Mother passed from cancer
I am writing because I need a little help. I am 29 years old, married, with a 3 year old who lost their mother after a long battle with cancer. It started as breast cancer, moved to the bone, and eventually to the brain. She passed about 3 weeks ago. I am so angry because, come to find out that my mom had a lump in her breast for three years before seeking treatment. I feel robbed. My daughter is only three and now has to be without my mother. Ya see, my mom had me at 38 and my sister, who is 13 years older than me, has two boys that were able to have their grandmother for a long period of time. Now, my three year old constantly talks about Grandma, which is very hard on me, more than she did when she was alive. I don't feel my mother's presence around me at all, she hasn't come to visit me in my dreams, although my daughter has told me that Grandma came to her in her dream and said that she loved her. I feel left out. Also, I had always said that I wanted to be there when my mother took her last breathe and I was. Now, I feel like I have PTS disorder because of the process that I saw her take before letting go. I'm very upset because right before she died, she looked over to the corner of the room, cried a tear, and her mouth shuttered, like someone crying, and then she passed. Mind you, she had tumors and lesions in her brain which made her incoherent, but it seemed that she was back for that moment of crying before she died. My problem is not knowing what she saw and what she was crying about...was it because she saw a family member, Jesus, sad that she was dying, or what. The ambiguity is killing me. Has anyone had a similar experience with their loved one? Anyways, I feel better just writing down my thoughts and thanks for reading to those who read :) God Bless!