop the tie as it made the mentor look bad! LOL

I find the ultra high heels unattractive - most women canâÂÂt walk in them and just look awkward. Add to that bare legs and mini skirts, and the look just says âÂÂcheapâ to me.