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Mom Passed Nov. 9, 2009

13 years ago

Hello,

My mom died almost a year ago and my sister and I are still grieving. I think of my mom everyday with love and sadness because I miss her so much. She was such a good person to her church and friends and family. I don't understand how my dad could start dating after only 8 months of her death and be so giddy about it and brag to me about it. He and my mom were married 63 years and he just took his wedding band off as not to upset this woman he is dating. It kills my soul to see that ring gone, oh he is 84 year old so naturally we thought my dad would spend his remaining days with his children and grandchildren and enjoy them. The opposite has happened. He rarely calls or see my children anymore. We were such a close family but then again my mom obviously was the glue that held it all together. It would kill her to know everything has fallen apart like this. I feel like an orphan at 43 years because my dad is no longer involved in my life. Do I have a right to feel bad about all this? Or am I just still grieving my mom. I am just so angry with my dad.

Thank you all so much : )

Becky

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Comments (2)

sylviatexas1
13 years ago
I'm so sorry you lost your beloved mother.

You've got 2 things going on here:

1. You've lost your mother.

2. You're hurt & somewhat offended that your father is going on without her.

Assuming that your father hasn't fallen under the spell of a 23-year-old Playboy centerfold....

I'd say get on your knees & thank your guardian fairy angel godmother that your father is healthy & happy & has someone special in his life.

You've lost a mother, but he's lost a life partner, one he's had for most of his life.

So many times, when a long-married person dies, the other spouse just fades away & is gone within one to two years,
& at age 84, 8 months is a very long time to grieve & a very long time to live unhappily alone.

Try to separate your grief from your desire to have your dad become a living monument to someone who is gone. (Would your mother want him to be a monument, or would she want him to find love again?)

Give him your blessing, & be grateful that you have a vibrant, happy, alive father rather than one you have to carry around on your shoulders because he's too immobilized by grief to continue on his own.

I with you the best.
socks
13 years ago
I agree with everything Sylvia said. Don't be angry with your father. (Anger is a part of grief, so often loved ones often find someone to be mad at whether they deserve it or not.) You have your own family and life to live, so at 84 if he has found something that makes him happy, be glad for it (unless she's a gold digger or someone inappropriate). It isn't that he is rejecting your dear mother.

My mother has been gone since 2003, and I still grieve and miss her. I don't think that ever stops for some of us, but the emotional pain does lessen. It's so hard to lose a mother--someone who has always been there. I understand and sympathize with your grief. Have you and your sister done anything to memorialize her--planted a tree, made a photo album for the family to enjoy, make an annual tradition of a meal at her favorite restaurant, donated to her favored charities? Something like that can be comforting.

Best wishes,

Susan
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