I'm new here, as of June 3

22 years ago

I lost my beautiful baby girl Emily to leukemia on June 3. I just wanted to actually find a forum where there are actually responses to your questions or your messages. Not a day goes by I don't miss her, but I know I did the right thing. Some say it was brave, others say it was the most loving gift I could give her. It wasn't about those things, though those things are true. It was simply the right thing. She was 4 days shy of 18 mos, and developed what was called the "alpha" strep. It ravaged her body so badly, she was unrecognizable. She became so swollen, her toes turned blue, and her face started rotting because of the meds they used to keep up her bp. They did an EEG on June 3, and determined she was having seizures in her brain, and this time there wasn't enough activity to sustain any quality of life. I realized then, that her motions with her fingers and her lips, were her telling me "bye-bye, Mama". She was no longer there. We let her go. Yes, it was the hardest decision we ever made, but it was also the easiest, in terms of what was best for Emily. I was just looking for other grieving moms to talk to and maybe gain a few friends. I know of a few from another board that might be willing to come over here, if they don't already know of it. Anyway, feel free to email me: tggrsmommy@yahoo.com

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Comments (11)

StefCo_NJ
22 years ago
Though I'm not a grieving mom (I'm a grieving daughter), I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. Though we all know 'pain' here, losing a child like that is something I can't even imagine. May you find peace and comfort in the days to come!
-Stef
User
22 years ago
Tggrs,
I am so very sorry for your loss. There are many here who have lost children, lost parents, or lost siblings or spouses. It helps to know there are people who hear your feelings with compassion.

Your grief is so new and raw, it must not feel real to you. Grief is a journey that takes a long time, step by step, that changes the rest of your life.

I will keep Emily and your family in my thoughts and prayers
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Nell Jean
22 years ago
Bless your heart. I can't imagine what this was like for you. Yes, you are a brave and loving person. My child was an adult who died in a motor vehicle accident. There are many of us here who are grieving mothers and we care about you.
lulie___wayne
22 years ago
I'm so very sorry for the pain that you are having to endure and have endured watching your baby leave you. I too, am a grieving mom and also a grieving daughter as of this June 3. It's so hard, I know. We just have to try to keep our faith if we are Christian and know that we will see our loved ones again and that they will have no more suffering in this hard life that we are left to live in.
You may also email me if you like.
Again, I'm so very sorry.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site
dcrowex
22 years ago
I am so very sorry...my heart aches for you. i am glad you came here...you will find many who want to offer their comfort and kind words. please accept my sincere sympathies. i cant even begin to imagine your pain.

deb
tggrsmommy
Original Author
22 years ago
I'm looking at the positive side of her death. She's not suffering anymore, and I believe God will give her back someday in a healthy body. I'm going to look into having my tubes untied so I can try again. I want another little girl. I miss her so much. She was my only girl, and she was adored by her two brothers. Now, everytime they do something funny, I tell them they're making her laugh in Heaven.

Her website is www.caringbridge.org/va/emily. It has pics and most of her story, but I just don't feel like updating it. I'm thinking of just printing the guestbook and deleting it.
Nberg
22 years ago
My heart hurts for you and your family. She is truly a little angel now. I am greiving over a spouce of 44 years, but nothing could equal the loss of a child. God be with you and you keep your faith. That is what has gotten me this far. I could not be where I am today without Him.
God bless you
Nan
Nell Jean
22 years ago
You're still in our hearts, tggrsmommy.

Nell
Janis_G
22 years ago
There isn't anything like the loss of a child.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jan
CariJo
22 years ago
Sweet woman, I know what it feels like to watch them die. Leukemia is the most terrible disease... because not only does it make them sick, the "therapy" makes them even sicker. A person dying of leukemia is suffering, as we are... you did the right thing and your daughter is with my brother, in Heaven. Remember that those who suffer on earth are rewarded there. I pray for you and your family, and for a cure for this disease that has ravaged us both. Take care.
jujugram2004
22 years ago
I'm so sorry about your baby. I'm a mom to. I lost my mom and my husband last year. Its been getting eaiser talking about them since I've been here. The greiving form is the best.I even talk about my dogs who passed away day before yesterday. I hope I here from you more and keep in touch.

Love Julie

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