Wow awm - you and your DH sound A LOT like us!

So, so sweet! It's been said over and over again that opposites attract. That well-matched couples balance each other out. We make our "couple selves" whole. I find your hubby's description of you so darn sweet! It really touched me.

I am much more like your DH: extroverted, artistic, passionate. I married kind of late ( at 30), despite being nominated as one of the "most likely to marry" my senior year of high school (LOL). I was a flirt back then; what can I say? Wisely, though, I kept looking for "the other half of my heart" . . . while getting my multiple degrees. I finally found him. He's brilliant (and voted most likely to succeed in high school-LOL) with 2 under grad degrees and 2 post-grad degrees (my cute, sweet, kind, romantic, cowboy doc). He loves art, gourmet cooking, traveling, basketball, college football, golf, medicine, family . . . and me. We are opposites in so many ways, though, ( I hate watching basketball and couldn't/wouldn't golf to save my life, to name but a few). But we balance each other out. We'll be married 32 years this January and I am so darn blessed to have had the sense to wait to find him . . . and him for me. After 31+ years I'm still madly in love with the guy . . and him with me, as well.

Good for you, Gibby. You two sound a perfect match to me. Thanks for sharing. You just made my entire week!
Lynn

This post was edited by lynninnewmexico on Thu, Nov 6, 14 at 0:12

Beats what my husband calls me...an airhead! But of course, he's right and I admit it too...now where did I leave my glasses???

gibby, I think we are very much alike too! My husband thrives in a crowd, which usually turns into an audience for his laser-like wit and funny stories. I love a quiet, solitary nook with a good book or laptop. Heaven for me would be being accidentally locked in a library over night (with a good light source).

AnnieD., sorry to disagree with your DH, but you are no airhead. Please tell him as sweetly as you can that your forum friends, after reviewing his considered opinion, think him to be wrong, wrong, wrong!

Perhaps you other quiet halves of the extro/intro couple can comment on this. My husband has sometimes said how hard it can be to have to be the entertainer in a group, that sometimes people expect him to be the life of the party, or he feels obligated to be "on" for a group. His job entails constant social interaction where his strength of personality stands out, so he is "on" all day long. When he comes home, he feels comfortable switching "off" around me. In fact, I think that's what he likes best about our relationship: I'm like a cat -- can take care of myself, don't need constant attention or entertainment. I'm one of the few people with whom he can truly relax, recoup, & recharge.

I vaguely wondered if this was Robin Williams' problem: he had trouble finding people who didn't need him to be "on" all the time. In some of his interviews, I was struck by how quiet, sensitive, & introverted he could be. Maybe he didn't surround himself with enough people who enjoyed that side of him.

Thanks awm, so sweet of you to say, but no way. As I get older, the more air-headed I get! And retirement has turned my brain to mush much faster than I expected. You know stuff like needing to go to the store for a specific item, then deciding while I'm out to do 3 other things and pick up 5 more items, and then get home to find out I've forgotten the primary thing I wanted to get! Happens with increasing frequency.

Gibby, like you, we've been married 36 years as well. It just gets sweeter, no?

Razor sharp precision is not the forte of highly creative minds & productive imaginations, AnnieD. :) Wear your airheadedness with pride then!

Thanks awm, so sweet!

I can be very social, but and truly an introvert. The way I can tell is, I do need solitude to recharge. My former boss is a total extrovert...he needs people to recharge and is never so recharged as when he has an audience...he is a frequent public speaker. And as I crave solitude, he craves social interaction. Very interesting.

Gibby, that is really very sweet of your DH to peg you! And sweet of you to be tickled about it. I think the longer we are with our spouses/SOs the more we find ourselves with 'opposite' but compatible traits that somehow mesh with each other.

Last weekend we ran into sisters we lived next door to 15-20 years ago. We watched them grow up through their teen years and now one of them is an anesthesiologist and the other an engineer with a daughter who plays soccer with our DGD. They told DH and I we were always so 'cute together'. Made me smile!

Where I live, "nerdy introvert" is a major complement.

My sister relayed a conversation she heard from my nephew and a couple of his little friends:

Nephew: "My aunt and uncle are both nerds."
Friend: "BOTH of them?!?"
Nephew: "Both."
Friend: "Dude, you are so LUCKY!"
Nephew: "I know!"

When I take those personality tests, I come down right in the middle of extrovert/introvert, which I think is appropriate. I love time with friends, and I am often the organizer of social outings. But I also love being alone. As an only child, I was home alone often when my parents were at work, so maybe it's just that I got used to it. DH grew up in a big family and he doesn't particularly like being alone (as in being home alone for a weekend, or going to our beach house alone -- which I LOVE). But he is very introverted and getting more so as he ages. Friends who know him well can laugh about the fact that if one of them happens to stop by unannounced, he might barely say hello. But if he knows someone is coming, or we're going out somewhere, he is prepared and will be friendly and is often (esp. after a couple of beers) the life of the party because he is incredibly funny.

It makes me crazy at times because he can be very self-absorbed and gets involved in solitary activities that can exclude me and the rest of the family. Fortunately when the kids were little he was more engaged and hands-on so it bothers me less now that the kids are more independent.

Our kids are: one nerdy extrovert, one slightly nerdy introvert, and one non-nerdy introvert!

I used to be kind of mystified by the Myers Briggs. I fell close to the middle but on the I side. I do like people and doing things with people and work with people all the time so I didn't really think I was I. But I finally understood it one day - the whole concept of what reenergizes you. Is it being alone or being with people?

I was in Singapore once implementing software in a hospital. The people I was working with there were just intense - constantly asking questions, entertaining me every evening and generally "clinging" to me because I think they thought they'd never be able to get ahold of anyone in the US after I left.

At one point I just had to get away from all of them. I hid in a bathroom stall to reenergize myself so I could carry on. That's when I got it - I vs. E.

From me, as a true introvert, thank-you gibby for getting the difference. I'm not shy, I'm not stupid, I'm not unsociable, I'm not a snob, I'm an introvert and of that there is no doubt. I recharge by being by myself. My DS1 is an extrovert, my DS2 likes to think he is an extrovert but at some point he will realize that he is a nerdy introvert.

My DH is an extrovert but we balance each other very well. I know that he loves to do things and be around people and I will cheerfully join him, and he knows that I can't be over scheduled otherwise I will have to hibernate for a couple of days.

It's worked for 31 years.

But marriages are interesting aren't they. What makes some work and others not? Some seem to be effortless while others seem to take a lot of effort.

bl - funny you bring up the concept of overscheduling. My DH loves a jam packed schedule - the more things he has going on one after the other the happier he is. I shudder to think of it.

I think what has worked for us is that we recognize and appreciate our differences and we don't try to get the other person to become something they're not. Live and let live as they say. This has evolved over the years though. There were times earlier on when I think we drove each other nuts. We probably survived that time because we both traveled and could get away from each other. And we were committed to marriage and would not have thrown in the towel.

I think the biggest thing we grew to overcome was my perfectionist nature and his opposite nature. It probably goes with the introvert vs. extrovert thing. I'm happy to spend time by myself making things "perfect" and he would rather ignore all that and go have fun with people including me if I'm willing. We have both moderated considerably over the years. He now takes care of important things and I now ignore unimportant things.

This is pretty humorous to me too!!

DW & DD are so quiet & reserved. They DO love goin' to BISON FB games though!!

ME however....well, you guys here probably KNOW I'm the mainly bombastic one!
ROCK Concerts....Oh H*LL yes!!
Brutal snowmobiles..." " "!
Muscle-cars..." " "!
Football..." " "!

Country-music...Oh H*ll no!
Staying IN during winter?..." " "!
Prius-type cars?...please....no.
Soccer?....Uhhhh, no.

Lutefisk & Lefse....GOSH YES!!
;-)

Faron

So would your DW refer to you as a bombastic extrovert?

LOL!!
Most likely...she would slowly shake her head, saying..."Why me...why me"? And yes, many things I do or think, or want...are a little-over-the-top. Therefore, I use the term "Bombastic" in a humorous vein!
;-)

Faron