The Death of my Mother


Hello my name is Nikki and I am 33 yrs old. My mom was my best friend, we did everything together. She came over on August 18, 2010 to spend the night with me because I was suppose to take her to the airport the next day so she could fly up to San Francisco to meet my dad who was on a Harley run. Well Wednesday night, we made pasta and garlic bread and drank some wine. We had a good time. She played with my kids, her grandchildren, Matthew 4 and Joseph 1. I have a twin brother who stopped by to have dinner with us as well, it was nice. Well the night ended and I went to bed around 1030pm. My mom stayed up watching TV. The next morning my husband told me that they stayed up until about 200am. My husband works nights so he gets home at 130am. He got home and she was still awake, so they had a cocktail together and they talked away like they always did. So since he told me they stayed up so late, I figured I would let her sleep in. I dropped off my son at school at 7am and came back home. I saw that my mom was still sleeping so went upstairs to nap for a while. By 1030am I had to go pick up my son from school. She still wasn't awake. I thought that I had heard something in the bedroom and thought to myself "oh she's getting up" I went to go pick up my son from school, thinking that would give her time to wake up and shower. When I got home the door was still shut. Then I knocked and knocked....nothing.... Mom I said... the more I opened the door the more I saw how discolored she was... I jumped on her trying to do CPR.... nothing, she was just so cold, she had been gone for several hours. I did not shield my little boy Matthew to well, he saw me doing CPR on grandma. I feel horrible for not protecting him better. I felt like someone else at that moment... I screamed for my husband who flew down stairs and he continued CPR... I lost my mother at 56 yrs old due to natural causes they say in her sleep around 3am... I can't even look at the beautiful pictures of her, because I have that Thursday morning, the way she looked stuck in my head... This is a tragic loss to our family. I don't know how to handle all this sadness, my dad, me and my brother. I know I still have to be a wife and a mother, but it is so hard to, I don't know how to accept that she's gone, I want her back so bad it makes me mad... Thank you for listening to me.

Comments (3)
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I am so very sorry to read your story, how awfull that you had to go through what happened and I know your mom wouldn't have wanted that. She was so young. Death, how ever it comes, is a traumtic thing for those of us who are left. Bereavment group therapy really helped me and maybe you could look for a group that includes children, your local hospital or hospice should be able to help with that.
Again, I am so sorry for you loss.

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I'm so sorry.

One thing that I've found helpful in banishing awful pictures from my mind is to replace them with something intense & absorbing & preferably loud.

Even when I've watched something disturbing on the news, I'll turn on a sitcom & turn the volume up loud.

For something like this, I think running or jogging or swimming might help get the oxygen pumping & clear your mind.

Put away your photos of your mother for the time being;
you'll be able to look at her image later, after the shock has eased up.

Be patient with yourself;
this was a trauma as well as a tragic loss, & it takes time for the body & the heart to heal.

& while you do have to be a mother, this is the time for your husband to be strong & take care of you & take the "wife" load off your shoulders.

We have to be strong, but we don't have to leap tall buildings at a single bound;
ask for your husband's help & tell him how much you appreciate it.

Ask your friends & other family to help you, too;
these times come into everyone's life, not just other people's lives, & you're allowed to be the one in need.

Take care.

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That is really a rough way to lose a loved one. I can only imagine what a horrible shock this is to you and your family. Take heart in the lovely evening you had with her. I know she was truly happy with you and your family. I'm so sorry. I know it was hard to type the subject of your posting--I remember that sickening feeling when I posted here about my mom. Deepest condolences.

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