Just a teeny nag - your daughter really should learn to make food at some point. Otherwise, when she does move out, she'll either be blowing her budget on eating out, or getting fat on crappy takeout, or both. Also, you might eventually come to be irritated if she's freeloading on the single biggest household task.

As for menu, I'd just start out by using the pre-made ingredient in place of the home-cooked ingredient, in every recipe. In some dishes it won't taste as good (instant gravy), in others it will taste okay (some pasta sauces), etc. You'll decide where it is worth scratch-cooking and where it is not.

The main issues I see are that you'll consume a lot more sodium and will have a more limited range of flavours/choices, but it is certainly doable. I'm not sure it will save you any money.

Also, there are nice books/magazines for ''30 minute meals'' that give scratch-cooked recipes that don't take much time. Cooks Illustrated does one.

S/He who does not cook does the dishes!! :)

I use a lot of frozen veggies, especially off season. Saves a lot of time on veggie prep and they're relatively inexpensive.

I buy preseasoned canned diced tomatoes (italian style with pepper, mexican style with jalepenos, with basil and onion, etc.). They are great bases for many quickie dishes like beans and rice, pasta, etc.

I do use frozen vegetables, and I often cook ahead and freeze leftovers/extras (it's not really more work to make two pans of lasagna than to make one, for instance), but I seldom use any "convenience" mixes because I don't like the metallic taste of preservatives and the sodium level in things like packaged gravy mixes is horrendous in many cases. Plus, they are so expensive, and I'm too cheap.

So, other than cooking ahead, I'm not going to be much help, I don't even buy cake mix or jarred spaghetti sauce, although Ashley would happily live on cream of mushroom soup, Velveeta Shells and Cheese and frozen pizza. Ugh.

I also agree, though, that Amy needs to learn to cook. If she is smart enough to go to college, she can do at least minor prep, if you're working a bunch of hours and she isn't.

Annie

Amy and Drew each need to be responsible for putting a complete meal on the table once a week. Set a budget or help with planning and shopping, but it should fall ont heir shoulders to do the work.

Amy can boil pasta, open a jar of prepared sauce, and fix a salad and make garlic bread. How tough is that? It's time for her to learn, no excuses!

People living in a house need to share the chores. Both Amy and Drew need to help with the cooking. If you go the semi home made route with jarred gravy or worse yet, envelopes of powdered mix, your food budget will easily double with 1 more mouths to feed.
Quick and easy meals consist of grilled or fried meats, poultry or fish, baked or "nuked" potatoes, rice with seasonings, angel hair pasta which cooks in about 3 minutes and preprepped vegetables or frozen.
You can fry or grill a steak or pork chop or salmon or cod fillet, chicken breast or thighs in very little time. Then add baked potato or nuked and fried potato or nuked and "crashed" potato, basamati rice,white or brown, quick cooked pasta....and with a salad you have dinner.
Cook a couple cups of rice on your day off and keep it for a quick pilaf, cook some penne and refrigerate and dress quickly with grated cheese and some fresh herbs and olive oil (you will soon have fresh herbs in your garden I hope).
Make lots of your own salad dressing when you can and tear up some lettuce, add some bagged baby spinach, and you have dinner.

Yes you will spend more using "quick cook" cuts of meat rather than long cooking braised roasts, but it won't be money spent on the preservatives and carp in pre made and canned stuff.

Lots and lots of people work long hours and still manage to have a good wholly home made dinner for their family. You can too.
Linda c

The semi-homemade lady on tv gets a bad rap, but semi-homemade isn't all about powdered mixes and cans of soup. It's buying bagged lettuce instead of a head of lettuce, frozen veggies instead of fresh, buying the shrimp already cooked at the store instead of boiling them for a boiled shrimp dinner, etc. You will save some time doing this but you are NOT going to save any money eating this way, so don't fool yourself. I agree with everyone else that your kids should be responsible for at least one meal a week even if you pay for it. There is more than cooking involved in getting a meal on the table. There is deciding what to make, shopping, etc. Lots of good lessons you can teach them in addition to getting a meal on the table quickly!

I have to disagree a little with some of the advice. I do think that Amy has to do some chores if she is going to live at home. But if she doesn't like cooking, than she doesn't like to cook. She still has to eat so keeping a few quick and easy products in stock is okay. But I don't think, the way to teach someone to cook is to use instant gravy, jarred sauces or canned ingredients.

It isn't difficult to put a good meal on the table, even if one works full time. We have a good dinner even on the days that I work. And I usually shop for some of the ingredients either on my way to work or on my way home.

I did buy a slow cooker last fall, and used it a couple of times, and was happy with the results. Although I haven't used it since. But if you have a slow cooker you can put dinner on to cook before you leave for work.

A chicken can be roasted in less than an hour. While it roasts prepare the sides. Boneless chicken breasts grill very quickly. In less than 10 minutes. They can also be breaded and fried or baked quickly. The same with pork tenderloin. It roasts in 20 to 25 minutes depending on the size. Fish cooks quickly.

Rice is fast. Pasta is also quick. A homemade sauce can be finished in just about the time it takes to boil the water and cook the pasta.

There are a lot of good meals that you can have on the table within an hour of walking in the door after work, without having to lower your standards.

Ann

Susie, I highly recommend the "Eating Well" Web site. LOTS of quick meal ideas. What you need are some recipes for quickie sauces for meats, pastas and vegetables. Quickie salad and dressing ideas. Lots of options there. I usually tweak them, often making double the amount because by halving the amount of sauce to just a dab, they get the calorie savings, lol!

It also helps to do portion prep of your foods over the weekend, and clean fruits and veggies.
Just a note on this, bagged salad just does not last for me. I buy lettuce and then clean it right away and put it in my salad spinner that practially lives in my fridge. That way I can always throw together a quick salad. Pre-prep stuff on weekends is the way to go. Otherwise, you end up buying pre-prepped stuff over the counter and spend unnecessarily. Washing the salad and washing and cutting up the green peppers, carrots and head of cauliflower and washing the apples and pears (and taking off those annoying tags!!) is NOT cooking and Amy can do that!!
Another trick I do is roast up whatever leftover veggies I have over the weekend, and then freeze. You can throw them into a soup or casserole or pasta dish quick for a nutrition and flavor boost.

Better late than never.... As children, and until they left home, our daughter and son each planned and made one meal per week, and hubby made one on the weekend. I got their grocery lists ahead of time and purchased the necessary groceries.

Why include the whole family in food preparation? Because it's a life skill with tremendous benefits. Our son got his first job at a Pizza Hut as a teenager because he told the manager he'd been making pizzas from scratch at home since he could remember.... He still holds the record at that Pizza Hut for the most pizzas made in an hour.

After teaching a grocery shopping and cooking class for elderly men at our Senior Center, to a person they wished they would have learned these things sooner in life.

Hubby had 4 older sisters and his culinary skills were nearly non-existent (first son after all those girls was relegated to polishing all their shoes for church the next day, before Gunsmoke came on TV Saturday night - not cooking), so he had some learning to do.

The meal had to include a meat or meat substitute, bread, vegetable, dairy and fruit and the table was properly set and the meal served. We endured a lot of carrot and celery sticks and apple wedges.... Even a peanut butter or grilled cheese sandwich was acceptable, but they had to prepare and serve them. They couldn't make the same thing two weeks in a row. If they forgot to make their meal, THEY had to pay to take us out to eat.

So get together with your family and see who's on board at least one day a week to help you out. Everyone likes to "help out". Talk about meal planning and offer some recipes to get them started. Who wants Stir-Fry Wednesday, International (something Italian with pasta or Mexican) Thursday, Vegetarian Friday, Soup and/or Sandwich Saturday and Homemade Pizza or Dinner Salad Sunday? Narrowing the choices a bit may help to get you started....

Our kids and hubby each had a 3x5 card recipe box and filled them with family favorites (including bugging Grandmas for recipes), and eventually started looking for new recipes. If they ate something they liked at a friends home they often asked for the recipe..... So there IS hope.... ;-)

-Grainlady

I think you need to have a family meeting with all four of you to decide the best way to proceed. Now that Amy and Drew are young adults, they need to assist with meal planning, prep, and clean-up whether or not they actually do any cooking.

Maybe check out some menus/recipes on Rachael Ray's web site for 30 Minute Meals. She uses real food and her recipes look and sound tasty. Or, google listings for 5 ingredient recipes by Claire Robinson or other sources.

Teresa

I totally agree with Teresa's Rachel Ray suggestion. Her recipes are quick and relatively easy, include a wide variety of cuisines, are generally flavorful, and don't rely too heavily on processed ingredients that are both (a) more expensive and (b) generally less healthy than fresh ones.

In addition to getting the kids to help I'd also like to offer the suggestion of making your own convenience foods. We've relied on them since the early 80s. They will save you both time & money without the chemicals, sodium, preservatives, etc. of commercial convenience foods.

You can, for instance, make your own dry mixes for things like:

dry gravy mixes
cream of whatever soup
dry salad mixes for dressings and/or marinades
multitudes of instant soups for lunches or snacks
various varieties of instant oatmeal mixes
baking mixes galore
sour cream & heavy cream (yep, you can make your own dry mix & not have to purchase sour cream or heavy cream...if I purchase fresh...often they don't get all used resulting in wasted food dollars)
seasoning mixes of every type
cheese sauce mix (uses powdered Cabot cheddar available directly from Cabot...makes a very good quick Mac'n Cheese, BTW)
breading mixes (plain & seasoned)
use your freezer & assembly line a couple dozen pounded & stuffed SB chix breasts with different fillings - roll in your own coating mix to be either baked or pan fried.

Hardly a meal happens in our home without at least one dish coming from our homemade "convenience" foods.

We use powdered eggs, butter, milk in our mixes to make them faster & also for shelf-stability. Quality is as good, or better, than fresh. For instance, you can even get organic products if that's important to your family as it is to ours.

It's just another way of cooking that doesn't get much "air-time" on the forum but I know grainlady & others also make extensive use of this type of "convenience" cooking. It's takes some upfront cost, time, & effort as well as learning new places to shop but, in the end, putting a healthy meal on the table is easier, quicker, & more cost efficient. Food prices are high in the northeast, as you know. Every dollar saved is helpful.

If you're interested in any recipes just give a shout-out.

/tricia

Don't beat yourself up for not making things "scratch"...I think that reading cooking forums starts to give one the impression that everyone hates canned food (COM soup) and everyone is cooking everything from scratch...which I believe could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that most people are too busy to cook scratch meals and heck most people don't even cook at all...but rely on frozen dinners and take out foods and eating out much too often. So don't think that everyone is cooking scratch just because you get used to seeing it at the cooking forums...remember those people are at these cooking forums for a reason...because they love to cook! So give yourself a break...of course semi homemade is just fine!

I agree with Ann T on the slow cooker. When my oven went out last November I put my slow cooker to work. The nice thing is that your kids can add the ingredients that go in later in the cooking process.

Didn't your son go on a cooking outing? Has he or the daughter expressed interest in learning? The Rachel Ray 30 minute meals would be a good starting point. And the weather is warming up so something on the grill would be easy.

You may be surprised to learn that the kids really want to help. And they should contribute......life is not all about getting to do what you want all of the time! :-)

Teresa

Triciae,

I would love to have the recipe for making dry mix sour cream. I hardly ever use it all and I hate wasting food or worse yet not having any when I need just a small bit.

Claudia

Three things I found worked with returnee children.
1. If you do it all yourself for them, then they have no compunction to do anything differently. I believe that adult children return to being children as soon as they enter mom's/dad's house, no matter their chronological age, just as I did until my mom set me straight (at 40). They subconsciously expect to be waited on as they did when they were too little to help because that is all they know. Nothing has changed for them, except that YOU get frustrated and overworked appeasing them (probably too strong of wording but maybe you get the gist), expecting them to be adults like you are, but aren't perhaps parents yet with the responsibilities of feeding their own young offspring and for right now have no NEED for it to be any different.
2. If you like to cook, and know how to do it well, they will not want to compete with you. Like Annie's daughter, and my daughter - how can she ever top mom? They have no reason to even strive to be equal since mom is perfect and they are content with junk food? You are in charge of changing that mindset. Everyone has to eat; they can cook, even if badly; it is food and that is what is most important, to eat something to subsist.
3. They do not - repeat - do not - know how to shop for food. No one teaches them how and it is not a college course, though I think it should be. You can help here by taking them with you, with a "menu" of what you think is good to eat in season and help them make choices based on that, or of what you and they like to eat regularly and what to buy on sale for now or later. How to clip coupons and read the ads for specials to save money so that they can use it for non-essentials later - which we all like.

"The Plan" I used. "You like to eat. You live here. You are expected to feed us as much as you expect to be fed." Here is how you do that - give them this knowledge so that they can:
1. Make a list of all the stuff they like on their favorite restaurants' menu - plural. Find like combo's. If it is all fast food - scratch them off as "non-healthy and expensive".
2. Ask, "How many parts are there to a good meal?". Meat/Protein, Starch, Vegetable, Fruit, optional dessert.
3. How do you make $10 feed 4 people? Coupons, multiple meals made at once, freezing for later of the leftovers.
4. Can you read a recipe? Surprisingly this is one thing that boggles them. Food just "happens" when they are young. No planning, no preparation, it just appears on their plate. Measurements are scary to most of them. Math, you know.
5. What flavors go together and what do not? Really hard for most young people to grasp. At 10, my son brought me steamed broccoli and pancakes for breakfast because he knew these were my favorite things. Back to the menu thing. What do those menu's offer together? What part did you like and not?
6. Say, "Twice a week you are expected to create a meal by yourself (yourselves) without my intervention. I will not plan, shop, buy, prepare, cook, or clean up. It will be this Tuesday and Saturday (or some such)." Puts the onus on them to think about food as expectation, and you get to sit down to a meal you didn't have to stress over, but will enjoy.
7. Basic cookbook with lots of pictures. Yes, they are adults but they are novices in the food prep world. What we take for granted after having to cook for multiple people most of our lives, we forget how strange a word like "whisk" is.
8. Get them involved in everyday cooking with/for you. You, and they, need not make everything from scratch. None of us do, even here on the CF. There are lots of shortcuts we all take and they are all OK. Really. Prepackaged time savers are just that. We have to eat. We have more important things to do with our time than slave over a hot stove. But, it is nice to have a satisfying meal when everyone contributes to it. Just think that there are 4 cooks in the house, NOT that you are the only one responsible for them being fed.

Nancy

I would recommend doubling everything that can be frozen and freeze the extra. Packages of rice in the freezer can be a huge time saver combined with a package of frozen vegetables and a package of frozen home grilled chicken.

Was never a fan of Sarah what's her face and the semi homemade way of "cooking". 80% processed/prepackage and only 20% fresh is neither healthy or economical. I don't even think it is that much of a timesaver. You have been given excellent ideas on how to actually cook a healthy meal and getting your kids involved with cooking so I won't repeat those. We buy meats, veggies, cheeses, etc. in bulk. portion it out for family servings, food saver them and pop them in the freezer. We hit the farmers markets or local veggie stands and use what is in season. I love using our crock pots when we are going to be late coming home. The meat is ready and all we have to do is make a side or salad and dinner is ready. Cooking homemade is really not hard to do once you get into the habit of it. It's cheaper and better for your family too. NancyLouise

Trader Joe's ;)

Amy can shop, can't she?

I have to second other's suggestions to look up quick meals. There are tons of them. Most of us use some packaged ingredients. Store bought tortillas, tomato sauce, etc. A resource I don't think has been mentioned is the Epicurious website. They have an Everyday Cooking area that has quick recipes.

Meems doesn't cook (yet!) but does Drew? Could the two of them start out working together to get one dinner a week on the table? They might be challenged by each other and end up preparing more meals.

I'm sure glad I didn't learn my mother's way of cooking. From scratch but cooked 'til overdone (very common in her era). And minimal spices. Meat and potatoes cooking. Mom and dad hated the way their kids ended up cooking - from scratch but not overcooked and with "too much stuff (spices)". So give your kids a break if they do prepare some meals. ;-)

Here are some other quickie tips. I buy poppyseed dressing in a jar, it makes a great coleslaw dressing and it is better than what I do homeade. They also have some good yogurt based coleslaw dressings that are low fat and easier and better than my homeade. I also am into one pot meals in my braiser. For example, I sautee some cabbage, onions and maybe an apples with some cider vinegar and a little brown sugar, or tomatoes, balsamic vinegar and some brown sugar, and braise for maybe 20 min. You can add whatever you like to this--carrots, raisins, peppers, garlic, dill, caraway. Or not. Then I throw on some fake kielbasa (but you'd use the reals stuff or turkey versions) and some frozen pierogis. Simmer the whole thing for about a half hour. Serve with sour cream on the side, and in my case, maybe some pita with store bought hummus. Another favorite is huevos rancheros, which is an egg cooked in mexican flavored tomatoe sauce which I make by adding salsa and chopped tomatoes to a can of tomato sauce. Cook the eggs until done and serve over torillas or cornbread. Top with melted cheese and serve with refried beans as a side. Or go italian style with it, and use a marinara sauce instead, and serve with grilled italian style bread or pasta and melted fontina or parm. cheese. A quickie salad as a side.
You can make almost instant minestrone with a good jarred pasta sauce, italian style frozen veggies, and canned beans. Serve that topped with parmesean, and with some bread and a salad. I also make spaghetti with tuna, using jarred spaghetti sauce, imported italian style tuna (canned in olive oil) and capers and black olives and fresh or dried parsley, top with parm. I thought it wouldn't be good, but it is and it is very quick. BF was skeptical but he likes it. Another favorite of mine is to pop some frozen egg rolls in the oven, and then chop up whatever veggie needs using up, along with these frozen stir fry mixes, and in my case, preseasoned tofu. I use jarred hosin, black bean or Thai peanut sauces (read the labels, get ones with good ing.) because I don't have the knack for stir fry sauces for some reason. That and a salad and rice is one of my standard 30 min. meals. Another favorite is saute whatever italian style veggies I have on hand, add italian style stewed tomatoes chopped, jarred pasta sauce, then throw in some garbanzoes, Penzeys italian seasoning and garlic and wine to taste, and top with feta or throw in some cream cheese. If you got the cream cheese route, top with grated parm. Add other stuff to your taste. I've made it with chicken too, very good!

what dedtired said ----- Trader Joe's. Great frozen stuff.

Also, make stuff and freeze it so they just have to defrost and set the table.

It's going to be hectic, but loads of fun with your whole family at home. Enjoy them!

AM

Having your meats portioned before freezing is a big help for fast meals. A bit of work on shopping day can save you time (and money) during the week.

Many stores have big bags of chicken quarters pretty regularly for under a dollar a pound. I buy these, cut off the section of chicken back, and then separate the legs into drumsticks and thighs. Depending what I want to make with them later, I either bone them or leave the bones in. Freeze them on a cookie sheet, not touching, and then once frozen, put them in a big zip lock bag or freezer container. Since they are frozen separately, you can then take out only how many pieces you need for any given meal. They also thaw more quickly that way than when frozen in a block.

Same thing with chicken breasts. It's much cheaper to buy them in bulk, bone still in, and bone them yourself. You can even slice them into strips before freezing (on the cookie sheet again.) These bones also go for stock.

Large chuck or pork butt can be cut up into stewing sized pieces or strips and frozen the same way. Much more economical than buying already cubed pieces. When pork loin roasts are on sale, I do the same thing, cutting them into chops.

Steaks, chops, and chicken parts can be simply sprinkled with salt & pepper, garlic/onion powder, and a simple herb mix like Italian seasoning or lemon pepper and broiled or pan fried. Top them with a bit of a good jarred chutney, salsa, or even a bit of the better jarred pasta sauces and serve with a side starch and vegetables. Easy for even a non-cook to make, fast, and the topping on the meat adds a bit more zing to the meal.

Don't be afraid of frozen veggies, but prepping fresh ahead of time doesn't take too much time on shopping day, and can make things easier during the week. You can make individual bags of and peeled carrots, chopped celery, sliced onions, broccoli or cauliflower florets etc or even just a bag of mixed vegetables to quickly steam or toss into simmered dishes. (Note, zucchini and crookneck squash do better cut just before use or at most a couple of days-they tend to spoil faster than other veggies) A folded paper towel in the bag helps keep them from getting 'slimy' in case any moisture is left on them after rinsing and draining. (If you are making stock from all those chicken bones, use the carrot tops & peels, celery trimmings and onion ends for that too!)

I think somebody already mentioned that cooked rice (don't forget pilaf!) freezes quite well...potatoes do too! (See link) I have also had great success freezing mixed grain pilafs...have hot pilaf one night, and then freeze some to mix with chopped vegetables/meats and dress with your favorite vinaigrette for an easy, Summertime sort of meal on a bed of lettuces.

My brother portions his meats into zip lock bags with flavored marinades and freezes them. Then he takes a bag out in the morning before work, and it's nicely marinated by the time he comes home to cook.

Here is a link that might be useful: Freeze potatoes

Totally agree with nancedar. It is important for children to learn to cook and shop (as well as how to do other household duties, such as laundry, house cleaning, etc.). My son is a much better cook that his wife (he does all of the cooking when they are entertaining). I believe this is because when he entered high school, he also entered the life of planning and cooking one meal every week (I made a schedule for the entire family). He chose his menu and was expected to peruse the pantry/freezer for what was on hand and to put other ingredients he needed on the grocery list hanging on the refrigerator.

His wife told me that she is so glad he knows how to take care of himself when having to cook, clean house, do laundry, etc., because she doesn't have to worry about him when she is out-of-town on business.

There is also a thread going, started by Alexa, abut homemade convenience mixes like tricia and grainlady mentioned, so you could put together some of those too.

I do use peanut butter and Nutella and I've found that the refrigerated pie crust in the red box is not bad. Oh, and I've eaten one of those frozen biscuits, maybe Pillsbury, comes in a blue bag. They sure are not homemade, but they're edible. I'm sure they are full of chemicals and things I can't pronounce, though.

Annie

Just a thought, but I wonder how many where forced to learn to cook as kids or young adults, now hate cooking and they are the people we see shopping in the grocery store with their carts filled with as many fast food and frozen goods as possible?

My son, Matt is a wonderful cook. I never set out to teach him to cook. I did though introduce him to lots of good food, both homemade and restaurant meals. And we talked about food a lot.

Like others, I think if Amy is going to live at home than she needs to participate in some of the chores. But if she isn't interested in cooking than I don't think that has to be how she contributes. Maybe she would rather do laundry or dust and vacuum or clean a bathroom?

I don't think having a freezer full of precooked foods, and a pantry full of instant/dried/jarred/canned/packaged ingredients is the way to actually teach someone to cook.

Ann

". . . having a freezer full of precooked foods, and a pantry full of instant/dried/jarred/canned/packaged ingredients" . . . is a way to facilitate getting a meal on the table quickly and more economically than eating out or buying stuff totally prepared, especially for those not particularly talented in the kitchen or who don't particularly enjoy cooking but enjoy eating well and economically, not to mention various disabilities that might come into play. Also, for many people now in this country who are struggling financially, the cost of eating out is no longer an option, so no matter how much they hate cooking, they have to find a way to do it economically and with as little pain as possible, lol!

I don't like to fuss with food, never have. But I learned to cook because I live modestly and like to eat good food, (I learned mostly on my own from reading, and from tips I've picked up here). And I would gladly help with any of the tasks associated with putting a meal on the table, because that's what needs to be done to eat at home. No forcing is needed to do what is necessary to survive, you just find your own way. Lots of variety in conditions and lifestyles out there. For example, I was never able to take advantage of the benifits of having a large freezer, due to living in small apartments and moving a lot. But now I can. I never would have thought I would enjoy baking my own bread. But seeing how much money I can save, and the relatively painless process of using the bread machine has changed my whole relationship to bread. So why not toss these ideas around, who knows what someone reading this thread could glean!

"I don't think having a freezer full of precooked foods, and a pantry full of instant/dried/jarred/canned/packaged ingredients is the way to actually teach someone to cook."

No, but it's a way to get through hectic days without resorting to fast food, take out or expensive grocery store frozen dinners.

I think the freezer should be filled with healthy, homemade precooked foods. Which won't be a good as fresh but fill a niche.

I'm enjoying reading everyone's responses and the parenting advice too. I have a college-aged daughter who has become health conscious. When she comes home, she shops for her special ingredients, makes her own hummus, granola, etc. She just eats what she wants. That works for me. High school son loves cooking shows, can recite ad nauseum all the "correct" ways to cook, but had to wash/spin lettuce for a salad once and said "wow, that's a lot of work."

Good luck -- compromise can be a very good thing.

As an aside -- I remember hiking all day and opening a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew that evening. Makes me cringe now, but it's amazing how delicious something tastes when you're tired and TRULY hungry:)

Cathy in SWPA

What did she do while she was away at school? McDonalds? Roommate cooked? Often the "I can't cook" is code for "I don't wanna cook". Sounds to me like she's less the wanting to wait until she's stable in a job and saving money, and more the want to come home and be babied. And I sense mom & pop want their baby back to spoil.

I personally think it's a big injustice to not teach kids how to handle credit, balance and handle a checkbook, learn the value of money, and of course basic skills like how to wash clothes, how to shop, how to cook and so forth. OK so they might not "love" it. It's like brushing their teeth. Who loves to brush their teeth? But isn't it something they should be taught early on?

I learned some cooking basics at home, learned much more camping and of course had to learn "under fire" when I moved out. Making a meal can be as simple as warming up leftovers or it can be complicated. It's amazing how many people do not know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I think it's time they learn some basics.

Another option I haven't seen mentioned is to make out a menu plan. Do 2 weeks or a month or whatever. Plan it out for leftovers, cook once/eat multiple times or whatever. Then let them pick a day where they're responsible.

Learning to cook a turkey isn't hard. Convenience foods aren't necessarily evil and are a good way to learn. Start so they get an edible result. Then next time instead of instant potatoes, use real potatoes. They'll probably be overcooked or undercooked but it takes some trial and error.

I'm reminded of some friends of mine. When they got married, she had never had to cook. She didn't like to cook and living at home she didn't have to. When she moved in with a roommate, the roommate cooked. Then both rented rooms from my buddy and of course the one did the cooking. My buddy's dad told him If you're going to marry one of them, marry Cindy - she can cook! He now regrets not listening! His dad after all made the same mistake. His mother could cook two things. Pea soup and a turkey dinner. That's about it and everything else was, well weird. She would try "gourmet" cooking, botch it, give it to the family and she'd go out to eat!

I taught my buddy's wife how to make several things and even put together a basic cookbook for her. And they ate a lot of hot dogs, blue box, can soup and the like. And they still eat out a lot. Freezer's full of pizzas and Michelina's.

There's no one solution. Much depends on what you want to do and what they'll do. Maybe get their help for a once a week cooking day would help. Or hire someone to cook! :)

This isn't in response to the original question, but with the wealth of information on the internet, I think most young adults can figure out how to cook over time. Your advice may reduce the trial and error phase/winnow out the garbage, but with sincere motivation and clear cut goals (i.e. maybe I really don't want to brine chicken, I care about nutrition or maybe I can use premade pizza crust) most can figure it out.

My only source of information was my family, friends or the library. Those are fond memories that are important to create, but if there's no one else to do it, most young adults will figure it out -- hunger is a great motivator.

Just a thought.

Cathy in SWPA

Meems is a sweet girl and if she doesn't like to cook I don't think she has to learn a whole lot of cooking techniques that fit someone else's lifestyle. I think that's what AnnT is getting at. Everyone needs to find their own system of what works for them. My brother and BF are "plain food" people. They eat like LindaC suggests, a good cut of meat, a cooked vegetable, a quick salad and some kind of starch, all in their neatly arranged individual corners on the plate, lol! Me on the other hand, I like stir fry, a jumble of pasta, a melange of soup. That's why I can't really give quickie advice here, my quickie stuff is mostly some version of rice and beans, something most folks don't eat for dinner as the sole dish. My system is to cook some larger, more complicated dishes on the weekends and freeze them. And I love leftovers. Someone else's system might be to throw something fresh together every night.

There are lots of quick and dirty ways to get a fast meal on the table. I am learning more and more of them everyday as I venture into the wonderful world of "cooking for two." Sooner or later you'll get a repertoire together that suits your new lifestyle realities. Seems like that's what you're asking for here, not a treatise on how to get along with your adult children. There are certain dishes I just won't do, not because I can't do them or they are particularly difficult, but because I just do not want to fuss with the process of making them. Pie is one example. I love pie, so I make it, but I rarely do the crust from scratch, I don't care how easy someone tells me it is or how much they enjoy homeade pie crust. I buy boxed pie crust, haven't found it to be all that much worse than my own homeade, and a whole lot less trouble. It is a compromise I'm willing to make. This week I'm making a quiche with one, which then makes quiche one of those easy, delicious, semi homeade meals. Add a salad, some good rolls and you're good to go. The pre-shredded gruyere at the market was actually way cheaper than the whole cheese, what a boon!!

Sometimes it's not just the process of cooking that makes getting a meal on the table a no-fun endeavor. My kitchen set up is so awkward it has greatly reduced what I'm in the mood to cook. No matter how I've reconfigured it, it is still a pain. I love to cook with a good music or other NPR show on the radio as accompaniment. Maybe that is one part of motivating yourself to cook dinner--make the kitchen environment seem fun and welcoming to you when you come home tired from work. Unfortunately, mine is not, which explains a lot of why I don't like to cook.

The other thing for me is cooking with someone else. I am WAY more motivated to cook something if someone else is helping. I am an extrovert who loves to be with friends, I love to cook with others so when BF helps me in the kitchen I am way more motivated to make things. Being a craftsman by profession, he loves the process of dicing and slicing, which I hate.

So I would suggest that is part of the equation. Take a look at your kitchen and see if there are ways to arrange things that make cooking faster, easier and more enjoyable. I rotate my crockpot and my bread machine, one or the other is going on my counter almost every day. The joy of those appliances is not that they do such a spectacular job of cooking food, but that they fill up the house with wonderful, homey, mouth watering aromas, which makes you feel good about both cooking and eating. That's part of the process. A bowl of fresh fruit and nuts or a tray of muffins in a see through glass container on the counter, etc. I once lived in a big old farmhouse and the kitchen was loaded with counter space and was by far the biggest room in the house. I lived with some great roomates, we cooked together and hung out most of the time at the kitchen table. I cooked WAY more in that set up than I do now. I can't believe the baking and cooking I did back then, having no more time than I do now.

Anyway Susie, I know I tend to be the alpha wolf in a lot of situations and sometimes what I need to do is ask for help, tell others I need help. Sure, you can cook everything all by yourself, but if you tell the kids you would really appreciate some help, they will find ways I'm sure!! Somtimes all you have to do is ask, because what one person automatically knows to do isn't the same for every other person.

"Somtimes all you have to do is ask, because what one person automatically knows to do isn't the same for every other person."

YES!

And also, when someone is cooking in their own kitchen, where they are familiar with everything and have their "dance" down, sometimes people want to help but are diffident about just jumping in, fearing they'll be in your way. Especially if they aren't experienced cooks themselves. So those of us who tend to be the sort who might be a wee bit possessive of their kitchens, or perhaps a bit on the perfectionist/control/I can handle it all side (mea culpa) can actually be better, more considerate hostesses if we focus a bit on making help seem welcome by taking people up on it when they say, "is there anything I can do?" and not micromanaging what they are doing once they are doing it. If they don't peel the carrots the way you do, rinse the plates as thoroughly when washing, or chop the vegetables to uneven chunks, does it really matter?