I would never keep a doctor who is not doing his job. YOU have to be an advocate for your own health (and that of your family). Why would you not want the very best health care available?

tina

It's my husband; he feels some sort of weird obligation to his cardio doctor. He doesn't want to hurt his feeling or...I just don't know. He's always like this. If I get angry about something it seems to take his anger away and then he just procrastinates making a change.

Ablation surgery does not come without risks and there is no guarantees it will always work. Some doctors are more conservative than others. Your husbands MD may be weighing risks vs. benefits with a more conservative approach. Has he explained his reasoning for waiting to you? Your neighbor's doc may not feel comfortable with letting the Atrial fibrillation going on too long. Perhaps he was burned in the past. Are you privy to the conversation that your neighbor had with his doc? Perhaps he has other health issues that may prompt surgery sooner than later. I've worked in medicine for nearly 15 years. Most medical decisions are never black and white. A-fib is a very difficult thing to treat and keep under control.

What would you do? Would you keep your doctor just because you really really like him even if he's not doing his job?

Good heavens, no. I can befriend just about anyone, but I will not trust my body to an incompetent.

Polly, I could be missing something but I don't think so. My neighbor is otherwise healthy except that he is on high blood pressure pills and has slightly high blood pressure. My husband is otherwise healthy but was born with the Bicuspid heart which his surgeon said has contributed to his Afib. My husband had high blood pressure in the past but changed his diet and life style, but he was on a preventative. I guess I'm kind of aggravated because the second to the last time he had the cardio version (sp)? They had a hard time bringing him back to life. The last time he had it done (before the Ablation surgery) I was worried it would be the last time I saw him. I just don't know why husband had the prolonged suffering when that proceed was just sitting there. His cardio doc had him on all these drugs which proved not to work over and over. I read about all his medications and one time found that a new prescription that the doc gave him was a definite NO with his other drugs and had serious interactions. I had to call the doctor and let him know. The doctor then told him not to fill the prescription. Sheesh!

The operation could have been a bust but it wasn't. Husband saw the surgeon today for a follow-up and there is a good chance he will be off almost all the drugs he has been on. This will be a BIG life changer. I almost forgot what my old husband was like.

In answer to your specific question, I want a doctor that I believe is doing the most for me that he/she can, that keeps up with the latest treatment options, and that is willing to explain the reasons for any recommended treatment to me and answer my questions thoroughly.

You can change doctors for any reason at all--- or not reason at all--- and it will not hurt the doctor's feelings. Some doctors and patients are not a good fit. If your husband feels that he needs to second guess his physician, it is time to change. Similarly, the physician doesn't want a patient who does second guess him or her at every turn. Obviously, it is your husband who is the patient and it's his decision to make.

"Would you keep your doctor just because you really really like him even if he's not doing his job?"

No. I'm actually doing the opposite. All my life I went to an old fashioned Dr. that was wonderful and when he passed away I had a hard time finding another Dr. I liked and felt did a good job. My current doctor's personality isn't my cup of tea but I am confident he knows his stuff medically which is why I still see him.

Thank you all! Posting and reading some of your replies always helps me put things in more of a perspective. We had a long talk and although it is ultimately his decision whether he wants to switch doctors I explained how it was affecting me and my worries if he stayed with his celebrity doctor. Husband actually likes one of the other doctor's better who is in the same office but said he would feel awkward if he passed the celebrity doc in the hall "sweet kind husband". So, we are going to investigate other options for a cardio doc. We have one name so far.

I happen to really like my Dr. I've had him for 15 years and really get along good with him. He does not come across as being the end all-be all, as he's happy to refer me to other specialists when we discuss my concerns. I like that I can be very frank with him and never feel judged. He's a great fit for me.

I did 'fire' a doctor once, he was the rock star at his clinic, everyone LOVED Dr. B. I thought he was a jerk. When I saw his colleague, a doc who actually WORKED with me to diagnose my rare health condition, I asked to be transferred. The staff at the clinic were surprised I didn't want to be Dr. B's patient, since all the women wanted to be his patient (he was very handsome & suave). I insisted and made the switch, never a peep from Dr. B. I was devastated when new Dr. left the clinic! Luckily I have Dr. C...my rock & roll bud! haha (we share musical taste).

Funnily enough, I have a friend who dated Dr. B for a while and she said he really was a pompous, stuck up arse. He believed his own fan club, I guess.

I do like my doctor(s) but it's taken some time to find the right people. My health insurance doesn't require referrals so switching around to find the various specialists I need has simply been a matter of making an appointment. People go into medicine for various reasons, some do seek the status and income that career has traditionally provided. I get along better temperamentally with the down to earth scientist type doctors. I have doctors of all ages and both male and female doctors. I have also been on the receiving end of a medical error -- I was diagnosed incorrectly by one of my doctors with a serious precancerous condition. I immediately repeated the test (a biopsy) elsewhere and learned I did not have this condition. Two repeated negative tests confirmed it. I had no problem switching. I've also switched because I didn't like how some doctors' offices are run. In another case I thought the doctor was smart and very nice but office waits were routinely approaching 2 hours which was absurd IMO so I found someone else I like who never keeps me waiting more that 15 - 20 minutes which is TOTALLY acceptable IMO.

I guess the thing for me is that my doctor is NOT my friend. My doctors WORK for and with me to problem solve health/medical issues. I am very fond of my doctors and even have friends who are doctors, I have a working relationship with my doctors and if that's not successful then that's it.

"I guess the thing for me is that my doctor is NOT my friend. My doctors WORK for and with me to problem solve health/medical issues. I am very fond of my doctors and even have friends who are doctors, I have a working relationship with my doctors and if that's not successful then that's it."

That's exactly as it should be. And that is the way many doctors look at it themselves.

I do like my doctor(s) but it's taken some time to find the right people. My health insurance doesn't require referrals so switching around to find the various specialists I need has simply been a matter of making an appointment. People go into medicine for various reasons, some do seek the status and income that career has traditionally provided. I get along better temperamentally with the down to earth scientist type doctors. I have doctors of all ages and both male and female doctors. I have also been on the receiving end of a medical error -- I was diagnosed incorrectly by one of my doctors with a serious precancerous condition. I immediately repeated the test (a biopsy) elsewhere and learned I did not have this condition. Two repeated negative tests confirmed it. I had no problem switching. I've also switched because I didn't like how some doctors' offices are run. In another case I thought the doctor was smart and very nice but office waits were routinely approaching 2 hours which was absurd IMO so I found someone else I like who never keeps me waiting more that 15 - 20 minutes which is TOTALLY acceptable IMO.

I guess the thing for me is that my doctor is NOT my friend. My doctors WORK for and with me to problem solve health/medical issues. I am very fond of my doctors and even have friends who are doctors, I have a working relationship with my doctors and if that's not successful then that's it.

Please please please follow your gut. I know the situation is different but my husband was seeing a doctor who had displayed behaviors that were a red flag to me. I switched doctors but my DH doesn't like change and didn't want to regardless of what I was seeing. He kept going to her with back problems and her constant response was to tell him to loose weight. That little voice kept nagging at me to get him to switch and when I finally did (as most know now) it was cancer and not his weight at all. If I had only made him change sooner we would have surely caught it earlier as well. I will always regret the choice I made to ignore what I was feeling.

If your little voice is telling you to make a change, REGARDLESS of why, follow your gut and do it.

Ten years ago, When we lived in MN, my local dr said I had a heart problem. I obtained the 2nd opinion from a cardiologist at the Mayo Clinic. I definitely have the heart problem.

We moved from MN 8 1/2 yrs ago and I have continued visits to the Mayo cardiologist. He is awesome! No interest in ever seeing the first dr again.

DH comes with me to Mayo when it's time for his physicals. Our health is our most valuable asset and a 6 hr drive is a small price to pay to preserve those assets.

First of all, I would not compare your neighbor's heart issues to your husband's.Also, are you questioning why the physician did not suggest the Abrasion surgery earlier? Did you specifially ask the doc that question or do you expect you husband to ask? I am a firm believer that you(the spouse) need to go into the examining room with your husband armed with questions and a notebook. This is not the time for small talk. You have to be your husband's advoccate. Maybe the dr has answers to your questions. If not, move on.

I'm a little confused...

You said, "Well, finally a few weeks ago the Cardio doctor recommended that my husband get the Abrasion surgery to correct the problem. It has worked wonderfully so far and both our lives are changing for the better."

Things with this doc are going well. Why would you want to change? Are you upset that the procedure wasn't suggested earlier, or that he suggested it all?

You can't compare DH to your neighbor. It sounds like his problems aren't as severe. Further, you don't know his history or other health concerns.

But to answer your question... yes, I totally would - and have, many times - changed docs if I didn't like them. As judithn said, the doc works for you, you are the boss. I have even switched docs within the same practice. I never have seen the old doc in passing but if I did I would just smile and say hello and keep walking.

Nicole

Hi, I did go with my husband about a year ago and took notes. At the time I was concerned about a comment the doctor had made to husband regarding a possible future heart valve replacement. I did not understand husband's seemingly casual regard to that. I wanted to ask the doc why one would wait when husband is otherwise fairly healthy and young-ish . The doc did give a good answer; wait until absolutely necessary as there will be advances and more surgeons doing the valve replacement minimally invasive. He said it's not something that needs to be done now. I didn't ask about the Abrasion surgery because I had never heard of it. My husband had never heard of it either at the time but did learn of it from a customer at work a while later. He didn't connect that it could be something for him because his situation was a bit different I guess.

Yes, I am wondering why we were not told of the Abrasion surgery earlier. The last three years have been rather hellish. The other thing about the doc that is bothering me though is that he always seems to be off somewhere doing speeches or volunteering in another country. I'm feeling that he is not advising and monitoring his patents close enough. The doc is with a group of cardio doctors. I'm not sure how all that works as far as others within the office when the celebrity doctor is gone. Would the other doctors give the celebrity doctors patents the same in depth attention as their own? I guess this all depends. But it is a concern.

A sad story about a young man...My familyss health concerns look bright compared to my son's best friend and previous roommate. This kid is only twenty one years old and was just diagnosed with lung cancer. He and his girlfriend have just moved out and back into his parent's home. I'm so upset and cannot imagine getting news like that about one of my boys. They all used to live around the corner from us, both of this familys sons are the same age as mine. It has really hit home. The young man has never smoked nor has his family. On one online lung cancer site I read that the five year survival is only 15%. This is beyond horrible. I remember a while back he kept complaining about his shoulder and arm hurting. He had been lightly grazed when a car backed into him while he was walking in the mall parking lot. That happened eight (?) months or so ago and all the mysterious symptoms I guess were blamed on that. Eventually testing led to the diagnosis. So sad when these things happen to the young.

That's a sad story about your friend. :(

You don't have to switch doctors to get a second opinion. I would make an appt. with your neighbor's doctor to get a thorough checkup, and tell this doctor the concerns you have. If you end up liking him better, start going to him.

I think you have a valid concern about the current doctor. What if there's an emergency and he's out of the country, or in another state lecturing? That alone would scare me.

Thank you oak, and yes I think I do have a valid concern about husband doc. The kid... I'm so messed up over this young mans diagnosis and a bit riddled with guilt. When my son bought his townhouse his plan was to have his brother and best friend rent out the two other bedrooms. I advised my son not to rent to his friend because he would end up in a bad situation where it could ruin the friendship. The kid was very likeable; you couldn't help but like him. However, he had never held a job for more than six months and started community college but never went. When he got money he spent it on tattoos. I told my son that with college and working he really didn't need a friend project on top of it all. Ultimately it was my son's decision and he chose to have the friend move in, he was convinced he could help turn him around. I know it makes no sense that I should feel guilt being that no one knew the kid was going to get lung cancer but the mind sure does weird things when faced with such horrible news on one so young.

I don't read or post often in this section, but I wanted to reply.

I can't answer your question about why the ablation surgery was not offered earlier. It may be that in the 3 years, the doctor became more confident in it, and now uses it more often.

But - I promise promise promise you that Dr. Celebrity will not care for a millisecond if your husband changes to another in his group. It happens more than you realize. The most important thing is that you are confident in your physician. It happens to me (both ways) pretty much weekly, and I'm not a celebrity...I don't take it personally and neither do my partners.

I agree with Cottonpenny 100% . . . physicians will not be hurt or upset if someone get's a second opinion or changes to another physician group. You and your DH need to do what you feel is best for him and your peace of mind.

I used to like my doctor. That's because I'm pretty phobic about anything medical or dental. He's always tell me I am doing great. When I went to him a few months ago with obvious signs of rheumatoid arthritis (pain and swelling on both hands, feet and knees) he said they were the signs of osteoarthritis, instead. Ordered blood work to shut me up. It came back with positive RH factor and ccp test was off the charts. He still denied that I had it but referred me to a rheumatologist. Had to wait for two and a half months for that appointment as it was not deemed urgent.

Diagnosis was a slam dunk and the specialist could hardly hide his scorn for my internist. Heck, I diagnosed it in 5 minutes online and my pharmacist did in ten seconds. Now I'm faced with having to figure out what to do with my first doctor. If he missed something so obvious, how can I trust him to know what kinds of medications I should be taking for any other problem that should arise? The drugs for RA are potent and dangerous. I want to make sure I have someone competent to cross-prescribe without any drug interactions.

I've pretty much lost respect for anything he's ever told me in the past. Both doctors are in the same large health provider umbrella (different buildings). I want to stay in the system and it might be embarrassing to switch primaries but I don't know what else to do. I've had another problem that has gone undiagnosed for over a year. He is fond of saying "it's probably just crap".

I was infatuated with my doctor for about a year or two (2004-05, I think), does that count?
Later, I changed to a female doctor, (whom I like mostly but she doesn't have the intelligence, insight or pure innovativeness that the other doctor had), because I felt I could tell her anything without embarrassment or care what she thought of me.

And, several years ago, I had to take my Dad to see the male doctor and he had to do a rectal exam. It hit me, what if that were me? ( I was a patient at the time, too and it didn't help that I knew he found me attractive :(
That's when I found a female doctor. My gynecologist is female too.
Maybe tmi, but hey!

Bumble, you are so funny!!! LOL

Jterrilynn,

Ablation surgery, while it has been done for some time, has undergone some significant changes with new equipment and techniques and much-improved success rates in the last year or so. Perhaps your cardiologist was waiting for those, and for additional training before suggesting that to your husband. That shows good medical judgement, I would think. The surgery is not without some serious risks.

The current standards of care for aFib are to not use the surgery until the patient's aFib can't be controled by drugs and/or becomes otherwise unmanageable. The reason for this caution is that the surgery is not what you are calling abrasion (rubbing) but ablation which is done by electrically (or using radio frequency) burning of portions of the heart tissue itself to destroy it in order to create scar tissue which interrupts any aberrant heart rhythms and keeps them from perpetuating themselves into a bout of aFib. And it requires a small but permanent puncture between the two sides of the heart and passing long catheters through the circulatory system, usually from the groin, all the way to the heart. And a fairly significant period of anesthesia (my DH's procedure took more than 6 hours.)

Since your DH already has structural issues with his heart, his doc may have considered it wiser to delay proposing the procedure.

My DH has different cardiac issues than your husband and also haad aFib. Actually the aFib pre-dated the cardiac problems but we didn't know that's what it was. He tried some anti-arrhythmic drugs but the only one that worked was not something one would want to take permanently. He also tried every other therapy we could find to try and control his heart rhythm, but nothing worked.

We put off the ablation surgery for more than a few years as the early procedures were neither as effective, nor as possibly permanently curative as current ones are. In the end it became clear that our only option was ablation.

When it finally couldn't be postponed any longer, we chose not our local cardiologist, but instead traveled more than four hours away to Mass General. Our local doc was fine with that. We still go back to Boston about every nine months for follow-up. (And stay with our our local cardiologist for interim care.) No one's feathers were ruffled by our choice. We interviewed the electrophysiologist that is in our cardiologist's practice and didn't find him quite our cup of tea, so we asked for other suggestions for where to have the ablation done. My DH's cardiologist suggested Mass General.

I'm glad your DH is doing well, but it's really early days to conclude that the aFib is gone, forever, after just a few weeks-post ablation. (Though it's a very good sign that he's still in sinus. But it would not necessarily be an ominous sign if he had occasional self-limiting periods of aFib in the early post-procedure phase.) Since it is likely you will need follow-up care for the next year or so after the ablation, and possibly later for the valve issue, this is probably a good time to ask for referrals and see if you can find a doc that is more to your taste.

Life is too short to struggle on with a doc you are not at ease with.

Having lived with my husband's aFib for more than a few years, I believe that too little attention is paid to the high stress levels of the patient's partner. It can be brutal.

Hope your DH stays in sinus rhythm, permanently!

L.

Thankfully husband is doing very fabulous! He did not respond well to any of the many drugs he was on that were meant to control the problem for the past three years. There were several hospital visits. He became so deflated as he was very conscious of watching his diet and making sure he fit a moderate gym workout into his schedule three days a week. His surgeon (not cardio doc) has taken him off all the drugs but two. The next thing will be the Coumadin but he has to wait until December. I am starting to see signs of my old husband who had a positive outlook on life and who was quick witted and full of energy. He has not had any of the possible "flutterings" post procedure. Of course he is still in recovery stage with a bit of fatigue but other than that we couldn't be happier. Now that things appear to look bright we are at least thankful that we did find out about his hereditary heart condition and that it eventually led to him getting fixed for part of the problem that that condition contributed too. The first time he went into the ER and it wasn't clear what was wrong they put a tiny camera into his heart.Thats when it was discovered that he was bicuspid. Now that we look back we wonder if he got the (thought to be hereditary) part from his mother who passed seven years (?) ago in England. She started having mini strokes in her early fifties and was told she had a heart murmur she was put on blood thinners. My husbands uncles in England on his mother's side, all died in their fifties or early sixties from heart related problems. My husband is 58 and is otherwise strong so my big hunk of burnin love should be with me for a long while.
As mentioned above...yes, stressful for the spouse!

Awk, I sent before adding that husband has canceled his appointment with the celebrity cardio doctor. At the moment he is under the care of his surgeon. He is either going to change doctors within the group or go with a highly recommended cardiologist by an acquaintance in the medical field.