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Grieving
pollyprocrastinator

Just when I thought I was doing better

20 years ago

This weekend, my sister and I went to my mother's house to sort through things and take what we wanted. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea it would feel like starting the grieving process all over again. It's only been three months, but I had started to move through the process and, while my heart was still heavy and I could have sad moments, I had stopped crying and feeling like someone had just punched me in the stomach. Now, it's all back, fresh, new, painful, hurtful. I find that sometimes all I can do is put my head in my hands and cry. Completely unproductive, but I'm stuck. I'm angry all over again. While cleaning out mom's house I took lots of things that I knew would remind me of her, and would help me to feel close to her. However, I also found that these items keep me in tears. How do you get past this? It's like razor blades in my heart.

Comments (2)

  • 20 years ago

    I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I know how you feel, I lost my Mom one year ago from March and we had to go through her things too. It is so hard to go through the things. It is a process where everything you touch has a memory. For me it was like you want to hold onto EVERYTHING and cherish those things, knowing that's all you have left. But on the other hand, once you touched her things, her private things, you feel like you violated her space, like you were someplace you shouldn't be. And for us, once everything was handled, moved around, and them emptied, it just wasn't home anymore. We had disturbed everything. The only thing I can really suggest is just get through it, and give yourself time to grieve, share, and process along the way. Take everything that you think you may possibly want. I took alot of my Mom's, but there were a couple things I wish I had taken that I didn't. Many of Mom and Dad's things I have around in my home. And many are still in a box. But somehow it brings me comfort to just know that they are there. I have my Mom's pillow. I don't know how she slept on it, it's kind of like a lumpy, heavy sack. But it is under my pillow on my bed and when I really miss her, I can hold it, and remember Mom holding it, and I kind of feel like I'm holding her. For me, there is a loss - a hole in my life that will NEVER be filled. And I cry when I think of her. But I don't cry everyday anymore so I guess that is better. I will think of you as you go through this and I wish you comfort in the coming days.
    Joanie

  • 20 years ago

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I have lost my mom also and also my daughter, so I know the pain that you are speaking of.
    Take everything you want even if it hurts to see it. Put those items away for now, if they make you sadder than any comfort they may give you. Later, you may be able to handle looking through them and cherishing memories.
    Certainly through time, you will want to get rid of some things. Be sure to take pictures of the things that you part with so that you will always have the memory.
    I'm sorry for the pain that you are experiencing. Keep in touch.
    Lu

    Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

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